


All That I Have

by orphan_account



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Dubious Consent, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Forced Marriage, Forced Pregnancy, Rape/Non-con Elements, Stockholm Syndrome, Survival, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:02:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 18
Words: 92,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28225815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: After Rey is taken prisoner by the First Order, Snoke has many motivations for keeping her around. Using Rey and Kylo Ren as his personal puppets, Snoke puts a plan into motion to revive the Sith and take control of the galaxy once and for all. Rey must do whatever it takes to survive, and Kylo Ren must make the choice between what is right and what is easy.A canon-divergent tale stemming from the interrogation scene in The Force Awakens, but taking later events into account as I choose, usually in altered situations.Please, heed all warnings in the tags and block above. Contains violence, dub-con, and some questionable survival tactics.
Relationships: Armitage Hux/Rey, Kylo Ren/Rey, Poe Dameron/Finn
Kudos: 90





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey is taken captive by the First Order after the Battle of Takodana.

**Part I**

**\------------**

**Day 1**

“Where am I?”

A dark shrouded figure faces Rey as she stands immobilized in her restraints. His deep, modulated voice replies, “You’re my guest.”

“Where are the others?”

“You mean the murderers, traitors, and thieves you call friends? You’ll be relieved to hear I have no idea.” The figure pauses, studies her. Rey feels his eyes boring into her through the mask. “You still want to kill me.”

Rey sneers. “That happens when you’re being hunted by a creature in a mask.”

Kylo Ren takes his mask off slowly, and Rey gets a chance to look at his face for the first time. He’s far more handsome than she would have expected—and younger, too. He slams his mask down to walk over to Rey. She diverts her eyes; the more she looks at him, the more human he looks. Humanizing makes her feel bad for hating him, especially when he’s got such a young, innocent-looking face.

Kylo Ren stays right on topic. “Tell me about the droid.”

That, Rey could do. “He’s a BB unit with a selenium drive and a thermal hyperscan vindicator—”

“It’s carrying a section of a navigational chart, and we have the rest,” Kylo Ren interrupts. “Recovered from the archives of the Empire, but we need the last piece and somehow you convinced the droid to show it to you. You. A scavenger.” Rey looks absolutely indignant. She refuses to let him get what he wants. His eyes rake up and down her body before he makes his threat. “You know I can take whatever I want.”

Kylo Ren leans down, studying Rey closely from the side. She hates the heavy weight of his gaze on her. She feels so exposed, so helpless; Rey is going to defy this man if it’s the last thing she does.

“You’re so lonely. So afraid to leave,” he begins to speak the thoughts in her mind. Rey feels chilled, even with his warm body so close. “At night, desperate to sleep.” He tilts his head. “You imagine an ocean. I see it. I see the island.” Kylo Ren hesitates. “And Han Solo—you feel like he’s the father you never had. He would have disappointed you.”

It’s all too much for Rey. She feels so exposed. “Get out of my head.”

“I know you’ve seen the map. It’s in there. And now you’ll give it to me.” Kylo Ren states it like a fact, standing up straight to look at Rey in the face. “Don’t be afraid. I feel it too.”

“I’m not giving you anything,” Rey seethes.

“We’ll see.”

**Day 4**

“You know, you’d be much more comfortable if you would just cooperate.”

Rey glares. “I will not cooperate with you.”

“Pity.” Kylo Ren turns on his heel. It’s been three days since taking Rey captive, and she has told him nothing, blocked his intrusions into her head at his every attempt. She’s strong with the force, but untrained, just as he’d told Supreme Leader Snoke. They were still trying to figure out how to best Rey, to get the map to Skywalker, to get what they want. However, they _have_ decided already what they’re going to do with Rey. “Are you tired of the bread scraps yet? You could have much better meals if you’d just _talk to me_.”

“I grew up on Jakku,” Rey practically spits at him. “I’ve had worse.”

That makes him laugh. Actually laugh. “You’re so brave, scavenger,” Kylo Ren says mockingly. “So defiant. There’s no need. All you have to do is give us the map or tell us where to get the droid, and you will be freed of these restraints.”

“But not free of this place.”

Kylo Ren fixes her with his full attention. His eyes are still dark and heavy, and Rey wishes that he hadn’t made it a habit to take off his mask whenever he tries to interrogate her, to breach her mind. It keeps making him look more and more human and she doesn’t want him to be humanized. At least if he keeps the mask on, he stays the monster.

“You’re right,” he says simply. “Now that we know the full extent of your power, we’re not letting you go anywhere. You will remain with the First Order for as long as we have use of you.”

“You can’t use me.”

“Do you want to test that theory?”

Rey glares at Kylo Ren, who keeps an impressively calm expression the whole time. It unnerves her, and she wishes she knew what was going on, what their plan was. He reads her mind, she can feel it, and he grins. She doesn’t like the glint in his eye. “The Jedi and those with Force sensitivity are dying out. But the force is powerful. We cannot let it die,” he says. “You are the answer we have been waiting for.”

“I’m no Jedi,” Rey says. “I’m just a scavenger.”

“True. You are no Jedi,” Kylo Ren agrees simply. “But you can be useful in other ways. Your blood, your power. It can jump-start an entire army of Force users to assist the First Order in their mission.”

Rey’s blood runs cold.

She would not be their slave, be their vessel to create more people like Kylo Ren.

“Listen to me, scavenger,” Kylo Ren says, leaning in to look her in the eye, their faces so close she can feel his warm breath against her lips. She tries to lean back, but cannot. “The more you cooperate, the more comfortable your situation becomes. You will never leave the First Order, but you could slowly gain more privileges if you do as we say. The Supreme Leader has already decided your purpose, but we are giving you a choice in how you achieve this purpose.”

Rey sneers. “Never.”

“Very well, then.” He walks to the door, his boots making heavy sounds on the metal flooring. “Do not forget, scavenger. I can take what I want. You cannot stop me.”

When he leaves, Rey feels a wave of panic wash over her. Once again, she’s left wondering if anyone is going to come back for her. In her heart, she wants to hope that Finn is already on it, trying to figure out a way to fly back to get her. Or Han, maybe. He’d cared for her, hadn’t he? In his own way, perhaps.

She wasn’t sure she could handle being left somewhere to die for a second time in her life. She prayed she wouldn’t be.

Just like every other day, a stormtrooper came in and unfastened one of her arm restraints. He handed her a piece of bread and then held a blaster at her chest while she finished it. She ate slowly, savoring the movement of her arm, the taste of the bland, dry food on her tongue. She would accept a glass of water when she was finished, and then the ‘trooper would restrain her again.

The first day, and the second, Rey had tried to fight against the stormtrooper, to try to escape by force, but it never worked. She’d even tried to use a Jedi mind trick but to no avail. She was trapped.

Admittedly, cooperating for a more comfortable situation sounded incredibly appealing, but Rey’s pride wouldn’t let her concede to Kylo Ren’s rules and requests.

She did not want to grow comfortable with the First Order.

She did not want him to become human in her eyes.

**Day 8**

It takes a full week before Kylo Ren shows any kind of mercy. His interrogations never cease. Daily, he comes in to try to breach Rey’s mind, to taunt her with better food, better accommodations, if she’d only just _cooperate_. He pushes her mind until she’s screaming with it, fighting against him as he tries to poke around the furthest reaches of her mind, looking for the map to Skywalker. He’s as frustrated as she is exhausted.

After seven days of the torture, of sweating and fighting and limbs chafing against the restraints, Kylo Ren walks in and unfastens them. His hands, warm in their leather gloves, make quick work of putting handcuff-like shackles around her wrists, keeping them locked in front of her at her waist. There’s a chain on the end of them. It doesn’t feel merciful, but it is. Oh, it is. Rey hasn’t walked more than a few steps when a stormtrooper would hold a blaster at her when letting her use the ‘fresher. Her muscles celebrated with this new movement.

Now she’s walking through the halls of the Supremacy like an animal on a leash, being led through the halls by Kylo Ren himself. Even behind their masks, Rey can feel the stormtroopers staring. Nobody bothers to look away, though the people without masks do allow themselves to show a modicum of pity for her.

Rey would be humiliated if she weren’t so relieved to be walking away from that damned interrogation room. Whatever she did to earn this small comfort, she cannot fathom it, but she’s not going to question it.

The hallways grow less populated the deeper within the ship they go, until they’re the only ones left. Rey shivers; the whole ship is cold. Or perhaps, this is what normal feels like, and she’s just conditioned to the unbearable heat and unrelenting sunlight on Jakku.

Kylo Ren enters a code on a panel by a large round doorway, and then the doors slide open with a soft _whirr_ from the hydraulics. Rey stares until she’s jogged out of it by a decidedly unmerciful tug at the restraints around her wrists. She has no choice but to follow him like a dog on a leash, into the darkened rooms ahead.

The doors close behind her and Kylo commands the lights to rise.

All around her there is darkness. Dark walls, dark furniture, darkness outside the windows. Where there isn’t black or grey, there’s angry red. She sees holo projectors, some computers, a table, and just beyond to the left—a bedroom. _His quarters_. Kylo Ren has taken her to _his quarters_. She shivers again, unknowing of the cause.

“You smell terrible.”

Rey looks up at Kylo Ren, pulled from her stupor and staring all at once. Instantly offended, Rey begins to protest, “Well if someone wasn’t holding me _captive —_”

“You will bathe, and then we will eat.”

“I can’t bathe with restraints,” Rey says, holding out her arms.

Kylo Ren studies her for a moment. He takes off his mask and Rey feels another hint of frustration at that. Again, he looks upon her with dark eyes, a slight frown on his face. The patches under his eyes look dark like he’s been awake for days on end. He looks exhausted.

“You will not run,” he tells her. Rey wonders for a moment if it’s some sort of Jedi mind trick, but she feels no steel walls against her thoughts, no greater force in her head. Just his words, simple and pure. “If you do, there are stormtroopers lined up outside that door. You have no weapon. You stand no chance against them. If you run, you will be captured and put in far worse captivity than you’ve withstood this week. Do you understand?”

Rey just glares.

“Take this small mercy. I know you want to.”

She looks indignant, and inside her head, she cannot stop thinking about what the catch is, or what the consequence will be. Things already look dismal for her, having been brought to Kylo Ren’s personal chambers.

“You will have a bath. I already have a droid preparing one for you. Wash, scrub, shave, whatever you must.”

Rey’s eyes narrow. “What’s the catch?”

“No catch.”

“You’re not fooling me. What do you want from me? I already told you I’m not giving you the map.”

Kylo Ren looks boredly at Rey. “Clearly,” he says flatly. “But you can _and will_ give the First Order other things. We will not hesitate to take what we want by force.”

“You’re a monster.”

Kylo Ren steps closer to her, as close as he can bear to get without having to smell her too much. Eight days was really a barbaric amount of time to make her wallow there in her own sweat and tears, but the Supreme Leader insisted, and Kylo wasn’t about to argue with that man. “Is that any way to speak to the man who is trying to help you?”

Rey opens her mouth, but Kylo Ren drops a finger to her lips, silencing her. She glares with more indignance than he’s ever seen on her before. “You will take a bath, and you will dress in the clothes provided to you. We will eat and discuss your future. No arguing, no trying to escape. Understood?”

Somewhere in the middle of his instructions, Kylo Ren unlocked her shackles. The restraints around her wrists fall open, leaving her hands resting in the cold, unforgiving metal for a moment as she wraps her head around what has just happened. When she lowers her arms, she does not run.

Rey figures that she should at least take the bath and steal fresh clothes before she tries to escape.

She fixes him with a confused gaze over her shoulder as she begins walking towards the ‘fresher. Kylo Ren just stands, expressionless, waiting for her to go. When she reaches the door, she hesitates. “Nobody is going to kill you while you’re in there, you know.”

Rey narrows her eyes and turns around completely, crossing the threshold into the ‘fresher. There’s steam rising from the bath, a dark metallic bin with black claw feet and white soap bubbles cresting the surface. It looks positively heavenly, and smells faintly like flowers, though Rey has never been around flowers to know with certainty that that is, in fact, the scent she’s smelling.

Something about the act is _too_ kind. Rey’s suspicion keeps her from fully enjoying the entire process. The water scalds her as she steps in, reminding her of especially harsh days on Jakku, but easier on her muscles. She sinks into the water, inch by inch, closing her eyes as the steam and bubbles wash over her. For a few moments, Rey forgets completely where she is, or what is happening to her. Nothing will ever feel as good as this again, she’s sure of it.

Which is exactly why she’s so suspicious. She doesn’t know why on earth Kylo Ren is extending her something so kind as a hot bath. He hadn’t even given her a time limit. Rey could probably soak in the bath, reveling in the warmth of the water, until the water went cold.

Rey nearly falls asleep as she soaks in the water, her head tipped on the rim of the bath. Her eyes are fluttered shut, a thin sheen of sweat across her cheeks and brow from the steam on the bath.

A harsh pounding on the door of the ‘fresher wakes her from her daze. “The dinner will be arriving in five minutes,” Kylo Ren says through the door. “I expect you ready by then.”

Rey sighs. Back to reality, it is.

She steps from the bath and dries herself off with a black towel—he’s getting a bit predictable at this point—but appreciates the soft plush of the fabric against her skin. Rey has never felt anything quite so soft.

There, on a hook on the back of the door, hangs a dress. Rey is surprised; she’d half expected more rags or something to leave her more exposed than she would have liked. It’s not even black, as she would have expected. It’s a plain blue dress with a dark grey shawl to wrap around her shoulders. The droid appears to have taken all of her own clothing, leaving her with whatever has been left for her. She frowns; no undergarments, no shoes. That fills her with fear and trepidation—what if he’s going to force her?

Her hair is damp around her shoulders, just half of it tied up at the crown of her head. There’s even a mirror in the ‘fresher, above the sink. She looks up at her reflection and can hardly recognize herself. Her skin lacks pallor, instead looking sickly pale, likely from malnutrition. Her eyes look a bit sunken and her lips are red and raw from biting her mouth and tongue to fight the many times Kylo Ren has tried to dig into her thoughts, her memories. She looks a mess.

The cool metal flooring stings against her feet, which had been nice and warm in the bath. She wraps the shawl further around her shoulders to try to compensate, but to no avail. Kylo Ren stands outside the door, watching and waiting for her.

_She didn’t drown herself. Promising._

Rey hears the thought somewhere, but can’t understand why she heard it. She doesn’t have any grasp on how to use the force. It’s unlikely she heard his thoughts, isn’t it? Surprise must cross her features because Kylo Ren stands a little straighter and stiffer like he realizes she’s heard him.

There’s a droid near the table, food already spread out, and Rey glances back at the food before fixing a hard gaze on Kylo Ren. “Alright. We eat and then ‘discuss my future’, right? So this is where you feed me to try to make me happy and then tell me you’re going to kill me?”

Kylo Ren stares at Rey for a moment, at the way she stands as tall as she possibly can, her jaw set like she’s trying to be tough. “I already told you—you’re too valuable to kill.”

Rey rolls her eyes. “So you’re going to use me to make some creepy Force army instead?”

It takes Kylo Ren a moment to contain his frustration. He breathes heavily, his jaw twitching just a bit, and then he turns to gesture to the table. It’s next to a window overlooking all of space—nothing but stars as far as the eye can see. Rey would have found it almost romantic had she not been trapped with such a monster. Instead, it just left her feeling slightly nauseated. “Eat,” he says.

“I don’t trust you,” Rey tells him.

“I didn’t have the food poisoned,” Kylo Ren sighs. He’s clearly exasperated at this point. “I’m eating it, too.”

Rey walks closer to the table, the smell of the food irresistible to her. She’s never seen a spread of food quite like this before. Kylo Ren probably knows it, too. That’s why he’s done this—to try to get in her good graces, to convince her to do what he wants.

“Sit,” he coaxes. “Eat.”

Rey eyes Kylo Ren warily, waiting until he’s situated and already eating before she does as he’s commanded. She begins slowly, serving herself small portions of foods she’s never seen before. As soon as the first morsel hits her tongue, she can’t restrain herself anymore. She’s absolutely starved.

She eats as she always has, shoveling food into her mouth in fear of someone stealing it before she can consume it. Kylo Ren pauses, his fork halfway to his mouth, when Rey starts to _truly_ eat. He’s never seen anything like it, how someone so beautiful can look quite so barbaric. He clears his throat, trying to catch her attention. It takes a moment, but Rey pauses her hands, mouth still chewing. “What?” she asks.

“You eat like an animal.”

Rey hesitates before putting her hands down and wiping them on a napkin. She swallows, not realizing she’s got crumbs on her lower lip. “I eat the way I was taught,” Rey says indignantly. “On Jakku, people would steal the food right out of a kid’s hands if it meant they got more portions. It became a habit. Now—”

“Now, you will try to break that habit.”

“I don’t have to do _anything_.”

Kylo Ren waves his hand and in moments, there are two droids taking all the plates of food away. Rey grabs another biscuit in her haste, and shovels that down as the droids dispose of the rest of the food. As she chews, Rey glares at Kylo Ren. She should have known better than to get comfortable, to think that Kylo Ren could actually be kind to her.

“How many times do I have to explain this to you? If you _cooperate_ , your life can be quite comfortable.”

“I don’t want comfortable.”

“Oh really?” Kylo Ren asks. “So you hated that bath? Or this warm meal?”

 _I could use some warm feet_ , she thinks to herself.

“Or a warm room? Shoes? A blanket? More clothes?”

Rey looks up at Kylo Ren. Yes, any scavenger would die to be in a more comfortable situation, to be provided for, or have the means to live better. But the cost was too great for her to even consider the deal.

“Can we just discuss my future so you can tie me up again? You want me to cooperate with you, and I don’t want to cooperate. I want to go back home.”

“Jakku is a barren wasteland.”

“I meant with the Resistance.”

Kylo’s bark of laughter is like a knife twisting in her chest. She knows he hates the Resistance, but mocking her very simple request still angers her to no end. “The Resistance is not your home,” Kylo says. “You may think it is, but those people will let you down.”

“Let me go,” Rey says through gritted teeth, standing up indignantly from the table.

She raises an arm to lash out at Kylo, to try to hit him, to scrap with him in a desperate attempt to escape. Kylo easily grabs her wrist, the leather unforgiving against her already sore, chafed wrist, and she winces with pain. “Really? Do we have to do this again?” he asks with annoyance.

“I will not let you use me for your stupid First Order mission,” Rey says through gritted teeth.

She pushes hard against him, but Kylo is much stronger than she is. He’s got the natural size advantage, but when he channels his powers, he can pin Rey to the wall behind her with next to no effort. He pushes her against the cold, unforgiving metal, his hands on her wrists, pinning them above her head. She tries to kick at him, but by pressing her to the wall, Kylo greatly inhibits her ability to kick at him, as well. She shudders, feeling his whole torso pressed to hers. “I can take whatever I want,” he reminds her, his voice low and dangerous. “It is in your best interest to cooperate.”

“Never.”

Anger courses through him and he squeezes her wrists so tight she lets out a shout of agony. “Do not test me,” he warns her.

Rey struggles against him, even though in her own head she knows it’s futile. Her brain is scrambling to try to come up with a way to fight him, but it’s not working. She’s trapped, and she’s trying not to panic at that realization. Kylo Ren is dangerous, but she knows he’s not as dangerous as he thinks he is. “You won’t hurt me,” she taunts. “I see the conflict in you.” She looks into his eyes, really studying him. “There’s too much Light in you—you wouldn’t be able to hurt me without feeling guilty.”

Overcome with his rage, with what Rey claims he doesn’t have the gall or courage to do, Kylo Ren must prove otherwise. He leans in, pushing into the last of Rey’s personal space, his lips crushing hers.

Rey is so shocked she doesn’t move, not right away at least. When she realizes just what he’s done, what he’s taken without her permission, she bites down on his lip, disarming him enough to squirm away and into the room. The floor is freezing cold under her bare feet and she tastes the metallic hint of blood in her mouth. Kylo’s gloved hand dabs at his bloody lip, and he stares at Rey.

“If you leave this room, you will be arrested and taken to the brig.” His words are fast, almost desperate. “I will pretend you didn’t do that and return you to the interrogation room if you just _stay there_.”

He retrieves the shackles from a table nearby but Rey shakes her head, slowly backing away from him, towards the door. “You—you’re a _monster_ ,” she says, rage making her teary-eyed and blind to any kindness he may be offering her.

“I’m nothing compared to the Supreme Leader. If you leave this room, you are subject to whatever punishment he sees fit,” Kylo explains. “You need to trust me.”

“I could never trust you,” Rey says, blinking fast. “Not after—”

Kylo grabs her arm roughly, manhandling her back into the undignified shackles with the chain for a leash. “Let me put it this way—you put up with me, or you face the wrath of the Supreme Leader. Either way, you cannot escape your fate,” Kylo Ren warns. He puts on his mask and then says in his eerie, modulated voice, “Think about who you would prefer to carry out those plans with. I may be a monster, but the Supreme Leader is merciless. He will use you, share your body with half the base, and beat you within an inch of your life. He will turn you into nothing but a _body_ to be _used_. I am offering you something more.”

Rey turns her hazel eyes to him, hands shaking with terror, eyes wet with tears. She’s never looked so scared in her life.

“If you do not begin to cooperate in the next six days, you will be surrendered to the Supreme Leader. When that happens, all will be out of my hands. _Think about it._ ”

By the time Rey is back in the interrogation room, wrists and ankles tied down, she’s freezing cold, crying, and alone. She’s already starting to feel empty inside, and she hasn’t even surrendered herself to him.

 _Maker, I hope Finn and Poe are coming_ , she thinks as she tilts her head back against the cool metal, closing her eyes for just a moment. _Please._

**Day 10**

“She is still resisting, Supreme Leader.”

Snoke sits in his chair, a hologram projected in front of Kylo Ren, five times his size. “And you have given her every option?”

“Yes. But she will not listen.”

Snoke leans forward in his chair, studying Kylo Ren with the strongest gaze possible. It takes everything in him for Kylo not to try to shrink away. He swallows around a nervous lump in his throat. “Have you gone to her yet today?” Snoke asks.

“Not yet, Supreme Leader,” Kylo says, bowing down before his master. “With your guidance, perhaps I could get her to see reason.”

An ugly, terrifying sneer crosses Snoke’s face. “I have an idea. Get me General Hux. _He_ will be speaking with the scavenger today.”

Kylo’s head snaps up quickly, shocked by the decision. Hux could do a lot of damage, and he has no skill with the force. “Is that wise? His strength is—”

“Do you doubt my guidance, Kylo Ren?” resounds Snoke’s booming voice.

Kylo bows down again. “Of course not, Supreme Leader.”

Snoke sits back in his chair, smug satisfaction on his face. “You are wise to trust me, Kylo Ren,” says Snoke. “Get me General Hux _— now _.”

\---

Rey looks up as soon as the doors to the interrogation room are opened. Every time, she’s hopeful that it’s Finn, back in a stormtrooper uniform to save her. And yet every time, she’s disappointed to see that it’s Kylo Ren. Never before has she looked up and been filled with such immediate dread.

The sight of General Hux is an unwelcome one and leaves Rey’s gut twisting uncomfortably. She glares at him on instinct, hoping to intimidate him or at the very least, scare him off. A sickly grin crosses his features when he sees Rey react to his presence. “Don’t look so displeased, scavenger,” Hux says, stepping slowly towards her. “I’m here to carry through the task young Kylo Ren just couldn’t do.” He leans over her, sneering. “I’ll make it good, I promise.”

“Don’t touch me,” Rey says through gritted teeth.

Hux leans back, feigning confusion. “How on earth will you stop me?” he asks, looking at the restraints on her ankles and wrists. “Now—obviously, our army would be stronger if you were to do as you’re told and repopulate with Kylo Ren, but you are powerful enough on your own. Sacrifices can be made to… _break you in_.”

Rey struggles against her restraints and leans as far away from Hux as she possibly can in the interrogation chair. She moves virtually nowhere. Her breathing grows more labored and she looks down as Hux’s hand reaches out and presses to her skin. She’s repulsed at the feeling, as feather-light as it may be. His hand drifts from her shoulder to her collarbone, causing Rey to shudder. She doesn’t want him to touch her, and yet here he is, not listening to what she wants. And he’s not going to change that. She can’t think of a way out—she has to sit there and let this vile man touch her.

Hux’s eyes drift up to watch Rey’s discomfort and disgust. His sneer only grows. He doesn’t care what she wants or doesn’t want—all Hux cares about is carrying out the Supreme Leader’s commands. Rey lets out an angry growl in frustration as Hux drags his finger down her chest, purposely drifting over her breast, thumbing her nipple through the fabric. “Stop,” Rey pleads, tears of fear filling her eyes. She doesn’t like where this is headed.

“Oh, I don’t think I will,” Hux says simply.

He swirls his thumb around her nipple, watching it harden through the thin fabric of her dress. Rey shakes her head and tries to jostle her body out from under his touch, to the side or something. Hux just drifts a finger lower down her torso, over her stomach and then even lower. Rey shakes her head fast, begging once more, “Please, no.”

“There’s not a single thing you can do to stop me,” Hux tells her. “If you scream or cry out, I’ll gag you with the dirty rags you came to us in.”

A tear drifts down Rey’s cheek and she wants to scream, wants to cry out for help, but knows that nobody will come to her rescue. She’s restrained, trapped with this monster of a man, and suddenly tells herself that it’s unfair to call Kylo Ren a monster. Not when he could have done this, but didn’t. What’s one kiss compared to what Hux is doing, lifting her dress so he can drift a sickeningly cold hand up her inner thigh? Rey shivers and whispers through her tears, “Stop. Please.”

Hux laughs. “Make me.”

Rey lets out a heavy sob as she feels Hux’s fingers slide along her folds. He’s going to force her, she can tell—and there is nothing she can do to stop him. Her whole body is shaking where she’s trying so hard to squirm away from his touch. It’s not worth it—the restraints won’t let her go anywhere. Without preamble, he presses one finger inside of her. Rey whimpers. “There you go,” Hux says, bemused. “Just relax. Let yourself enjoy it.”

“N—never,” Rey sobs. She shakes her head and begs again, “Please, stop.”

Hux doesn’t stop, though. He thrusts his finger in and out of her, relentless and rough. Her body betrays her, growing wet under his ministrations, and she gags on her tears. Being touched this way, against her will, makes her feel sick. Rey wishes she had food in her stomach that she could throw up, if it meant making a mess on Hux, to make him stop. “Hmm, you’re telling me to stop, but it doesn’t _feel_ like I should stop,” Hux laughs. “Your body betrays you, scavenger.”

He steps closer to the table, to Rey’s restrained hand. He’s obscenely hard in his trousers and brushing up against Rey’s hand. “Touch. It’ll make it better.”

“I won’t,” Rey says stubbornly.

Hux leans in, his breath ghosting over her jaw. She turns her head as far away from him as she can. She refuses to give in to him. “That wasn’t a request. _Touch_ ,” he says dangerously.

Rey lets out a cry of pain as a second finger forces its way inside of her. Hux laughs at her reaction, keeps pulsing his fingers in her, taking a sick sort of pleasure in her struggle and pain. She begs under her breath _please stop, please stop_ , but he doesn’t listen.

The doors to the room whirr and in stomps Kylo Ren. Rey can feel his rage across the room. She lets out another sob and wonders what is going to happen. Hux looks over his shoulder but doesn’t make any moves to step away. “Ah, Kylo Ren. Come to join us?”

“Get. Out.”

His words, like Hux’s earlier, are not a request. They are a command, one Hux would be a fool to ignore. Rey lets out another sob as Hux moves his fingers in her much more roughly than before. He plunges his fingers deeper, and Rey swears she feels him actually _scratch_ her inside. A jolt of pain shoots through her and Rey can’t even be embarrassed at how much of a wreck she must look. All she can think about is how badly she wants Hux to be hurt, to be _murdered_ for how much he’s already invaded her privacy and personal space.

All of a sudden, Kylo Ren’s hand raises, his hand curved outwards, and then Hux stops all ministrations. He’s frozen in place, unable to move. Rey wishes she could scoot away, but still being restrained means there’s nowhere for her to go. “Get. Out,” Kylo repeats.

He swings his hand down and behind him, flinging Hux’s body as he does so. Rey’s dress drops back to around her knees, and she lets her head droop as she lets out a heavy sob. It shakes her whole body, and now she can’t stop. She’s equal parts relieved and humiliated. Rey is sure that as soon as Hux scrambles off the floor and leaves, Kylo will have his way with her. That was the original plan, after all, and Rey knows that Kylo would never let Hux be more successful than him at anything.

Hux is red in the face and disgruntled as he stands, and Kylo holds up a hand to block Hux from walking anywhere near Rey. “The Supreme Leader will be displeased,” Hux warns. “You are too weak to carry through _— I _ could have done it.”

Kylo forces his hand forward, launching Hux out of the room. The doors slide shut and the room is plunged into silence. Rey is breathing heavily, sobbing into her shoulder, avoiding Kylo Ren’s heavy gaze. She can feel his eyes on her even through his mask, and she begs in her head that he leave his helmet on. She doesn’t want to see his face when he does this—violates her.

Rey shivers in clear, obvious fear as she hears Kylo Ren step closer to her. She squishes her eyes shut, preparing for the worst, for him to pick up where Hux left off, but instead, she hears something different. There’s the whirr of the restraints and then suddenly, she’s standing on her own two feet, trembling. Rey wraps her arms around her body, curling up on herself as best she can while standing.

“Do you understand now why you need to cooperate with me?” Kylo says. His voice is thick and harsh, and yet soft at the same time. Most importantly, he doesn’t force her, not like Hux did. Kylo fastens the shackles around her wrists and begins to lead her out of the interrogation room.

While she’s grateful for Kylo’s assistance in getting rid of Hux, she wishes he didn’t have to parade her around on a leash so soon after. She feels humiliated, degraded. Rey can’t possibly fathom feeling any more broken than she already does. She keeps her head bowed the entire time they walk through the ship, her bare feet padding on the cold floors, the tears slowly subsiding.

Kylo lets them into his quarters and once the doors slide closed, he keys in an extra code—an extra security to prevent Hux or the Supreme Leader from trying to break in. The last thing he needs is for them to discover that he’s not actually taking anything from Rey. There is a way to accomplish what it is they hope to accomplish, and their way is not it.

Rey takes slow breaths to calm herself as she hears Kylo take off his mask, and then release her wrists from the shackles. The room is deafeningly silent aside from the noises of the machinery and Kylo’s feet on the cool metal flooring.

“Rey.”

Her breath catches when she hears his deep voice say her name. He’s never called her by her name before—it’s always just been _scavenger_. She can’t decide if his use of her given name is better or worse.

It doesn’t take long for Kylo to realize that Rey isn’t going to look at him. He can’t blame her, either. What Hux did to her was vile, monstrous. “I’ll have the droid draw you a bath,” he says. “You will stay here tonight.”

Rey looks up quickly, and her fear must be written all over her face. “Not for that,” he adds quickly. “I will not force you.” Confusion crosses Rey’s features at his statement. It’s entirely unlike him to disobey orders like that. She doesn’t understand why he’d do something so kind. “I don’t _want_ to force you,” he amends. “But for you to avoid that fate, I need you to start to trust me. There are things we need to do to appease the Supreme Leader but it is as I said—I will make your life comfortable in exchange for your cooperation. That is much more than Hux or the Supreme Leader would _ever_ offer you.”

Another sob escapes her mouth. “I can’t believe… after what you saw him do to me…” she wipes at her face. “That you’d ask me to do that.”

“Don’t you understand?” Kylo asks, his patience growing thin. “I am offering you mercy. Kindness. Companionship. It is a better alternative—one they do not think you deserve.”

“Forcing me to be with you… that’s not mercy _or_ kindness,” Rey whispers. “And I don’t need a companion. I have some—with the _Resistance._ ”

Very slowly, Kylo Ren steps closer to her. He wraps her shawl further around her shoulders. “You don’t have many options,” he reminds her. “Choose carefully.”

Kylo steps away from Rey, giving her space. She feels suddenly small in his quarters—like a bug who is at great risk of being squished. The droid emerges from the ‘fresher, beeping to them that the bath is ready. Kylo gestures to the door and Rey goes quietly.

She takes her time in the bath this time, only emerging once she feels the water run cold. She still doesn’t feel clean, after what Hux did to her, but she tried her hardest to scrub away his touch. Her skin is red and raw from all the scrubbing. She emerges in tan cotton pants and a surprisingly comfortable black sweater. There’s a blanket on the sofa and half a bed open next to Kylo. He’s already asleep. Rey doesn’t let herself look at his face, doesn’t want to risk seeing him even more human than she already has.

His offer, though—she’s considered it. She doesn’t want to be anyone’s property, to be their tool to build something destructive and terrible. But the possibility crossed Rey’s mind that there is still enough light in Kylo Ren that this could change him. If she cooperated—popped out babies for the First Order, little ones with the same powers of the force as she and Kylo Ren possessed—he may soften. It would not be entirely impossible for the mere presence of a child to draw Kylo Ren back towards the light.

That, and she would much rather have a gentle hand on her than Hux or worse, whomever the Supreme Leader would send to her. If she submitted to Kylo, she would at least be in good care. She’d have food in her belly, and warm clothes on her body. It hadn’t been beyond her notice that this time, Kylo had left her underclothes and socks along with the clothes to sleep in.

Rey would not submit happily, but she would submit—for now. Perhaps Finn and Poe were just finalizing plans with General Leia to come to retrieve her, to save her from the First Order’s clutches.

Rather than having the conversation with Kylo herself, Rey chooses instead to show her submission through action. Regardless of the apprehension it may strike within her, Rey climbs into the other side of Kylo’s bed. She stays curled on her side, towards the edge of the mattress, but sleeps next to him. Perhaps when he wakes he’ll realize her decision. Rey hopes he doesn’t make her say it out loud—she’s not sure she has much more capacity to manage such deep humiliation.

No matter how she feels about Kylo Ren, though, Rey gets the best night of sleep she’s had in months, and for that, she will forever be grateful.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey begins to accept her fate as a prisoner of the First Order.

**Day 14**

Rey wakes to an empty bed, as she has the past three days. She’s not wishing for any other outcome. Waking up next to Kylo Ren is a thought she’s not ready to contend with. Every night they go through the same routine, one of them busy doing something while the other falls asleep. The first night, it had been Rey in the bath, and then Kylo had a strategy meeting the night after, and he stayed up reading the night after that.

They don’t talk much. Rey stays in his quarters, usually reading or sleeping. She’s never had such balanced meals before, but like clockwork, a droid brings her food for each meal. She hasn’t heard a single word from Kylo about Hux or the Supreme Leader or the two of them fulfilling their duties. The monotony will grow dull after a while, she knows, but for now, she prefers things this way. She appreciates having nothing to do.

It’s a civil sort of silence, one that Rey is grateful for. She’s not giving in, not bending her will to his—not entirely, at least. It’s just that Rey is a survivor. She does what is smartest in order to survive—even if it means bowing down to the demands of the First Order. With her luck, she’ll escape before she ever even has a child for him.

A shiver runs down her spine anytime she thinks about carrying a child for the First Order. She’d never planned on children, ever—mostly because she never imagined being able to escape Jakku, and there aren’t many prospects on Jakku. Truth be told, Rey has never thought much about a physical relationship with a person. She knows the ins and outs, literally and figuratively. She knows basic science. She just doesn’t understand why anyone would find the thought appealing.

Yet now she faces the very real possibility of finding out—with the enemy, no less. Better Kylo Ren than Hux or anyone else, but it’s still not something she’s looking forward to. Given the wide berth Kylo has been giving her in his own quarters, Rey suspects that he thinks the same.

And still—the prospect looms on the horizon. She’s not blind—she can see the exhaustion on Kylo’s face, the blood on his robes when he returns that afternoon. The same droid that always draws her baths and seems to care for her in Kylo’s quarters zooms towards him when he returns. The droid cleans Kylo’s wounds—they look like lashes or slices into his arm, but Rey can’t tell if they’re from a lightsaber or not.

She wants to ask, but can’t bring herself to say anything. If it turns out those injuries are because he’s standing up for her, for her dignity… she feels something akin to guilt at the prospect. If Kylo Ren is deliberately putting himself at risk to protect her, then perhaps she could try a little harder to trust him, at the very least. Maybe not let him put his hands on her, but… trust. She could try to trust.

He avoids her all evening. Rey almost gets frustrated. She climbs into bed after she thinks he’s fallen asleep, letting herself relax into the warmth of the blankets on his bed. Warm and Kylo Ren aren’t words she ever thought she’d begin to connect in her head, and yet here she was. She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes, willing herself to fall asleep. There’s a disturbance in the air, something heavy, looming over her mind. Kylo isn’t asleep yet, she can sense it.

“You should know that the med droid reports daily to the Supreme Leader.”

“So?” Rey asks softly. It’s the first time they’ve spoken so civilly. The fact that they’re conversing while lying in bed together feels almost intimate, and Rey tries to push a thought like that from her mind. Intimacy with Kylo Ren—it’s not something she’s ready to think about, though clearly, that’s where the conversation is headed.

Kylo sighs. “He knows you are at the most fertile point in your cycle. He expects us to conceive. If we’re going to provide as many offspring as we can to—”

“Offspring?” Rey asks incredulously. “They’re _children_ , Kylo. Human beings. They’re _people._ ”

“They will be his to use as he sees fit.” Rey opens her mouth, but Kylo interrupts her with a defeated sadness in his voice. “There is no use in fighting the Supreme Leader.”

Rey frowns. “Just tell him it didn’t work this time around.”

“They know you’re a virgin. They’ll know when you’re not. And it’s not likely a woman of your age would have that much difficulty in conceiving.”

“You just want to have sex.”

Kylo huffs; Rey can feel the tension in the air growing. She knows she’s walking a fine line between pushing him just enough, and too much. “Do you think I like having to do this to you? Try to convince you to sleep with me? As if I’d ever want to touch you in the first place?” he asks. His voice is harsh, angry. It bruises Rey a little. “I want this just as little as you do, trust me. But the Supreme Leader—he always knows. And he will get his way.”

“He will give us more time.”

“No, Rey, he won’t.” Rey hesitates. She’s still not used to hearing Kylo use her given name. When he does, it usually means he’s serious. “It was confirmed by the Supreme Leader today that if we do not meet his expectations, on your next cycle you will be passed to Hux.”

Rey squishes her eyes shut. “I’m not property,” she says, sounding broken. She’d been property on Jakku, and when she’d left that place, she thought that was behind her. That she could finally just be _Rey_. The _person_. The woman who belonged to _herself_.

“To the Supreme Leader, you are. You are merely a tool in his larger plan,” Kylo says simply.

He rolls over onto his side, facing Rey, propped up on his arm to really look at her. She’s still lying on her back, staring up at the ceiling. She doesn’t want to look at him, want to take this next step towards intimacy. She feels violated in so many ways—knowing the droid has been spying for Snoke, or that should her body fail, Hux gets to put his dirty hands all over her. She feels the wetness at the brim of her eyes and wills it not to fall while Kylo is looking at her.

“To me, you’re not property.” Kylo watches Rey blink once, and then twice in surprise, a tear dripping down her cheek as she tries to wrap her head around what he’s saying. “You’re suffering through this just as I am.”

“You’re not suffering,” she says stubbornly.

“Look at me, scavenger.”

Suddenly, being called scavenger again hurts her. It shouldn’t—it’s far more normal than her given name tumbling from his lips—but yet it does. She sniffles, glancing over at him quickly before looking away. He still doesn’t speak, waiting for her to truly make eye contact.

“Rey.”

She drags her eyes to look up into his. She can see the pain, the conflict. His inner turmoil is still as clear as it was the first day they met. Kylo Ren hasn’t chosen a side, not truly.

“Do I really look like I’m not suffering?”

Rey swallows; he has a point, this is for certain. And yet it’s different for Kylo. It always will be. He came to this ship voluntarily, from the very start. She has been a hostage from the beginning.

“You have freedom. I do not,” she says simply.

Frowning, Kylo says, “You’ll have more freedom with me than you will ever hope to have anywhere else on this ship.”

Rey wants to ask why, wants to beg Kylo to explain to her why he’s being nice to her at all. He could revel in the sick torture that Snoke and Hux want to put her through, and she’d expected him to, but he’s not. He’s showing her mercy.

“Do you understand what I’m doing for you, Rey?” he asks. His voice is soft, desperate. It suits the mood of the room somehow. “I’m just as much a pawn in his game as you are. Be thankful you don’t have to face the Supreme Leader at all. Things will continue in this manner if you just _cooperate_.”

“If I just have _sex_ with you.”

“Yes.”

Rey looks at Kylo, incredulously. She’d been expecting him to argue or try to paint it into something it wasn’t. “Not tonight,” she says. She needs more time to try to reconcile this in her mind—to accept her fate.

“No, not tonight,” Kylo agrees. “But tomorrow, we must try.”

Rey closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. Everything about the situation gets under her skin, rubs her the wrong way. She doesn’t want to do this, doesn’t want to have to trust the enemy. She can’t stop forgetting that he’s right, though—he is showing her more kindness and mercy than anyone else ever would. Slowly, she nods her assent.

“Maybe tonight we should start small. Get… used to each other,” he says.

“We’ve already been sleeping next to each other,” Rey sighs. “What more would you suggest?”

She looks up at Kylo, who suddenly looks much younger, much more vulnerable. She can see the hesitation in his eyes before he says, “You should kiss me.”

“I should?” she asks.

“Yes,” he nods. “You initiate, control what happens. I imagine you’d prefer that given the events of last week, with General Hux.” He hesitates. “But don’t bite me this time.”

Rey frowns and licks her lips. Looking at Kylo like this, in the darkness when he looks so vulnerable, it’s playing tricks on Rey’s mind. He looks _nervous_ almost, and Rey doesn’t know how to process that information. Though her hand is trembling, she feels more at ease knowing that she’s in control of the situation as she reaches up to place a hand at the back of his neck, fingertips in his hair.

She doesn’t pull, but guides Kylo closer to her, both of them moving slowly as they lie together in bed in the darkness. When she feels his breath on her lips, she closes her eyes, a soft hitch in her breathing before she presses her mouth to his. There’s no fireworks or anything special, but Rey does feel _something_. It’s like a light switches on in her head, a connection between them—she’s not sure if it’s Force-related or not, but can’t think too much on it because she needs to keep her control on the situation.

Kylo places a hand on her hip and kisses her with hesitation, with _respect_. It startles her, that realization, and she has to break the kiss. She takes a breath, heaving a sigh with a shudder. Her hand drops from Kylo’s neck and she can’t bring herself to look into his eyes. “Goodnight,” she says quietly before rolling over onto her side, facing away from him.

What she’d felt when they kissed—it was more than she wanted to contend with. The comfort, the respect she felt when kissing him—it worried her. She would not fall prey to their plan, would not be brainwashed into being happy or content in her situation. She should have been focused on her escape already, not lounging around, eating sweets and reading and _relaxing_.

Oh so faintly, just as she’s drifting off to sleep, Rey hears a statement that startles her more than anything else, makes her wonder just what it is she’s gotten herself into.

“Goodnight, Rey.”

**Day 15**

Rey is restless all day. She knows what’s coming, what has to happen that day. It makes her feel sick and she can hardly stomach food the whole day. She can feel the droid scanning her that afternoon, wondering why she hasn’t eaten.

She reads a holobook but grows weary of it about midday. When she hears the doors to Kylo’s quarters open up and watches him walk in, she feels a twist of fear in her stomach. He takes off his mask but stays on the other side of the room, watching her.

Kylo can sense her fear and worry through the Force, and he wishes he had some way to calm her. For a fleeting moment, he considers having her take a bath to relax but doesn’t want her to associate that with being forced to be with him. She clearly enjoys days where she can just soak in the water, something she never got to do on Jakku. Instead, he orders dinner for them, taking care to get her some tea.

Rey hardly eats anything for dinner. She stays curled up in her sweater and the cotton pants he’d given her, even on her chair. Truth be told, Kylo is nervous too, he can just hold it together better than she can. He’s never had the time to be physically intimate with people, nor has he felt the need to seek such a thing out.

She notices, though, that Kylo Ren is picking at his dinner as well. If she didn’t know any better, she’d say he was nervous, too.

Finally, Kylo decides they cannot put off the inevitable any longer. He holds his hand across the table to her. Rey looks at his hand and then lets her eyes drift up to look into his own. She sees it there—worry, fear. Just as he’d said, he wants this just as much—or as little, rather—as she does. Resigned to her fate, Rey takes his hand.

She swallows hard as she stands and walks with him to his bedchamber. He removes his cowl and cape and then turns to look at Rey. Very softly, in almost a peace offering of sorts, she says, “I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“That’s okay,” Kylo nods. _I don’t either._

He only thinks the last part to himself but doesn’t realize he’s left his defences down. Rey hears him, in his head. She feels an odd comfort in knowing he’s nervous, too.

Rey doesn’t want any of this, to give in, to be a pawn for the First Order. But she has to survive. She _will_ survive. And she will appreciate Kylo’s shocking offer of kindness while she can. She swallows past a lump in her throat and tugs off her sweater. Her eyes find the ground in front of her immediately, arms draped over her chest. She shivers.

Kylo copies her, taking off his tunic. He kicks off his boots, as well. Rey takes a deep breath and pushes her cotton pants down her legs, now standing in just her underwear. Kylo does the same. Rey feels an uncomfortable twist in her stomach—the more vulnerable they become with each other, the more human he seems. The more like a captive, a pawn, Kylo Ren seems to be. They’re more alike than Rey wants to admit. Rey can’t look him in the eye, but she looks his body once over. He’s much stronger than she’d expected, lean and muscular, so unlike she’d thought he’d be. “Go, lie down,” Kylo says.

Rey chances a look up at him, and his face is as red as hers feels. She does as he says, keeping one arm draped over her chest as she does. The blankets aren’t nearly as warm now that they’re not tucked underneath them. Rey takes a deep breath and tries not to get too scared, or to panic. She can do this. She’s endured far worse. Rey keeps having flashbacks to what Hux did to her and reminds herself that this is miles better.

Kylo climbs onto the bed on his hands and knees, hovering over her. Rey feels tiny underneath him, on the blankets. She looks up at him and sees her hand tremble as she does just as it had the night before. Rey’s hand rests on the back of his neck and she thinks it’s probably about time they kissed, to get things going.

She pulls him into a kiss and forgets to breathe, and then their limbs bump and Rey suddenly feels like she’s grown a few extra limbs. She doesn’t know what to do with her hands, or her legs, and Kylo keeps bumping into her no matter what she tries. “Okay,” she breathes, leaning back on the pillows. “I _really_ don’t know what I’m doing here. How am I supposed to sit?”

Her nerves outweigh her pride, and though she feels embarrassed at having to ask, she’s still glad she did. Kylo leans back on his haunches, hands on his thighs. “Just…” he reaches out and places his hands on her knees. Gently, he pushes them apart. Rey turns her head to the side; she doesn’t like feeling so exposed.

“Lights to ten percent,” Kylo commands suddenly.

That’s when Rey realizes that he can see inside her mind. That’s how this whole mess started—she’d tried to stop him from doing exactly that. The darkness makes her feel more comfortable, like it’s a blanket, shielding her least favorite parts of herself from Kylo’s eyes. Very softly, in an olive branch of sorts, Rey says, “Thank you.”

“Do you trust me?” he asks.

In that moment, regardless of how she feels about the situation she was in, Rey doesn’t want to lie. She takes a deep breath and swallowed hard. “Y—yes,” she nods.

“Then breathe,” Kylo reminds her.

Rey takes a deep breath, not realizing until she does so that she’d been holding her breath, too focused on what was about to happen and all her nerves and fears surrounding the act. She looks down between them as Kylo leans up again, kneeling between her parted legs. Their thighs brush, and then she feels the heat of his body hovering over hers. Her hands reach up to push his hair out of his face and she shivers at how human he seems in that moment. How vulnerable he is.

Rey coaxes him towards her and his lips find hers as their eyes adjust to the darkness. She lets her eyes fall closed, the softness of Kylo’s hair on her cheeks a small but surprising comfort. When she lets herself get lost in the kisses, she slowly begins to relax. Kylo is shockingly gentle with her, keeping himself from completely lying on top of her and crushing her under his weight, and not allowing his hands to wander anywhere beyond her shoulders.

He moves with the awkwardness of a teenager, and for a moment, a question passes through her mind. _Is this is his first time, too?_

A voice crosses into her mind, just as it had before: _Does it matter?_

Rey breaks the kiss to look up at Kylo in the darkness. She can make out his features, the shine of his brown eyes, the way his lips look darker after they’d been kissing.

“Yes,” he says finally. Rey’s eyes widen. “But I know what I’m doing,” he snaps.

“I wasn’t doubting that,” Rey replies softly. Her hands are still threaded in his hair, holding him around his shoulders.

“This is taking forever,” he groans. Kylo didn’t exactly have other plans, but he also doesn’t enjoy opening up and being vulnerable around other people.

Frowning, Rey asks, “Is that so bad?” Kylo huffs, and doesn’t answer. Rey scoots back and sits up a little, looking affronted. “Look—you’re the one who offered to be merciful to me. If this is taking too long—”

“I will not force you,” Kylo says.

“Well, you’re obviously not enjoying it slowed down.”

“We haven’t even _done_ anything!”

Rey pulls her knees to her chest, arms wrapping around them to curl herself into a little ball. She looks up at Kylo in the darkness. He stands from the bed but doesn’t redress. Instead, he leaves, Rey curiously watching him walk away. She wonders if she’s going to be punished, or how badly Snoke will hurt her when he finds out they both lost their cool.

She’s not expecting Kylo to return, but return he does, still in nothing but his underwear. It’s the strangest sight she’s ever seen—rather uncomfortable, but not so much that she needs to look away. He’s holding a bottle in his hand, and he pops the cork out of the top of it. After taking a big swig, he offers it to Rey.

The look on Kylo’s face tells her that the drink tastes vile. She takes the bottle anyway. Whatever it is burns as she swallows it, although it’s smooth in her mouth. Rey’s face twists in disgust and she asks, “What _is_ that!?”

“Corellian whiskey,” Kylo says simply. “To take the edge off.”

Rey eyes him warily and then looks back down at the bottle. She takes another giant swig, willing it to take effect as fast as possible. Kylo sits on the bed next to her and they pass the bottle between each other. Rey closes her eyes and lays her head against the headboard, sighing. Already she feels a dizziness washing over her, but she figures that’s just because she hasn’t eaten much that day.

She swallows hard and glances over at Kylo. As soon as he turns his head to look at her, she looks away. He clears his throat and she tries not to feel too awkward. There’s a gentle hum rolling through her head now, thanks to the whiskey. Rey drops her hand to Kylo’s thigh, a sort of signal that she’s not quite as scared now.

Rey turns her head towards Kylo again, and he leans towards her as well. Their shoulders press together and then he closes the distance between them. Rey doesn’t feel as tense this time—she’s not itching to get out of her own skin. Her hand stays on his thigh, fingers clenching ever so slightly as she leans towards him.

Rather than leaning over Rey again, Kylo puts a hand on her hip and pulls her into his lap. Rey likes the feeling—like she’s in control, even when she feels like she’s lost all control. Her thighs slot around his hips while her arms wrap around his shoulders to steady herself. As his hands slide up and down her back she feels her self-preservation slipping away. The whiskey is doing wonders for her, helping her push beyond her fear and worry. She’s not giving in forever, she’s only giving him tonight.

Rey shivers as her chest presses to his, their bare skin hot in the cool chill of the room. She can feel him growing hard against her, and Rey pushes away the panic.

 _It’s okay_. _This is good._

Rey can’t tell who thought that—she doesn’t really care. It makes her feel better. One of Kylo’s hands splays across her back and the other grabs her hip, coaxing her closer. Rey’s head swims and her breath catches as she starts to feel desire creep in.

Kylo is surprisingly gentle with her, even as they awkwardly push away the last articles of clothing they have on and Rey climbs back onto his lap. Their eyes meet through the darkness and they see their own worry and fear reflected back at them. Neither wants this—not for the end result, at least—but somehow they find comfort in that. A comfort that pushes them through.

He holds her with a searingly gentle touch as she slides down onto him, trembling at the stretch, the pain. Kylo never pressures her once to move faster, even if he feels like he’s going to burst if they don’t get moving. Rey keeps her face buried in his neck most of the time, moving erratically, not really sure if she’s doing it right. Kylo doesn’t give her any cues, so she just tries to do what feels best for her.

She doesn’t come, and she feels dirty when he does. The mess is dripping down her thigh as she walks to the ‘fresher, but he’d held her so gently that she can’t be mad at _him_. As much as she wants to be, she’s not. Rey is mad at the situation again, the whiskey cloud that was filling her mind now swirling away to reality.

Rey blinks away a few tears as she washes up the mess on her thighs, and then pulls on sweatpants and a sweater before returning to the bedroom. Kylo is dressed too, thankfully. Rey would have felt awkward if he’d stayed undressed, even halfway. He’s sitting upright, leaning against the headboard, though. Kylo’s dark eyes bore into her as she walks to the bed. Neither knows what to say.

Rey sits down in bed next to him, pulling the sleeves of the sweater over her hands. Kylo looks over at her, but she can’t look back at him. There’s a slight ache between her legs—first times are like that, she supposes.

Sleep takes forever to come to them both that night.

**Day 20**

“She has accepted her fate, Supreme Leader,” Kylo Ren says, bowing down before Snoke in his throne room.

Snoke sneers as he looks upon his apprentice. “I see my plan worked, then,” the Supreme Leader says with a smug look of satisfaction on his face. “One touch from Hux sent her right into your arms.”

Kylo blocks Snoke from his mind and thinks back on the events of that day. They’d gone so differently than the Supreme Leader commanded. Kylo was supposed to take her that day, force himself upon her in his quarters when she was still broken from resisting Hux. Then they were to try, and keep trying, all while lulling Rey into a false sense of security in Kylo’s quarters.

But instead, he’d taken her in—fed her, bathed her, clothed her—and gave her the option to choose when they did it. He couldn’t let her decide _if_ —that was decided for them—but giving her small freedoms was working better than Snoke’s plan ever would have.

Now Rey has started to make Kylo’s quarters her own. He finds her hair ties everywhere, scattered about the place. Sometimes she leaves old clothes lying around. Once or twice he’s even caught her swinging around a broom like it’s her staff or a lightsaber. She’s doing what she can to keep from going mad, being locked up day in and day out.

“What is our next step, Supreme Leader?” Kylo Ren asks.

Snoke sits back in his chair, hands resting powerfully on the arms of the chair. He looks down at his apprentice and says, “Now we wait for news. While we do, we shall begin to prime her.”

Kylo looks up quickly, his mask reflecting light just so as he gazes up at Snoke. “Prime her?”

“You will train her. Leash her every day as you take her to the training room. Begin to teach her forms. Show the girl how to harness the dark side,” Snoke instructs.

Rey will resist. Kylo Ren knows this without ever having to approach Rey about it. There will be consequences for both of them if she does this, so he must ask: “And if the girl resists?”

Snoke leans in, closer to Kylo. He looks positively menacing, eyes glinting with sick power as he grins and says, “We will make her obey, as we have done so far. Do not refer to the skills and powers as those only the dark side calls upon. She has no training. Take advantage of that.” Snoke laughs evilly, and it sends a chill down Kylo’s spine. “Trick her into thinking you are teaching her the ways of the Jedi. The girl is a naive scavenger—she will only discover the truth when it is too late.”

“Yes, Supreme Leader,” Kylo nods, bowing down before him one last time before leaving the room.

As he walks back to his quarters, Kylo feels a tug in his mind—but not a dark presence, like Snoke. It’s _Rey_. The presence is light but angry. Kylo’s pace quickens.

He arrives at his quarters to find that the doors are wide open. He hears a muffled shout and without hesitation breaks into a run. On the bed lies Rey, eyes wide with fear and panic, Hux’s disgusting, pasty hand covering her mouth as he rucks up the dress she’s wearing. His hands are underneath Rey’s clothing and this time, Rey is trying to fight back. She’s scratched at his face and she’s kicking at him with all her might, but it isn’t enough.

Kylo simply holds up a hand, not even touching the vile man, and shoves him back. Hux slides across the room on the cold flooring, his hair a disheveled mess, his face turning splotchy crimson red in his anger. “She must _learn_!” Hux shouts.

“As must you.”

“She _disrespected me_. She is our _prisoner_!” Hux continues.

Kylo looks over at Rey, who has rolled to the side, curled in on herself, teeming with anger but tears spilling down her face all the same.

“Why are you in my quarters, General?” Kylo asks with cool detachment. Inside, he’s filled with rage. He wants to tear Hux limb from limb.

Hux stands and adjusts his robes. “In your haste to meet with the Supreme Leader this morning, you did not allow your med droid into the room,” Hux states. “As you know, we need to keep a close eye on both of you—the scavenger, especially. I needed to let the droid in and ensure its late arrival did not delay any tests.”

“You are not welcome here,” Kylo says. He holds up his hand again, sending Hux flying through his rooms and out into the hall. He hits the wall opposite Kylo’s doors with a loud, echoing _thud_. “You will not return, for any reason.”

The doors slide shut and Kylo is still seething. Tossing Hux around like a rag doll is satisfying, but yet not enough for him. He’s full to the brim with rage that Hux would think he can put his hands on Rey. It’s all out of protectiveness for their captive, Kylo tells himself. It’s got nothing to do with her growing reliance upon him—their truce of sorts.

Rey stands, and Kylo hears her thank him through his rage. He waves her off and disappears again, to the training rooms to smash something. He doesn’t want to lose his temper in front of Rey for reasons he cannot and will not try to understand. She will fear him if she sees, but he knows no other way to release his anger and frustration. Lashing out is all Kylo Ren knows.

When he returns, Rey is sitting in the main area of his quarters, waiting for him. She stands when he enters. “Don’t,” he warns as she steps closer.

“I just wanted to—,”

“I said _don’t_.”

Rey looks up at Kylo Ren with equal parts anger and sadness. He wasn’t at fault—he shouldn’t be angry. If anyone should be angry, it should be her. “Will you take off your mask, at least?” she asks. Now, for once, she’d like him to be human to her.

He bows his head, and for a moment, Rey thinks he’s about to do it. When he looks back up at her, he says, “Do not forget your position here. Do not grow comfortable with me.”

Kylo’s words hit Rey like a slap to the face. All worry and sadness morph into fear in her shining hazel eyes, and she takes a step back from him.

He’s right. She can grow comfortable in the space, but should not grow comfortable with him. He’s still the monster who killed so many innocent people. He’s still the man threatening the existence of everyone she holds dear. But he’d been kind to her, and he protects her, and it’s growing more difficult for Rey to reconcile those two very different sides of him in her head.

It’s foolish, Kylo knows, but he feels a sick satisfaction knowing he’s pushed her away just a little—enough that she will give him space. He’s not used to sharing his rooms, his _life_ , with someone else. Nothing about the situation has been easy for him, so imagining what Rey is experiencing makes his chest hurt in a way he’d rather not ever feel again.

That evening, for the first time since she’s been allowed to sleep in Kylo’s quarters, Rey sleeps on the sofa.

**Day 22**

Kylo and Rey don’t see each other for at least a full day. Rey has no clue where he is, but doesn’t try to find out. When he finally reappears, Rey is paraded through the ship in shackles, his mask firm on his face. When they arrive in a room she’s never seen before, Kylo removes his mask and Rey watches him carefully before taking in her surroundings and realizing they’re in some sort of training room. When her gaze finds him again, he’s holding out a lightsaber to her. Rey stares at him like he’s grown a second head.

“What’s this?” she asks.

Kylo shakes the lightsaber at her. “Take it. You are beginning your training today.”

“I will not become one of your dark side allies,” Rey says through gritted teeth.

“I know,” Kylo says simply. He nods and steps closer to her, still extending the lightsaber to her. “I will teach you what Luke taught me. And what I learned from the Jedi texts. I will teach you everything.”

Rey’s brow furrows and she looks suddenly ready to fight. “If you fight me, I will restrain you. You will return to the holding cell where you started, and you will stay there,” he warns.

“Why are you training me?” she asks. It makes no sense to her, why he’d train her, his enemy, to be strong like him—to be able to win against him.

Kylo gets a strange look on his face as he says, “So you can protect yourself. Against Hux—against the Supreme Leader, if you have to.” He shakes the lightsaber at her. “Now _take it_. We must begin now.”

He’s training her to fight the very people imprisoning her, though he’d left his name out of it. Was he preparing her to fight them so that they could both escape? So that she could be freed of this place? It seemed too good to be true, that Kylo would do such a thing. Allowing her to train was either going against Snoke’s orders, or there was something more to the training that she hadn’t discovered yet.

She had all the time in the world, being held captive while her Resistance friends were _hopefully_ trying to find her, to help her escape. It was the least she could do to take some Jedi lessons. All hope seemed lost that she’d ever be able to find Luke Skywalker, at this point.

Hesitantly, like she’s half expecting him to destroy her on the spot with her own lightsaber, Rey takes it. The weight is familiar in her hand and she spins it around so that the blade will shoot outwards.

Then, they begin their training.

Rey has impressive stamina, Kylo observes. It must be those years of scavenging on Jakku that built up her endurance in such a way. He finds that he grows weary of running through forms, exercises, and battle practice long before she does.

As the days go on, however, Rey grows weary earlier and earlier. There’s even one day where she asks if she can just rest, as she’s not feeling well.

Her words should be a signal of good news, but they just fill Kylo with dread. The Supreme Leader, on the other hand, is filled with glee. Though the med droid cannot yet confirm, Kylo knows that they succeeded in their task. Rey seems to be the only one denying it, still. She is with child—the First Order’s first child—and they have now begun down a path from which they will never be able to return.

**Day 30**

Rey is exhausted. She trained with Kylo all morning until he was called away by Snoke for a meeting. Kylo had seemed frantic. Rey had kept her distance. Ever since he’d told her not to get comfortable, she’d kept at arm’s length from him. They never kissed, they never touched, and Rey preferred it that way.

He was right—she was getting comfortable with him. She was falling into their trap.

Now she stands with damp hair, in a sleep shirt and trousers, greeted with the sight of explosions out the front windows of Kylo’s quarters. _Ships_. There are people trying to battle the First Order, and Rey’s chest does a leap. _The Resistance_.

She rushes to the window to gaze out, to see if she can spot the Millennium Falcon or another familiar ship. There are some X-Wings, and a cruiser far off in the distance, but Rey can’t make out anything in particular, a dead giveaway of someone she knew. Heart thrumming with hope, Rey looks around to try to find some sort of comm link or device she can use to try to reach them. She’ll rig it if she has to.

When Rey tries to leave the room, the door doesn’t budge. She’s trapped. Apparently ever since Hux let himself in, the only person allowed to operate the doors to Kylo’s quarters is Kylo himself.

Rey shouts in frustration.

She rushes around the room, upturning nearly everything as she tries desperately to find something she can rig into a comm system, to try to reach the Resistance. As she does, she bumps right into the med droid and tumbles over onto the floor. Sensing an injury, the med droid snaps to work trying to do an exam, pushing at Rey anytime she tries to stand up.

“Stop it!” she shouts at the droid. “Abort!” she tries, not knowing what words will stop the droid’s current command.

The droid beeps out a long string of binary: [Protocol 421-C: Termination of pregnancy is not allowed.]

Rey ignores it. She keeps pushing at the droid until finally, she can escape. Instead of continuing her search for a communication device, Rey rushes to the window. She pounds at the fiberglass, hoping one of the close-flying X-Wing fighters spots her. “I’m here!” she shouts. “I’m right here!”

Her heart is filled to the brim with hope and optimism, even as explosions continue to happen outside the ship. A small part of her is filled with fear—what if they destroy the ship she’s on? What if they succeed, like she wants them to, but she loses her life in the process? _It’d be worth it_ , she reminds herself. “Please,” she begs, her shouting dying down to a soft desperation. Her voice barely whispers out as she pleads again, “Please, find me.”

The whole room trembles as something above deck is destroyed. If Rey had to guess, she’d say they’re taking out as many First Order missiles and cannons as they can. Their plan isn’t to destroy, just disarm. The ship shakes again, and Rey moves away from the window. She sits at the table, gazing out at the stars, the ships, the fire. Maker, what she wouldn’t give to be out there, still fighting that war.

Hot, fat tears roll down her cheeks as she thinks about her situation. Where she is, what she’s being forced to do. What she’d done willingly, with blind trust in a bad man who showed her the last shred of lightness in him. She feels like she’s going to be sick.

At least the Resistance came back, she realizes. She’d waited over a decade for her parents, but never saw them again. At least, even if she’s not rescued, the Resistance tried. That’s more than her parents ever did. The pain still stings, though—being left to wait for people to save her, to rescue her. Rey’s never much liked the idea of being a damsel in distress.

Slowly, the explosions begin to dissipate. She watches the remaining ships shoot off into hyperspace.

The Resistance is gone, and they had not taken her with them.

Rey’s heart breaks just a little.

**Day 43**

Rey wakes before Kylo, a sickening churning in her stomach. Having grown weary of the ache in her back from sleeping on the sofa, she’d returned to Kylo’s bed. Now, she rolls out of it, making a mad dash for the ‘fresher where she retches up the contents of her stomach. It leaves a sour, acrid taste on her tongue, and then dread pools in her stomach. It’s almost enough to make her vomit again.

When she stands up and looks at herself in the mirror, Rey scowls. The stories aren’t true. There’s no _glow_ , no _pride_. She’s not _pleased_ with the idea of being pregnant, and it would not look good on her. She wouldn’t know what to do with extra body fat, with a belly. She’s always been the sickly thin scavenger girl. Rey doesn’t want to think about another human, one she hadn’t even wanted.

And yet, her hand still falls to her belly and she looks down at the maddening realization. She grows calm with it, forces herself to call upon the strength within her to not torture the child. She knows it’s there, can sense it. And she will not abandon it before it’s even born, even though she’d had thoughts of it—of not taking care of herself, so the child is sickly and can’t fulfill the First Order’s plans. She’d loved the thought, but then pushed it away. That was far too dark. She wouldn’t have the heart to do it.

Rey washes up before returning to the bed. She can still get a few more hours of rest in before Kylo insists they go train again.

In all her exhaustion and nausea, the last thing Rey wants to do is train.

She doesn’t notice as she rolls back into bed that Kylo is awake. It takes a few moments for him to speak, and when he does, it startles Rey. “It worked,” he says. He sounds sad.

Rey curls up as small as she can, her back to Kylo. She tries to hide a sniffle before she echoes, “It worked.”

“Rey…”

Hearing her name on his lips always confuses Rey. It spreads warmth through her chest. It’s stupid, she knows, but there’s something exciting about having people around her to call her by her name. On Jakku, nobody did. Nobody cared.

She rolls onto her back, her head turning to look at Kylo.

Rey knows she must look terrible. Her skin is pasty and white from feeling ill, from being trapped inside. Her hair is a mess that she hasn’t cleaned in days, strewn about the pillows in half-snarled knots now that it’s not tied up. She’s pretty sure there’s a few drops of vomit on her sweater. And yet—there’s a look in Kylo’s eyes that she’s never seen before. Right there, next to his worry and his sadness and his regret, she sees a little bit of hope. The tiniest bit of joy at the prospect of them actually having a baby. Rey doesn’t understand how he could feel any positive emotions at this realization—it wasn’t a baby conceived out of love. It’s not a baby who will know love, not if Snoke has anything to say about it.

That’s when it hits Rey: if Snoke has control over everything this baby learns, or says, or does—the child that’s barely anything at all currently growing in Rey’s belly could become the most dangerous man or woman in the galaxy. They could defeat the Jedi once and for all. They could destroy everyone Rey loves and plunge the galaxy into cold, dictated destruction.

Rey closes her eyes when she feels Kylo’s fingers ghost over her belly. Now that her realization is echoing in her mind, Rey will not be able to go back to sleep. Now, more than ever, she needs to stay focused. She needs to begin planning her escape.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey's condition starts to take its toll on her, and Kylo Ren proposes a solution.

**Day 51**

“Get up. It’s time to train.”

Rey groans and rolls over in bed. She covers her face with the pillow, trying to block out the sound of Kylo’s voice. It’s like nails on a chalkboard to her for some reason, and she’s already got a headache. “I’m exhausted,” she whines. “And I have a headache.”

“This will distract you,” Kylo says. “Come. You’ve skipped the past three days.”

Rey angrily tosses the pillow aside, nearly taking out their med droid as she does. Her glare shoots daggers at Kylo and for a moment, he wonders if she’s going to try to fight him. At least it would get her moving and out of bed so they can get fresh sheets. The room is starting to smell. “I’m miserable, and it’s all thanks to _you_ ,” she snaps.

“Get out of bed.”

Kylo’s words leave no room for arguing. Rey is startled by how quickly he fought her back this time. Usually, he’s a little more understanding. Sometimes, Rey even wonders if he feels guilty about everything. Then she remembers how many people he’s killed, how much destruction he’s caused, and reconsiders her assumption. She stands up, still glaring at him, and says, “I don't want to train today.”

“We will not be practising with the lightsaber,” he replies simply. “Today, you will learn meditation.”

“Are you sure you’re qualified to teach me that?” she quips before she can bite her tongue or think about her words before she says them. Kylo’s eyes narrow at her and for a moment, she almost thinks he looks hurt. Sighing, she says, “I just mean—with your temper—are you sure you know how to meditate?”

“I know _how_ ,” he snaps. “I just happen to think it’s useless.”

Rey crosses her arms. “So then why teach me?”

Kylo walks to the closet—an annoyingly domestic gesture that makes Rey’s skin crawl—and pulls out an outfit that looks similar to the one she’d worn on Jakku, but better made and much cleaner. He hands it to her and says, “Wash up. You smell terrible. Then, we will meditate. I may think it’s useless but you want to learn the ways of the Jedi, so I’ll teach you. Then, you can decide if it’s still worth your time after today.”

Rey takes the clothes and says, “I still don’t understand why you’re teaching me these things. If you want me under your control, you shouldn’t be showing me the power I can use to beat you.”

With a dry laugh, Kylo says, “You think the Force is your special power. That’s not what the Force is. I don’t have to worry about you beating me.”

“I’m not _weak_ ,” Rey snaps.

“I never said you were,” Kylo replies. “In fact, I’d say you’re one of the strongest people on this ship. Or you were, anyway.” He looks rather smug as he says, “Now that you’re pregnant, all you want to do is sleep. So really, I have absolutely nothing to worry about.”

Narrowing her eyes, Rey says venomously, “I hate you.”

She spins on her heel, to go into the ‘fresher, and as she retreats Kylo shouts at her, “The feeling is mutual.”

Rey shouts in frustration.

As it turns out, washing herself and doing a little meditation goes a long way towards making Rey a much more amenable person. She even considers apologizing for her earlier outburst, but then remembers that she’s being led through the Finalizer on a leash connected to shackles around her wrists. He doesn’t deserve an apology—not when he still treats her like this.

Walking through the hallways of the Finalizer isn’t as bad as it once was, though. People know who she is now, and many even know her purpose on the ship. They’re used to seeing her parading through the hallways with Kylo Ren—they don’t look nearly as shocked as they once did. That helps Rey cope with it, while also reminding her that she’s spent a lot of time on this ship, in the custody of the First Order. She’s becoming complacent and she knows it.

Her stomach twists uncomfortably at the thought—or maybe it’s something else. Her hand flies up to her mouth, jingling the chains of the shackles on her wrists. Kylo looks over his shoulder at her, and even through the mask, Rey knows he’s displeased. She’s not supposed to bring attention to them. But then her stomach lurches and she hunches over like she’s about to be sick. Frantically, Rey looks around—of _course,_ there’s nowhere convenient to be sick. Kylo stops when he realizes what’s happening, what Rey’s about to do. He turns to try to help her, but it’s too late.

There, in the hallway of the Finalizer, in front of dozens of stormtroopers and other staff, Rey vomits all over Kylo’s boots. She closes her eyes, expecting the worst—to be hit, maybe. Or punished in some other way. Perhaps she’ll even be sent back to the interrogation room or worse, rather than getting to sleep in a nice warm bed. Panic shoots through her, which only serves to double her stomach ache. She doubles over again, more vomit splashing onto the floor at their feet.

Rey doesn’t sense anger from Kylo, which confuses her greatly. She’s so lost in the haze of her fear that she doesn’t move, doesn’t even look up at him. Perhaps he’s closed himself off to her, so she can’t sense his emotions any longer. That has to be the most logical solution, right? He should be _furious_ with her—she’s just humiliated him in front of everyone.

Two stormtroopers from sanitation rush in, and they’re mopping up the mess before Rey can even think to move. Kylo stands there until they wipe the mess from his boots, and then he unceremoniously lifts Rey into his arms, carrying her just as he had when he’d taken her custody all those months ago. Rey is mortified and suddenly exhausted and can’t find it in herself to care that she’s being carried around—even though she can walk anywhere she needs to be, thank you very much.

When they arrive at Kylo’s quarters, he sets her down, letting Rey stand on her own two feet again. She feels a bit dizzy but doesn’t make any moves to say something. Once inside, Kylo releases Rey’s wrists from the shackles and all but shoves her in the ‘fresher to get cleaned up. While she’s brushing her teeth and splashing her face with cool water, he kicks his boots off, and his trousers as well, and in the end decides to dress for bed early. He has no plans to leave his quarters again and can’t imagine that the Supreme Leader would want to speak to him because of such a small incident.

He retrieves a holobook from his private collection, hidden away from Rey with some other private relics he’d rather she not see—like his grandfather’s mask, for example—and sits down in a chair at the table. Kylo glances up to be sure Rey isn’t approaching before opening to the first page of the book.

He’d rather Rey didn’t find out he’s researching her symptoms. He’d hate to let her know how attached he’d already grown to the prospect of a child.

Someone he wouldn’t let down the way his parents let him down.

His only chance at redemption.

His only chance at love.

**Day 63**

“You have succeeded, my young apprentice.”

Kylo Ren bows before the Supreme Leader; he has fulfilled his part of the bargain, this he knows. Kylo has the greatest blocks up in his head, though, to ensure Snoke doesn’t see the confusion and frustration clouding his mind.

He’s seen where Rey’s thoughts wander to during the day; he knows the fear she feels, not knowing the fate of her— _their —_child. She fears that the child will become _evil_ , as she says it. Truth be told, he would never subject Snoke’s wrath—his _teaching methods_ , rather—on his worst enemy, never mind a friend. And _definitely_ not a child. His flesh and blood.

“Thank you, Supreme Leader,” Kylo replies, never taking his eyes off the ground.

Snoke still sits in his throne, watching Kylo, looking down upon him. “And her training?”

Kylo remains kneeling as he says, “She is strong, but her efforts are dwindling with the pregnancy.”

Snoke raises an eyebrow. “That does not sound like our scrappy scavenger,” he comments. Tapping his fingers on the arm of his throne, he asks, “Have you a plan, my apprentice?”

“Yes, Supreme Leader. With your approval, I would like to take her off-ship,” Kylo says, his voice flat, his thoughts not betraying a single element of his greater plan—the plan not even Snoke will know about. “She is getting restless and bored. Perhaps taking her to a planet, giving her a change of scenery, will refresh her mind. Reinvigorate her.”

Snoke is quiet for a very long time. Kylo bows his head again, hoping that Snoke can’t see through his lies. After silence so long it makes Kylo fear he will be punished for his proposition, Snoke finally speaks. “She will remain shackled when you are not in your cruiser or your lodgings,” Snoke dictates. “You must continue to train her. And most importantly—you _must_ teach her to yearn for your touch so that she does not try to leave when we have the first child in our clutches.”

Kylo looks up at Snoke—he tries to mask his alarm and surprise at Snoke’s conditions. And he _hates_ to picture Snoke brainwashing the baby into being a cold-blooded killer like him. “Yes, Supreme Leader,” Kylo nods, acquiescing to prevent suspicion. He is _so close_ to getting the approval he needs.

“Very well,” Snoke says. “I expect her back before her second trimester begins.” Snoke studies Kylo Ren very closely. Kylo doesn’t dare move. Kylo can feel Snoke poking around in his brain, searching for any dishonesty, any lies. He finds none. “You may go,” Snoke says finally, waving Kylo away. “I expect you to report back with the scavenger’s progress when you return.”

“Of course, Supreme Leader. Thank you.” Kylo bows once more before standing up and leaving the room.

He walks quickly, with determination, to his quarters. Along the way, he gives the command to prepare his ship, his personal TIE fighter, and continues on his way. When he reaches his room and opens the doors, Rey is, predictably, napping. As much as he’d like to just let her sleep—at least she doesn’t argue with him this way—he wants to leave as soon as possible.

Kylo takes off his mask and sets it aside, deciding to give her a few more minutes while he packs for them. He puts his things in a bag, and then Rey’s things in a bag, and knows exactly where they’re going to go.

One of his assistants patches through on the commlink to let him know that his ship is ready, and Kylo puts their bags by the door. When he goes to wake Rey up, she’s still fast asleep, snoring a little while she drools on her pillow. He hates the way his chest twists with slight affection and interest when he sees her as she truly is, no walls up around him. It’s stupid, her lowly scavenger habits. He knows it.

And yet.

Kylo kneels down by the edge of the bed and jostles her shoulder. He says her name a few times as he tries to wake her. When she opens her eyes, Rey jolts awake with a scream. Kylo’s expression instantly turns to boredom and annoyance. He stands and says, “Put some shoes on. We’re leaving.”

Rey tiredly wipes the sleep from her eyes and sighs. “I don’t want to train today,” she says.

“We’re not training. We’re leaving the ship.” Terror fills Rey’s eyes and Kylo stares her down until her attitude ebbs away a little. “Don’t look at me like that.”

Rey stares at him for a moment.

“Come on!” Kylo shouts.

The longer they’re on the Finalizer, the more Kylo worries that the Supreme Leader will see right through his plan and refuse to let them go. He needs to be up in the air _now_.

Rey scrambles to stand up and slide on her boots. Kylo nearly forgets to shackle Rey, mostly because he knows that she’s not going to run. Not when there’s the prospect of escaping the ship right there on the horizon. Not now that they’re growing to be more attached—or rather, Rey is getting attached. Kylo would never do that. Never.

Kylo doesn’t let himself relax until the ship is up in the air, having reluctantly let Rey take the co-pilot seat once they were on the ship and the shackles were off. He sends them into hyperspace, towards a planet he thinks she’ll enjoy—further away from Snoke, and even further still from the Resistance.

Rey stays sitting in the co-pilot’s seat, though the longer the flight takes, the more she curls up on the chair, knees pulled up to her chest. One hand rests lazily on her stomach as she watches the stars streak by around them. She wants desperately to ask where they’re going but knows he probably won’t tell her. More than that, Rey wants to know how Kylo managed to get Snoke to let them leave the Finalizer.

“The Supreme Leader thinks that a change of scenery will reinvigorate you,” Kylo says. Rey glances over at him; she hadn’t known he was listening in to her thoughts. “Besides—you were getting bored.”

“Reinvigorate me?” Rey asks incredulously. “It’s the pregnancy.”

Kylo looks over at Rey. “You won’t be able to use that as your excuse forever,” he says. “You stood up to us. You can fight. You made it through an entire childhood on Jakku. The Supreme Leader is disappointed in your exhaustion and lack of effort during training.”

Rey looks appalled. “He _did_ this to me!”

“You will continue to train throughout your pregnancy, until the med droid says otherwise,” Kylo says simply.

“Will you cover for me?” Rey asks.

Kylo looks bemused by her words. “Cover for you?”

“Yeah,” Rey nods. “Like how you’ve been teaching me how to fight, so I can use it against him. Lie to him about my progress. Let me relax a little.”

The silence hangs between them and Rey can sense him considering it.

“I can’t.”

Rey can’t even bring herself to be angry, because she’d known it was stupid to even ask. She sighs and looks out the windows.

“If I tell the Supreme Leader you’re progressing faster than you really are in training, he will insist on testing you. If that happens, you will not survive,” Kylo says simply. “He will destroy you. It would be unwise to lie to the Supreme Leader.”

“Snoke is vile.”

“He financed this ship that’s taking you on the closest thing to a vacation you will ever experience.”

Rey stands and leaves the cockpit of the ship, rolling her eyes in annoyance. The ship isn’t very big, but there’s enough space that she can lie down on the cot to take another nap.

Rey wakes next when she feels the ship touching down on solid ground. It feels strange, being on yet another new planet—she’s seen so much of the galaxy since her chance run-in with Finn back on Jakku, since they stole the Millennium Falcon. She doesn’t recognize the planet, but that isn’t to say it’s not a nice one. Very little of the galaxy outside of Jakku is known to Rey.

Kylo approaches her in the ship, looking down at her, shadows cresting over his face that makes him look angry and intimidating. Rey gazes up at him, her expression blank in response. “Do I need to use the shackles?” he asks, his voice firm, a bit louder than usual. He’s trying to intimidate her, Rey knows.

She shakes her head. Aside from the shackles being just plain undignified, Rey knows that the looks they would get from people when they exit the ship would be terrible. They’d be the most obvious creatures in the whole city.

“One attempt to escape—even one _thought —_and you will be shackled for the remainder of the trip,” Kylo warns. “And I will punish you as necessary after that.”

“I won’t run,” Rey says flatly.

She will do as always—she will plan her escape while Kylo is asleep, when he cannot read her thoughts. His decision to take her off-ship couldn’t have come at a better time, now that ideas have started to form in her head—resources at her disposal, the best ways to reach the Resistance.

The moment Rey steps foot on the planet, she feels a jolt of something through her veins. Something feels extraordinary—pushes away all the exhaustion that had been creeping through her bones. The planet is warm, lush with greenery, and fascinating for Rey to look at. They’re at a busy spaceport, a river flowing nearby that she can sense and hear, but cannot see. Ships soar overhead, and there’s a jungle straight ahead. Strangest, though, there are cities _hovering_ above the jungle. “Where are we?” Rey asks, gazing around with big eyes.

Kylo looks bored with the place like he’s been there too many times. “We’re in a city called Hedrett, on a planet named Cularin,” he says simply.

“Have you been here before?” Rey wonders.

Kylo hands her the bag he’d packed for her, his own in his other hand. “Just once,” he replies. “When I was a child.”

 _When you were Ben_ , Rey thinks to herself. She feels comfort in knowing that he’d been here as a child—that had to mean that his parents brought him here. A parent wouldn’t bring their child to somewhere unsafe.

Rey wonders vaguely where his parents are, if they’re alive, if they know this is where he is and what he is doing. Thinking about the parents of people who carry out such dastardly deeds is a somewhat devastating thought, but Rey can’t deny that it piques her curiosity more than anything.

Briefly, she feels Kylo in her head. He’s just heard her thoughts. His mood turns stormy and she doesn’t even have to look at him to know it. Something about this planet makes her feel stronger—more in touch with the skills he’s been trying to teach her. It’s strange.

The streets of Hedrett are bustling with people—humans, mostly, but another species that she can’t identify is just as prominent. It’s a diverse city, and Rey feels the unfamiliar stretch of a smile on her face for the first time in months.

They reach a long range of apartment buildings along a busy street. There’s an office at the end of it, which Kylo leads them into like he knows this city well. “We’ll be needing a room,” he says to the man at the desk.

The man is of the species Rey can’t identify, and he looks at them for a long moment, his eyes drifting down to their lightsabers clipped to Kylo’s belt before he says, “Jedi, are you? You’ll be requiring room #8, I presume?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Kylo says, his voice flat and bored.

Rey wonders why the Jedi would need or want that particular room—she wants to ask. Rey has so many questions—she’s full of curiosity on this planet but wonders how she can possibly get Kylo to open up about them.

The man hands Kylo a key and points down the street to where they’d just come from. The key on Kylo’s hand says _#8_ , so it looks as though they’ve been given that apartment regardless of whether they had a particular interest in it. Kylo is moving faster now, so Rey has to scramble and jog to keep up.

There’s nothing extraordinary about apartment #8, at least as far as Rey can tell. It’s a basic apartment: kitchen, lounge area, dining area, and presumably a bedroom and ‘fresher behind all of that. The space is shockingly bright, in warm earthy tones and pale sand colors that remind her a little of Jakku. It’s in stark contrast to Kylo’s quarters on the finalizer.

“How long will we be staying here?” Rey wonders, setting her bag down to walk to the windows at the front of the apartment, to continue gazing out at the spectacular city in which they’ve found themselves.

“You and I both know that’s not the question you want to ask.”

Rey sits down on the massive lounge chair near the window. She pulls her knees up to her chest and shrugs. “No,” she concedes. “But it’s the one you’ll answer.”

“The Supreme Leader has given us permission to be away until your second trimester begins,” Kylo says simply. “This is on the condition that you continue your training with more vigor than you have been using in our training sessions since confirming the pregnancy.”

Rey gazes across the room at Kylo. He looks almost ridiculous, standing in his cloak and tunic and trousers and boots, all black, all terribly warm and heavy. Too warm and heavy for a planet with such a tropical climate. “Why does this planet feel differently?” Rey asks, chancing one more question before she’s sure Kylo will block her out for good, for at least a day or two.

“It is said to be strong with the Force,” Kylo replies. He pushes his hair out of his face in a way that Rey finds incredibly intriguing and a little attractive. She admonishes herself for such a thought. “You will be relieved to know that this planet has a history of being on _your peoples’_ side. It was the home of the New Republic, and still houses sympathizers of the Galactic Alliance and now, the Resistance.”

It is incredibly curious to Rey that of all the places he could have taken her, it was here. It makes her wonder even more, now, about his lineage, his parents. “So it’s a political planet?” she wonders.

“Somewhat. Not as much as Coruscant,” Kylo sighs. He sounds exhausted and a little bored. Rey resolves to not ask him any more questions after this one, at least not for now. “This is where Luke Skywalker rebuilt the Jedi.”

Rey looks up at Kylo, and she sees a flash of pain in his eyes—a curious sight in a man who she once believed loathed the Jedi, knowing nothing about them.

“This is the home of the New Jedi Order. This is where you should train.”

Kylo turns to leave the room, heading back towards the ‘fresher. Rey stares after him, quiet and content with his answer. It feels like some sort of progress between them, even if she’s still, technically speaking, a hostage. She doesn’t feel like one here on Cularin.

Rey feels like a whole person again.

**Day 72**

It’s sunny outside, shining through the windows, streaming down on Rey. She lies on the sofa, the med droid scanning over her stomach. She basks in the warmth of the sunlight, trying to ignore the droid, and Kylo standing in his bulking black robes down by her feet. “Well?” Kylo asks.

[Healthy], beeps the droid. [Estimated weight: one-eighth ounce. Estimated height: two centimeters. Would you like to hear heart rhythm?]

Rey looks down at the droid, the facts it’s spouting off making her eyes widen a little. It’s the worst idea in the world, but she grows a little attached to the baby in that moment. “S—sure,” Rey says at the same time Kylo says, “That is unnecessary.”

Sighing, Kylo amends, “Fine. Sure.”

The droid drops one of its mechanized arms to her stomach and suddenly the softest heartbeat fills the room. Rey doesn’t dare look at Kylo. She glances over to the side, her eyes filling with tears as she realizes that this innocent, tiny life now has a heartbeat—it’s alive. And that heartbeat could lead to total destruction if she lets Snoke raise the baby in his image.

A tear drips over her cheek and very softly she thanks the droid. The droid withdraws its arm and wheels away. Rey hates that this droid came with them on their “vacation.” She’s had fun, relatively speaking. She’s had freedom—she hasn’t lived in fear for nine whole days. She’s trained with Kylo, working on more forms. No shackles, no solitary confinement.

The energy of the planet has done wonders for her—or maybe it’s just the fact that she’s nowhere near the Finalizer and doesn’t have the constant drain of worry and fear. In fact, she’d almost say that she’s having fun _with Kylo_.

But yet any talk of the baby or the pregnancy leaves Rey feeling a little broken and most definitely scared. She’s not even showing yet, her stomach still as flat as it’s always been. The droid wheels away and Kylo sits on the edge of the sofa by Rey’s feet. She looks up, surprised by the gesture. “Please don’t get attached,” he says slowly. It’s the first time she can recall him using the word ‘please.’

Rey dabs a hand at her cheek. “It’s difficult,” she confesses. Her voice cracks and she hates it, but she’s emotional from the hormones and hearing the heartbeat. “It’s right here,” she says, hand rubbing over her stomach. “I can feel it. Sense it, even. Which is so stupid.”

“It’s the Force,” Kylo explains. Rey looks up at him and the intensity of his gaze is alarming. There’s no anger there, no judgment. A little pity, but mostly there’s _sadness_. “Jedi can sense life forms, including those who are not born yet. I can sense the baby, too, but you'll sense them stronger, obviously.”

Rey sits up on the sofa, crossing her legs. She drapes her arms over her knees and looks around the room. “How do you feel about all of this?” Rey wonders before she can bite her tongue.

Kylo looks away. “The Supreme Leader has a plan to revitalize the Sith,” he says.

“No, I don’t mean that,” Rey clarifies. “I mean _you_. Kylo Ren. How do you feel knowing some lowly scavenger is having your baby?”

It’s the first time she’s spoken the words, and they hurt, but not as much as she thought they would. Kylo is quiet. Rey can feel his anger growing, but more than that, there’s conflict. Rey sighs and stands up. She walks into the kitchen, well aware that he’s not going to answer the question. It’d be beyond what he’s capable of, being nice to her.

“It doesn’t matter how I feel about it,” he says simply. He doesn’t turn to face her. “The Supreme Leader has a plan, and we will carry it through.”

Rey pours herself some water, and at the last minute, decides to pour one for him too. When she walks over to him to hand him the glass, she stays quiet. Their fingers brush, and Rey’s heart races against her will. She swallows hard and then takes a drink. Kylo rests his glass on his knee. “You still have feelings,” Rey says simply, keeping her eyes focused on him. “I know you pretend you don’t, but you do. You still care for your parents, even if you won’t tell me who they are. And you have feelings about this baby, but I can’t read those as easily. It’s not as clear.”

“You are untrained,” Kylo observes.

“You could also just _tell me_ ,” Rey says softly.

Kylo stands, suddenly in Rey’s space much more than he has been ever before. They’re nearly chest to chest. Neither steps away. He sighs and opens his mouth, ready to speak, but then says nothing.

He walks away, leaving Rey standing there alone. She somehow still feels accomplished.

**Day 80**

Rey wakes before the suns come up, Kylo radiating heat across the bed. She feels feverish and nauseated but tries to breathe through it. After a few minutes, Rey realizes it’s not going to work. She steps out of bed a moment later and rushes to the ‘fresher to vomit. Morning sickness is almost worse than the captive situation.

Even after vomiting, Rey doesn’t feel entirely better. She doesn’t want to move. So, she flushes and lies down on the floor. The cool tile of the ‘fresher floor makes her feel slightly better, and in moments she’s falling asleep.

Rey wakes a little later, her head aching and the tile no longer cool against her forehead. Her stomach is churning again, and Rey barely sits up in time to empty the contents of her stomach into the toilet.

She still can’t bring herself to leave the ‘fresher. Rey feels absolutely miserable, her limbs aching and her head throbbing. It’s the worst morning she’s experienced in a long time. Her eyes droop closed again, and somehow Rey lets herself fall asleep just like that.

The next time Rey wakes, it’s to a warm hand on her back, gently coaxing her away from the toilet. “Come on,” Kylo says softly. “Back to bed.” Rey’s brow furrows and she doesn’t open her eyes even though she’s awake.

He tries for a moment to get her to stand but realizes quickly that she won’t so he swoops in with another arm under her knees to carry her to their room. Rey groans. “It’s okay,” he says softly. It’s the gentlest she’s ever heard him speak.

Rey rolls her head to his shoulder and holds on, even as he lowers her down to the bed. “No training today,” he says as he pulls the blankets up over her.

“Water?” she asks weakly.

She blinks just enough to watch him nod and leave the room. When he returns, he’s carrying water and a steaming cup of tea. Rey’s heart twists in her chest at his kindness. “This is terrible,” she groans, sitting up just enough to take a drink of water.

“It’ll get better.” Rey’s brow furrows and she looks up at Kylo as he sits on the edge of the bed next to her. He hands her the tea and says, “This will help.”

The whole room is silent, not even the sound of the city outside loud enough to break the calm buzz of _quiet_ in the room. She tries the tea and it actually does help.

“Why are you doing this?”

Kylo doesn’t look into her eyes. He steels his expression and says, “What else am I going to do?”

Rey sighs and lets her head fall back against the wall. She breathes out through her nose and says, “Your boss won’t see us out here. It’s okay to pretend your heart hasn’t totally shriveled up yet.”

“You always question my motives when I do anything kind to you,” Kylo points out. “So why should I try?”

Rey’s eyes stay shut, but she smiles and says, “Because there’s still light in you. I can sense it.” Kylo is quiet, but his mood does not change. He’s still just as calm and _blank_ as he was when the conversation started. “Tell me who your parents are.”

Her eyes stay closed, even as she takes another sip of the tea he made her. It tastes delicious and does wonders to quell her churning stomach.

“You’ve met my father.”

Rey looks up quickly, her eyes finally opening. Kylo quickly looks away. “I’ve literally only met about a dozen people in my life,” she says. As the gears turn in her head, her eyes widen. “Wait— _Han Solo_? Han Solo is your father?”

He stands and walks across the room to the ‘fresher, which is all Rey needs to know.

The pieces continue to click in her head—if Han Solo is his father, then that means General Leia Organa is his mother. The leader of the Resistance. _Kylo is fighting his parents_. Whatever the reason, that means that the baby she’s growing in her belly is the only family he has left. By joining the First Order, he’s written off Han Solo, Leia Organa, _and_ Luke Skywalker.

Rey’s realization hits her like a ton of bricks and she very nearly sheds a tear or two for him. When he emerges from the fresher, she’s awake and feeling a little better, which he apparently did not anticipate, since he emerged with wet hair drooping around his face, in nothing but his underwear.

She hasn’t seen him this undressed since they last had sex, several weeks prior, and even then it was in the dark and she couldn’t see much. Rey fully blames the hormones when she catches herself staring. Her cheeks flush dark crimson and when Kylo looks over, he raises an eyebrow. “You’re a bit hypocritical, you know that?” he says to her as he pulls on his trousers.

Rey looks indignant. “How so?”

“Just as I should be kind, you should be honest,” Kylo replies simply. He sets his shirt down, deciding not to wear it. He walks to the bed and says, “Your desire is written all over your face.”

“It’s… I’m…” Rey stammers. When Kylo leans in to taunt her, she says, “You don’t want to kiss me. I’ve been sick all morning.”

He raises an eyebrow at her. “This could easily be fixed,” he tells her.

“So you find me attractive?” she asks, a little unsure of whether she wants to know the answer.

Kylo sits up, clearing the way for Rey so she could brush her teeth and come back if she wanted to. “Your attitude and habits are often atrocious, but I’m not stupid. I can recognize a beautiful woman when I see one,” he says simply. Kylo brushes his damp hair out of his face, using the gesture as an excuse to look away so he doesn’t see Rey’s reaction.

She studies him very closely. In truth, when there is no threat of Snoke, Kylo is a rather tolerable man. He took care of her that morning, and although he never brought her to climax, he was gentle with her while they were trying to carry out the orders to conceive a child. His temper may be a bit volatile, but overall, he is better than most of the men she’s met. Especially here on Cularin, away from the prying eyes of Snoke and the rest of the First Order.

Here, Kylo can be himself. His true, conflicted, lukewarm-hearted self.

Rey climbs out of bed and walks to the ‘fresher, feeling much better than she had even just an hour ago. She brushes her teeth and ties back her hair in three buns down her head. When she returns to the bedroom, Kylo has pulled up the blankets and is seated atop them, leaning against the wall and some pillows, reading a holobook. His shirt is still off and his hair is hanging in damp tendrils around his face.

He looks at peace. He looks normal. Rey thinks he looks like a man she could grow attached to.

“So if there’s no training today, what are we doing?” she asks as she returns to the bed. Rey sits down next to him and glances over. There’s still space between them, but she’s humming with it. The mood in the room feels different than usual.

Kylo shrugs. “I mostly said that because you were so sick,” he explains. “But now that I’ve promised…”

“We can train if you want, but I take no responsibility if I’m sick all over your boots or your lightsaber,” Rey bargains.

“No training today,” Kylo says firmly.

Rey looks over at him, and she’s actually smiling. She’d been joking, of course, and he hadn’t picked up on it. He’s deathly serious most of the time, but when he realizes Rey had been joking around with him, she sees a sparkle of something in his eyes. Where his expression doesn’t change, his eyes show all—he was actually amused by her.

“Can we watch a holovid?” Rey asks finally. “I’ve always wanted to, but never had the tech.”

Kylo’s brow furrows. “Wait—you’ve _never_ seen a holovid?”

“Nope,” Rey says, shaking her head. “We don’t have those sorts of luxuries on Jakku—nor do we have the time. It was scavenging all day, from sunup to sundown, all five days a week.”

“That’s barbaric,” Kylo says, but Rey just shrugs it off. It’s the only way of life she’d ever known. “I have a few, nothing you’d like though.”

“How do you know what I like?”

He studies Rey, who just raises an eyebrow in challenge. “Fine,” he concedes, both amused and a bit irritated. “Let’s go see what I have.”

“I want to eat, too.”

Kylo sighs as he climbs off the bed and starts to walk towards the door—Rey notices that he still hasn’t put a shirt on. The weather _is_ unusually warm on Cularin that day, she supposes. “Fine, we can eat.”

“And I’d like you to make me more of that tea.”

Kylo shoots her a look over his shoulder, and Rey smiles.

As it turns out, Kylo has several holovids with him that catch Rey’s interest, so they decide to sit inside watching them all. They sit in the sweltering midday heat, eating the juiciest fruits Rey has ever tasted, both in states of undress. Rey decides to lounge in a thin shirt and when she pulls out a pair of trousers to change into after the first holovid, she unceremoniously rips them into shorts. Kylo forces himself to look away anytime she walks around—her legs are very long, and something about them makes his gut twist with a desire he isn't prepared to work through.

About halfway through the second holovid, Rey’s head falls to his shoulder as she grows exhausted all over again. The baby drains her, even so early on in the pregnancy. She worries that it means the baby will be strong in all the wrong ways—but hopes it means strength in all the right ways. “This pregnancy isn’t easy for you,” Kylo observes.

“Is it easy for others?” Rey asks, her voice soft and a bit weak.

“I don't know,” Kylo replies. His skin is hot against her cheek and she revels in the feeling. It relaxes her, calms her even.

Rey sighs. “It’s so early. I’m dreading what the final weeks will be like,” she says.

“You’re strong,” Kylo tells her with confidence. “You’ll make it.”

“Doing this over and over again, though… that, I won’t want to do. Not if I’m always going to feel like this,” she says.

Now it’s Kylo’s turn to sigh. “The Supreme Leader—”

“I’m sick of hearing about him.”

“I was going to say his years are numbered, but fine.”

Rey frowns. It’s so hard to read Kylo, most of the time. She’d been so sure he’d defend the man, but in actuality, he was going to mention just how short a time he had left. “Sorry,” Rey mutters.

She knows she’s used to snap judgments of Kylo, of the whole First Order. Here, in the middle of a planet where nobody else knows them, she doesn’t need to think like that. She can relax in his arms. Maker, she’d never imagined being so content with him. All plans to try to escape were gone from her mind.

“I hope you know that I'm as unhappy with this situation as you are,” Kylo says. His voice sounds calm, a little gentle even. “Never did I want a partner to be with me because they had to be. It's no comment on you, but this is not the life I had planned.”

Rey’s brow furrows as she asks, “You dreamt of a future with a partner?”

“Sometimes,” Kylo admits. “So long as I prevent a relationship like the one my parents had, I could do it.”

“You should try being a little less destructive to the rest of the galaxy,” Rey advises. “It might have made dating a little easier.”

“It doesn’t matter now,” Kylo says simply. “He hasn't said as much yet, but so long as this first pregnancy goes off with little problem, Snoke will have us wed. He plans to have us rule in his place when he passes.”

Rey sits up and looks over at Kylo. “He doesn’t want me to rule. He wants _you_ to rule.”

“You're powerful, Rey. More powerful than you know,” he says. Her name sounds so right in his mouth that Rey feels the slightest bit alarmed. She likes the sound when it comes from him. “He believes we can rule together.”

“I am not evil.”

“No, but there is darkness in you,” Kylo says like it’s a fact he read from a book. “You resent your parents, your upbringing. The life that was forced upon you for years and years. There is frustration at your situation, at the lack of resources you have, at the Resistance for abandoning you when you needed them the most.” He studies her like she’s a children’s book, plucking her every emotion from her head, her heart. “You came to us as nobody. And now I can make you somebody. And so long as we follow the Supreme Leader’s guidance, when he passes, we will be able to rule in our own stead—with our own ideals, our own rules. We can create change, but not alone. We need to do it together.”

Rey’s heart breaks as he continues to speak. She cannot turn evil. She will not be a force of evil in the galaxy.

“I don’t want to continue running the First Order as we have been,” Kylo says. “I have a plan. Rey—have you heard of the Gray Jedi?”

Rey’s brow furrows in confusion. “I’m not—”

“I’ll teach you,” Kylo interrupts. “It’s a new order, one that until now people have thought of as mythical. Unable to be learned, or used. The Jedi Order forbade it because it allowed for morally gray decisions. It bridged a path between the dark and the light. It allowed for circumstances to affect decisions, for rules to be bent in certain situations. It allows for acts of destruction to take place if the payout is greater than the fall. It is a whole new way to bring balance to the Force—to the _galaxy_.”

Rey’s eyes start to blur as she hears how passionate Kylo is about this fearsome new order, his plan of ruling the galaxy when Snoke dies.

“Rey—together, we can harness the light and the dark inside of ourselves to create a new, more just world. We can teach a new order of Jedi—our _children —_how to serve the galaxy with fairness and respect for _all beings_. We will decide by circumstance and situation, not good and bad. We can make true change in the galaxy. It will be unprecedented. It is the future.”

It’s all too much for Rey to process— _morally gray? True change?_ It all sounds too good to be true. Idealistic. Dangerous. Her stomach twists and she rushes from the room to be sick again.

This time she doesn’t know if the cause is the baby or Kylo’s story. Either way, Rey isn’t sure she wants a hand in it.

When she returns to the lounge, Kylo is gone.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As their days to Cularin come to a close, Rey and Kylo look to the future.

**Day 91**

It’s another one of Rey’s bad days. She is lying on the sofa, watching the world go by outside the window. “How much longer do we have here?” she asks weakly.

Kylo stands in the kitchen making her tea, as he does now whenever the sickness from the baby becomes too much for Rey’s stomach to handle. “Until your second trimester,” Kylo explains. “We have about two weeks left.”

Rey closes her eyes and frowns, an arm draped over her eyes. “What if we don’t go back?” she muses.

“You know that isn’t an option.”

“Isn’t it?” she wonders.

“We must go back. If we stay in Snoke’s good graces we can take the throne when he passes.”

Rey sighs. That’s not what she wants. What she wants is to stay in this blissful world where nobody is there but the two of them, where they have no friends, nobody to let them down, nobody with expectations of them. Rey wants to bear this child to a world where they are free, where their future hasn’t already been chosen for them. And yes, part of her would like to share this freedom and solitude with Kylo Ren.

“You’re projecting your thoughts again,” he says as he steps around the sofa to hand her some tea. His expression is stern. He’d been teaching her how to control who sees and hears her thoughts for the past few days—so she can block out whatever she would like from him, from anyone—perhaps even the Supreme Leader one day. “The child can have that life one day if we stay focused and on the Supreme Leader’s good side.”

“Could we live here one day?” she wonders. It’s high time she embraced her fate, after all.

“I suppose,” Kylo says. “We haven’t even seen the best parts of this planet.”

Rey smiles, her eyes still closed. “We don’t have to,” she says. “We’re alone and at peace, and this isn’t Jakku. That’s all I could ever ask for.”

Kylo watches Rey with a newfound curiosity. He’s never before met someone for whom the most mundane things bred contentment and happiness.

**Day 100**

On one of Rey’s better days, she’s restless and wants to go out. She wears her torn trousers, the ones she made into shorts, and a tank top with some arm wrapping. Her hair is tied back into three knots, like always, and she is thankful that so far, nobody but her has seen the slightly curved belly she is now sporting. She’s nearing a third of the way through the pregnancy, and her thin body can no longer hide it.

“I’m going out for a walk,” she says. “I want to explore the forest.”

“You can’t go alone,” Kylo reminds her.

Rey leans against the door. “I guess you’ll have to come with me, then.”

She’s smiling coyly at him, knowing he will eventually concede and join her, even if he’s going to look reluctant all the while. He hasn’t worn his mask since the ship landed here, and she’s slowly watched him get used to wearing less and less now that they’ve grown comfortable in the sticky heat of Cularin. Now, so pitifully close to the end of their stay, he wears trousers and a plain black tank top, his usual garb underneath the layers of tunics and capes.

“It’s about time we explored, anyway,” Rey says. “We have to leave in a week.”

The med-droid beeps in the corner. Kylo and Rey both look to it. “Complete your exam and then we’ll go,” he agrees.

Rolling her eyes in frustration, Rey goes to the sofa to lie down, like usual. She leaves her clothing on, as she is allowed to do, and lets the med-droid complete a scan of her and the baby.

[Healthy], beeps the droid. [Estimated weight: one ounce. Estimated height: eight centimeters. At this age, your baby can make a fist.]

Rey snorts and Kylo’s head turns quickly to look at her. He raises an eyebrow in silent question. “The baby can make a fist. They can be angry, just like you,” she says, bemusement on her face. “That’s— _amazing_.”

The droid rests its arm on her stomach again, so they can hear the heartbeat, and it’s steadier than she remembers it being last time. Rey’s laughter dissipates as she looks down, still not used to the thought of a life growing inside her. Her hand drops to her stomach and she looks down at the slight curve that Kylo hasn’t noticed. Rey bites back her instinct to become emotional again.

“Shall we go?” Kylo asks. He senses they should end what they’re doing, but makes no gesture of talking about it.

“Yes,” Rey nods.

She stands, and together they leave the apartment. “You never told me why that apartment was so important,” Rey muses as they walk down the sidewalk of Hedrett, towards the forest.

“It has a long Jedi history,” Kylo says simply.

Rey sighs. She looks up at Kylo and says, “There’s more to it than that. We have all day.” Silence. Finally, she pleads, “Please tell me.”

“It was during the Clone Wars,” Kylo begins. He doesn’t look at her as they walk, as he speaks. “The battles my grandfather fought in—first as Jedi Apprentice, and then as a Sith Lord. There was unrest throughout the entire galaxy. There was a Jedi Knight who lived in the apartment where we’re staying. During one of the battles, he was captured by a Sith Lord, who then pretended to be this Jedi. The Jedi who lived there was killed, in the cellar. He was found when some more Jedi came to investigate the dark acts being done in their supposed peer’s name. They were terrible, vicious acts against the inhabitants of Hedrett.

“For years, people would continue to come to this apartment, to search for clues, to try to gain a better understanding of how a Sith could so easily overpower a Jedi and act as him. How one so evil could convince everybody in the city of Hedrett that he was a good person—that he fought for the Light,” Kylo’s voice is warm and calming, especially as they wander into the trees, the tropical, humid heat bearing down on them. Rey’s smiling now, intrigued by the story.

“Did they ever find anything?” she asks.

“Not a one,” Kylo replies. “The Sith who did wrong was punished accordingly, as you would expect. Though overall the Sith rose to power after the Clone Wars thanks in large part to my grandfather, the acts that took place in Hedrett were officially registered as a Jedi victory.”

Rey is pensive for a minute. She can tell by the way he’s told the story that he’s remained relatively unbiased—a pleasant surprise. However, he does hold his grandfather in high regard. Anakin Skywalker _— no_, _Darth Vader_ —is a man that Kylo clearly idolizes.

“Tell me more about your grandfather,” she prompts.

Kylo is quiet. A few twigs snap under their feet as they walk, and Rey doesn’t push for more information. She lets Kylo choose whether or not he’s going to talk.

“What do you want to know?” he asks finally.

Rey shrugs. “I don’t know much other than what the legends say,” she confesses. “But that could be a very different story than what you would tell me.” Rey bumps her arm into his as they walk. “Tell me what you know of him.”

“Not much,” Kylo says. “My mother pretended he never existed. Luke was no better.”

“And your father?” Rey wonders.

“He used a lot of colorful language to describe him,” Kylo replies simply. “He only met him a few times, and definitely not in a ‘father-in-law’ capacity.”

Rey knows a dismal amount about Vader, so she rather innocently asks, “Did you ever get to meet him?”

Kylo frowns as he looks down at Rey. “You really don’t know much about him, do you?”

“Like I said—just some legends that people whispered around Jakku,” Rey confesses.

Sighing, Kylo says, “He died before I was born. Before my parents were married, actually. Luke saw the Light in him as he was dying—gave him a proper burial, even saved his mask. When I asked for it, he let me have it. I was eight—he didn’t think anything of it at the time.” The rest of that statement goes unspoken—that if only Luke had known then what he knows now, perhaps he wouldn’t have spoken of Darth Vader with the slight respect that he had. Perhaps he wouldn’t have given Kylo all the remaining mementoes tied to Darth Vader.

Kylo’s tone turns morose and she can sense it, so Rey decides it’s time for that conversation to end. She wraps her nimble fingers around his wrist and points to a waterfall. “Let’s go swim!”

“What?” Kylo asks, shocked at the change in subject. Rey drags him towards the water without another word.

She stands at the edge of the water, kicking off her shoes before dipping her toes in hesitantly. “I’ve never gone swimming before,” Rey confesses.

“It’s not as great as it sounds,” Kylo tells her.

Rey tilts her head to the side. “Please?” she asks.

“Fine,” he concedes but looks like he’d rather do anything else. “But only because this may be your first and only chance to swim.”

That puts a smile on Rey’s face that is so bright it’s almost too much to look at. Her expression is brighter than both of the suns shining down on Cularin. Rey starts to walk into the water at the base of the lake, stepping hesitantly. “Be careful,” Kylo warns. “There could be a drop—”

Sure enough, as he’s about to say there could be a dropoff, Rey takes a step back and there’s nothing underneath her feet. She coughs and sputters as she tries hard to stay on the surface of the water, limbs flailing frantically. Clearly, she cannot swim.

Kylo rushes out into the water to grab her, pulling on her hand to bring her back to the surface where she can touch the bottom of the lake. When she looks up at Kylo, she’s laughing. Genuinely laughing. “I found the dropoff,” she says with amusement.

Her hands trail through the water in front of her, droplets of water from her hair pitter-pattering on the surface where she’s reveling in the feeling of the freshwater floating over her warm, bare skin. “You have to push the water with your hands and feet,” Kylo instructs. “Feel the way it flows past you, around you. Like this,” he demonstrates by pushing the water across the surface, drawing a line between them.

Rey copies, the look of reverence still on her face. “If you do it with both arms, like this,” he demonstrates under the surface of the water, pushing his hands in, and then out, “and kick your feet, you can stay afloat in water where you can’t touch the bottom.”

Again, Rey copies what he’s doing, pushing her arms in and then out, around her. Her eyes dart out to the water where she’d nearly drowned just a few minutes prior. Slowly, Kylo walks behind her and rests his hands on her hips.

 _I won’t let you drown_.

He guides her out past the dropoff, holding her steady as she starts to kick while she moves her arms. Slowly, his grip loosens until Rey is treading water, supporting herself. When she realizes that Kylo is no longer touching her, she spins around, awe clear on her face. “I’m doing it!” she says.

“You are,” he nods. His expression is still serious, but the sparkle in his eyes betrays him. He is enjoying himself.

“Come with me to the waterfall,” Rey begs. “I want to stand beneath it.”

Rey, predictably, pushes through the water in the most basic way possible, her hands floundering out in front of her as her legs keep kicking. It’s not graceful in the least—it reminds him a bit of the way she eats, actually—but he wants to follow.

He pulls off his boots and throws them to shore, and then swims out to catch up to her. It’s an easy task given his strength and his long arms, and he makes it to the waterfall before her. As it turns out, the water is rather shallow beneath the falls, with a hidden rock cave behind it. Kylo sees Rey growing tired in the water, so he holds out his hand to her. She takes it willingly, letting him pull her underneath the waterfall and into the cave.

Rey laughs joyfully, water dripping down her face. Her hair is a mess, soggy and drooping and falling from the buns she wears every day. Rey looks around the rock cave; she has never seen anything more beautiful in her whole life. “This is amazing,” she says softly, eyes wide as she takes in as much of this as she can.

Her clothing clings to her, making her nearly nude as the thin, pale fabric sticks to her skin—her legs long and lean, her shirt pressed to her bindings and her stomach. It takes her a moment to realize that Kylo is staring. Not at her eyes or her hair or her legs, but at her stomach. “You…” he begins.

Rey looks down, her hand smoothing over the fabric covering the slight convex curve of her belly. “Yes,” she nods.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Very confused, Rey asks, “Tell you what? That I was beginning to show?” Kylo holds back a nod, sensing slight judgment and anger in her tone. He’s quiet. “I didn’t think it was something you wanted to know. I only just noticed it myself, a few days ago. And it’s hardly anything at all…”

“In the future, I want you to tell me when important things happen,” he says firmly. “I may be as unwilling a participant in this as you but I will _not_ become my father.”

Rey is taken aback by his ferocity, his sudden desire to be so involved. And she most certainly knows nothing about his relationship with his father. She’s so surprised by his reaction that she even says, “I’m sorry.”

There’s nothing for her to apologize for—she had no idea it would mean so much to him, nor should she have expected it to—and yet it feels like the right thing to do. His eyes are dark and full of trouble, and Rey wants so desperately to ask about Han, about this reaction, but she doesn’t. Hesitantly, she rests a hand on his forearm, stepping closer to him slowly so as to not spook him.

“There’s not much there yet,” she says softly, “But do you want to feel?”

She’d noticed by touching her stomach that it was hard, like a rock—proof something, _someone_ was growing in there. Kylo swallows, and the world is still as he slowly reaches out to her. His hand is warm and a bit heavy when it rests on the subtle curve of her stomach. She knows he can feel it—the hardness of her stomach—and she knows he can sense the baby too, through the force. _Their baby_.

In that moment, Rey forgets all about the captivity, the evil waiting for them when they return to Snoke. She forgets she was taken prisoner, that the Resistance never came back for her. All of that is gone in favor of thinking about this man in front of her—about how he’s taken care of her and showed her kindness even when it was putting himself at risk. If Snoke ever found out the things Kylo has done for her—the things he continues to do for her—he could be hurt or killed. She feels a fondness, an affection for him that perhaps she shouldn’t, but she’s tired of fighting it. She doesn’t want to fight it. She’s going to have to fight _so much_ now, for the rest of her life—Rey wants one element in her life that she can embrace. Something that leaves her feeling happy.

And whether he likes it or not, Kylo Ren makes her happy.

Rey steps closer to him, a chill in her body now that she’s wet and they’re not under the warmth of the suns. In a low, almost husky voice, Kylo says, “You’re projecting again.”

Rey looks up at him, and his hand slides from her stomach to her waist. There’s relief in his eyes, she can see it—if he’d seen her thoughts, he knew how she felt about all of this. And if he knew how she felt and wasn’t walking away, that means— _no_ , he couldn’t possibly, could he?

She’s not sure who initiates it, but in moments, their lips are meeting. His hair is damp and brushes against her cheeks as he leans down so his lips can meet hers. Rey reaches up to slide her hands around his shoulders, to try to keep him close to her, show him that she’s grown to care for him.

Her touch is like fire to him, and he has to lean away after a moment, his breath still ghosting over her lips. It feels like too much. He doesn’t deserve any of it. “The Supreme Leader cannot find out,” he warns.

“Why not?” Rey asks. “Isn’t this what he should want? It will make his commands so much easier.”

Kylo shakes his head. “He expects obedience,” he says. “But he doesn’t want happiness. Happiness is like sickness to him. It cannot exist. If it does, all his plans must change.” Rey is quiet—she _hates_ this all over again. Snoke will find a way to ruin everything good in Rey’s life, she can tell already. Kylo sighs and frowns. “Stop projecting. This is why you need to block your thoughts and emotions. If you don’t, he will find everything. He will _know_.”

Rey wants desperately to cry but knows she should not, no matter how emotional she may feel. Kylo is right—she must learn to protect herself from Snoke, both emotionally and physically. She will continue learning to battle. She will work hard to stop her mind from projecting thoughts, from allowing unwanted visitors in. She nods, but can’t bring herself to look up at him. Kylo supposes he deserves that.

“You’re freezing,” he says. “We should go back.”

Rey frowns but nods her agreement. The sun will feel nice on her skin as they walk back to the apartment. Even though she feels a bit tired, his hand in hers gives her the strength she needs to walk the long route back.

**Day 105**

Rey feels stifled in every possible way. She knows they have to leave Cularin at the rise of the first sun the next morning. They have to return to the Finalizer, to Snoke. She has spent the last four days doing nothing but trying to block Kylo from her mind—her headache is perpetual, as is her exhaustion. The strength of the Force on this planet isn’t even enough to counteract how tired and sore Rey feels.

But this day, they wake with the first sun, the sweltering heat of the planet already unbearable. Their apartment doesn’t come with any sort of air cooling system. Rey is dripping rivulets of sweat onto the blankets. She can feel the heat radiating from Kylo—for such a cold demeanor, his body is incredibly warm—and Rey wants to crawl out of her own skin.

She tosses and turns, but realizes then that her entire day will be spent like this, sweaty and uncomfortable. A small part of her wishes they were leaving today instead, so they could escape this heat.

It’s ridiculously early in the morning, but Rey is too uncomfortable to stay in bed. She sighs and leaves the bed, wearing nothing but shorts and her breast binding. Even the water, which is supposed to be dispensed cold, is not cold. Rey groans. It is going to be an incredibly long day.

She sits in the shade in the front lounge room, draped rather messily over the sofa. The med-droid beeps at her and she lets it do a cursory scan; if this heat is hurting the baby, that would be too much. It is not, though, and Rey is just left to wallow in her misery. Jakku had been a hot planet, that was true. But the humidity in the air—the way Rey can hardly breathe, the air is so thick—that is not something Jakku had. The heat on Jakku was dry, and often there was a breeze. So long as she didn’t inhale sand, the breeze made everything better.

If she and Kylo ever settle on Cularin, they’ll invest in an air cooling system. Or she’ll make one. Rey is so focused on the fact that she needs cool air on her skin, she doesn’t think twice about the fact that she’s planning a future with Kylo Ren.

He wakes shortly after she does, his long hair sticking to the sweat on his forehead and cheeks. The apartment is quiet, and after he gets some water, he sits near her on the sofa. He’s dressed in only his trousers. They don’t touch—it’s too hot for that—but he’s there. Rey closes her eyes; it’s a little more comfortable out on the sofa in the dull light of the first sun. “It’s going to be a long day,” Rey groans.

Kylo takes a sip of water. “It is.”

“It’s our last day here, too.”

He nods. “It is.” Rey looks over, a touch annoyed that he’s not saying much else. “You must be used to this,” he comments.

“What, heat like this?” Rey asks. He nods. Shaking her head, she says, “It was so dry on Jakku. Not like this.” After a moment, she prods, “Was it like this where you grew up?”

“No.”

It’s more of an answer than she thought she was going to get. Taking a risk, she asks, “Where did you grow up?”

Kylo is quiet. Rey sighs and closes her eyes—clearly, he won’t speak any more on the subject.

“Chandrila. It’s one of the core worlds.”

Rey looks at him for a moment, surprised he’d shared so willingly. “That’s a very political planet, isn’t it?”

Kylo nods. “Considering I’m the son of a Senator, it makes sense,” he points out. Rey is quiet; it’s the first time he’s really talked about his parents or his past without anger. “It’s a greatly inhabited planet. Busy, with lots of important people. But the weather is mild.”

“Did you like it there?”

“There are a lot of ways I could answer that question,” he tells her. Rey is quiet; she’ll hear them all if he’d share. His voice is the quietest she’s ever heard when he says, “Yes, and no. I liked the weather, the city. Most of the people were alright. But those were also the loneliest years of my life. My father couldn’t stay away from smuggling and my mother was working day and night to try to restore peace to the galaxy.”

“I’m sorry,” Rey says softly. She reaches across the sofa, drifting the tips of her fingers over his knuckles. He doesn’t move his hand away. “Do you think you’ll ever go back?”

He sighs. “Something tells me I wouldn’t be welcome. They loved my parents there. Any enemy of my parents is an enemy of the planet,” Kylo says simply.

Rey takes a deep breath and wills her voice not to tremble. “When Snoke is gone and your new Order is in effect, we’ll go back,” she says. It’s the closest she comes to recognizing that Kylo will make the Gray Jedi happen—that she’ll help. “We’ll show them the man you’ve become.”

Kylo desperately wants to argue with Rey, to tell her that huge populations of people don’t just forgive and forget so easily. That’s not how they work—and certainly not with someone as dark as Kylo Ren, who has done terrible, unthinkable things. He wants to laugh at her naivete and admonish her for being so idealistic, but he finds that her words are a comfort. A relief.

“If you’re warm, you should run a bath with lukewarm water. It’ll lower your body temperature,” he says, changing the subject. “It would probably be good for the baby.”

Rey’s hand drops to her stomach again. “I had the droid do a check this morning. The baby is fine,” she says.

“You can still have the bath,” he tells her.

Rey glances over her shoulder at the ‘fresher, and then back at Kylo. This is their last day here, their last day to have control over anything they do, to do it for themselves and not for anyone else. Ever so softly, fearing rejection, she asks, “Will you join me?”

His dark, intense eyes meet hers, and Rey sets her jaw, not wavering. She knows what she’s asking of him and she knows the implications. He can say no, of course, but she’s secretly hoping he doesn’t. She has grown to have a fondness for him that she doesn’t want to question. Not when it feels this good.

Rey is surprised when he stands and offers her his hand.

They’re doing this, then.

She takes his hand and quietly they walk to the ‘fresher. He runs a cool bath for them, thankful for the full-sized clawfoot tub in the apartment. He knows he’s a large man—fitting both of them wouldn’t work in half the tubs around the galaxy. Rey stands near the door, not nervous, but buzzing. She feels electric—sweaty and tired, but excited—and she doesn’t know what will happen once they’re submerged in the water.

He undresses rather factually, not second-guessing himself, not looking back at her. Kylo strips down to nothing and Rey only gets a few seconds to look at his strong, toned back and his rather firm, round backside before he’s stepping in. He hisses at the cool relief he feels in comparison to the damp heat of the room. Once he’s submerged, he looks up at Rey.

There’s enough soap in the water to cloud it, so she can’t see in, and part of her is relieved at that. They may have been close enough to create the child growing inside of her but that doesn’t mean she _looked_. Very slowly, she unwraps her chest binding and lets it fall to the floor. It’s a weird weight on her chest now that she’s pregnant—her breasts are more sensitive, and a little larger than she’s used to. She’s well aware that they’ve darkened near the nipples, and she pointedly does not look at Kylo’s face as she slides her shorts down to the floor.

Standing there in nothing, naked as the day she was born, Rey walks to the bath. She feels a bit like an alien, with her new body taking shape to accommodate the baby, though revels in the fact that Kylo isn’t looking at her with disgust or distaste. In fact, if anything, his face grows fonder at the sight of her.

Rey gasps when the cool water hits her skin; it’s a relief as she sinks into the water, letting it cool her off from the outside in. At first, she doesn’t know which way to sit—she could face him, or she could sit between his legs, leaning against his chest.

It’s still too warm to be that close, so Rey settles for sitting opposite him in the water. Her tiny form fits between his legs, and she can feel his feet on either side of her buttocks as she sits down. He’s staring at her pensively, and Rey has immense difficulty when she tries to read him.

She slouches in the water, letting it cover her breasts, the cool water dancing over her shoulders. A few longer, loose tendrils of hair dip into the water. It’s the most relief she’s felt from the heat in a long time. Rey closes her eyes in bliss and smiles as she says, “This was a good idea.”

Kylo nods in acknowledgement. Rey has so many questions she wants to ask—what happens when they go back to the Finalizer? Have the plans for the Star Destroyer been completed? Is that monstrous place to be their home one day? And just how much time does Snoke really have left? Rey finds herself itching to learn more about the Gray Jedi, to train some more, to defeat Snoke in battle, even. There’s a lot she wants to do—but knows she won’t have nearly as much energy with which to do it when they’re off of Cularin. This place provides her with the energy she needs since it is much stronger with the Force.

When Rey’s eyes dart up to Kylo’s face, she half expects him to say that she’s projecting again. She does that a lot, especially when her mind reels from question to question so quickly. His expression is blank, though. Rey has to ask, has to know if she’s gotten better. “Was I projecting?” she wonders.

“No,” Kylo replies simply. “Did you think you were?”

Shrugging, Rey admits, “I thought so. Whenever my mind gets going— _really_ going—that’s when you tell me to stop. So I think I do it when having certain trains of thought. Which is why—”

“You’ve learned well, Rey,” he tells her. It’s the most upfront, honest compliment he’s ever given her. “You’re a quick learner.”

“I wouldn’t have survived on Jakku if I wasn’t.”

Kylo tilts his head to the side as he studies her. This time, Rey feels like she’s the one under question. Perhaps it’s time. He’s got a pensive look on his face like he’s trying to figure her out. “Tell me about your childhood,” he prompts.

It’s only fair, considering how much he’s opened up to her about his own childhood. Rey knows this should be easy, and if he’s right, and they are to be wed one day, he deserves to know just how lowly and how much of a _nobody_ she really is.

With a heavy sigh, Rey says, “It was lonely. You know that already.”

“What do you remember?” he asks.

Rey takes a breath, and when she exhales, he can hear a tremble. “I remember being a child—no more than five or six. I can’t picture my parents at all. Their faces are blurred any time I try to call on the memory,” Rey says. Her voice is soft and Kylo can hear her pain—he can feel it, too, through the Force. “I remember landing on Jakku, and I remember waiting on the ship while they went to talk to this large, disgusting man. Unkar Plutt.”

Rey sniffles. The more she thinks about the memory, the more vivid it all gets in her head. The more the emotion bubbles to the surface. She’s tearful without realizing. “The next thing I know, I’m walking off the ship. I sense something is wrong. I remember my mother crying, and I remember my father dragging her away, back to the ship. They saw me, and they let Unkar Plutt take me. It was a nice ship. They weren’t poor people. I didn’t understand.”

A tear streaks down Rey’s cheek. “The thing I remember most is that when they started to close the hatch on the ship, I panicked. I wasn’t there with them, but I felt like I should be. Like they wanted me to be. But Unkar Plutt just held onto my arm and didn’t let me go. I screamed and I cried and I kept screaming at them to come back.” Rey hiccups. “They flew away like I didn’t matter to them at all. Like I was nothing. My own parents. I—I never understood. I still don’t.” A sob escapes her lips and she looks away, dabbing a wet hand at her cheeks. “From that day on, I was at the mercy of Unkar Plutt.

“He put me to work, obviously. The more people he could send out scavenging, the more money he could make. I started the work even though I was the youngest one there,” Rey explains. “Most of the other scavengers were adults. Elderly. People down on their luck. And then there was me. I saw my parents leave, alive, but Unkar Plutt kept calling me an orphan. I didn’t understand it. From then on, I would go out scavenging every day, from sunup to sundown. I hoped each day that whatever I found would earn me at least a half portion. Most of the time I only got a quarter portion. One day I got two portions and cried of happiness.”

Rey sniffles and shakes her head. “My home was an old abandoned, rusted-out AT-AT. It had fallen over and was half-buried in the sand, but I made it into something. I had a little kitchen, a makeshift bed… that’s the only home I’ve ever remembered,” Rey says. “I was so alone. And all the while, I kept waiting for them to come back. I’d scratch a mark into the wall, every day.” Shaking her head, tears falling freely down her cheeks, she says, “I know they’re never coming back. And even if they do—I’m not there anymore. I will never, ever see my parents again.” Her heart aches painfully in her chest, and she has no idea she’s projected that very feeling onto him, that he’s bearing some of the weight of her pain.

When she looks up at Kylo, he’s gazing at her with the softest look on his face. His eyes even look damp. Rey reminds herself that she could never have that kind of effect on him. When he holds out his hand to her, she doesn’t think twice. She takes it and glides toward him in the bath, turning to settle between his legs, against his chest. His arms wrap strongly around her waist and he leans in, chin hooked over her shoulder.

“I know it’s not the home you envisioned or the life you wanted,” he tells her quietly. “But you will never be that lonely, ever again. Not with me.”

Rey turns her head to try to look at him, and he leans up just enough so he can look into her eyes. She presses her forehead to his cheek and sniffles again, suddenly grateful that there’s still Light in him. That he’s been compassionate towards her. That he will protect her and better yet, teach her how to protect herself.

Slowly, Rey tilts her chin up and presses her lips to Kylo’s. She doesn’t have words for the way he makes her feel, just knows that the emptiness she felt before has been pushed a little bit more at bay. Desperate for warmth, for affection, Rey presses deeper into the kiss, gasping when she feels Kylo’s tongue brushing her lower lip. She opens her mouth, kissing him lazily. Their tongues brush and suddenly Rey realizes where this is going, and that it’s nothing like before.

Kylo’s hands on her body make her feel loved, worshipped. Like he’s afraid she’ll break. Rey knows he has the capacity to break people but feels in her heart that he’d never break _her_. She turns in the bath, sloshing a little water about as she climbs rather ungracefully into his lap. Her legs straddle his, knees framing his hips. She feels him between them, growing harder as she presses against him, her heat teasing him.

She has no words to say, nothing she can’t convey through her touch and her attention. Rey wants to give everything to Kylo, to show her trust. Anything they do together in the privacy of their apartment in Cularin is just between the two of them. It’s _for_ the two of them. Because they _want it_.

Rey trembles and lets out a high-pitched keening sound when she sinks down onto Kylo’s member, shivering at the feeling of the water cooling on her skin as his hot mouth trails kisses down her neck. Her fingernails, even as short as they are, dig into his shoulders as she rolls her hips, the rhythm lost as she focuses on feeling, on being filled with him, on wanting to reach release this time.

Summoning all her courage, Rey rather brazenly reaches down between them, brushing her fingers over the bundle of nerves between her legs, supplementing what Kylo is doing as he rocks his hips, pressing into her. She tosses her head back as a moan falls from her pink, swollen mouth. Kylo gazes down at what Rey’s doing, barely able to see through the soap-clouded water.

His large hand grips her hip, thumb dipping down. He pushes her finger out of the way, rubbing little circles with his thumb. He presses harder than she had, but that’s exactly what Rey needs. Kylo groans as the movement causes Rey to tighten around him. Her sweet moans grow louder, her grip on his shoulders tighter. He loses all rhythm as he works Rey harder than he had when they’d been carrying this out for someone else. Now that it’s just them, the act takes on new meaning. It’s what they want. It’s how they want it. It’s _where_ they want it. And it’s just for them. “K—Kylo,” Rey gasps, feeling her whole body shake with the impact of his ministrations.

“Ben,” he whispers against her collarbone. He knows this will be his undoing, that once his request leaves his lips, there is no going back. That he will have let Rey in more than he’d ever intended. “Call me Ben.”

Rey smiles, and even through her half-lidded eyes and gentle trembles and moans, she guides his face so their eyes meet. “Ben,” she whispers, before leaning in to kiss him.

The kiss is so tender, so romantic, that they both lose control almost as soon as their lips touch. Rey’s thighs shake and she sinks down onto him, body clenching around him as Kylo spills inside of her. They both feel much lazier, much more worn out than they ever had before.

They also feel much closer. Much more intimate.

Rey drapes herself on Kylo, her arms around his shoulders, her mouth breathing hotly onto his neck. He drifts a hand up and down her back, growing soft inside of her. They stay like that for a while, until it’s too uncomfortable for them both. Kylo presses the softest of kisses to her shoulder as a signal that she should move, and very slowly, on unsteady knees, Rey lifts herself off of him.

When she brings her eyes to meet his again, he looks the most vulnerable she’s ever seen him. Her heart twists, but not out of pain. No—she feels affection for this man. Adoration. She’s grown to form an attachment with him that she’s never had with anyone else before him. Even as she scoots away, back to the other side of the bath, she tries to keep some part of her touching him.

Something had happened there, between them, that she cannot explain. He’d been attentive, gentle. He’d focused on her needs and how she felt. It was unlike anything they’d ever done before. And when he’d asked her to call him Ben—Rey swore her heart had skipped a beat. Ben. The name he’d written off. The name he’d wanted to renounce—the name of the man he was before he became a pawn for the First Order.

What he’d shared with her, asked her to do, was monumental. Rey knew it, and as the haze of intimacy faded, it appeared that he’d realized it, too.

He steps from the bath first, retrieving towels for both of them. The sweltering heat of Cularin still floods the apartment, so Kylo takes no cares to dress himself. He leaves the towel around his waist and then holds one out to Rey. Very slowly, she stands. Her legs still tremble slightly, so Kylo stays near the tub, steadying her as she steps out and wraps the towel around herself.

When he makes a turn to leave, Rey stops him.

“Ben.”

Kylo freezes and for a moment, doesn’t turn around. Rey is worried for a brief second that she wasn’t meant to use that name outside of special circumstances—when they were alone and intimate. But then he turns to her, and there is a change in his eyes, she can see it. Ben. This is Ben gazing back at her, looking vulnerable and a bit broken. Looking at Rey like she’s his whole world.

Slowly, Rey reaches out to hold him around his waist. She presses her head to his chest and says softly against his skin, “Before we leave this place, I want to say something. When we’re still here, just doing things for ourselves and nobody else.”

His hands rest hesitantly on her back. Rey looks up at him and with all the courage in her, she says, “Thank you for taking care of me. I know how much danger you’re putting yourself in, if Snoke ever finds out what you’re doing for me. So I want you to know—I see that. I recognize it.” She swallows around a lump in her throat. “Thank you, Ben. For taking away my loneliness.”

Kylo—no, _Ben —_doesn’t speak. He pulls her into a hug so fierce, so warm, that Rey is shocked by the ferocity of his adoration. He buries his face against her neck, and she tells herself the wetness she feels against her skin is just from the bath.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Kylo return to the Finalizer, where more of Snokes plans are revealed to them.

**Part II**

**\--------------**

**Day 106**

Rey stares out the windows of the ship as the stars soar by them in hyperspace. She dreads going back but knows that Kylo has trained her as much as is possible at this point, so they can stay safe. She knows how to battle with a lightsaber, knows how to block when someone tries to breach her thoughts. Kylo has trained her well to protect her from Snoke as much as possible. But Rey still doesn’t feel ready.

She stays lounged in the co-pilot’s seat in a bit of a daze, her hand draped lazily over the slight curve of her stomach.

When they launch out of hyperspace and the Finalizer is in view, both sit up a little straighter because _the First Order is under attack_. Rey stares with wide, hopeful eyes. _They came back for me_ , she thinks. Kylo glances over at Rey, and then back to the scene ahead. “If you’re not going to help me fight them off, you need to leave this cockpit,” he says angrily.

Rey stands indignantly but then does a double-take. “We can make it through,” she says. “If we go around, we can come into the hangar from the other side and none of the ships will be any the wiser. They haven’t seen us yet.”

A blast on the side of the ship tells them otherwise, though, and Rey falls over with the impact. “Will you help me fight?” he asks.

Rey looks out the window—that’s a Resistance ship, shooting right at them. Her heart breaks a little in her chest before she realizes that they have no idea she’s on board. “Get communications online. I’ll tell them I’m here, they’ll stop shooting!” she pleads.

Kylo growls and takes hold of the controls. He shoots out some blaster rays, taking out a small ship near him. “Stop!” she shouts. “They’re my friends!”

He doesn’t stop, though. He keeps shooting, disarming one ship after another until he can get close enough for the Finalizer to open a hatch and let them in. Rey is still on the floor, being tossed about with each blast that hits Kylo’s ship. She has tears in her eyes as she watches the people she’d thought were on her side attack them, and watches Kylo ruthlessly fight back.

When they arrive and the hangar is safely closed, Rey stomps off the ship. Stormtroopers crowd her and she sees Hux and Phasma at the front of the group that’s watching them. “Where are your shackles?” Hux asks, bemused. He looks from Rey, up to Kylo, and then back to Rey.

Rey doesn’t stop—she storms right through the crowd, directly to where she knows Kylo’s quarters are. He stalks after her with long, heavy strides. They both look a mess—noses a bit sunburnt, and Rey’s still wearing shorts and a light tunic—and Kylo is well aware what Hux is thinking as Kylo lets her walk around without shackles.

She is emotional, and she is pregnant, and he will not continue to treat her in such an inhumane manner. She will not try to escape. Kylo is all she has left.

Rey stands at the door to Kylo’s quarters, arms crossed. She’s fuming; he could sense her mood from down the hallway—there is anger emanating from her every pore. He taps in his code and the doors open. As he tries to usher her in, she shouts and pushes him away. He stops, right inside the doors. She hasn’t been this hostile to him in a long while. Rey has tear tracks down her cheeks and her eyes are red and puffy. She looks betrayed. “We could’ve fixed things,” she says, half angry, half sad. “You were shooting at my _friends_.”

“Your friends were shooting at _you_ ,” he reminds her.

Rey’s hands ball into fists at her sides. Kylo notices and his expression softens, even as Rey shouts at him that they didn’t know she was there. His chest twists and he gets the distinct feeling that, in solidarity with their mother, the baby is making fists at this very moment, too.

That realization winds Kylo. That the first time he gets a clear read on his child through the Force, they are angry at him, like their mother. He takes a step back—Rey has no idea why, either.

When Kylo turns on his heel to go to the command center of the ship, Rey is left standing in place, staring at where he’d once stood, crying. Everything about their arrival has broken her heart, and she doesn’t think it’ll be mended anytime soon.

**Day 112**

Kylo is impressed by Rey’s resolve. She has managed to ignore him every day since they’d landed back on the Finalizer. He’s been at meetings most of the time anyway, but in their quarters, she closes him off. She even had the guts on the first night to find a way to lock him out of his own bedroom. Kylo had slept on the sofa that night willing Rey to forget her rage.

Now, she only looks at him to glare at him, and most certainly won’t speak to him. It’s like they backtracked to where they were before their trip to Cularin.

On this particular afternoon, Kylo goes to their quarters, reluctantly carrying Rey’s shackles. Her eyes flare with anger. “No. You are _not_ using those on me again,” she says.

It’s the first words he’s heard from her in five days.

“The Supreme Leader wants to see you,” Kylo says simply. “If we are to convince him you are not a threat right now, you must wear these.”

“But then how can I fight him!?” she protests.

“Now is not the time for fighting,” Kylo tells her. “When the time is right, I will release you from the shackles and we will fight him. But today is not right.” He doesn’t add that the ‘right moment’ will never come. That’s information Rey does not need to know.

Her glare is positively venomous, and she is not cooperative when he fastens the shackles around her wrists.

Truth be told, Rey is terrified. She’s shaking in her boots at the prospect of facing Snoke. He’s done so many terrible things to her, to her friends. Thinking about having to look him in the eye, to listen to all the vile things he spouts to his followers, leaves Rey feeling a bit ill. She reluctantly follows Kylo through the ship to the throne room where Snoke sits, waiting for them.

The man is even more terrifying in real life than Rey could have ever imagined. His skin is mangled, wrinkled far beyond old age. She doesn’t suspect that he’s humanoid—he’s a species she’s never met before. And he’s _strong_. He summons her to him, down on her knees, the moment she’s in the room. Rey doesn’t struggle physically but uses what Kylo taught her to block off her mind so he cannot see in. He can probably read the fear on her face anyway, but she doesn’t want him dredging through her memories, as well.

“Well if it isn’t the _scavenger_ ,” he says with amusement. Rey glares daggers at him. “I’ve heard so many things about you. You’re much prettier than I expected.”

“Let me go,” Rey says. She can still feel the Force grip he has on her, and she doesn’t like not having control of her own body.

Snoke laughs. “Now, now. That would be unwise. You look ready to fight me,” he says. His tone conveys to her that he clearly doesn’t see her as a threat. “You and my young apprentice have succeeded in the start of our task of repopulating the Sith. Your baby, though only a third of the way grown, is strong with the Force. Can you sense it?”

Rey shivers. She can feel Snoke poking and prodding with his mind, seeing if he can broach the baby’s thoughts yet. If the baby hears his voice before her own, or even before Kylo’s, Rey just might not ever forgive any person on this ship, _ever_. “Pity the genetic disposition for twins wasn’t passed on this time around,” Snoke says. “But it is no matter. I am confident that at least one set of twins lies in your future. There is strong Skywalker blood to be passed down.”

Still struggling against the invisible bindings holding her in place, Rey grunts and manages to wiggle her arm a bit. “She is much stronger than I expected, Kylo Ren,” Snoke says, deliberate with each word. “You have trained her well so far.” His eyes drift back to Rey. “We have been constructing you a saber. Should you meet our conditions, you will be awarded this saber. It is crafted from only the finest kyber crystals and your precious staff we found you toting around Takodana.”

Rey’s anger flares. That was _her_ staff. Her weapon of choice. Something she’d found on Jakku while scavenging—and likely the most valuable thing she owned. For them to turn it into a weapon without her consent—it felt dirty. It felt wrong. And no doubt, the saber would not be an agreeable color. The Supreme Leader would never allow for anything other than red, Rey is sure.

“Don’t you want to know my conditions, scavenger?”

“I’m not interested,” she grunts.

Snoke laughs heartily. “I see,” he nods. “So you will submit only to Kylo Ren.” Leaning forward in his chair, Snoke warns, “Your attachment is a weakness. Consider this your first personal lesson from me,” he pauses. Very slowly, each word deliberate and soaked with a bemused vengeance that terrifies Rey, he says, “Never show your weaknesses. When you do, they will be used against you.” Snoke sits up, and he looks larger somehow like he’s towering over both of them.

“Kylo Ren!” Snoke shouts. His voice echoes throughout the entire chamber.

“Yes, Supreme Leader,” Kylo says, bowing his head.

“Your scavenger whore is not giving me the respect I deserve,” Snoke says, watching his apprentice closely. “I expect you to punish her until she obeys my _every_ command.” Kylo is quiet. He does not know what Snoke is suggesting as punishment—nor does he particularly want to find out. “A battle would be too barbaric, but I do believe you are quite adept with your strength, my young apprentice. Show her what happens when she disobeys her leader.” Snoke grips the arms of his throne and leans forward, “ _Choke her_.”

Rey can’t see Kylo’s face, not through the mask, but Snoke forcing her to turn around to face him is just as bad. She feels so many emotions in the room—fear, power, strength, hatred—and Rey cannot figure out which ones are coming from her. She’s shaking with it, the strength she’s using to try to break free of Snoke’s grip.

Kylo’s hand starts to rise, but the way he looks down at his own arm and then back up at Rey indicates that he is no longer in control of his own body, either. “I know, Kylo Ren, that you have formed an attachment to the child,” Snoke observes. “It is only natural, knowing you shall be their master one day. Trust me—this will not harm the child. Just the scavenger.”

Kylo’s fingers begin to close, and he tilts his head downwards just the slightest. Rey feels his touch on her neck, but it’s feather-light. It’s almost like he’s not touching her at all.

 _Pretend_. _Please pretend._

It takes a moment for Rey to push aside the fear to realize that this is Kylo’s voice in her head, echoing the pleas to pretend over and over again. Even after treating her and the Resistance so barbarically, he’s trying to protect her. Rey drops her mouth open, brow furrowed. She’s never been choked, she doesn’t know how to _pretend_ to do it but tries anyway.

It won’t fool Snoke. It _can’t_. It’s so tragically simple, he must be able to see through it.

But Snoke feels Kylo’s determination, mistakes the determination to not hurt Rey as the determination to _really_ harm her, and it’s all the same in his head. He’s mad with the power, laughing as Rey holds her breath, as she stops struggling against Snoke’s grip to make it appear she’s too busy trying to stay conscious.

Finally, Snoke’s laughter echoes through the chamber and he wrestles Rey from Kylo’s grip. He’d barely been touching her throat—she’d felt it, but only just. Rey slides pitifully across the floor, the chains from the shackles clanging against the hard metal tiles beneath her. She rolls to her side, away from him, panting in a way that would indicate she couldn’t breathe.

“Very good,” Snoke sneers at Kylo. “Now—for our conditions of your captivity.”

Snoke uses his power to pull Rey from the floor, this time leaving her dangling in the air above him, her face contorted once again into a fierce scowl aimed right at the Supreme Leader. “Your safety is conditional on your obedience not only to Kylo Ren but to me. If you step out of line again, you will be thrown to General Hux and he can do with you as he pleases.” Fear flashes through Rey’s eyes. “Ah, yes. I see. Hux is rough with you in a way you do not like. In a way, Kylo Ren will not touch you.” Snoke laughs. “Then the incentive is true. Obey, and Hux will not lay a finger on you. Is that understood, scavenger?”

“I am not your _plaything_ ,” Rey hisses through gritted teeth.

Laughing again, Snoke shakes his head. “You are truly naive, scavenger.” A pause. “If it weren’t for your strength with the Force, we would have killed you weeks ago. You are only useful because of your blood. Even then, we could probably do better if we continue our search. But for now, you will do.”

Rey remains quiet.

“Upon the birth of this child, provided they are healthy and surrendered _without question_ to me, you will be given your lightsaber,” Snoke explains. “Before then, however, you and Kylo Ren will be wed. A marriage of Light and Dark will bring a new kind of balance to the Force, and it will surely pull the Resistance out of hiding—whoever is left, that is.” He laughs, and it makes Rey feel sick. “Arrangements are already being made. We will travel to Galactic City, on Coruscant. Diplomats from all planets and alliances will attend, including the Resistance. Kylo Ren, you will be presented as Heir to my position as Supreme Leader. Scavenger, you will be presented as his dutiful wife, one who will bring the Sith back to power by providing us with a new generation to train in the Dark ways of the Force. We will repopulate with you until you are no longer fit, and it is entirely likely that when we find new women with the same Force abilities, they will also repopulate with Kylo Ren. You mustn’t get too attached, scavenger. You will be sharing him soon enough.”

“Supreme Leader—”

“Yes,” Snoke interrupts Kylo before he can say anything else. “You are very welcome, my young apprentice. It is a great honor, is it not?”

Kylo swallows and then bows his head. “It is, Supreme Leader.”

“Your wedding is in two weeks’ time,” Snoke says with finality, signaling that the conversation is over. “We will be landing on Coruscant in five standard days. Do _not_ disappoint me.”

His warning sends chills down Rey’s spine, and though she is fearful of all that lay ahead, she cannot understate how afraid she is of the man himself. Standing up to him one day will be an immense challenge—but one she feels she can manage so long as Kylo is there by her side. Their power and strength will be enough to beat Snoke. It has to be.

**Day 116**

The arrival in Coruscant is only a day away. Rey dreads it. It’s a planet she’d never desired to visit, filled with a people she had no desire to know. Politics were not her strong suit, and she most certainly wasn’t looking forward to what would take place once they landed. For all the attachment she’d begun to form towards Kylo Ren, it was shattered when he mercilessly shot at the Resistance— _her friends—_ no matter what her suggestions.

It didn’t surprise her, of course, but she was still hurt by it. He’d clearly tried to mend some of the damage by only pretending to choke her in front of Snoke, but he couldn’t get comfortable with pretending in front of such a dangerous man. Snoke would find out what they were doing, eventually. When that happened, Rey feared what the punishment would be.

She stands in front of a long mirror in their quarters—she’s beyond pretending the quarters belong to just Kylo when there’s just as much of her presence evident in the rooms as there is his. Rey turns to the side, wearing garments that looked like what she used to wear on Jakku. The only difference was, these were cut and draped intentionally. Rey knew he’d had them purchased while they were away on Cularin. She’d returned to the Finalizer to see a full dresser filled with items just for her. Holding her resolve against such a kind gesture was difficult, but she persisted.

Now Rey stands, studying her body—the gentle curve of her belly, the weight she’s gained in her hands and ankles. It’s clear already that she’s with child—all the outward signs are right there, staring back at her. Her face is fuller, too, but that could be due to the baby or the fact that for once, she’s being well-nourished.

Rey is frowning, though. When Snoke had tried to speak to the baby—Rey could feel it but didn’t know how to fight something like that. Desperately, she wanted to ask Kylo, but something told her that no Jedi ever trained to protect an unborn child against unwanted intruders in their head. This was a situation that had likely never been experienced before. It terrified Rey.

Kylo walks into the room with heavy, thudding footsteps, and Rey turns around. It’s one of the first times they’ve both been in the quarters together, awake. Rey sighs. He has his gaze fixed upon her and it’s clear there’s something important he needs to tell her.

“What?” she asks angrily.

He glares at her. She glares back. It appears they are at an impasse. A frustrating, unhelpful impasse. “I had to get us to the ship,” he says finally. “Like I’ve told you at least a dozen times, now. If your memory is failing you, we can blame it on the pregnancy, but your so-called _friends_ were shooting at us, and I wasn’t about to get us _killed_.”

Rey turns and stomps into the bedroom. In seconds, her mood shifts from angry to sad—stupid hormones. The same things she’s been dwelling on for days fly back to her head, reminding her of all the fairy tales she’d heard the old women telling on Jakku, of love and happily ever afters. Part of Rey knew that was never in the cards for her. Part of her hoped that a miracle would make it happen for her anyway.

Instead, she _did_ get to get married, but not in some whirlwind romance. Not even to someone she loved. It was a marriage of convenience, and even then, it wasn’t convenient for _her_. No proposal, nothing. She’d always sort of dreamed of a proposal, a beautiful stone from an exotic planet on a simple band, maybe. Maybe it would be from her future husband’s home planet.

She’d thought of it all, even though she knew it was silly of her to do. And now it didn’t matter in the least.

Kylo stood in the doorway to the room, Rey projecting her every thought at him. Rather than bringing it to her attention, he walks away. Now is not the time to discuss such things. Nor does he feel like mentioning this isn’t exactly how he’d planned on marrying someone, either.

Not that it mattered.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What Rey considers a celebration and what Snoke considers a celebration are two very different things.

**Day 122**

Rey wakes at dawn, Galactic City shining out as far as the eye can see. The curtains have been pulled open in her room. A woman she’s never seen before is bustling around the room. Rey doesn’t feel fear, though; something about this woman’s presence is calming. It puts her at ease. When she sees the braids atop her head and the tired smile on her face, Rey realizes— _General Leia Organa_ is in her room.

“Oh, Rey,” Leia sighs. They’ve never set eyes upon each other in person, but Han has told Leia about Rey, as have Finn and Poe. They know where she is, but they don’t know what’s happened to her since. “I’m so sorry this is the first time we’re meeting.”

She reaches out for Rey to embrace her. When Rey steps out of bed, Leia’s eyes dart down to her stomach for a brief second before she hugs her warmly. It feels like a hug from the mother she never had. Rey supposes that at least one good thing will come out of this, Leia is it. A mother-in-law. The closest thing to a mother Rey will ever have.

“Tell me everything,” Leia prompts, a look of profound sadness in her eyes at the thought of what Rey might have endured while in her son’s care.

Rey launches into an explanation, all the way back at the beginning. She spares no details—save for the evening before she and Kylo left Cularin, of course—and all the while, Leia takes the greatest care in preparing Rey for her wedding. She brushes her hair until it’s softer than Rey’s ever felt it—and then she twists and braids it into something absolutely magnificent atop her head. Something worthy of a Queen. If anyone would know how to do such a thing, it’s Leia.

She paints a light bit of makeup on Rey’s face, and she doesn’t make a single judgment on the decisions Rey made while in the hands of the First Order, to make sure she survived. “I can’t promise you we’ll get you out right now,” Leia says when Rey finishes her story. “Something tells me it’d do more harm than good to take you from Ben,” she adds, “But the First Order will not make you bear any more children than this one if you wish it. We can find a way to get you an implant.”

Sighing, Rey says, “That’s probably best.” She leaves the rest of her thoughts unsaid.

Leia can read Rey like a book, though, and asks, “You want the child out of there, don’t you?”

Rey looks up in alarm. “Away from the First Order, yes,” she concedes. “But truthfully—I’ve started getting used to the idea of having a child. A family.”

With a sad smile, Leia says, “When the time is right, you’ll be able to settle down with someone you love and have a whole family with them. We will free you, Rey. I can see it in your future.”

“You can use the Force?” Rey asks, her eyes wide with awe. She’s never met another woman with powers of the Force.

Leia smiles again, brighter this time. “I can feel through it, sense things… but I was never formally trained in battle. I had no desire to be,” Leia explains. “Politics is where I belong.”

Nodding, Rey says, “I’m so glad to finally meet you, though.”

“Me too,” Leia replies. “Han spoke very highly of you. Came as close to calling you the daughter he never had as I think it’s possible. And now look.”

Rey looks at her reflection in the mirror when Leia finishes her hair and makeup. She looks at her own reflection in awe. It’s hard to believe that it’s her, standing in front of the mirror. That she looks _pretty_ for once. If only it were for someone who cared for her as much as she cares for them. It bothers her, how attached she is to Kylo, whether she wants to be or not.

“He will take care of you,” Leia says softly, patting Rey’s back and looking at her through her reflection. “If everything you’ve told me is true, he cares a great deal about you. He shows it through actions. He may never, ever say it, though. You should know that now.”

Rey nods. She turns to face Leia and says, “When we were alone, on Cularin…” with a deep breath, Rey confesses, “I almost thought I was falling in love with him.”

Leia puts her hands on Rey’s shoulders and says, “You’re his anchor in the Light. It will be difficult to bear, I won’t lie to you about that. But you can save him. And he could learn to love you, too.” Leia looks as though she’s thinking about something for a moment before she adds, “But that does not mean you’re obligated to him. You can leave him when this is all over. He will cope.”

Rey shakes her head sadly. “He won’t.”

“A lot can change in a little bit of time.”

And wow, does Rey ever believe that, given how much her life has changed in only a third of a year. She’s quiet as she thinks about what’s going to happen that day—how she’s going to vow herself to a man who may never, ever love her. A man whose master is using her as a pawn in a larger plan, against her will.

“Let’s get you into your dress, huh?” Leia suggests.

Rey follows Leia across the room to where a beautiful gown hangs. It’s far more feminine and fancy than she would have ever chosen for herself, but she has to represent a position similar to that of a Queen. It’s ruched just below the breasts, flowing freely down over the rest of her body, subtly hiding her slight bump from view. There are beautiful stones and jewels and sparkling trims on the bodice, trailing over her bare shoulders. The train of the dress flows behind her, threatening to trip her if she’s not careful. It’s the color of sand, with darker golds and browns to accent the lighter color—it’s _her_ color. Kylo must have had something to do with that.

“You look beautiful,” Leia says, leading Rey to stand in front of the mirror.

Staring back at herself, Rey actually believes it for once.

\---

The ceremony is big and gaudy and likely cost more than everything every scavenger ever found on Jakku during Rey’s lifetime, combined. Everything looks joyous and opulent, from the sparkling ice sculptures and the dazzling jewelry on all the female guests to the gold and white linens and drapes.

Galactic City’s main palace now houses Rey, Kylo, and all the diplomats invited to see the union of Light and Dark. Everyone is there to see Rey, a worthless scavenger from Jakku, marry Kylo Ren, Heir to the Supreme Leader. She is merely a plaything for them, a spot of amusement in an otherwise boring season.

As Rey prepares to cross the ballroom to meet Kylo, who stands up near an officiant, she scans her eyes over the room. She doesn’t know most of the people in attendance, of course, but out of the corner of her eye, she can see Leia and Han. They’ve been given the worst seats in the house, which doesn’t surprise Rey in the least. And yet—their presence is the one that matters most. It’s the only presence that gives Rey a modicum of comfort. They are here for her. They haven’t forgotten her. Now she truly will be the daughter they never had.

There is music, which only serves to make the event feel like more of a farce than it already is. Rey is draped in warm colors—golds and tans and off-whites. She has gold beads threaded through her hair. Everything about the ceremony feels regal, important. The total opposite of what it really is. And there Kylo Ren stands, wearing his usual black garb from head to toe. He removes his mask—she nearly flinches for him as the crowd audibly gasps.

When Rey reaches the front and sees all the emotions in Kylo’s eyes, her walls drop ever so slightly. He projects power, something to be feared, to those who do not know him. But now, Rey is the only one who can see into his eyes and he bares it all for her: fear, worry, self-loathing, empathy. He is just as much a victim in this arrangement as Rey is, and he’s been affected by the peoples’ reaction to his face.

So when Rey is supposed to let Kylo hold her hands, she does. The leather of his gloves is warm against her clammy, nervous skin. When she is supposed to smile and pretend to be happy, she does. Embarrassing him in front of all of these people won’t do anything for them. Not if they want to get out of this alive.

Rey repeats her vows, as does Kylo. Rey holds her back straight, her head high. She tries to project as much power as she knows Kylo should be, reminding everyone here that he will lead them one day. But she projects it to _him_ , not to the crowd gathered to watch their union. He must remain the one that is powerful, feared—not her.

When they’re told that their union must now be sealed with a kiss, Rey sees the hesitation in his face. The worry that now is when she will humiliate him and embarrass the First Order, when she refuses. But she squeezes his hand and their eyes meet, and she projects her thoughts to him.

_It’s okay. This is almost over. I trust you._

He drops their hands lower but doesn’t release his grip on Rey’s hands, like a desperate act of comfort in a moment when they both wish the whole crowd was just gone. Displaying affection in front of people is something neither of them is comfortable with. But nonetheless, Kylo leans in and captures Rey’s lips in the required kiss. Rey’s breath catches and Kylo keeps it chaste, but it’s enough to appease everyone in attendance.

There are cheers, there is applause, and music begins again.

Predictably, Snoke chooses that moment to become the center of attention once more. He steps towards the altar that was created at the head of the ballroom, and he holds his arms up to quiet the room. Everyone falls silent immediately. Rey and Kylo turn to face him, confused.

“We have a special gift today, before the banquet begins,” Snoke drawls. His voice echoes throughout the whole room and Rey suddenly feels incredibly frightened. Her hand, which is still clutching Kylo’s, squeezes his. She is surprised when he squeezes back and she can feel his fear matching hers. “As you may know, we have some very special guests in the audience today. There is one in particular who came out of hiding _especially_ for us. So let us bring him up to thank him.” Terror strikes through Rey as she watches Snoke extend a hand to the back corner. “Han Solo,” he says, his voice dangerous, rendering everyone speechless. “Won’t you join us up at the front?”

Han looks to Leia, but he knows there is no way out of this. He knows this is what he has to do. Kylo squeezes Rey’s hand as he watches his father stand and walk to the front, the only sound in the room the echoing tap of his shoes on the floor. Time creeps by, and Rey feels like she’s going to be sick, seeing the way Snoke looks at Han like he is an insect to be destroyed as soon as possible.

“Han Solo. The Smuggler.”

“You called, Mister Super Leader sir?” Han replies cockily.

Snoke laughs, slowly, evilly, and it sends a chill down Rey’s spine. “I can see why your son abandoned you,” Snoke says. Rey deliberately clutches Kylo’s hand, breaches his mind to implore him _not_ to react. She can feel Kylo’s rage next to her. She doesn’t even have to look at him to know he’s livid. Snoke continues. “You tried to prevent Kylo Ren from reaching his full potential, Han Solo. You tried to keep him from his destiny.”

“He knows his destiny isn’t here with you,” Han says, his mood turned very serious. He always looks serious when he discusses his son, these days.

“Han Solo. Such a fool.” Snoke looks over his shoulder at Kylo. Rey wishes for everybody’s sake that Kylo had put his stupid mask back on. The emotion in his eyes is terrifying to witness. Rey can feel the strain on Kylo’s soul, on his willpower. He’s actively fighting Snoke’s intrusion in his head. Snoke pauses. Nobody says a word. “Kylo Ren. Come forward.”

Rey nearly winces under the pain of Kylo’s grip before he releases her hand and obeys his master. He steps forward, and Rey projects as much of her strength to Kylo as she can. He’s going to need it. Whatever is going to happen next will not be good, or easy.

“To prove his allegiance to the First Order once and for all, I have one final test for my apprentice,” Snoke says. His eyes sparkle with a menacing sort of happiness that can only be realized through the worst possible deeds. Rey feels Kylo taking all of her strength, just in preparation for the command. “I do believe he brought his lightsaber to the wedding.” Snoke turns to look at Kylo. “Show the crowd your weapon.”

Kylo’s movements are slow, deliberate— _reluctant_. Without Rey’s strength, he’d be trembling. He holds up his lightsaber, watching his father the entire time. Snoke holds up a hand, and Rey senses that Kylo’s arm is moving against his will—Snoke is directing the lightsaber to point right at Han. It’s still unlit, but one press of the button and the weapon would shoot right through Han’s chest. Rey pleads in her mind for that not to be where things are going, but the dread and realization fill her to the brim and she just _knows_. If Kylo has figured it out as well, he has not let on.

Kylo and Han seem to be having a conversation entirely with their eyes, and Rey senses relief somewhere in the exchange. Snoke’s words cut into everything again, shattering any illusions of peace. “With the ignition of his lightsaber, Kylo Ren will prove his fidelity to the First Order once and for all.”

Kylo doesn’t move his hand. Rey withdraws any strength she’d been offering to him. She will not encourage him to do this. This is _too much_. It’s taking things too far.

Apparently, Kylo feels it is what he has to do. He lights the saber and the crowd gasps. Han is silent, eyes wide. He stares up at his son. Rey feels the ache in Leia’s chest from all the way across the ballroom. She lets out a sob, the pain too much for her to bear. Openly crying in front of the entire crowd, Rey watches as Han lifts up a hand to touch Kylo’s cheek one last time. There’s something in his gaze that Rey can’t read—only Kylo can—but the deed is done.

Han Solo is dead by his own son’s hand.

The crowd seems to be reacting with mixed responses. Many are cheering and encouraging Kylo and Snoke. Others are looking to Leia. The room is seconds from falling into chaos.

“Consider this a message to any societies considering taking up opposition to the First Order,” Snoke’s voice booms throughout the ballroom. “Your allegiance to the Resistance will not be met with sympathy, no matter who you are. Family or not, the First Order _will_ achieve its goals. And we will take down _anyone_ in our way.”

Snoke stands up a little taller. “We have one final event for you all before the banquet begins,” he says. “If you would all be so kind as to join us out in the gardens… we have a show for you, up in the sky. It will be beginning in a few short minutes.”

With pride and determination, Snoke stalks down the aisle first, towards the exit of the ballroom. The guests crowd behind him, following curiously. Rey lets out a sob and drops to her knees, hands resting on Han’s arm. She leans over, forehead nearly to the floor as she sobs, pain wracking her entire body. Kylo is at her side in moments. “He let me,” Kylo explains softly, kneeling down next to Rey. He puts a hand on her arm, but she wrenches away from him.

“Don’t,” she warns, jaw set in anger.

“We have to go,” Kylo says, standing again. He’s using the voice he usually reserves for when he’s speaking to troops or generals. He’s commanding her. “If we miss this, the Supreme Leader will punish us.”

Rey scoffs as she stands. “Oh please,” she says. Frantically, she wipes at her cheeks. “You’re not afraid of him. If today proved anything, it’s that you’re on his side, after all.” She takes hold of the front of her dress and stomps down the aisle behind the rest of the crowd, hoping she can find Leia and comfort her. In her haste, Rey stumbles over a part of her dress. It breaks Rey’s heart to leave Han’s body on the floor of the ballroom, all alone. It’s not right. He deserves better.

Out in the gardens, the crowd is gathered and looking up at the sky. There’s a red streak of light already beginning to cross the sky above their heads. “May I introduce General Armitage Hux, who has a very important announcement to make,” Snoke says, gesturing to Hux, who stands at the front of the gardens.

Hux has been gazing up at the red light crossing the sky. He looks positively delighted and venomous all at once as he faces the crowd. Rey walks out just in time to find Leia, to stand comfortingly at her side as Hux begins to speak.

“Today is the end of the Republic. The end of a regime that acquiesces to disorder. At this very moment in a system far from here, the New Republic lies to the galaxy while secretly supporting the treachery of the rogues of the Resistance,” Hux’s eyes gaze out at the crowd, knowing full well that some of these _rogues of the Resistance_ are in the audience, listening to him.

“This fierce machine which the First Order’s troops have built, upon which they stand will bring an end to the Senate, to their cherished fleet,” Hux’s smirk is sickening; Rey feels unsteady on her feet as he spews his terrible propaganda. Leia drapes her arm through Rey’s, a small beacon of comfort and strength in such a difficult day. “All remaining systems will bow to the First Order and will remember this as the last day of the Republic!”

Hux’s timing is impeccable; in moments, it’s like there are fireworks in the sky, explosions of red light that speckle the clear, pale blue skies above. _Planets_. The First Order is destroying _planets_. The Starkiller Base is ready to go—it is active, and it will decimate the areas of the galaxy that oppose their ideas, their rules. And Rey can feel the death of each and every soul. It’s one of the worst feelings she’s ever experienced and churns her stomach.

Rey turns, rushing towards a nearby bush. The cheers from the First Order’s allies are loud enough that nobody hears Rey vomit into the bush. It’s not even the baby at this point—in her second trimester, morning sickness doesn’t affect her anymore. No—this is pure, abject terror and disgust. Leia pats Rey’s back, soothing her through it as the crowd watches planets be destroyed above them like it’s some sort of _wedding celebration_.

If this is how her wedding will be remembered, Rey doesn’t want anything to do with it. Doesn’t want to be associated with these people.

And yet, it’s too late.

“Please, celebrate with us the successful completion of Starkiller Base,” Snoke’s voice booms through the crowd, “And the union of our Heir to the Supreme Leader, Kylo Ren. Please adjourn the ballroom for the banquet.”

More cheering. Rey doubles over, still feeling sick as the crowd dissipates and begins returning to the ballroom. Leia rubs her back and whispers in her ear that it’ll be alright, that she’s strong and they can make it through this. Kylo turns and watches with disgust as his mother connects more with Rey than he’s ever connected with either of them. He’d thought he’d gotten there with Rey, but that was clearly just a dream, a few moments left forgotten on a faraway planet.

He approaches the two of them anyway, and it’s staggering when his mother looks up at him and doesn’t glare, doesn’t give him any look of reproach. If anything, there’s only pity. His mother _pities_ him. Somehow, that’s an even harder thing to bear than disappointment and anger. Those emotions are emanating from Rey so strongly they’re stifling him, and he doesn’t get too close. “You two need to push this all out of your minds,” Leia informs them. “Go back to playing pretend. You especially, Rey. We all know Snoke will not forgive you if you mope and sulk all evening. Your survival rests on how you act the rest of the night.”

“You want me to play nice with _him_?” she spits, glaring up at Kylo.

Leia helps Rey stand up straight again, and she puts her hand on Rey’s shoulders as she says, “Yes. No matter how hard it hurts, you _must_.” She wraps her in a warm, gentle embrace and says, “It will be alright. The Resistance won’t abandon you, Rey. Not now, not ever.”

Rey feels hopelessly exhausted, like not even a week’s rest will be enough to revive her. First from her sharing strength with Kylo, and then from grieving the death of Han Solo. Kylo is quiet but offers his hand. Rey glares at him one last time, but then looks to Leia for strength and slowly Rey’s anger leaves her face.

Ever the scavenger, Rey accepts what she has to do in order to survive. She must pretend. She must push away the pain. She must try hard to be regal in the face of the worst pain she has ever felt—and it’s _terrible_.

**Day 126**

After the wedding, Rey doesn’t speak to Kylo. They don’t consummate anything on their wedding night—they don’t need to. She’s already pregnant, and nobody would dare question a marriage dictated by Snoke himself. She doesn’t sleep in the same bed as him, doesn’t look at him, refuses to acknowledge he’s even present. Rey is content to dwell upon the sofa in their suite in Galactic City, where they now live as man and wife.

Regardless of whether Han forgave his son or not, Kylo killed one of the only people Rey had ever truly cared about—and who had cared for her in return. Her heart had only broken more when the Resistance sympathizers had outstayed their welcome for the wedding, and all of them, Leia included, had to go back to their planets. Rey was now alone, in a land she didn’t know, married to a man she no longer trusted. Those blissful weeks on Cularin felt like ages ago.

The suite was empty most days, with Kylo off on important strategy meetings now that several planets not destroyed by the Starkiller were making good on threats they’d made to retaliate. Rey had discovered a private library through a door in their quarters, so she’d spent most of her days in there.

Rey was a slow reader and didn’t like it much because of that. When it was her only option for entertainment, though, Rey would take what she could get. She’d browsed most of the holobooks and thought they were boring—most were political in nature—but when she found an old volume on the bottom corner of a shelf, it intrigued her immediately.

_The Skywalker Legacy_

Rey had heard of Luke Skywalker, of course. Everyone in the galaxy had heard of him. Whether they believed him to be fact or fiction was to be decided, though. But Rey itched to learn more about him, more about the Jedi Order, so she’d sat down immediately and started to read.

She learned about Anakin Skywalker, his difficult journey into the Jedi Order, his turn to the Dark side. _Darth Vader_. Rey is fascinated by Padme Amidala, her strength in the Senate, her tragic demise. The legacy that lives on through Luke and Leia. Rey feels a strange twist in her chest, realizing she wishes desperately to have been able to meet her husband’s grandmother. She thinks deep in her soul that she would have connected quite well with Padme. She was a strong woman—a survivor in her own right.

And so, each afternoon for almost an entire week, Rey returns to the library uninterrupted, to read. And each evening she returns to her quarters to eat in silence with her new husband. It’s a lonely life, but Rey knows it could be worse. Things could be much, much worse.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Kylo find out the sex of the baby and spend some time together in Galactic City as husband and wife.

**Day 131**

The same med droid does her exams even on Coruscant. Appointed by Snoke, it is the only droid allowed near Rey. She lies on the sofa, as usual, the swell of her belly growing as she nears the halfway point.

[Healthy], beeps the droid. [Estimated weight: three ounces. Estimated height: thirteen centimeters. Sex of the baby: female.]

Rey closes her eyes and thanks the maker that she’s alone to hear the news, that Kylo wasn’t there for this exam. She knows without ever having heard from them that the Supreme Leader was expecting a male. Rey will have to tell Kylo that evening before the Supreme Leader blindsides him with his anger, but she’s going to bask in a small moment of joy for now. She feels an odd, strange comfort knowing the little one inside of her is a girl, just like her. Rey would have loved the baby all the same, no matter what, but knowing she’s defied Snoke even just a little bit, Rey is pleased.

That evening, they sit together for dinner, as always. The sun is setting outside their windows, and Rey can see the traffic of Galactic City speeding past the windows of their tower. Rey almost feels peaceful now that they’ve accepted their dinners will be taken in silence—she’s reluctant to break that silence but knows she must.

“I had another exam today,” she informs him.

She makes it sound so casual, but the words are enough to stop Kylo in his tracks. He lowers his fork to the table and asks, “And?”

“The baby is healthy, of course,” she says. She knows they’ve been feeding her only the best food, to keep the baby in good health.

Kylo’s eyes dart over to Rey for a moment, and she sees a hint of vulnerability as he asks, “You found out the sex today, right?”

His knowledge of the pregnancy process has surprised Rey endlessly; if she didn’t know any better, she’d almost think he read a holobook about it. She watches him until he brings himself to meet her gaze. Only then will she answer.

“Yes,” she nods. “We’re having a girl.”

Something in Kylo’s gaze shifts, and it pains Rey to watch even if she can’t figure out just what emotions are flashing through his eyes. Then he frowns. “The Supreme Leader will be displeased.”

Rather boredly, Rey rolls her eyes. “How misogynistic of him,” she says, returning to her meal. She stabs a piece of meat rather angrily before bringing her fork to her mouth. She chews slowly, and when he doesn’t speak, she asks, “And you?”

“And me what?” he asks blankly.

Annoyed, Rey looks up at him, her fork clanging as she sets it down. “You’ve told me how Snoke will feel, but I want to know how _you_ feel, knowing we’re having a daughter,” Rey says.

Kylo studies Rey, really studies her. She tries to see into his head, but he’s good at putting his walls up, at blocking her out so she can’t see anything. It’s a pity he’s so good at that; Rey is fairly certain that it would be her only way to really know how he feels about this baby at all. He’s not very forthcoming, after all. “A child is a child,” he replies. Rey feels in her heart that it’s a lie, right away. She sighs, disappointed, looking away as he adds, “It makes no difference to me.”

Rey frowns. She hadn’t necessarily expected him to have strong feelings either way, but his nonchalant indifference breaks her heart just a little bit. She shouldn’t be surprised, and she knows this, but yet Rey finds herself wishing he cared just a little bit. Too upset to continue in his presence, Rey stands roughly from the table. Her glass tips over, the drink seeping across the surface of the table towards Kylo’s plate—he stares at it, unable to bring himself to look up at Rey, knowing he’s hurt her yet again.

As she walks away from him, she feels his eyes on her back. Worse than that, she hears one single word projected into her head. His voice is clear but gentle. It’s unmistakably him.

_Terrified._

**Day 136**

Rey is tired of sitting around. It’s all she’s been doing for at least two weeks, and she feels her head will explode if she reads one more word. She decides to speak with him at dinner, to confront Kylo about her boredom and frustration.

“I want to start training again,” she says unceremoniously, as Kylo quietly eats his dinner.

Kylo looks up at Rey curiously. “I would have thought that in your condition—”

“I’m fine,” Rey interjects stubbornly. “Pregnant women are supposed to stay in good health. That means a certain level of physical activity.”

“There are a lot of things pregnant women do at this stage of their pregnancy,” he says, watching her, one eyebrow raised. Rey hasn’t read a single thing about how the process _should_ go—unlike Kylo, whom she’s almost one-hundred percent sure has read a pregnancy book at this point. “Battle should not be one of them.”

Rey sighs. “I don’t see the harm in continuing to practice my forms. I’ve been meditating when I’m not reading, but I’m _bored_. I’m sick of seeing nothing but our rooms and the traffic outside,” she groans. “I need to get out.”

Kylo puts down his utensils and takes a drink of his water before he faces Rey with his full attention. It’s the first time he’s done this in a while; it startles Rey a little. At the same time, she’s pleased to know that he’s still capable of being attentive. Very simply, he says, “Right now the First Order is trying very hard to ward off attacks on Starkiller Base. We are preoccupied. I have very little time to take you to a training room.”

“I’m well aware of how little time you have to spend with me,” Rey says bitterly, though she knows it’s not fair. She hasn’t exactly been eager to spend her spare time with him—not since what he did at the wedding. “But can’t you at least get me clearance to go to the training rooms? I’ve been obedient. I haven’t put a toe out of line.”

Kylo nods, and his gaze is not angry or judging as he acquiesces, “Yes. You have been obedient, aside from your bit of defiance with the Supreme Leader when we first returned from Cularin. However, this is Coruscant. This planet is all politics and business—there are no more active training facilities. In fact, the Jedi rarely practised here at all.” He looks around. “What’s wrong with using this space?”

He has a point—the ceilings are very tall, and the furniture is not cumbersome. Rey sighs and sits back in her chair. “I’m sick of these rooms,” she says. “I want to be able to go out, to see the planet, to _do things_.” Looking around, she frowns and adds, “Besides, what if I break something? Everything here is worth more than my _life_.”

She feels Kylo’s gaze on her, and it takes a bit of getting used to, his heavy eyes taking her in once again. After the wedding, it was easier to just look away. “In two days, I will take the afternoon off,” he says. “We can go out then. I’ll show you around, and I’ll have one of the ‘troopers do some investigating to see if there is anywhere we could use as a training ground.”

Rey looks up, suddenly feeling hopeful again. He’s being true to his word, and she doesn’t understand why, other than as a sort of peace offering. Rather stubbornly, for a moment, Rey wants to object, because she’s still angry at him for what he did to Han. But at the same time, fighting with Kylo is exhausting. Just as she said to him before, on Cularin—she’s going to be fighting nearly everyone she encounters in this new life of hers. It will be nice to have someone near her with whom she can be amicable.

“I can’t promise I’ll be released from my duties, but I’ll try,” he warns. Rey nods because she understands. Nobody says no to the Supreme Leader. “I also can’t make any promises that I can get away for more than this one afternoon.”

Rey swallows and confesses, “I’m not asking you to abandon your post. You wouldn’t even need to come with me.”

“Do you not want me to?”

Once again, he looks at her with all of his walls down—his big, dark eyes conveying the vulnerability he sometimes feels around her. The feeling that he’s not quite enough, not what Rey wanted, not what she’s ever going to be happy with. Rey frowns and says, “Don’t put words in my mouth. If I didn’t want you to come, I would have said. You know that.”

He’s quiet, and Rey’s expression softens. He’s really trying, it seems—and he had given her an explanation after what happened at the wedding. She’s just been too stubborn to have a conversation about it until now. “I’m lonely,” she tells him softly. “Even if this isn’t what we wanted, and even if you’ve done things that have deeply hurt me, you are still my husband. Part of me thought that having a husband would cure that loneliness. You even _said_ it would. So far, it hasn’t. If one afternoon is all we get for a while…” she looks up into his eyes and says so softly that it’s nearly a whisper, “I’ll take it. Happily.”

Rey tries hard to pretend she doesn’t feel a little bit like a traitor as she reaches out and covers Kylo’s hand with her own, where it rests upon the table. Her touch, her agreement to spend time with him—it’s not forgiveness, per se, but it’s the first step. And judging by the look in his eyes, it’s the right step.

**Day 138**

True to his word, Kylo arranges a full afternoon with Rey, away from any duties that Snoke might have lined up for him. Rey gets to leave their quarters, and she doesn’t have to be shackled to do it. They might have broken her, made her obedient so that she can live comfortably, but she finds that when she pretends Leia has a plan to save her, eventually, and that the Resistance hasn’t forgotten about her, it’s easier to live in the First Order’s clutches—for now.

Rey wears training robes, ones that remind Kylo a little of his time spent at Luke’s Jedi training academy. They’re tight on her, but probably because he’d commissioned the outfit for her before the pregnancy began. She wears the belt higher around her waist to accommodate for her swelling belly but walks the same as she had before. She makes being pregnant look graceful, natural. Kylo can see other women on the sidewalk looking at her, some with envy. He feels proud of her in that moment.

They reach a stadium that had once been used for battles for entertainment, rather than training, but it will do. One particularly influential ‘trooper had secured it for them, and Kylo was grateful. So grateful that he was even considering allowing Rey to use an actual lightsaber this time.

She doesn’t look around the planet in awe as she once had; she isn’t fazed by the city anymore, or by new planets. He can see, however, that she is very pleased to have been let out of the tower. When they get inside the stadium, it’s quiet, and the staff stay out of their way in fear. Kylo wears his mask, of course, because it was easier than having to speak to them, but once they’d dispersed, he takes the mask off. He knows Rey doesn’t like it.

Kylo walks her through her forms first, reminding her of each position, how to make it feel natural—how to channel the Force through her movements. Even just a few weeks away from the halfway point in her pregnancy, Rey moves with an ease and grace that even still, Kylo doesn’t possess. He probably never will.

When he sets down their training sticks, Rey is sure her training is done for the day. She even lets disappointment flash openly across her features.

“Calm down,” Kylo says. He reaches behind the lapel of his jacket, where the garment lay off to the side of the stadium and unhooks his lightsaber. Then, he unhooks another and holds it out to her. “This was my grandfather’s. You will use it until I can convince the Supreme Leader to give you yours.”

Rey frowns. “The one he built from my staff without my consent?” she prompts.

“Yes,” Kylo nods.

Rey takes the lightsaber from Kylo, and asks, “Will he make it red, like yours? Like all the other Sith lords?”

“I don’t know,” Kylo confesses. Rey can somehow sense that he’s telling the truth. “If he does, we can change it. After he’s gone.”

He lights his saber, prompting her to light her own. He decides then that the conversation is done, and they begin to spar. She’s quick on her feet, though not as quick as she used to be. Carrying the extra weight in her belly, she can only do so much. Admittedly, Kylo is also not as forceful as he used to be in his sparring, mostly out of nervousness. He knows he’s unwieldy sometimes, especially when he grows tired. The thought of swinging and accidentally hitting Rey’s torso—or any part of her, really—and harming the baby is a painful one.

Kylo spars with her anyway, taking it easy on her, though not too much so. They spar until Rey’s whole body is sticky with sweat, the loose tendrils of her hair sticking to her forehead. When she steps back to wipe sweat from her brow, Kylo turns off his lightsaber and clips it to his belt. “What, tired already?” she teases.

She looks more tired than he feels, but he doesn’t tell her that. Somehow, he bites his tongue enough to say nothing more than a simple command, “Get some water.”

Rey obliges, and when she walks back over to Kylo, he’s sitting down, his tunic abandoned so he’s in his trousers and undershirt. His hair is a loose, damp mess, and it hangs down in his eyes as he rests his arms on his knees. He looks up at Rey as she approaches. “Your stamina is impressive,” he says.

“Between the two of us, we could probably take down Snoke,” she says casually, sitting down near him. Rey rolls up the legs of her trousers, leaving her legs bare from the knees down so she can cool off a little.

Kylo looks up immediately at her words. “Not so loud,” he warns. “If someone hears…”

“We’re alone,” she reminds him. “And I wasn’t that loud.”

It’s silent, and for a moment Rey doesn’t want to say anything. She doesn’t know _what_ to say. Kylo breaks the silence. “You seemed close with my mother.”

Rey looks over and studies him for a moment, noticing the way he seems more jealous than angry at that fact. Very quietly, she says, “She’s like a mother to me.”

“She’s your mother by law,” he informs her.

Sighing, Rey says, “I don’t know what you want me to say to that. Of course, she and I are close. We believe in the same things. Her husband—your _father—_ saved my life. If it wasn’t for her being at my side during our wedding, I don’t know what I would have done.”

She watches Kylo closely, trying to figure out just what it is that he wants to hear from her. “You looked beautiful at our wedding,” he confesses. “I didn’t get to tell you.”

“Thank you,” Rey says, and though she knows it’s probably not right, she adds, “I wouldn’t have looked like that if it wasn’t for your mother. She did everything for me.”

Kylo studies Rey and says, “I always knew she wished she had a daughter.”

“Don’t be jealous,” Rey tells him. “She was there, and she was kind. And no matter what you may think, she still loves you.” She’s fired up now, and she’s not going to let Kylo dissuade her from seeing Leia as a good person. “That morning, when she was helping me to get ready—I told her everything. _Everything_. And you know what she said? That you care for me. That everything you’ve done, it’s been because you care about me. And she told me that if after all of this, I stayed with you, she would be so happy. Because it would mean you found someone to love and that they loved you back.” Rey looks almost saddened as she says, “And that’s all she’s ever wanted: your happiness.”

Kylo doesn’t speak, and Rey sighs. “And all I ever wanted, _ever_ ,” she confesses, nearly in tears as she lets the words come to the surface, “was a parent who loved me.”

Slowly, Kylo gets to his feet. He stands in front of Rey and looks down at her. “And now you have one,” he nods. He begins to redress, so Rey takes that as her cue to get ready to go. It feels like the conversation is over.

As they leave the stadium, Kylo says one last thing on the matter. “If that’s the only thing you get out of this that makes you happy when the war is over, then it will have been worth it.”

Rey is a calm sort of quiet as they leave the stadium, side by side just like when they’d made the journey there. Kylo doesn’t speak, nor does she expect him to. It’s been a weird day, and Rey feels now more than ever that she doesn’t know where their relationship lies.

As they’re walking back to their quarters, Rey spots a crowd of children playing in a square on the outskirts of town. She smiles, one hand dropping to her belly. She finds herself hoping that one day, her child can be that happy, running around with other kids, making friends and being a child rather than fighting for survival like she’d had to do at that age.

Kylo follows her gaze to the group of children, and if he decides they’re going to take the long way back so they can walk a little closer for Rey to see, he doesn’t tell her. Nor does she notice. Rey’s smile never fades as they walk closer to the park, though Kylo keeps his distance. His helmet is in his hand, rather than on his head; he shouldn’t scare anyone too badly.

Rey steps along the green at the edge of the park, smiling as she leans over to catch the ball that’s rolling along the grass, right towards her. A couple of children run up to them to retrieve it, and they don’t even flinch when they look up and see Rey and Kylo. Nobody is more surprised by that than Kylo. “Hi,” Rey smiles.

“Hi,” one of the children says. He’s a boy with sandy blonde hair, and he reaches out for the ball.

A little girl, also blonde and a little shorter than him, smacks him in the ribs. “Say please!” she hisses.

Rey smiles and crouches down to be at eye level with them. Kylo stands tall but tries to keep his face neutral so as to not frighten them. He prefers being a spectator in this situation. “Be gentle,” Rey warns the scrappy little girl.

“This is my little sister Shay,” the boy explains. “She’s still learning her manners.”

“And you have none!” Shay shouts.

Rey pats Shay gently on the shoulder and says, “Your brother should have asked, you’re right.” The boy looks indignant. “But we should never hit another person, right? We need to be kind, now more than ever.”

Shay looks a little admonished, and her brother says, “I’m Darik. Can I please have our ball back?”

Rey nods and holds it out to him. “Yes, of course, you can,” she smiles. “Now—no more hitting while you play, alright?”

“Okay,” Shay nods. She smiles at Rey as Rey rises back to her feet. Darik runs back to the group, but Shay hasn’t left them yet. She looks up at Rey and says, “You’re very pretty.”

“Thank you,” Rey smiles.

“Is he your husband?”

Rey had almost forgotten that Kylo was there. She looks over her shoulder at Kylo, and it feels strange for her to nod. “Yes,” she says, turning back to face Shay. “I’m Rey, and his name is Kylo.”

Shay laughs. “Kylo is a silly name,” she says. Clearly, she doesn’t know who they are, or what they stand for. Rey likes that very much.

“It’s a nickname,” Kylo says, a little defensively. Rey reaches behind her to grasp his hand, to remind him to not get worked up by this child they just met, but she can’t find his hand. Instead, he crouches down before the little girl.

Rey is endlessly confused at the way this conversation has gone but she’s not going to question it. She wants to know, more than anything, what he’s going to do next. “What’s your real name?” Shay asks.

“I’m Ben,” he says simply. It’s the first time she’s ever heard him admit to his name quite so painlessly. “It’s nice to meet you, Shay.”

Rey thinks that if she were capable of being wooed, he would have definitely succeeded just then. Shay preens at the attention she’s getting from this new friend of hers. “Your hair is pretty,” she says.

That draws a laugh out of Rey, and she sees Kylo sputter and try to figure out how to respond. Shay’s brother calls for her, though, so she doesn’t stick around to wait for a response. She runs back to the field with the other children, leaving Rey and Kylo at the edge of the park, Rey amused and Kylo dumbfounded. When he stands, Rey looks up at him, that smile still on her face.

“Stop that,” he says, rolling his eyes and turning to lead her the rest of the way to their apartment.

Rey doesn’t say a word, nor does she let on that she could see him fighting a smile, too.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snoke is displeased that Rey is having a girl, and word starts to swirl that Rey and Kylo may have feelings for each other.

**Day 143**

Rey spends the few days after their training back in their apartment, resting. Her joints ache and she hopes that pain will subside once the baby arrives. She’s far too young to be feeling so worn down.

She relaxes in warm baths, in lounge chairs with books, and one day even leaves her hair down. Kylo studies her oddly after this, watching her with lingering glances that make her blush. Seeing her so comfortable in his presence, his quarters, still feels startling sometimes. It’s a weight in his chest he doesn’t know what to do with.

When she rises a week after their outing, Rey feels completely refreshed, even now that they’re back on the Finalizer. It’s odd for her to see Kylo still in their quarters, still in their room. Usually, he’s gone when she wakes. The look on his face says that there’s nothing good that will come of this day. Rey sits up in bed slowly, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. Her hair is a mess and Kylo usually doesn’t see her this disheveled anymore—she squirms under the blankets and asks, “What’s going on?”

Kylo sighs and takes his time delivering the news. “The Supreme Leader wants to speak to us. Both of us.”

“About what?” Rey asks. “I’ve been good. I’ve obeyed.” There’s alarm in her eyes.

Nodding, Kylo says, “Yes, you have. You’ve done everything asked of you.” He pauses.

“Except?” Rey prompts.

Shaking his head, he explains. “It was out of our control, but the Supreme Leader is displeased. He wanted a male heir.” Looking up at Rey, Kylo says, “He may punish us both today, and I’m not sure I can do anything about it.”

“Yes, you can,” Rey says fiercely, stepping out of the bed. “We’ve been training for this. We can do this! We can attack.”

“Not today,” Kylo shakes his head. “It’s not right.”

Scowling, Rey asks, “When _will_ it be right!?”

Kylo’s eyes are dark and filled with intensity. Rey can’t bring herself to say anything else. Sighing, he tells her, “You won’t be injured, and neither will the baby. Even if I can’t prevent a punishment, I will prevent harm. You have to trust me.”

“I’d trust you more if you’d tell me when we can fight.”

Kylo stands and walks to the bed. He sits down on the edge and doesn’t move until Rey joins him, their thighs touching gingerly, just barely. Enough for her to feel his warmth. He looks into her eyes and confesses, “The more of this war we can let rest on Snoke’s shoulders, the more likely it is that the galaxy will side with us once he is dead. If we fight him, we have to fight him to the death. I’d rather save that for the very last possible moment, so any of these heinous things that happen are on _him_ , not on _us_.”

Rey is quiet.

“Snoke will not kill the child even if he is angry, because she is still an heir, and she will still be strong in the Force,” Kylo reassures her. “And he will not kill you because you are too valuable.”

Rey shakes her head. “I’m not as valuable as he’s convinced you I am,” she says, suddenly sounding defeated. “He told me himself that there are people searching the galaxy for more Force-sensitives. Women in particular. For you.”

“They haven’t found any.”

“That you know of.”

Sighing, Kylo reaches over towards Rey. He very gingerly puts a hand on her back, sliding it around her waist. “I don’t care,” he says. “I know these months haven’t been easy for you. That you’re miserable here, and I’m the last person you’ve wanted for company.” He looks over at her, and he’s surprised to see Rey looking back up with him, her eyes wide and a bit surprised. “But I’ve grown attached to you, and I wouldn’t cheat on you.”

Rey feels her eyes water just the slightest and doesn’t know if it’s the pregnancy hormones or the fact that she can _feel_ his honestly. She knows what he’s saying is true. Parts of it, at least. “You’re not the _last_ person I’ve wanted for company,” Rey concedes. “I knew on the second day that you were the only person here who was on my side.”

“But you still fought it.”

Shrugging, Rey looks away and says, “I had to be sure.”

They sit there quietly, fear growing in them both. They’re running out of time to go see the Supreme Leader before he comes even angrier with them. Very quietly, Rey says, “I’ve grown attached to you, too.” She rests her hand on his thigh and looks up at him once more.

He shows her every emotion, doesn’t waste his time or energy trying to block her out anymore. They can’t fight each other—they have to fight together. It’s always been that way, it’s just easier to fully understand it and accept it now than it once was. Kylo leans in to press the softest of kisses to Rey’s mouth and she breathes into it. Her fingers grasp at his leg and she feels his hand slide further around her waist. “I will try my best not to hurt you,” he whispers against her mouth. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

Rey nods, pressing her forehead to Kylo’s. “I know,” she whispers back. “I trust you.”

\---

Walking into Snoke’s throne room is the very definition of terrifying, for both of them. Rey would liken it to walking to her own death. She doesn’t know what to expect but takes comfort in the fact that the whole journey to the throne room, Kylo holds her hand. It’s not a gesture he’s done very often—not at all, as she can recall—but it gives her much more comfort than she could have expected. Much more comfort than the shackles they used to use on her.

As soon as they spot the guards, they let their hands fall to their sides. Kylo walks a few strides behind Rey, ensuring she goes in and she remains within his eyesight since they’d neglected to use the shackles. The show of not trusting Rey should appease Snoke if only just a little bit. Snoke positively sneers at them as they walk in, barely giving them a few steps before he holds out his hand, summoning Rey to him with the force.

“You have disappointed me, scavenger,” he booms, his voice echoing throughout the chambers. “You did not enjoy the spectacles we put on for your wedding, and then have the audacity to bear the First Order a _girl_!?” Rey never lets her glare leave her face. “I am certain that if we’d allowed General Hux to break you in, this _never_ would have happened.”

“Would you have married me off to him instead?” Rey hisses. “I wouldn’t let him _near_ me.” It’s so difficult for her to contain her anger when she’s around him. As soon as the words come out of her mouth, Rey knows she shouldn’t have spoken.

“Fool!” Snoke shouts. “He _never_ would have allowed you to become so insolent!”

Rey narrows her eyes at Snoke, trying to project all the bravery she possesses. “He would have beaten me within an inch of my life, and then I would have been of no use to you.”

Snoke tosses Rey across the room and she lands with a thud, sliding along the cool, slick floors until she’s lying practically on top of Kylo Ren’s feet. She looks up at him, not daring to use the Force to reassure him that she’s okay. She sees the question in his eyes, though. Rey gives the barest of nods. She hadn’t fallen on her stomach—she’ll be okay, and so will the baby.

“Kylo Ren,” Snoke says, now turning his attention away from Rey. “Your attachment has led you to allow your wife too many freedoms. She forgets to obey me.” Snoke’s silence after his statement chills Rey and makes her worry about what’s to come. His silence cannot be anything good.

“I think some time apart will do you both some good,” Snoke says with a sneer. He looks to Kylo and says, “You’re needed for a short mission. There’s a small band of rebels on Rabaan and I want you to personally see to it that they are destroyed.” When Snoke’s gaze moves to Rey, she glares defiantly back up at him. “As for you, scavenger. I think it’s best I remind you where you started. How kind I have been to you, even when you weren’t deserving.”

Snoke beckons over Hux and Phasma. “Put her back in the interrogation cell,” he commands.

Kylo reaches for his lightsaber, but he’s blasted backwards, thrown like a rag doll away from Rey. “No, wait,” Rey protests. Those restraints had been miserable when she wasn’t pregnant. Now that she was sore and had gained weight, the restraints would be even more uncomfortable.

“It is too late to beg for mercy,” Snoke barks. “You will be kept in the cell while your beloved husband is off-ship. When he returns, you will be given one more chance to show me some respect.” Bored with everyone, he waves his hand off and dismisses them.

Rey struggles and kicks, but Phasma and her small group of ‘troopers are too strong. They carry her away, down the hallway of the ship, Hux following with a satisfied sneer on his face. Kylo is unable to break away from the Stormtroopers flanking him, surrounding him to successfully bring him to a ship that will bring them to Rabaan. Faintly, through the force, he can feel Rey’s fear and worry. _I’m sorry_ , Ben says to her. _I’m sorry I failed you_.

**Day 146**

Rey doesn’t miss the days of being stuck in the interrogation room, strapped uncomfortably to the platform. She should have watched her mouth—she was angry but didn’t have to lash out. It’s something she blames on the baby hormones but knows she’s outspoken, that it’s her own fault she’s in this situation all over again.

And Kylo is off-ship, unable to protect her, which means Rey lives each hour in fear that Hux will enter and try to do something to her, the way he did before. It doesn’t help matters any that they’ve faced her away from the doors, so when someone comes in, Rey doesn’t know who it is. Fear courses through her each and every time. Usually, it’s a droid or a Stormtrooper, someone letting her loose to use the ‘fresher or eat some bread, but today, it’s neither.

It’s Captain Phasma.

Rey has mostly just heard about this woman from Kylo, or around the ship. Once, she’d even heard about her from Finn. The woman is tall—impossibly tall, with the shiniest armor Rey has ever seen. She looms over Rey as she studies her on the platform, and if she could see under the helmet, Rey is sure she’d see a smirk of satisfaction.

“Scavenger,” Phasma begins.

Narrowing her eyes at Phasma, Rey says, “You can’t scare me.”

“You’re living in constant fear,” Phasma says simply. “I can read it all over your face.” Phasma stands in front of Rey, tall and mighty, and says to her, “You really must learn to pick your battles.”

“I will not take advice from you,” Rey spits.

Phasma laughs, and even through the mechanical din of her armor, the laugh is sickening. Rey hates these people, hates what they’re doing to her. “I don’t know what Kylo Ren has told you, but your days in comfort here are likely numbered,” Phasma replies. “One more hiccup in this pregnancy and Snoke will have you killed.”

“That sort of thing is out of my control,” Rey argues. She feels ready to plead. “Why doesn’t he understand that?”

Phasma starts to slowly circle Rey, studying her, the click of her boots on the floor the only sound in the room for a few moments. “He understands,” Phasma concedes. “He just doesn’t care.” More silence save for Phasma’s boots. Rey closes her eyes and lays her head back against the platform. She’s exhausted, and she doesn’t want to look at this woman anymore. “Do you know why I am here?”

“I don’t care.”

Phasma stops, standing to Rey’s side. She watches her, waiting for Rey to give in. It’s inevitable that she will—the curiosity will be too much for her. Finally, Rey rolls her head to the side. If Phasma’s face were showing, Rey would be sickened by the satisfied grin on her face beneath the mask. “I am in control of the Stormtroopers sent to Rabaan with Kylo Ren,” Phasma explains. Rey can hear her pride, her satisfaction in her voice. Her gut twists uncomfortably. “One wrong move on your part and all two hundred ‘troopers will open fire on him at once.”

Startled, Rey says, “But he’s supposed to be your leader.” She doesn’t understand.

“Now that we have you, he’s rather disposable,” Phasma says simply. “All we need is strong Jedi blood to start creating this army. We have you in captivity—we don’t need him trying to reign this place. We can find others like you, or like him, and take them captive as well. There are many suitable people on this ship who could take the place of Ren as heir to the Supreme Leader.”

“You wouldn’t kill Kylo Ren,” Rey argues, trying to figure out Phasma’s angle, what she’s trying to get from her. “You need him to repopulate, too. The women, the—” Phasma’s laugh interrupts Rey, who looks saddened, almost desperate. “You wouldn’t,” Rey pleads, sounding defeated.

“You have no idea of all the pieces that go into the Supreme Leader’s plan,” Phasma says. “You’re just a silly little girl who isn’t strong enough to escape. You’ll be used and then thrown away when all is done with you.” Phasma tilts her head to the side. “Pity. You had so much potential. I could see it. I knew the Supreme Leader was wise in trying to train you. And then you threw it all away for some pathetic, sniveling boy like Kylo Ren.”

“Stop,” Rey pleads. “I’m doing as you all ask. So is he. We haven’t done anything wrong.”

Phasma laughs again. “We see much more than you know. Love is a weakness, you disgusting scavenger,” she warns Rey scathingly. “Be careful. One more wrong move and you could both be in _serious_ trouble.”

Rey is confused, and for the first time in a while, feels totally defeated. She blinks a few times, hating that tears are beginning to well in her eyes. This isn’t a time to cry. This is a time to try to be strong, to not let Phasma get under her skin.

But it’s too late. Rey feels scared, and in danger, and worse yet—guilty that now because of her, Kylo Ren is in danger, too.

**Day 152**

Having been trapped in the interrogation room with the bare minimum of care for a full two weeks, Rey feels as though she’d do anything Snoke asked of her. She’s been worn down, and she’s so tired, and her back is screaming at her from bearing the weight of the baby in such an uncomfortable manner. She doesn’t flinch when the doors to the interrogation cell whirr open. Rey furrows her brow and does her best to summon the strength to defend herself if necessary, but her expression drops when she sees who it is.

Kylo Ren.

Rey never imagined she could feel such relief, seeing him standing before her, even with his mask on. But he’s a welcome sight, one she’s been waiting days upon days for. Rey’s eyes begin to water with tears of relief, and she feels a sense of comfort knowing she hadn’t been touched or violated or hurt—that they’d kept their hands off of her. That she was left with nothing but her fear, no lasting emotional scars from this particular entrapment.

Kylo doesn’t say a word as he releases her and lifts her into his arms. He makes it look so easy, even when Rey knows she’s not as light as she once was. There are so many questions on the tip of her tongue, least of all why he’s being so stoic and silent, but Rey realizes why as soon as they face the doors. A crowd of four Stormtroopers plus Phasma and Hux stand in the hallway, watching their every move. “You remember our warning, Ren?” Hux asks with a disgusting sneer.

Kylo raises his chin a bit, not choosing to answer with words. He doesn’t want to even acknowledge Hux, not when he can see how poor a state Rey is in. Rey hopes Hux doesn’t speak, doesn’t say what other fate they could face should they put another toe out of line. Phasma follows close behind them as they walk through the ship, Kylo seething as he has to follow Hux like that vile redhead is of a higher rank than he is. When they reach the doors to Kylo’s quarters, Hux looks smugly at them and Phasma gives them one final warning.

“One more mistake and the Supreme Leader will not be so merciful,” she warns. “One toe out of line and I have orders to kill.” Phasma looks directly at Kylo Ren and says, “There are good men waiting in line for your position—to have Rey and become Heir to the Supreme Leader.” As the doors whirr shut, Phasma’s voice echoes in both of their ears, “Watch your back, Ren.”

When the still, almost eerie silence of Kylo’s quarters fall over the both of them, Rey buries her face in his shoulder and lets the tears fall. She was miserable, constantly in fear, constantly worried that she’d never see him again and that she’d become a rag doll for the First Order. She’s in pain, and she’s exhausted and hungry, and Rey has never been so relieved to see Kylo Ren, ever.

Quietly, calmly, he carries her to the bed and lays her down. Rey wipes her hands over her face, trying to wipe away the tears and snot. She knows she looks horrible; it’s highly unlikely that he’d been expecting her to become such a mess once he’d rescued her. Once Rey is lying down on the cushiony mattress, Kylo walks away. She tries not to be disappointed.

When he returns a few minutes, his mask, gloves, and cape have all been removed. He carries a small black case in his hands and when he reaches the bed, his sadness is clear in his eyes. Neither speaks as he pulls her boots from her feet. Rey winces; her swollen ankles had been trapped in the tight confines of the restraints and now they were chafed and red and raw—bleeding in a few places, even. Somehow, Kylo had already known, and he slowly starts to place bacta patches on Rey’s sore skin.

Rey feels guilt and anger emanating from him and isn’t sure whether she should say something. Undoubtedly, he’d been forced to take many lives on his trip to Rabaan. Once upon a time, Kylo Ren wouldn’t have batted an eye at the idea of taking so many lives. Now, Rey thinks he cares a little more about that sort of thing. If not for himself, then for her. She’s quiet still as he wraps her chafed wrists with bacta patches as well. His touch is gentle and warm, and Rey watches as he treats her wounds with such a deft, graceful hand.

When he’s done, Kylo stands and makes a move to leave, but Rey doesn’t want him to leave. She’d been so scared, so lonely. It was like life on Jakku all over again. Rey reaches out and takes his hand quickly. His head whips around, startled, but she doesn’t release her grip. “Stay, please,” she begs.

“No,” he says flatly. His eyes turn blank, dead almost. Like he’s blocking her out.

“ _Please_ ,” Rey begs. “I—” she takes a shot in the dark at what’s making him close himself off as she says, “I don’t care what you had to do to those people on Rabaan. I don’t care that you couldn’t keep me from that interrogation room. I _missed you_.”

She pulls on his hand, trying to coax him into bed with her. Rey wants to sleep for days, and she wants Kylo by her side. She needs him, the reassurance that she’s safe—at least for now. He looks ready to argue, a flash of something dangerous in his eyes, but it disappears as fast as it came. Sighing, he nods. Whether he wants to admit it or not, he’d missed her, too. He’d feared for her life and her safety the entire time he’d been on his mission.

He moves slowly as he removes his boots and tunic, half-expecting Rey to change her mind as she sees the new battle wounds on his shoulders and arms. Rey doesn’t flinch, doesn’t look away. She just watches him and waits patiently. When he’s undressed a little—enough to be comfortable as he sleeps—she reaches out for his hand again. Rey scoots over on the bed to make room for him and happily folds herself into his arms. She’d missed this—the safety and security she feels in his arms. Rey projects the feelings to him, letting Kylo know just how valuable he has become to her. Something tells her he doubts his abilities to protect her after what happened to them. For the first time in nearly a week, Rey falls into a comfortable, deep sleep.

Kylo isn’t summoned to Snoke for much in the days following his mission on Rabaan. Presumably, he is too focused on working with Phasma and Hux to ward off the increased attacks upon their fleet—attacks they’ve had to fend off almost daily since the destruction of the Hosnian System at the official completion of Starkiller Base. Thinking about that day—her _wedding—_ and knowing that so many people lost their lives still leaves Rey feeling hollow and empty, like a beacon of the worst moments in the galaxy. It’s a terrible reminder of where she is and who she must answer to, whether she likes it or not.

Looking around her surroundings, Rey thinks about where she is, what her life has become. She’s gotten used to being Kylo Ren’s wife, to walking by his side, to considering just how much she’s grown attached to him and how much she doesn’t mind his company. He’s a decent man who has done terrible things but knows how to care for those to whom he chooses to devote himself. If Rey has learned anything from him, it’s to choose her battles very carefully and to strategize her every move. One misstep could mean life or death—and Rey thinks that Kylo has toed that line more than she initially thought.

Snoke leaves them well enough alone now that he’s punished them, had his cronies make their threats. Rey relishes in her peace—enjoys it, even—especially when it means she doesn’t have to change out of her sleep clothes, the only things that fit her anymore, and by far the most comfortable. Not seeing Snoke makes it easier for her to pretend that she’s back on Cularin with Kylo, her life not on the line.

Rey thinks back to where their relationship had been when they’d first properly stayed here. They’ve come so far in such a short time. Somehow, in the midst of it all, she draws upon that and finds happiness. She’d never wanted it, never dreamt it, but now she’s so thankful for it: Kylo Ren makes her _happy_.

What’s more is that Rey thinks she just might make him happy, too.

**Day 158**

Rey reaches the halfway point of her pregnancy at twenty-eight galactic standard weeks and has the exam in the privacy of their quarters on the Finalizer. Kylo stands at her side, near the arm of the sofa, and listens intently as the droid informs them of their baby’s progress.

[Healthy,] beeps the droid. [Estimated weight: nine ounces. Estimated height: eighteen centimeters. Baby is tall for its age. At this stage, you may begin to feel baby moving, and baby can hear your voices.]

The med droid extends an arm as it has always done in the past and presses it to Rey’s curved belly. A heartbeat fills the room and this time, Rey doesn’t become sad or scared. She becomes hopeful. When she looks up at Kylo, he looks proud.

[Heartbeat is strong,] the droid says. [The baby is progressing well.]

With that, the droid completes its exam and wheels away. Undoubtedly, it will go give news of the baby to Snoke, but Rey pretends she doesn’t know that. She pretends now that any news about the baby is just shared between the two of them. That they can do this their own way.

“She’s tall for her age,” Rey laughs a little as she sits up. She draws her gaze up to look at Kylo again. “She’s going to have your height, then.”

“Poor girl,” Kylo replies.

He doesn’t smile much, but when he says this, Rey sees the way the corners of his mouth turn up slightly. It’s close enough, and it makes Rey’s heart flutter.

“What else do you think she’ll get from us?” Rey wonders absentmindedly, leaning back against the sofa. Her hand brushes over the curve of her belly, now grown enough to make her feel slightly uncomfortable.

“Nothing else from me, hopefully,” Kylo replies. Rey looks at him, a little affronted, a little sad. He shrugs, having meant every word. “I am not what you want our child to become.”

Rey looks away; she knows Kylo is hard on himself, doesn’t see anything worth saving no matter how kind he may be towards her. She lets her eyes stay focused on her belly as she glides a hand over it, smoothing the fabric covering it. “I hope she has your eyes,” she says softly.

Her confession staggers Kylo, leaves him feeling astonished that she would dare want anything like that. He likes pain, though, likes to torture himself, so he asks, “Why?”

“Even when you try to close off yourself to everyone around you, your eyes give you away,” Rey says. “They’re expressive.” Her voice weakens, and Kylo hears her hesitate before she adds, “They’re beautiful. One of my favorite things about you.”

Kylo sits next to her on the sofa, his thigh pressed to hers; it’s an intimate gesture that Rey doesn’t shy away from. “Don’t say things like that,” he whispers.

Rey lays her head on his shoulder and says, “You’re my husband. I can say things like that all I want.”

“You married me because you had to,” he reminds her.

Rey’s chest twists painfully when she hears him say such a thing. He’s right, but things have also changed a lot. While she doesn’t forgive him for what he did to Han, she understands. Snoke’s presence is vile, seeping through every crevice of his ship, his people. And his presence in Kylo Ren’s head is one of the most fearsome things about him—and having seen the good in Kylo, she knows that the bad is only fueled by Snoke. That her husband isn’t the monster she once thought he was. Kylo protects her, and he’s so gentle with her now, and Rey knows he cares for her even if he won’t admit it.

“Don’t say that,” she frowns.

“Why not?” he asks. “It’s true.”

Sitting up, Rey angles herself towards him the best she can and looks rather stubborn and a bit angry as she says, “Yes, it’s true that I married you because I had to. But these feelings are real. I told you I was growing attached to you, that I care about you, and that’s _real_.” Rey reaches down and takes his hand in hers. He doesn’t wear his gloves around her anymore; he likes the feeling of her skin against his own. “Please, stop trying to push me away. Let yourself feel this.”

He looks into her eyes and sure enough, all the emotion he refuses to show in his expression, she can see in his eyes. Kylo wants desperately to be with Rey. He’s grown more attached to her than she has to him, he’s sure of it. He’s afraid of _everything_ these days and only has the strength to face Snoke because of her, because of the baby. “I _do_ feel it,” he nods. His eyes convey a terrified, staggering sadness to Rey. “But what happens when it ends?”

“Don’t think like that,” Rey pleads.

“My mother will free you of this place as soon as Snoke is dead,” Kylo tells her. His voice is curt, factual.

Rey frowns. “She will free _us_ ,” she clarifies. “And if you think for one moment that I would deprive this child of a family, you’re quite mistaken. I grew up with nothing. Nobody. You _know_ this.” Rey pats her belly again; she does that a lot, Kylo notices. A small part of him appreciates knowing that Rey would be so open with her affection towards the child who carries his monstrous genetics. “Whether you like it or not, the two of us are going to be connected for the rest of our lives. I am not abandoning you. This child will know both of her parents.”

“I’ll only let her down.”

“No, you won’t.”

Rey’s gaze is strong and heavy; Kylo can’t look away, even if the look in Rey’s eyes is staggering, scares him a little. She’s so intense when she speaks about the baby, about their future. She seems so _sure_.

“The very fact that you’re worried you’ll let her down means that you _won’t_.” Rey studies Kylo’s face for a moment and says, “You were disappointed by your father. You were constantly let down by him because he never showed up when he said he would. You learned what _not_ to do. I see how much you care for her. You are _not_ going to let her down.”

“It’s what fathers are known for in this family,” Kylo tells her.

Rey sighs; she can tell that Kylo is in one of his argumentative moods; he’s going to be stubborn and self-deprecating until she’s blue in the face. It’s better to not argue. She stands up and looks at him with disappointment in her eyes. It pains him to see. “You are so much more than your ancestors,” Rey reminds him sadly.

She disappears into their bedroom, and Kylo watches after her and thinks to himself that whatever this is, what he’s found in Rey—he can’t let that go. When he’s horrible to himself, she’s right there, supporting him. Even when he’s being insufferable and self-loathing.

After warning her continually not to get attached, it suddenly dawns upon him that he should have heeded the warning himself.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Both the Resistance and Kylo Ren start making preparations to try to save Rey.

**Day 163**

On the Finalizer, there’s a lot more that Kylo can do on a daily basis that doesn’t require interacting with Snoke. He assists General Hux in formulating plans (much to Hux’s chagrin) and if a threat or two slips out from Kylo’s mouth, neither of them take it up with Snoke.

He returns to their quarters around midday, tired from a morning of verbal sparring and strategic planning with Hux. He hears Rey’s voice, faint and calm, from across the room. When he enters the sitting area, he spots Rey lying crossways on the sofa, her swollen feet propped up, her hair splayed out across the pillows. She has a smile on her face and she’s looking at her belly. She’s glowing with happiness.

Rey is talking to the baby. She’s taken to doing that lately, now that she knows the baby can hear them, but never before has Kylo caught her while she was doing it. Usually, she mentions it over dinner, when the act is done and over with. When Rey looks up, she smiles at Kylo. “Hi,” she says. She’s so calm, so at peace, that Kylo envies her for it.

“Come here,” she says, holding out her hand. She doesn’t move from her place on the sofa.

Kylo obeys without question; he’d do anything Rey asked of him, at this point. When he’s close enough, he takes her hand and lets her guide him closer, until he’s on his knees next to the sofa. He’d removed his helmet and gloves by the door, but now he removes his cowl as well. The room is warm, and that warmth spreads right through his chest as he takes in the sight of Rey looking so calm and happy. Clearly, Snoke’s reach hasn’t extended to these chambers, not yet at least.

“You should talk to her,” Rey says gently, keeping Kylo’s hand gripped in her own. “I want her to know your voice.”

Kylo lets his free hand ghost slowly over the curve of her belly, barely touching her. “Is that wise?” he asks.

“Yes,” Rey replies confidently. “I want her to know your voice, and for her to learn she can trust you. Yours should be the first man’s voice she ever hears, not Snoke’s.”

They both know that it’s only a matter of time before Snoke tries to breach the baby’s mind, to start filling their child’s head with nonsense just as he’d done to Kylo when he was younger. She squeezes Kylo’s hand and says, “I want her to know which man she can trust.” Rey looks up at Kylo as he continues to stare at her belly, to come to terms with what she’s asking. “You are her father,” Rey reminds him.

“Nobody should trust me,” Kylo says, but the conviction isn’t there.

“I do. The baby and I both do,” Rey says. “Right now, you’re our only chance for survival. We trust you with our lives.” She’s never been one to rely on anyone for survival, but being in the hands of the First Order for so long has changed Rey. She’s had to adapt, to learn that now, survival isn’t dependent on her strength alone. She must also depend on someone of power within the very group that is trying to keep her prisoner.

Kylo swallows past a lump in his throat. “She won’t want to hear me.”

“Yes she will,” Rey says confidently. Her eyes drift to her belly. “Won’t you, sweetheart?” Kylo’s chest constricts when he hears Rey’s words, watches her speak to their baby with such warmth and affection. “Do you want to speak to daddy?”

Very softly, through the Force, Kylo feels a surge of energy. Rey must feel it, too, because she gasps. “She moved,” Rey whispers. “I felt it. She moved.” She hadn’t felt the Force, she’d felt the physical movement of the baby inside of her. She looks excitedly up at Kylo. “Please? For her.”

Each move of Kylo’s is slow and deliberate like he fears Rey will change her mind at any moment. Gently, he rests his palm upon her belly and leans in slightly. “Hello,” he says awkwardly. He feels the same surge of energy in the Force that he did before, now matched with the fluttering feeling of the baby moving inside Rey, against his palm. It gives him a small burst of confidence. “I—I don’t know what to say, but…” he breathes. “I love you. I’ll always protect you.”

The baby shifts inside Rey’s stomach and Kylo feels it under his hand—another flutter of a little body. The swell of _something_ in his chest, in his mind. “She’s strong with the Force,” he whispers to Rey.

“She is,” Rey nods. Her wide, hazel eyes stay focused on Kylo, but she lets him have his moment with the baby.

Kylo grazes his thumb gently over Rey’s belly and says, “You’re going to be strong and beautiful, like your mother.” He sounds so confident about that, it makes Rey’s heart ache with happiness. She closes her eyes when she sees his shoulders slump ever so slightly like he wants the moment to be just between him and the baby. Rey hears him whisper, his breath hot against her stomach, “You will never be lonely. I promise.”

Rey’s eyes are closed, but the words strike a chord deep within her and she feels weak and dumb and hormonal when tears spring to her eyes. She keeps them closed but reaches out to card a hand through Kylo’s hair. He presses a kiss to her stomach without thinking, and then leans back, the moment ending.

When her eyes meet his, Kylo sees the shimmer of tears, but also the sheer joy on her face. If only this were all _real_ , he thinks to himself. If only she’d done this with him—created _life—_ out of her own free will, not out of necessity. He can try to make her happy—he’d spend the rest of his life doing that for Rey and their daughter, this he knows. But Kylo still can’t bring himself to believe that Rey would want that of her own volition.

He’s well aware that once Snoke is defeated, their makeshift happy family will disintegrate, just as his parents’ relationship had. They’d worked well together when they were forced to be together, for survival, to fight a war, but when that ended… something broke. And the same would happen to them, Kylo is sure of it.

But then Rey sits up and doesn’t wipe away the tear that slips down her cheek. She focuses on Kylo, on the emotion in his eyes—the conflict, the sadness, the worry—and holds his face in her hands. When she leans in and presses a kiss to his mouth, Rey pours as much love and adoration into the gesture as she can without speaking. As they kiss, she wraps one arm around his broad shoulders, her other hand brushing a thumb over his cheekbone, reveling in the softness of his mouth against hers.

He breathes into the kiss and Rey parts her lips, adjusting to get more comfortable. Her tongue darts out across his lower lip and his heart sings with the feeling. It’s a bad idea, he knows, to get so attached, to give in to Rey so easily, and yet—there’s nothing he wants more than to surrender to her touches and give her everything she asks for.

Kylo holds her hips as she slides closer to him, barely sitting on the cushions of the sofa now. He’s kneeling between her legs, one hand sliding down her thigh, and he’s kissing her like there’s no tomorrow. Their mouths move together in a rhythm with their heartbeats, his tongue memorizing the taste of Rey’s mouth, Rey’s hands gripping his hair almost painfully tight. She mewls into the kiss and Kylo could fall apart right there in her arms, knowing he has such an effect on her.

When he reaches up to cup her face in his hand, he realizes her cheeks are wet. When he pulls away, Kylo looks up at her with concern clear across his features. His thumb brushes away the tear, but Rey just beams at him. “What’s the matter?” he asks.

Rey shakes her head. “Nothing,” she whispers. “Nothing at all.”

“But you’re crying,” Kylo argues, reaching his other hand up to wipe the tears from the other cheek.

“I know,” she nods. Rey lets out a shaky breath and licks her red, kiss-swollen lips. She smiles at him again and confesses, “I’m just happy.”

“Happy?” Kylo asks. It’s not an emotion people usually experience around him. Rey nods and tries to regain some of her composure. “Because of me?” he presses. Rey nods again. Kylo pulls Rey into a warm, protective hug, his head on her shoulder. “Enjoy it while it lasts,” he whispers. “I don’t know how long we’ll have before the Supreme Leader…”

“It doesn’t matter,” Rey interrupts, whispering against his hair. She hugs him back with just as much ferocity. “This is already more happiness than I’d ever expected to feel in my entire life.”

Having grown up on Jakku, she didn’t have high hopes for a bright future. She sure didn’t expect happiness. So even if Rey only experiences such a beautiful high of happiness for a few days in this horrible experience she’s had, she feels like she’s won. It was all worth it.

“You’re too good for this,” Kylo whispers to her. “Any of it. The First Order, the Resistance, _me_ …”

Rey leans away, looking into Kylo’s eyes. She smiles and says, “Then I can choose whatever or whoever I want.” Rey presses a gentle kiss to his lips. “And right now, I choose you.”

**Day 166**

Leia stands in the command station at the Resistance base, the room rather empty now that they’d just succeeded in their mission of destroying Starkiller Base. Several of the planets that had witnessed the same thing she had—the destruction of the Hosnian system at Kylo and Rey’s wedding—were ready and willing to retaliate against the First Order.

But now, Leia is trying to strategize how to proceed. Until the First Order is stopped and Snoke is dead, she cannot safely get Rey out of her captivity. Leia hasn’t told her troops much about their next steps, just knows that Poe has been pestering her about what’s going on with Rey, primarily because _Finn_ wants to know what’s going on with Rey.

Finn, whose bravery and intel helped them destroy Starkiller Base. Finn, who knew more than anyone what sort of world Rey was currently trapped in.

The poor girl was being held captive by Snoke, by Kylo Ren. She was carrying Leia’s grandchild, but not out of her own volition. Rey was being subjected to things that Leia would never wish upon any woman, even one as strong as Rey. She wanted desperately to free her, to let her make her own choices.

There are footsteps approaching and Leia looks up, pulled from her thoughts. Finn and Poe walk in, BB-8 rolling eagerly behind them. “Boys,” Leia greets them.

“You wanted to see us, ma’am?” Finn asks. He looks so hopeful—his optimism is endearing to Leia, and she smiles.

“I wanted to strategize what our next step will be,” Leia informs them. “Finn, your intel that helped us take down Starkiller Base was invaluable. I was hoping you’d help us with this again.”

“Of course,” Finn nods, looking very serious. “It’d be an honor.”

“Sit, both of you,” Leia says. Poe and Finn sit across from her at a table. Leia hesitates before she begins, “I have details on Rey. I think… now is probably the time to share them with you. They’re crucial to the timing of our next big attack.”

“Is she alright?” Finn asks frantically.

Leia half-shrugs, half-nods. “In a manner of speaking,” Leia concedes. “When I’d been called away to Coruscant—that was by the First Order.”

“Wait -,” Poe interrupts. “The First Order summoned you and you _went_? By _yourself_?”

“No,” Leia says. “My husband was there with me. And it was for a wedding.”

Poe hesitates, and Finn looks dumbstruck. “A wedding?”

Leia sighs. “Look, boys. Rey is Force-sensitive. She’s very strong with the Force, actually. Stronger than anyone has been for a long time,” she explains. “Since my son.” Leia looks between the two of them. “Knowing this, Snoke forced a union between the two of them. Rey is married to Kylo Ren.”

Finn sputters, his eyes wide. “Kylo Ren is -”

“My son,” Leia says flatly. “I didn’t give him that ridiculous name, of course. He was Ben when he was in my care. Ben Solo.” She frowns. “His training went awry. Snoke preyed on him. Brainwashed him. Now he believes he is doing what’s right.” Sighing, Leia explains, “Ben feels everything very strongly, and he always has—every emotion is magnified, for him. When he’s happy, he’s ecstatic. When he’s angry, he’s livid. He feels things in extremes.”

Finn and Poe are quiet, listening to Leia as she explains. “This also means that when he’s influenced by outside forces, it is very easy to sway him,” she says. “He was swayed by Snoke when he was a teen, and now he is who he is today because of that, among other things. But recently, he’s been swayed by Rey, due to her captivity and their forced… _entanglement_.” Poe opens his mouth to ask, but Leia holds up a hand, stopping him. “Now… Snoke knows they’re both strong in the Force. He wants to recreate Force-sensitives, especially those on the Dark Side.”

“The Sith?” Finn asks.

Leia nods. “Yes, the Sith. And he has decided the best way to do this is by breeding his own army of them,” she explains. “Kylo Ren and Rey are just the first in an army of Force-sensitives that he will manipulate and torture into doing his bidding.”

“So Snoke’s taking all these people who can use the Force and making them get married and have a bunch of kids?” Poe asks. “That’s… really weird.”

“It is,” Leia nods. “But not unheard of.” She sighs. “I don’t imagine they’ll all be married off—he just wants a strong leadership council to take over when he dies. Having Rey and Ben rule together was his strategy for that.” Leia pauses before she gives them one final, major detail. “Rey is pregnant. I’d say she’s about halfway, at this point. But she’s okay. And that’s why we need to get her out of there as soon as we can before the baby is born and Snoke gets his hands on it.”

“You’re sure?” Finn asks, sounding rather alarmed. “There’s no way that she was… _forced_?”

Leia turns to Finn and says, “She and my son have grown to care for each other. Like I said—when Ben feels things, he feels them very strongly, and he’s swayed easily. He has been protecting Rey from Snoke as best he can—for the baby.”

“He wasn’t protecting her when he knocked her up,” Poe says, looking angry on Finn’s behalf. “Besides, isn’t that like, Stockholm syndrome or something?”

Leia sighs. “It might be. But we won’t know until we get them out of that situation.”

“You mean when we get _Rey_ out of that situation,” Finn clarifies.

The expression on Leia’s face isn’t a pleasant one as she looks between Finn and Poe. Sighing, she says, “I don’t think that separating the two of them at this point would be wise. They’ve grown attached. Ben cares about Rey, but he also cares about the baby. Separating him from them would make him extremely volatile and a major threat to the Resistance. I believe our best chance of success is to get the two of them out _together_. Then, once we take down Snoke, we can figure out from there how to handle the situation.”

“You want us to save Kylo Ren from the First Order?” Poe asks. He looks angry now, and Leia frowns. “Do you realize how ridiculous that sounds?”

“Intel from Coruscant tells me that Kylo Ren is not in favor with Snoke right now,” Leia tells him. “They’re both at risk.”

“How come?” Finn wonders. It blows his mind that Kylo Ren is anything but revered and respected within the First Order.

Leia explains, “Rey is carrying a girl. Snoke wanted a male, to ensure an heir once both Snoke and Kylo Ren are gone. For the First Order.”

Finn and Poe exchange glances before looking back at Leia. Her mind appears to be made up. They must find a way to get Rey and Kylo off of the Finalizer, and then craft plans to destroy the Finalizer and any other First Order fleet they can aim their blasters at. “Finn, you know that ship. If we can get you two on that ship, do you think you can carry out the rescue mission? We need to get Rey and Ben somewhere safe,” Leia says. “We won’t bring them here to the base. I’ll contact other planets to see if we can find a neutral zone.”

“Yeah, we can do this,” Poe nods eagerly.

“Anything to get Rey back,” Finn replies.

Leia looks between them and says very carefully, “Neither of them is to be harmed, do you understand?” The men nod. “Good. Now, I’m going to start contacting some other planetary leaders and try to get in touch with Ben to secure a meeting place and a way through the shields. I’ll let you know when the mission will be dispatched.”

“Yes ma’am,” Finn nods. Poe does a half-hearted salute in reply.

“Good. You’re dismissed.”

Leia turns her chair to give her attention to one of the communication screens. Finn and Poe leave the room, and when the doors whirr shut behind them, Poe asks, “Am I the only one who thinks is the craziest thing we’ve done yet? I mean—save _Kylo Ren_? _Seriously_?”

“No, it’s weird,” Finn agrees. “Really, _really_ weird.”

**Day 171**

Kylo Ren doesn’t usually get communication on his personal channel. He leaves it open, of course, mostly out of longing and desperation. At least in his teen years, he’d hoped that one of his parents would try to reach out to him that way, rather than mourning and pitying him from afar. They never had. So when Kylo sits and eats his breakfast at an early hour in the morning, he looks up in trepidation at the sight of the light flashing on the motherboard.

He checks the security on the communication channel and then answers the call. “State your name,” he commands.

“Ben, honey, it’s just me.”

Kylo sputters. It’s his mother. About ten years too late, she’s decided to use the comm channel to try to reach him. “What do you want?” he asks flatly.

He can hear her sigh across the channel. “Is this link private?” she asks.

“Yes,” he reassures her.

“Okay. The Resistance has a plan to get you two to safety, but we’re going to need your help. We cannot succeed without help from the inside.”

It’s staggering for Kylo, the fact that his mother has suddenly come to his aid. He’s fairly certain it’s only for Rey, and that makes something within him boil. However, he’d do anything for Rey and the baby—including traitorous acts to get them far away from Snoke.

“You want to take her away from me,” he says flatly.

“No, I want to bring you, too. If you’ll come,” Leia says. “I won’t fight you on it. I don’t have that kind of time or energy, not in this war. But I’ll bring you with so you can stay with your family.” Leia pauses for a moment, to let Kylo consider. “I have a plan if you’ll hear me out.”

There’s a pause so long that Leia fears the connection may have been lost. But then, ever so softly, she hears her son’s voice again, and her heart swells with pride. She’s been right all along—there is still Light in him. They just needed Rey to draw it out of him.

“Tell me what you need me to do.”

\---

Rey has gotten used to waking and not doing anything—sometimes she’ll meditate, but mostly she’ll lie around reading or talking to the baby. Rey started thinking about names but hasn’t told Kylo as much. They’re in a bubble right now, a happy bubble where they feel like maybe everything will turn out okay in the end. They haven’t had to face Snoke in a while, so they’ve been lulled into a false sense of security.

Which is why Rey doesn’t find it at all surprising when Kylo comes into their rooms in the morning, Rey just barely finished having her breakfast, to tell her they need to continue training. “What happened to not wanting me to fight in my condition?” Rey teases.

She stands, though, thankful for something new to do, to make a change in her monotonous daily routine. “Our time to fight Snoke will be here soon,” he announces.

Rey looks surprised, “Really?” She’d been starting to think the day would never come.

He doesn’t divulge all the details to her; he’s sure that if Rey knew the rest of their training and effort was because the Resistance was coming to save her, she’d quit being so affectionate. He’s selfish and he’s never had love like Rey’s before; he’s not going to give it up before he absolutely has to.

“We will train twice a day, an hour each,” he says.

“Right now?” she asks eagerly.

Shrugging, he says, “If you want to. Are you done eating?”

“Yes,” Rey nods.

Kylo is fairly certain that even if she _wasn’t_ done eating, she’d say she was just so they could begin training. He doesn’t shackle her anymore when they leave their quarters—that’s barbaric and something he’d only done before he trusted her. Besides, now the shackles would rest against the very obvious bump she has, and the last thing he wants is for something so inhumane anywhere near their daughter.

They walk together, Rey with a bounce in her step. She has the decency to keep the smile off her face as they walk through the halls of the Finalizer, but when they’re alone in the training room, her smile lights up the whole space. She spots the training tools they’d used before they left—a staff, some sticks meant to imitate lightsabers—but Kylo grabs her wrist before she can pick up a weapon. “I have something for you,” he says.

Rey looks up at him, and she’s unsure of whether she actually wants to see what it is that he’s gotten for her. If it’s her staff, now fashioned into a lightsaber, it’s likely to be red—a weapon she never wanted to wield. Sure enough, he holds out what remains of her staff, the handles where they belong, the weapon a little more balanced as she holds it in her hands. “How did you get this?” Rey asks. “I thought Snoke said I couldn’t have it until I handed over the baby?”

“I convinced him that I was best suited to completing it,” he says. “Nobody else on this ship knows the Force aside from you, me, and Snoke. Having some imbeciles in the tech department work on it was a stupid move on his part. So, I told him that I had fashioned my own so I should be in charge of yours. As your husband.”

Rey gazes down at the weapon in her hands. She feels powerful, just holding it without even lighting it up. It’s like there’s a power coursing through her, making the weapon an extension of her hands, an extension of _her_. She connects to this weapon in a way she hasn’t before, and it sends a chill down her spine. If the lights are red, she may just lose all hope that she’s resisted the Dark Side. If it feels this good…

“Turn it on.”

Her head snaps up to look at him once more, brought back to reality from her thoughts by his warm voice. Very hesitantly, Rey puts her finger over the button, closes her eyes, and presses it. She hears the _whir_ of the weapon starting, coming to life, and it sends a shiver down her spine because she _feels_ it. She’s so connected. She’s in tune with everything around her—she could probably fight with her eyes closed.

“Open your eyes, Rey,” Kylo says. His voice is gentle, and that surprises her a little.

Very slowly, she lets her eyes flutter open. The room is bathed in bright yellow light, like sunshine itself was bottled up and put in the training room. It illuminates them both, Kylo’s face drenched in bright yellow and dark shadows. Rey’s face is glowing as her eyes widen and she beams with happiness. He’d done this for her. However he did it, she doesn’t know and isn’t sure it’s worth asking, but he’s defied Snoke once more. Rey’s weapon is yellow. It’s _her_.

When she looks up into his eyes, she sees the hope, the hesitation. He’s not sure if this is what she wanted. If she likes it. Rey flicks off the saber and reaches out wrapping him up into a hug without a second thought. “Thank you,” she smiles against his tunic. Her belly gets in the way now, but she has a feeling he doesn’t mind their little one pressed between them as they hug.

“Is the color acceptable?” he asks brusquely.

“It’s wonderful,” Rey insists. “I love it. Thank you.”

She hears the warm echo of his laugh in his chest, and she leans away to look up at him. It’s the closest thing to a smile she’s ever seen on his face, his teeth showing, his eyes almost sparkling with pride. “Can you imagine the look on the Supreme Leader’s face when he sees?” he asks, bemused.

Knowing that this side of Kylo is so private, that she’s earned it, makes her beam at him. “We can do this,” she promises him. “You and I—we’re going to fight him. And we’re going to win.”

Kylo nods. He’s not entirely sure he believes that; he’s always weakened around Snoke, susceptible to his attacks both in the mind and in person. But Rey gives him more strength than he usually has to try to resist Snoke. In the moment, he’s sure Rey will carry them through, but he’s going to be at her side. Nothing could convince him to do otherwise, at this point. Not when he’s so attached to Rey, not when he knows, _feels it in his heart_ , that his daughter already loves him.

So they smile at each other, and then they begin to train. Snoke’s demise is on the horizon.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey is frustrated; later, it is time to face Snoke in a showdown unlike any other.

**Day 178**

Rey doesn’t even need to open her eyes to know that today is going to be a bad day. She feels miserable—her joints are aching, she feels a bit sick, and she’s taken to needing to use the ‘fresher far too frequently. The baby is wearing her out, and she’s well aware that she’s nearing her third trimester—the final stretch.

To think that in this condition, she’s going to take on Snoke, Rey feels a bit of fear. She knows that Kylo wouldn’t put her in a situation that was too dangerous, that she couldn’t handle, but she still worries what happens if Snoke tosses her across the room so simply, like she’s a rag doll. He’s done it before, there is certainly the possibility that he’d do it again. Especially since she’s not carrying a boy.

Grumpily, Rey rolls out of bed and wears just her nightdress as she walks to the ‘fresher. Looking in the mirror, she hardly recognizes her own reflection; she looks nothing like the scrappy little girl that had escaped Jakku out of sheer luck. She’s nothing like the girl Kylo found on Takodana. She’s changed. Her edges are softer, her heart less trusting. And yet—Rey thinks that she’s never felt happiness quite like she does when she’s in his presence.

That happiness sounds wonderful, but Rey doesn’t feel it in that moment because she’s _miserable_. Her head is aching, her hair is a mess, and she’s starving. She knows she should eat before anything else—for the baby—but Rey grumpily steps under the spray of a shower in hopes it’ll make her joints ache a little less, her back especially. She pointedly doesn’t look down; while she’s emotionally attached to the baby, she hates the way her body looks when she’s like this. It’s unnatural, how much her stomach has swelled to accommodate the baby. How big she’s gotten.

Kylo comes to their chambers as Rey is finishing her breakfast, ready to take her to their morning training session. She glares at him before he can even open his mouth. “So… no training today?” he asks.

He looks smug.

Rey sets down her cup with a _thud_ and says, “No, not today.”

She’s curt and honest and a large part of her knows that she’s best off just keeping her mouth shut because if she speaks, she’s going to offend and upset him. That’s just the kind of mood she’s in.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, sitting opposite her at the table. She’s still in her nightshirt—usually, she gets dressed right away.

“Oh, let’s see…” Rey huffs. “My back hurts, my feet hurt, my head hurts, the baby won’t stop _kicking_ , I’m constantly tired, I always have to pee, and I hate the way I look!” She slumps back in her chair and adds, sounding rather defeated, “You know, just to start.”

“I thought women were supposed to enjoy pregnancy,” he comments bluntly.

“You thought wrong.”

She reaches out to her plate for some fruit and pops it in her mouth. It’s juicy and delicious but she can’t even find it in herself to enjoy it because she’s so bitter and exhausted. “You should have a bath, then,” Kylo suggests.

“That’s your answer to everything,” Rey sighs. “Besides, I just had a shower.”

Kylo looks around their quarters and then back at Rey. “Well, then, I don’t know what you expect me to say,” he tells her. “I don’t know how to help. I’ve never been around a pregnant woman before you.” Rey doesn’t move, but crosses her arms, resting them on her baby bump. She looks ridiculous like this—like a child, pouting the way she is—but yet also like the woman Kylo remembers falling for on Cularin, and then when she’d told him to speak to the baby. Her warm heart is still in there, even if she seems to have forgotten that fact. “What do you want me to do?”

“You’ve done enough, I’d say,” Rey snaps.

Kylo’s eyes darken. If she were looking at him, she’d realize that she’s crossed a line. “You’re never going to forgive me for all of this, are you?” he barks angrily. Rey’s eyes look to him now, but it’s too late to backtrack, even if she hadn’t meant to snap at him so angrily. “I am doing my best, for you. I’m doing more than I ever needed to do— _for you_. So you’re either going to acknowledge that or stop trailing me along. You’re hot one minute and cold the next, and I’m tired of it. You’re exhausting me.”

“Now you know how I feel,” Rey sighs. “Constantly exhausted.”

“Just tell me what you want!” he shouts. Rey stares at him, and Kylo takes a few deep breaths. “I can’t help you unless you tell me what you want. I’m not going to read your mind for something like this. I don’t want to have to do that, ever.”

She supposes she should be thankful that he has no desire to breach her mind constantly, to figure out what she wants, but in this moment she’d almost prefer that he did. Rey doesn’t know how to make sense of her own brain right now. “I don’t know,” she decides to confess, even though it makes her feel silly. She looks away, feeling lost and confused. Sounding broken and defeated, she adds, “I don’t know what I want and that’s my problem, I suppose.”

Kylo watches her but doesn’t say anything in response. He keeps his attention focused on her though, letting her come to terms with it all, letting her piece it together in her head. He hadn’t expected such honesty and vulnerability. Finally, she looks up at him with sadness welling in her hazel eyes. “What do your books say we should do?” she asks.

Confused, he counters, “What are you talking about?”

“I know you’ve read at least one baby book,” Rey says. “You know a lot about this, and if what you said was true and you haven’t spent time with a pregnant woman before, then you could only know these things from a book.”

Kylo stands and walks away from the table. He’d rather that side of himself never be exposed to those around him. He doesn’t like to be seen as sensitive, as having a weakness. “You need to mind your own business,” he advises her.

“Please, Ben,” Rey pleads. “Tell me what the books said. They probably know my body better than I do, at this point.”

She stands to follow him across the room, taking his hand in hers to stop him, to get him to look at her again. Sure enough, he turns to look down at her, and when he sees the desperation on her face, he sighs. “Fine,” he concedes. “At this, point, you’ll basically be tired, uncomfortable, and… frustrated.” The way he says the last word through gritted teeth makes Rey raise an eyebrow.

“Frustrated?” she asks.

Kylo’s eyes rake down her body and says, “Yes. In… certain ways.”

Rey’s cheeks color when she realizes what he’s insinuating, dropping his hand in slight surprise. Even if she were frustrated in _that way_ , it’s not the sort of thing she’d admit to him… is it? They’ve been intimate since conceiving the baby. They have enough chemistry and care about each other enough. And she has no doubt he’d touch her if she asked for it—gently, even, with care and attention. But yet something about it begs for a familiarity they haven’t really addressed yet—something they could have if they just tried a little harder. Rey’s heart races in her chest as she thinks about how far they’ve come, what this conversation means for their relationship.

“You wouldn’t need to involve me,” he reminds her.

Rey’s expression turns sour and she says, “I can’t reach.”

“Can’t reach?”

“This,” Rey snaps, sliding her hands over her belly and down towards her hips, “is in the way.”

Kylo tries to make his expression as blank as possible as he says, “I could help. I wouldn’t hurt you.”

Rey’s mouth goes dry. She’d stopped fearing he’d hurt her several months ago; he’s proven himself to her, and he doesn’t need to keep reminding her of his kindness. However, Rey appreciates it nonetheless, his reassurances and reminders. She nods, reassuring him right away, “I know you won’t hurt me.”

He is her husband, after all. On the Finalizer, he’s the only kind soul she knows. Plus, she’s desperate to feel better. Nodding, she says, “Alright. It’s worth a try. Let’s go, then.”

Rey takes his hand again and leads him unceremoniously to the bedroom. She makes a move to plop over onto the bed, but he grabs her hand and stops her. “Slow down,” he says. “We have all day. We don’t need to rush through anything.”

Kylo pulls her to his body, one of his hands drifting to her hip. She’s all business, it seems, but that won’t make it enjoyable. It won’t get her to really let loose and relax. He’s not the most experienced, but he’s read enough, and he knows how to read Rey, as well. He leans in and feels Rey’s breath, hot against his mouth. Rey has a million things she wants to say— _you don’t have to do this,_ or _this is stupid, it won’t work—_ but bites them all back as soon as Kylo presses his mouth to hers.

He’s a good kisser; she’s always thought so, but it’s all she can think about in that moment. Even with the baby bump in the way, he holds her close and surrounds her, filling her senses. His hands are large and hold her waist with a delicacy she hadn’t believed him capable of. His mouth is warm and soft against hers, and she rests her hands on his shoulders, pressing up into the kiss, begging for more firmness, more insistence.

Kylo catches on, the kiss growing hotter as he presses his mouth to hers a little harder, his teeth grazing her lower lip. Rey gasps and her tongue darts out to soothe over her lip, and then along his. He’s too afraid to lift her, thinking he’ll squish the baby, but Rey tries her hardest to get that close anyway, her arms wrapping further around his shoulders, nearly pulling him over. Kylo turns them, sitting on the edge of the bed, parting his legs so Rey can stand between them. Now she’s in control, the taller one, the one who can climb as close as she’d like.

He scoots back when he realizes she’s trying to do just that, to straddle his lap. Their lips separate only for air, while Rey settles herself on top of him. She’s got her fingers tangled in his hair and Kylo pushes her sleep shirt up around her thighs. He slides his hands up and down her thighs, bringing her closer, feeling her smooth skin under his fingertips.

Rey’s breathing has grown labored; she breaks for air more often, but she’s completely given herself to the kisses and touches they’re sharing. Kylo drifts his mouth away from hers, trailing hot, open-mouthed kisses along her jaw and then, down her neck. Rey lets out a whimper that goes straight to Kylo’s cock, but he ignores it. This is about _her_. He’s not going to take anything she’s not willing to give.

Consumed by the feeling of his mouth at her neck, Rey tilts her head to the side, giving him better access. His hand is warm where he brushes her hair out of the way, sucking gently at the skin, teeth grazing over the spot. He tries not to leave a mark but admittedly would like to. Rey sounds like she’d let him.

The sounds she’s making are going to be Kylo’s undoing—her soft panting, the moans that escape her mouth as she bites her lip, trying to hold back—it’s almost too much for him. She’s never given herself over like this, not quite so openly. She really has changed since coming to him.

Kylo grips her hips and mouths kisses across her collarbone, her sleep shirt in the way. When Rey steps away, Kylo prepares himself for her to have a change of heart. It wouldn’t be the most unheard-of thing to happen. But instead, she just bites her swollen lip and pulls the shirt up and over her head. He hadn’t realized that she keeps herself completely naked underneath her sleep shirts, no undergarments to speak of. He’d suspected at least on her top half, but not the bottom. She looks amazing.

Rey looks at Kylo, watching as he takes in the sight of her like this, chubby in places she wasn’t before, her belly swollen, her breasts larger. She doesn’t look a thing like she did when they first slept together. But while she may not like the look of herself in the mirror anymore, Kylo’s opinion on her body doesn’t seem to have changed at all. When he looks up at her, she seems nervous. Kylo’s eyes are warm and kind as he holds out his hand to her, beckoning her back to him. “I know I’m not—,” she begins, arms draping awkwardly around her chest.

“Stop,” he interrupts, pulling her back to standing between his legs. “You’re beautiful.”

“You have to say that, you’re my husband.”

“I mean it,” he insists.

Rey doesn’t have to love herself all the time, but Kylo wants her to know that even when she doesn’t, he still will. She presses her forehead to his and lets her arms rest on his shoulders. Her fingers play absentmindedly with the messy tendrils of his dark hair and her voice is tender, barely above a whisper as she closes her eyes and agrees, “Okay.”

He tilts his face up, pressing his lips to hers, before guiding her down onto the bed next to him. She lies down on her back, looking up at him, fingers dancing gently over his shoulder. “You should undress, too,” she says, much to Kylo’s surprise. “It’s weird being the only naked one.”

Kylo sputters. What had started as something all about Rey was slowly morphing into something more mutual. Kylo wonders if that’s really what she wants, but doesn’t get a chance to ask before Rey speaks again.

“Please?” she begs. “It’ll be like when we were on Cularin. It wasn’t like you were trying to be anybody else. You were just… Ben.”

The fact that Rey wants him to be Ben for her, the boy whose parents didn’t seem to want him, the boy whose teacher turned on him—it’s astonishing to hear. Ben wasn’t wanted. That’s why Kylo Ren exists. But here Rey is, wanting him at his most vulnerable, at his most simple. Without the robes and intimidation. She wants him for who he is, not who he tries to be.

Suddenly it hits him that he’s never going to be able to say no to her again.

Rey watches as he stands from the bed and undresses, just as simply and factually as he had when they’d spent their last evening together on Cularin. For them, there’s nothing sexy about the act of undressing; it’s what happens after that which matters most to them. She takes in the sight of his toned muscles, his strong back, even the scars peppered along his arms and torso. Somehow a man this strong, this brave, wants her, and Rey isn’t going to forget that, no matter what happens when the war ends and Snoke is gone.

She holds out a hand now, mirroring his earlier act of beckoning her back to the bed. He sits next to her and lies back, turning on his side to face her. “This is taking forever,” she says, bemused. “Like the first time.”

“It’s going to be better than the first time,” he promises.

Rey leans in for a kiss. She has absolutely no doubt about that.

Kylo’s mouth trails kisses along Rey’s jaw right away, back to her neck where she lets out the most beautiful whimpering noises. He caresses her hip with his hand, thumb rubbing circles where her stomach starts to protrude with the baby bump. She’s beautiful like this, naked and spread out and _trusting_. Kylo kisses lower down her body—down between her breasts, over the swell of her belly—all the way down.

Rey knows in a vague sense what comes next, but she’s never felt it, doesn’t know if she’ll like it. He’s gentle with her, noticing the way she spreads her legs for him like she’s eager to learn. The fact that she’s spread open for him, exposed and vulnerable and trusting—it’s enough to make his heart pound harder, his chest constrict with the realization that she trusts him this much.

She reaches down with one hand, fumbling for his on the blankets. Kylo takes her hand and starts to press kisses along her inner thigh, lower and lower until Rey lets out a gasp. The first time he tastes her, Rey’s whole body moves, her legs draping over his shoulders, her back arching off the bed, her hand squeezing his as she moans the most delicious sounds he’s ever heard. But Rey isn’t scooting away. She’s pressing closer, against his face where he’s still moving slowly, hesitantly, letting her get used to the feeling.

Rey tastes amazing on his tongue, warm and wet and open for him. He dips his tongue inside of her gently, and then mouths upwards, mouth finding her clit and sucking ever so gently. Rey gasps, nearly shrieking with it. When he pulls his mouth away, mostly to teasingly ask if she’s okay, she cuts him off before he can speak. “Don’t stop,” she breathes, looking down as best she can. “Please, do that again.”

As fun as Kylo thinks it might be to torture her and draw out the pleasure she’s so clearly desperate for, he doesn’t want to do that. He wants to wipe any bad experiences from her mind, fill her head with all of the wonderful ways she can feel good. All the ways he can _help her_ feel good, as her partner—her _husband_.

Kylo does exactly as Rey asks, mouthing at her sex, teasing her clit with his tongue before sucking at it gently, just as he’d done before. Rey is writhing on the bed above him, clutching his hand with an almost painfully tight grip. Seeing Rey completely vulnerable like this, so open to new things and so trusting that he’ll make her feel good—Kylo thinks he’s fairly certain he’s in love, at this point. He can’t imagine doing this with anyone else. He doesn’t _want to_. He teases her with his tongue, tastes her growing wetness on his lips, and by the way she’s trembling under his touch, Kylo is fairly certain Rey is close to climax.

Gently, he reaches up with his free hand, leaning away for air, his mouth replaced by two fingers. He slides them over her sex, reveling in how wet and pink and beautiful she is for him. When he looks up at her, over the baby bump, he sees Rey looking disheveled and flushed and _happy_. “I’m so close,” she breathes. “Please…”

“Patience,” he teases, brushing his two fingers in tiny circles over her clit. Rey moans, her eyes fluttering shut as her head tilts back on the bed. “See? It’ll be worth the wait.”

Where the words are coming from, Kylo doesn’t know. He’s not usually bold like this, in the bedroom. He trusts Rey, though, and knows where their boundaries are. Besides, knowing that he can be her undoing like this gives him a boldness he’s never felt anywhere else. Gently, Kylo dips his two fingers inside of her, watching hungrily as her body takes them so willingly. She’s warm and tight around him, and the moan tumbling from her mouth tells him that she likes this.

Gently, he starts to thrust his fingers, his mouth leaning back down to lap up the wetness leaking out of her, onto his fingers. She’s moaning louder now, and she’d no doubt be pulling his hair if she could reach. Kylo lets go of her hand to hold her at the juncture where her leg meets her hip, hand gripping her thigh, keeping her pelvis anchored to the bed so he can fuck her with his fingers, tease her clit with his mouth. Rey trembles under his touch, hands gripping the blankets of the bed with a white-knuckled grip, and he knows she’s close.

Kylo works his mouth and his fingers on Rey until she’s completely unraveling under his touch, moans and whimpers never stopping as she clenches hard around his fingers. It’s the best climax she’s ever felt, coursing through her from head to toe, making her vision white out. Rey loses herself in it, forgetting how to breathe, how anything but Kylo’s mouth and hands feel. It’s amazing.

Kylo works her through it until she’s angling herself to try to push him away, the sensitivity too much for her to handle. When he sits up, his puffy red lips are upturned in a smirk, his mouth and chin damp from her wetness. Kylo slowly slides his fingers out of her and wipes them unceremoniously on the bedding before he caresses his hands up her thighs, looking up at her where she lay, sweaty and content on the bedsheets. “That was—” she begins, but she still hasn’t caught her breath so the sentence gets lost on her tongue.

He stands, making a move to go to the ‘fresher to have a cold shower or take care of his situation by himself, but Rey calls out for him. “Wait,” she begs.

Kylo turns, surprised by Rey’s plea. He’s hard and leaking against his stomach, turned on more than he’s ever been before, just from watching her fall apart like that—and now he’s standing in front of her like that, where she can see what she’s done to him. “Come back,” she begs.

“You don’t have to,” he reminds her, stepping back to the edge of the bed. Kylo isn’t even sure what Rey wants.

Her eyes are heavy-lidded and she looks exhausted, but she sits before him on the bed, her legs still parted, her sex still shining with wetness, and there’s an earnest look on Rey’s face that he can’t say no to. “Please,” she begs, parting her legs just a little further. Her cheeks are pink, now from how wanton she’s letting herself become in front of him. “I want you.”

What Kylo did to her, for her, was amazing. It blew her mind. But it’s never quite the same as the feeling she has when he fills her up. He’s big, but his hands are gentle, and Rey can only partially blame the hormones flowing through her for how badly she wants to feel him inside of her. “Please,” she whispers.

He’s nodding before he can think twice about it. He climbs onto the bed, up towards the headboard. “I don’t want the baby to be hurt,” he says honestly, sitting up against the pillows. It takes all his self-control not to touch himself.

“She won’t be,” Rey says, following him up the bed. She straddles his lap and without any pretence, sinks down onto him.

She smiles, her eyes rolling back with pleasure as he fills her up. Kylo gasps; he hadn’t been expecting her to do it that soon. She’s so wet and hot and tight around him, and he embarrassingly realizes that he won’t last very long. When Rey leans in to kiss him, the whole world disappears save for the two of them and their bodies, connected together.

Rey isn’t particularly graceful as she rides him, but Kylo doesn’t mind. So long as she feels good, he’ll be pleased. He mouths at her neck as she rolls her hips against him, driving him deeper inside of her. He feels her stomach pressed between them, but it’s not too big a distraction, not enough to keep them from losing the arousal they’ve built up all afternoon. It draws the prettiest moans from her, as does the feeling of him sucking at her collarbone, leaving a mark. He doesn’t try to stop himself, doesn’t know if he could, even if he wanted to. Rey is _his_ , for as long as she’ll have him, and that leaves him feeling like he’s the king of the entire galaxy.

Remembering their last time, Kylo reaches down, teasing her clit with his thumb as she rides him. She must still be sensitive, because she tightens around him and whimpers, nearly doubling over on top of him with the feeling. “I—I’m—,” she gasps.

Words fail her, but he understands. He couldn’t speak, even if he tried. When Kylo brings his gaze to meet Rey’s, she looks so completely wanton and disheveled and content that he nearly comes just from seeing her face. She kisses him lazily, her thrusts erratic until he feels her legs start to tremble under his touch. Kylo’s strong hands grip her hips and guide her, but then she’s tightening, clenching around him and moaning in his ear, and as he feels her come around him, he loses all control.

Kylo moans against the skin of her collarbone as he comes, filling her up. They’re an absolute mess; sweaty and worn out, but so, so content. Rey climbs off of him right away, too sensitive to stay seated like she had in the bath in Cularin. The bed is a mess beneath them, wetness from Rey’s cunt and Kylo coming inside of her drips out of her, some of it down her thigh, gathering on the blankets.

She’s unabashed as she sees, as she stands on wobbly legs at the side of the bed. When she offers him her hand, he’s surprised but takes it without question. Together, slowly, they go to the ‘fresher to share a shower. He gently washes her hair for her, scrubbing with deft fingers. Rey lets her eyes wander all over his body, and she washes his body for him, taking care to be gentle over his scars. He feels her curious eyes staring at him, taking in his muscles, his broad shoulders. If he were more confident in himself, he’d almost say she found him attractive.

After their shower, they work together to change the bedsheets, choosing not to summon one of the sanitation crew to do that job. It was a rather private moment, one more tender and messy than they’d previously shared. They wanted to keep that privacy if they could. What’s more is they didn’t want to risk someone finding out about their attachment, that they’d grown to care for each other over the course of their captivity and servitude to Snoke.

On clean blankets, Rey and Kylo collapse onto the bed, sleepy and content. There is more training to be done before facing Snoke and they both know it, but neither can bring themselves to leave their bed. Regardless of how things started, it’s one of the best days Rey ever spends on the Finalizer. She already knows that no matter what, she’ll never forget it.

**Day 185**

Rey always knows something important is going to happen when she wakes up and Kylo is still in their quarters. On this particular morning, he hasn’t even gotten out of bed. He still lies next to her, his body giving off a lot of heat where he lies with his eyes closed and his mouth drooped open slightly. Rey rolls onto her side so she can face him, tenderly pushing a loose tendril of hair out of his face. She knows she should feel uncomfortable, smiling at him like this, watching him like she loves him, but… maybe she does. Maybe that’s not a thing to be uncomfortable about anymore.

The things he’s done for her, the kindness he’s shown her—nobody else has ever done such a thing for her. Her fingers brush his forehead and his eyes flutter open. Rey thinks he looks the most handsome like this, quiet and sleepy, his guard still down. Something akin to relief washes through her when he doesn’t put his guard up, even when he sees her. He stays tender with her, his hand dropping to her hip.

They don’t speak; it’s too early for that, the moment too gentle. Rey leans in and presses a kiss to the corner of his mouth before scooting just a little closer to him. He wraps her up in his embrace and sighs. Rey can feel the contentment emanating from him and she feels proud that she could make him feel like this, even if just for a few moments. Beneath the tough exterior, he’s as easy to hurt as anyone else—easier, even—and Rey likes when he lets himself be vulnerable around her. They feel like equals. Partners.

“I think today is the day,” he says, his voice gruff and hoarse from sleep.

“The day?” she asks. Her voice stays soft, just barely above a whisper.

“We have a meeting with Snoke this afternoon,” he says, leaving out the part about Poe and Finn gathering a fleet of ships to try to destroy the Finalizer mere seconds after they rescue Rey and Kylo from the room where _hopefully_ , they will have destroyed Snoke in time. It’s a risky game to play, and Rey knows nothing about it, but that’s for the better. He doesn’t want her to be disappointed if it doesn’t work out. “I’ll have your staff with me. When the moment is right, I’ll pass your weapon to you. We’ll have to fight Snoke, as well as his guard,” Kylo explains. “Can you do it?”

Given how bad some of Rey’s bad days can get, he wants to be sure. If Rey can’t fight at her fullest given her condition, he needs to know. It could be the difference between success and failure. “I can do it,” Rey tells him confidently.

They lie together a few more minutes in comfortable silence before Rey asks, “How much longer until we have to go?”

She fears what their situation will become once Snoke is dead. Will Kylo still want her? Will she still want him? Where will they go? Briefly, she finds herself hoping they can escape back to Cularin. Finally, he answers, “A few hours. You’ll need to have an exam with the med droid.”

“Before we go,” Rey whispers. She closes her eyes as she scoots closer to him, the baby pressed gently to Kylo’s bare torso. She feels the baby kick and smiles. “I want to stay here a little longer.”

Kylo kisses her forehead and for a moment, Rey forgets about the war, about her captivity, about all of it. She melts into his touch, savoring it. It’s the first time she truly feels like a part of a family. It’s the first time she truly feels like she belongs.

\---

The exam goes as well as usual—the baby is still tall for its age, but of average weight. Now she can wake and sleep regularly, and she’s formed fingerprints. She might have even started to grow hair. Rey thinks about that part for a long time—she finds herself hoping the baby has dark, beautiful hair to match her father’s.

Of course, she’ll love the baby no matter what, but she’s come to like certain things about Kylo that it would be nice to see echoed in a child. The thought warms her heart.

Rey takes care to choose an outfit that will be easy to move around in—if she’s going to be battling for what could be a very long time, she wants to be prepared. She wonders about other practical things, too, like how they’re going to escape when they inevitably become traitors of the First Order when word gets out that they’ve killed Snoke. Hux will have their heads for it, she’s sure. Rey trusts Kylo though and knows that he’s not going into this without a plan. While she wishes she knew the full plan, Rey also doesn’t want to know too much. She’s almost certain she won’t like it.

They walk to Snoke’s chambers like they’re walking to their death. It always feels the same, approaching the throne room, only this time Rey feels hopeful. She takes care to block that emotion from her head; if she walks in so brazenly excited to fight, Snoke will know, and it’ll all be ruined. Instead, she puts on her most somber expression and tries hard to look like their obedient little prisoner. She’s been quiet since they separated the two of them and Phasma issued her threats. Snoke has no reason to punish her.

Standing before Snoke, Rey feels fear. She always does. But she holds onto that defiance she’d felt since the first day she met him. “You are progressing nicely,” Snoke observes, getting a good look at Rey. “The baby is strong.”

“Yes, _she_ is,” Rey says, deliberately reminding Snoke that she’s carrying a girl, not a boy.

Snoke sneers at her. “So defiant, even still,” he observes. “It makes me wonder who is _really_ in charge between the two of you.” Snoke looks behind Rey, to where Kylo is standing, half-hidden by shadows. “Does she obey you, Kylo Ren?”

“She does, Supreme Leader,” Kylo nods. He keeps his head bowed.

“Good,” Snoke says, turning back to Rey. “It seems you have _finally_ started to learn your place in all of this.” Rey glares at him, but says nothing. “And now, as I am to train a new order of Sith, I shall _finally_ get to introduce myself to the child. Come closer, scavenger.” He beckons her over, and Rey feels her feet sweet up off the ground.

He’s moving her around with the Force again, and it makes Rey livid because he’s going to try to talk to their daughter—their innocent daughter who shouldn’t have to be near someone as vile as Snoke. Rey feels panicked, feral almost, because someone is going to try to harm the baby before she’s even born and that’s _wrong_. Rey won’t stand for it.

She starts to breathe faster, trying not to panic as she feels the baby squirm painfully in her belly. There are echoes, faint sounds that Rey can hear; Snoke’s voice. It’s unmistakable. “Stop it!” Rey shouts. “Leave her alone!”

“She is _my apprentice_ ,” Snoke hisses at Rey. “Ren, exert some control over your wife. She is disrupting my first meeting with the child.”

“Ben,” Rey gasps, feeling the way the baby squirms again like she’s trying to writhe away from the intruder in her head. There’s pain, and there’s fear, and Rey isn’t sure if it’s hers or the baby’s.

In seconds, Rey drops to the floor, rather painfully. She winces, but she didn’t fall far so it’s easy to recover. She rests both of her hands on her belly for a moment but then realizes what’s going on. Kylo is fighting one of the Praetorian Guards. He must have tried to attack Snoke. Rey reaches out, summoning the saber from wherever Kylo hid it. She’s not sure, but she knows it’s there. She can sense it. She feels it soaring towards her, even if she can’t yet see it.

It takes a moment, but Rey is filled with relief when she sees her saber flying towards her. She looks up as Snoke tries to approach her, to take it away, but she maneuvers it expertly to her hands. When she lights up her staff, Snoke looks livid.

There’s no time to take in the look of horror on his face, no time to think about how proud Kylo should be for defying his master in such a way. There is only time to react.

Rey feels stronger, in tune with the world around her as she wields her saber. She swings to her left, jabs to her right, and manages to take out two of the Guard at the same time. The guard's weapons are good, and they’ve been trained well for combat, but Rey is good, too. Kylo has trained her beyond anything she’d ever imagined she could do.

And then Snoke is standing, and though he has no lightsaber, Rey knows he’s strong. And now, Snoke is walking right towards _Kylo_. She realizes with sinking horror that Snoke is going to kill Kylo Ren. Rey lets out a shout of anger, ignoring the pain in her feet and back as she strikes at one Guard member, and then the other, keeping them away from Kylo.

_Fight Snoke! He’s coming for you!_

Rey shouts at Kylo through her bond, hoping he understands what she’s trying to do for him. She’s warding off the Guards so he can put his full attention on Snoke. There are only a couple of guards left—two, after a lucky spin Rey makes with her dual blades aimed at her sides. Having two blades makes fighting infinitely easier to kill, and it only takes a few more minutes for her to have the rest of the Praetorian Guard on the ground, dead.

When she looks up, she sees that Snoke and Kylo Ren each have a hand outstretched, trying to overpower the other. Snoke is sneering at Kylo, saying, “You _fool_! I have ten times the strength as you!” His voice echoes in the chamber, rattling Rey to her bones. “When the First Order finds out you have betrayed them for this _scum_ ,” he spits, gesturing towards Rey, “You will _die_. Best by my hand than theirs. I may still be generous.”

“Your reign must _end_ ,” Kylo replies, his voice filled with so much venom it scares Rey just a little. But she knows he’s a good man, beneath this facade. She knows he’s going to do the right thing.

Snoke starts to laugh, and even as he fights against Kylo, his laughter grows. He closes his eyes, head tilted back in laughter, and Rey doesn’t think twice. The echoes of Snoke’s laughter cover up the sound of her feet on the hard flooring, and in a flash of bright yellow, Snoke is falling to the floor in two distinct pieces. He’s been sliced clean in half, and even Rey stares at his body on the floor with wide, surprised eyes.

She did that.

 _She killed Snoke_.

She stands rooted to the spot, staring in horror at what she's done so ruthlessly—without thinking twice.

“Rey, come on,” Kylo shouts at her. She can’t look away from what she’s done. He takes her wrist and forcefully tugs at her, dragging her out of the room. “Rey, we have to go. _Now_.”

She’s in a trance, still in disbelief that they did it. They fought Snoke and the Praetorian Guard and now they’re all _dead_. When she snaps back to reality, she’s running and they’re entering the hangar. So far, the news of Snoke’s death hasn’t spread, but it’s only a matter of time.

Kylo’s ship is across the hangar, but he’s leading her in the opposite direction. “Ben, where are we going? Your ship is—”

“We need to go this way. Come on,” Kylo says, dragging her through the hangar without explanation.

“What’s going on!?” she shrieks, almost disoriented enough to make him stop and explain before they go any further.

He points straight in front of him, to where a ship waits at the edge of the hangar bay. Its engines are already starting to whir to life. That means there’s somebody on board. “But Ben! There’s someone—”

“Yes, I know. They’re waiting for us,” he insists, his voice rushed and a little frantic. “Rey, you have to trust me. I have a plan.”

Kylo keeps dragging her through the hangar, but Rey is trying too hard to comprehend _before_ they escape. It’s slowing them down.

“ _Trust me_ , Rey!” Kylo shouts. His voice booms at her, pleading with her, and it's startling.

When he looks back at her, she sees panic and fear and horror in his eyes, and she knows that if she fights this, it won’t end well for them. Kylo put so much effort into training her, to working towards defeating Snoke and escaping—she has to just let her defences down and trust that he’s going to get her out of there and save their lives. “Okay,” she nods. “I’m sorry. I trust you.”

Kylo releases her wrist in favor of holding her hand as they run, sprinting down to the ship with the gangway down and waiting for them. “Go! Go now!” Kylo shouts as he steps onto the ship. There are already Stormtroopers marching through the hangar—he can hear Captain Phasma barking orders to kill in the background.

There are faint voices in the cockpit but Rey can’t hear past the thrumming in her ears. She did it. _They_ did it. Snoke was dead and they were free and Rey couldn’t have asked for a better outcome. The gangway closes and she moves to sit down, the adrenaline quickly leaving her. “Come on, just a little further and we can sit somewhere more comfortable,” he coaxes her.

Rey nods, following his lead through the ship she doesn’t recognize. She sits down on the chair Kylo guides her to and tries to ignore the searing aches in her joints now that her adrenaline has left her. All the pain of the fighting and the pregnancy have flooded back to her, and she’s ready for a nice, long nap.

But just as Rey starts to relax, she hears her name, and it’s not coming from Kylo’s mouth. She looks up with wide eyes. _No_. It can’t be, can it?

“Rey?” the voice shouts again.

In bounds Finn, looking ecstatic to see her. Rey nearly bursts into tears at the sight of him; it’s been so long since she saw him last, and she feared that maybe he’d forgotten her. He’s gentle in his embrace, taking care not to squish the baby, but Rey doesn’t want to let go. “Finn,” she breathes into the same brown leather jacket he’d worn when they first met. “I thought you’d forgotten me.”

“That’s impossible,” Finn reassures her. “I’m so glad you’re okay. Did he hurt you?”

“Who?”

“Kylo Ren.”

Rey leans back, looking up at Finn with confusion. “No, not at all,” she replies. Her hands start to drop from the embrace. “Finn—he _saved_ me.”

“Rey, look what he did to you,” Finn says, pointing at her round belly.

She shakes her head. “No, he didn’t hurt me. He took care of me,” Rey insists, stepping back, further away from Finn, saddened by his accusations. “When other people were hurting me, he took care of me. He—he _saved me_ , Finn.”

Rey looks up at Finn, hurt in her eyes. How could he think such a thing about Kylo Ren, when he’d done so much to care for her? He’d risked so much to be kind to her, to help her keep training, and now, to get back in touch with the Resistance. She steps back, and it surprises her when she feels another hand on her. It’s Kylo’s, she can tell through his touch. He’s warm, comforting. “She needs to rest,” Kylo says to Finn. “You can talk more when we get to the base.”

Finn takes a step back, looking on with shock as Rey takes Kylo’s hand and they walk back to the bench he’d helped her into. He sits next to her, asking her if she’s alright, if she’d been hurt in the battle. When she smiles at him, Finn feels a twist of disgust in his gut and he knows it’s time to leave them be, to go back up to the cockpit with Poe.

Things have changed— _Rey_ has changed—and he doesn’t like it.

Rey holds onto Kylo’s hand for the entire trip, watching the stars soar by them in hyperspace. “I can’t believe we did that,” she breathes, looking over at him with a sleepy smile on her face.

“You were amazing,” he tells her. “I knew what we had to do, but I didn’t have an exact plan. That was stupid of me to do. I put you in danger—”

“Ben,” Rey breathes. She smiles at him and says, “It doesn’t matter. What matters is he’s dead and we’re on our way to safety.” She pauses. “Did you know they’d be here to save us?”

Nodding, Kylo confesses, “My mother came up with the plan, actually. But I didn’t want you to worry or be disappointed if it didn’t work out, so I didn’t say anything.”

“That’s okay,” Rey nods, laying her head on his shoulder. She doesn’t have the energy to be upset about anything. She closes her eyes and smiles again. “We’re safe. That’s what matters.”

They sit quietly for a moment, the only movement that of Kylo reaching out to caress his hand gently over Rey’s growing baby bump. “Did he hurt her?” Kylo asks.

Rey flutters her eyes open; she’s tired, but she’ll stay awake for as long as Kylo needs. “I don’t think so,” Rey says. “He scared her, though. I could feel it.”

Kylo frowns, his brow wrinkled up as he thinks about the vile things Snoke could have said to her. “She won’t remember any of it,” Rey reminds him.

After a cursory look around, to be sure they’re alone, Kylo says, “I’m going to talk to her, just to be sure.”

Rey smiles, reaching up to pat his hair as he leans a little closer to her stomach. “Anytime you want to, you can,” she reassures him. “She loves your voice. She loves _you_.”

He breathes, letting the moment wash over them both. They did this all for the little one inside Rey who isn’t even born yet. All the stress and fighting and plotting behind Snoke’s back—it paid off. It was all for their baby. Kylo felt exhilarated, more alive than he’d felt in years.

Nodding, he rubs another gentle circle on her belly and says, “I love her, too.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now saved by the Resistance, Rey and Kylo must figure out how to navigate this new life

**Part III**

**\--------------**

**Chapter 11**

Safety is an unfamiliar feeling for Rey. She’s felt safe and secure once in a while when she was with Kylo on the Finalizer, but there had always been the looming, buzzing fear in the back of her head whenever she thought about what Snoke could do to her, do to _them_. Now it’s different. Now, nobody is controlling her actions or decisions. Now, Rey has freedom.

Leia has arranged for them to return to Coruscant, and she meets them there at the hangar in Galactic City. Rey rushes to hug her as fast as her exhausted limbs will take her, and Kylo reluctantly lets his mother hug him, too.

“I’m so glad you two are safe,” Leia tells them, relief and happiness clear on her face.

Kylo doubts her intentions, but Rey believes her wholeheartedly. She’s glad to be in the presence of friends once more, even if Poe and Finn are watching her strangely and keeping their distance. “You must be exhausted,” Leia says.

Rey nods, but Kylo stands, stoic and still. “I’m fine,” he says.

Leia smiles sympathetically at Rey. “We’re staying not far from here. It’s nothing fancy, but it’ll do for now, until we figure out what comes next.”

That’s a thought Rey hadn’t entertained much; what happens when they escape? What happens when Snoke is dead and they run away from the First Order? What happens when the heir to the Supreme Leader is now a traitor? She feels Kylo’s warmth next to her and she finds that she can’t find it in herself to worry, not now. He’s there with her, and so are Leia and Finn and Poe, and they’re _safe_.

Together, the five of them walk a few blocks, Rey taking her time and waddling a little with the added weight and girth in her stomach. She’s still sore and tired from fighting—the adrenaline long gone now—and her whole body screams at her to take a break. Kylo offers to carry her, but she insists she’s fine. Instead, she holds his hand and doesn’t let go.

Finn and Poe walk behind them, watching and exchanging nervous glances. This isn’t the Rey that Finn met all those months ago on Jakku. She’s not as fiery, not as bold. Now, she just folds into Kylo Ren’s touch like she _enjoys it_ , and it leaves Finn feeling an unfamiliar twist in his gut. Jealousy, maybe. Or disgust. Poe feels a little more conflicted, knowing that Leia probably appreciates having a daughter-in-law, a family there for her now that Han is gone. Rey won’t abandon her the way Kylo did, won’t hurt her the way he’d seen Kylo hurt her over the years. Rey has a heart. She’s warm and kind. She’s now all the family Leia has left.

And the baby—neither Finn nor Poe knew what to think about the baby. The poor child has no idea what sort of family they’re being born into. They’ll be born of the evilest man in the galaxy and a woman down on her luck. The baby won’t be born into a family of love, they’ll be born into a family of hate—and that’s a scary thought.

Every building in Galactic City has an air of prestige, and Rey looks around, pleased to be seeing the planet from the outside rather than inside. She’d only been allowed to explore once before, with Kylo, but it felt different now. Now that there was no fear in her veins, she could appreciate the scenery a little bit more. She could enjoy walking through the city with her husband and her best friend and her mother, and she could be happy. A smile plays upon her lips as they approach a building that blends in with the rest of the block. It must be a hotel of some sort because there’s a concierge with a species she doesn’t recognize, ready to check them in and issue them keys.

Leia looks around at her companions and hesitates for a moment. “Together, or separate?” she looks pointedly at Rey.

“Together,” Rey replies confidently. She doesn’t have to look up at Kylo to know how sure she is of her answer. This also means she doesn’t see the surprise on his face at her answer.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea, Rey?” Finn asks. “You could stay with me, or Poe and BB-8. Or Leia, even. I bet she’d let you do that. You’re both girls.”

“Finn,” Leia warns.

Rey looks at Finn, the hurt clear in her eyes. “I’ll be fine,” she says. “I’d like to stay with Ben.”

Leia nods. “That’s settled then,” she says, aiming a strong warning with her eyes at Finn. “Besides, I assumed you’d be sharing with Dameron.”

Finn opens his mouth, but no words come out. Poe’s cheeks flush, and Rey laughs brightly. “I’m happy for you,” she says to Finn, like she wasn’t just angry at him a moment ago. Finn and Poe don’t dare look at each other. “Now, I would very much like a nice warm bath, and to sleep for days,” Rey informs them. She takes a key from Leia and says, “I’ll see you guys when I’m a little more well-rested.”

That’s the last she says on the matter, and Kylo silently follows her through the lobby and up the stairwell. “You were too kind to him,” Kylo tells her as they stand in the hallway outside their room.

“No,” Rey says, shaking her head. “He’ll learn. But I’m not going to lose his friendship while I wait for him to understand.”

She looks up at Kylo and there’s much conflict in his eyes still, she can see it. Rey takes his hand and leads him into the room, looking around. She appreciates how mundane it is compared to everything she’s stayed in since being taken into captivity. It’ll still feel like heaven compared to her little AT-AT on Jakku, so she’s perfectly content with it. She hears Kylo grumbling something about it, but he stops as soon as she looks at him again.

“This may not be like what you’re used to with the First Order, but it’s _ours_ ,” Rey reminds him. There’s no smile on her face, but there’s no anger there, either. “We have everything we need.”

“I don’t need fancy,” he clarifies for her, “But you should have a little nicer things, especially with the baby on the way.”

“I used to live on a pile of sand in a broken AT-AT,” Rey reminds him. “Everything is going to feel like a luxury in comparison.”

He still can’t wrap his head around that, how much Rey has been through, how she used to live. Kylo sighs, knowing she’s won this match. “One day, you’ll have a much nicer home than this,” he tells her.

Rey sighs. “I still have nothing,” she tells him. “The only possessions of mine are these clothes, and even then, you bought them for me. I didn’t earn them.”

“You’ve earned everything I’ve ever done for you,” Kylo says fiercely. Rey’s eyes widen, startled by his strength of declaration.

His conviction behind his words tells Rey that he really does think highly of her, that he’s done everything he has because of her—the kind of person she is, the way she makes him feel. She reaches out and slides his gloves off for him so she can touch her bare hands to his.

Silence surrounds them in the room before Rey sighs and nods. “You’re right,” she agrees softly. “And I appreciate everything you’ve done for me.”

“But this isn’t going to work now that we’re free?” he guesses, his voice bland and monotonous.

“That’s not what I was going to say,” Rey snaps, looking up at him now with determination in her eyes. Her brow is furrowed and she looks hurt and confused, but she hasn’t let go of his hand. Not yet, at least. “I was going to say that one day, I’d like to start earning credits for myself again. Not living day to day, getting paid in food so I survive. I want to have money of my own and be able to help pay for things for the baby like a good parent should.”

Kylo frowns. “Your abilities as a parent won’t be measured in money,” he reminds her. “My father bought me everything I could ever need and look how well that went. He shipped me off to Luke Skywalker and disappeared on and off my entire life. He had the money, but that doesn’t mean he was a good dad.”

“He _loved you_ ,” Rey says sharply, dropping his hands.

“He _loved_ smuggling,” Kylo reminds her. “I was the kid he didn’t know what to do with.”

“Well, that’s not going to happen to our daughter,” Rey says flatly. She narrows her eyes at him. “And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting to provide for her.”

“There isn’t!” Kylo retorts. He huffs, taking a breath to try to calm himself, to quell his temper. “But don’t worry so much about providing for her. You’re getting out there in the world, figuring out your own way. Let me take care of you for a while. Otherwise, all you’re going to do is work, or try to find work. You’ll miss out on time with the baby, and that’s time you’ll never be able to get back, no matter how much you apologize when she’s older.”

Rey is quiet. Clearly, Kylo has a lot of opinions on parenting. More than she’d expected. Rey sighs and nods. “Okay,” she relents. “But you understand why I don’t want to depend on you, right?” Rey studies his eyes, sees how pained he looks. “I want my friends to believe me when I say I’m with you because of who you are, not what you have.”

“It shouldn’t matter what they think.”

Frowning, Rey says, “Friendship may be new to me, but something tells me that it should matter a little.”

Kylo rolls his eyes. “Are we going to argue all night long?” he asks.

“No,” Rey replies quietly. So far, this freedom thing isn’t working out so well for them. Sighing, she steps away from him and walks to the ‘fresher. “I’m going to have a bath, and then I’m going to bed.”

Kylo looks to the large bed, the only one in the room, and then back at Rey. In a fit of immaturity, he asks, “Am I allowed to sleep by your side tonight?”

Rey’s face contorts into a look of such pain and sadness that Kylo has to look away. “Yes,” she replies softly, her voice barely above a whisper. He can hardly hear her, but the pain still twists in his chest. “Of course you are.”

He sees the quiver of her lower lip before she turns into the ‘fresher and closes the door. Kylo is fairly certain he and Rey won’t last another week.

\---

Rey wakes up in Kylo’s warm embrace, her eyes a bit dry and puffy from crying the night before. That Kylo would think she wouldn’t want him near her now that they’d found freedom had hurt her more than she’d expected. Rey felt weak, crying over such a thing, and blamed the pregnancy hormones, as she always does these days.

When it comes down to it, Rey isn’t sure what to do with this newfound freedom. It’s been long enough since she truly had free will that she’s not sure what to do with it now that she has it.

Kylo’s hand is spread over her growing belly and her heart flutters at the feeling. No matter what happens, she won’t let anything come between Kylo and their daughter. Growing up without parents was painful, and she’s not going to let that happen to their child no matter what happens between the two of them.

Rey wonders just what their relationship will be like now that nobody is telling them what they must do. Will they be able to stay together? Or are they truly different enough that without the looming threats from Snoke hanging over their heads, they’ll argue all the time?

She rolls onto her back and watches as Kylo shuffles on the bed, his hand never leaving her stomach. He doesn’t wake, just sniffles and rolls closer. He’s so tender and peaceful when he sleeps; Rey likes his face when he’s sleeping, so content and calm. At times she wonders how he’s not constantly suffering from nightmares but then finds herself wishing he never has to feel that sort of pain.

Very gently, Rey turns her head; Kylo is so close, she can smell his hair, see the way his eyelashes fan out over his cheeks as he sleeps. She presses a kiss to his forehead and closes her eyes, hoping for a few more hours of rest before reality hits them again.

\---

Rey sits next to Kylo at a table in a small meeting room, facing Finn and Poe. Her palms are a bit sweaty as she sits and waits anxiously for what comes next. It’s their first briefing since escaping the First Order. Rey and Kylo have lived in a safe little bubble for the past week, enjoying their freedom and pretending they’re not concerned about their relationship or what lay ahead. They’ve received the necessities—food, clothing, a few holovids and holobooks to pass the time—but there has been no substantial conversation, nothing to really test their relationship.

Now is not the time to worry about that, Rey knows. Leia looks solemn as she sits at the head of the table, Chewie at the other end, the six of them ready to debrief on what happened when Kylo Ren abandoned the First Order, leaving Snoke’s dead body for the Stormtroopers to find.

“Well… it’s not as bad as you might think,” Leia begins.

She looks serious, but not frightened, and Rey takes comfort in this. “What happened to the First Order?” Kylo asks.

Looking between the two, their serious expressions and their business-like demeanor, Rey can see the family resemblance. They’re alike, but in a way that makes her believe they wouldn’t get along in most capacities. Everything starts to make a little more sense to her.

“Well, as I’m sure you can imagine, General Hux is making a move to take over as Supreme Leader. But there is opposition,” Leia explains.

“Phasma,” say Kylo and Finn at the same time.

Finn looks uncomfortable, having been on the same wavelength as a man he still thinks of as his worst enemy. Leia nods and says, “Exactly. I think it’s only a matter of time before they implode in their efforts to take over.”

“Phasma is powerful, but she won’t slay Hux to become Supreme Leader,” Kylo explains. He pauses, almost like he’s waiting for someone to disagree with him, before he continues. “If I had to guess, I’d say that Phasma will allow Hux to take control eventually, so long as she has a powerful enough position within the First Order. If he grants her the title of General, for example, she’ll probably accept. She’d have control of far more than she currently does.”

“In which case the First Order once again becomes a power we may not be able to defeat,” Leia says.

She looks pointedly at her son; he’d always assumed that she foolheartedly thought the Resistance had the arms and the ammunition to overtake the First Order. Clearly, she is hopeful but realistic. They can’t take them down, but they can damage them while they wait for strong allies to come to help them finish the job.

“So what do we do?” Rey asks, turning her gaze from Leia to Kylo.

Leia looks at her son, and then at Rey, and then her gaze drops to Rey’s baby bump. “We’re not going to worry for now,” Leia says. “Let them regroup a little. Once we know their strategy, we can push ahead with ours.” Her gaze turns empathetic and she adds, “You two need to get used to civilian life again.”

“But—”

“I don’t want to hear it, Ben,” Leia interrupts. Kylo goes red in the face and purses his lips. His eyes express much frustration. “You won’t be any good to anyone if you’re not in the right state of mind. Rey, too.” Even Poe and Finn look ready for orders. Rolling her eyes, Leia says, “I want everybody to relax for a few more days. Make friends.” She stands and adds, “That’s an order.”

She doesn’t allow anyone another word. She departs, Chewie on her heels, leaving Rey and Kylo seated across from Poe and Finn, an unbearable tension simmering in the room. “Maybe we could all go watch a holovid or something?” Rey suggests innocently. “I’ve missed you guys, and Ben has some really great—”

“Actually,” Poe says awkwardly, a hand reaching back to scratch the back of his head. He looks to Finn and says, “I was going to do some work on my ship. She could use a good scrubbing after that last mission.”

“Yeah, and I’d already promised I’d help,” Finn adds, speaking quickly enough that Rey realizes it’s a lie.

“Oh,” Rey replies. Her voice is airy, and she sounds like she believes him completely. She’s quiet for a moment before she nods and tells them, “Well, don’t let me keep you, then. Have a good time.”

She stays seated, her demeanor so calm that Kylo wonders for a moment if she picked up on what just happened or was genuinely oblivious. He watches the door swing shut, and when Rey doesn’t move, he looks over at her in concern. Her eyes are fixed on the table in front of her as she bites her lower lip.

“Are you alright?” he asks hesitantly.

“Yeah,” she nods. Rey takes a deep breath and avoids his eyes.

“Rey,” he presses. Kylo angles towards her, resting his arm across the back of her chair.

“It’s stupid,” Rey says, trying to brush it off. “It’s just… I guess I misread everything that happened before… you know.” She takes another deep breath, trying to steady herself, to prevent the tears so obviously trying to spring from her eyes. “I thought we were friends, Finn and I. I’d never had a friend before but what we were—I thought that was it. And… I feel so stupid for misunderstanding.”

“That’s not what’s going on here,” Kylo says instantly. “It’s got nothing to do with you. It’s all my fault.”

Rey looks up at him, confused. “What?”

“Finn still wants to be your friend,” Kylo explains. “He just doesn’t want me anywhere near you. That’s all it is. You invited them to spend time with _us_. Both of us. I bet if you went to the hangar and wanted to spend time with them, they’d be back to the way you remember.”

Rey’s expression morphs from sadness to anger. “Finn trusted me before, he should trust me now,” she snaps.

“I’m the bad guy, Rey,” he says flatly. He almost sounds bored at having to explain this to her. “They’re never going to be okay with the two of us being together.”

She makes a strangled noise akin to a growl and stands up. “That’s so frustrating!” she shouts. “You’re not a bad guy. You’ve taken care of me. You’ve sacrificed _so much_ for me!”

“I’m also the one who kept FN-2187 as military property,” Kylo reminds her. “And I’ve attempted to shoot Dameron out of the air multiple times.” He looks away at the sight of Rey’s saddened expression. “I’ve forced my way into his mind to try to get to the map. Tortured him until he passed out.”

Rey steps away from him. “I’m not the good guy, Rey,” he continues. “I never will be. I took care of you because I’ve grown to love you and the baby. But that will never make up for the wrongs I’ve done to everyone else you care about.” He stands and steps closer to her, looming over her. Their eyes bore into each other’s for a moment before he says, “So long as you choose to be kind to me, your friendships with them will suffer. And there’s nothing I can do about that.”

“His name is Finn,” Rey says flatly. Her annoyance is evident with his confession. Annoyed and _hurt_ , which Kylo finds to be a much, much worse realization. “Maybe, if you started to respect them, they’d do the same for you. And then you _would_ be doing something about it.”

She stomps out of the room, and Kylo lets her go. He’s not in charge when he’s lodging with the Resistance. He’s now in Rey’s territory, and he’s going to remain there, waiting obediently to see what his fate shall be. He’s no fool to think that protecting Rey is enough to redeem himself. He’s sure punishment is coming but knows not when or how.

\---

Kylo finds her in their rooms later, which surprises him. She’d disappeared down the hallway and around the corner after stomping out of the meeting room. He had no idea whether he’d be able to find her, and half assumed she would have gone to spend time with Finn and Poe like he’d suggested. Instead, he finds her lying on the sofa, eyes closed but clearly awake, her hand gently caressing her belly.

He hesitantly steps closer to her, and he sees a tiny lump against the fabric of her shirt. Kylo nods to it and asks, “Are you okay?”

Rey opens her eyes and looks down at her belly. “Yeah,” she sighs. He steps closer, his fingers drifting near her stomach. “It’s just…” she trails off. Rey lifts her tunic to show him her bare belly. She looks away as she does so.

There’s a dark line on her skin down the center of her belly where her body has stretched remarkably to hold the baby. Along the crest of this line is her belly button, pointing outwards now. “What’s wrong?” he asks, deciding to move his hand away and let her cover up.

“I don’t like this,” she confesses. “I love the baby, but… I don’t like the way it’s made me look.”

Kylo chooses to sit in a chair nearby, sensing that Rey would rather nobody touch her body in that moment. “It’s not—”

Rey cuts him off. “It doesn’t matter what _you_ think of my body,” she reminds him. “I’m disgusted. I don’t like it. I don’t like _this_. I’m miserable and sore and constantly in the ‘fresher and people keep staring at me. Like they can’t believe that I’m the same Rey who helped defeat Snoke. Because of _this_.” She rests her hands on her belly. “And then I keep thinking about one day—what if she finds out why she exists? Why we did it? Will she be angry with us for going along with Snoke’s plans?”

Kylo is quiet for the longest time. He doesn’t know what to say that won’t get his head figuratively bitten off, or will be of some modicum of comfort for Rey. Truth be told, her fears about the baby’s conception are all valid, and things that have crossed his mind before, too. All he can hear is the sound of Rey’s slightly labored breathing as he settles upon which words to say.

“I wonder the same things,” Kylo confesses. “But—I think that if she’s anything like either of us,” his eyes dart to Rey’s, “she’ll at least hear us out. She’ll understand.” It’s not necessarily what he believes, but it’s what he’s been telling himself. After a brief pause, he adds, “It will all be worth it.”

Rey’s eyes flutter open and she looks across the room at him. “Do you really think so?” she asks curiously.

He nods. “Yes,” Kylo says it simply like it’s a fact he’s always known. “This is our chance at a family.”

Rey’s brow furrows and her eyes look glassy. She sits up on the sofa and faces Kylo, leaning as close as she can with her big belly in the way. It doesn’t work like she’d hoped, so she sighs with frustration and stands to walk towards him. He stands to meet her, crossing towards her so she has to walk a little less.

“Don’t forget that you already have one,” Rey whispers. “You have a mother who still loves you and now she’s protecting you. Don’t write off your future because of the past.”

“You don’t know anything about the past,” he says, a ferocity in his voice.

Rey keeps her calm. Once again, she’s too tired to argue with him. “You’re right. I don’t,” Rey nods in agreement. “And I won’t ask you to tell me. You’ll tell me when you’re ready, and that’s fine.” She stands a little straighter as she pleads, “Just please… give her another chance. Let the baby know her grandmother. She could be surrounded by all the love we never had.”

Kylo can’t find an argument, and instead just nods as she tentatively embraces him. He has lost too much to let go of what he does have left—including Rey.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben meet with the Resistance to plot a course for action, and Rey has a bad day.

Rey wakes before the sun rises, the baby moving restlessly in her belly. She closes her eyes, trying to reach the baby’s mind with her own, to soothe the little one and beg her to calm down. Rey’s exhausted, and the kicking and shifting in her belly is keeping her from getting a good night’s rest. Add that to her sore back and, as usual these days, Rey is miserable.

When talking to the baby doesn’t do the trick, Rey abandons hope and climbs out of bed, looking over her shoulder at Kylo where he sleeps peacefully. She frowns. Nothing has changed for them, not really, and yet it feels like there’s suddenly mountains between them. She misses the way things used to be—the contentment, the trust. Reuniting with the Resistance has put a rift filled with insecurities between them, and Rey doesn’t like it.

She sits in the kitchen and has something to eat for breakfast—some kind of fruit she can’t identify, but she’s seen people eating before. It’s delicious, and it digests well, which is good considering the baby isn’t settling, making Rey feel a bit ill.

When Kylo wanders out nearly two hours after Rey climbed out of bed, she smiles at him. He looks groggy and his hair is an absolute mess, but this is the sort of thing Rey enjoys—when he’s still too asleep to put his walls up. She passes him a cup of freshly brewed caf. Absentmindedly, he kisses the top of her head in thanks. Rey revels in these few moments when Kylo doesn’t overthink the kindness, where she feels comfortable in the calm domesticity between them.

He drinks the caf while he eats something for breakfast—Rey doesn’t really look at what it is—because now that the baby is calming, she’s starting to get tired. “You were up early,” he observes, finally sitting down by her to finish his food.

“She wouldn’t stop kicking,” Rey explains. “She’s not even here and I have to get up at the oddest hours of the night.”

“Good training for when she’s born,” Kylo responds.

Rey studies him across the table for a moment. She wonders how things will work when the baby arrives. It’s not something they ever talked about because they didn’t think it would matter. Now that they’re free of Snoke’s clutches, parenthood looms on the horizon like a storm. Rey wonders if he’ll get up with the baby in the middle of the night, if he’ll be short-tempered with her if she doesn’t stop crying. She tries to picture him with a baby in his arms but finds that she can’t see it, not yet, and that realization breaks her heart a little.

Rey must be too quiet because she’s pulled from her thoughts by him asking, “Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” Rey nods, smiling faintly at him. “Just tired.”

“We’re supposed to meet with the General in an hour, and then you have your appointment, but you should rest after that,” he suggests.

Rey takes another sip of her tea and says, “She’s your mother, you know.”

“Of course I know,” he snaps. Rey looks disappointed in his response and Kylo sighs. “I’m trying to separate her work duties from everything else.” Kylo avoids her eyes as he explains, “It’s probably too late, but I’m going to see if it makes a difference.”

“A difference?” Rey wonders.

“Maybe I won’t resent her as much if I separate her two sides: the General, and my mother,” is all the clarification he gives.

Rey smiles at him. He’s trying. She slowly rises to her feet, the belly getting increasingly more in her way with each passing day. Gently, Rey presses a kiss to his cheek. “That’s a good idea,” she reassures him.

Slowly, Rey walks to their room to get dressed for the day. She’s nervous for the meeting, but mostly because Finn and Poe will be there, and Rey isn’t sure where she stands with them now. She wants desperately to spend time with them, but fears that Kylo will grow jealous, and might even worry that their relationship won’t work because Rey can find happiness with others, as well. She hates the fear of feeling like she might disappoint someone, like there’s no way to win.

Kylo walks alongside Rey, taking smaller strides to keep up with her slow pace. He can see that she’s trying hard not to waddle, but it’s a losing battle. Soon, she’ll forego all attempts at looking “normal” in lieu of comfort. They’re the last ones to the meeting room, and Rey sheepishly apologizes for taking so long to walk there. Everyone insists that it’s no problem at all.

“Well, I’ve heard from some planets nearer to the First Order’s primary ships,” Leia begins with no preamble. She sighs and says, “It’s as we suspected. Hux has taken over as Supreme Leader, and Phasma is the General in charge of troops now. She’s second in command and we have reason to believe that they’ll be attempting to rebuild their weapon.”

Poe whistles. “That’ll be an expensive rebuild. Any idea how long that will take?” Poe asks. He looks dead serious, and seconds away from asking if he can fly out and blow things up.

“No, but I get the feeling that in the meantime, they’ll use their dreadnought,” Leia shakes her head. “But there’s more.”

She looks up at Rey and Kylo, her eyes full of sadness. “The First Order has a bounty on you two,” she explains. “You’re on a planet of friends, people who will protect you,” Kylo opens his mouth but she interrupts him when she says, “ _Yes_ , Ben, you too.” She pauses. “But you two still need to be incredibly careful. I don’t want either of you out of the building without someone to stand guard. Chewie has volunteered, but so long as they have a blaster, I don’t really care who it is.”

Rey frowns. They’d put a bounty out on _her_? A pregnant woman? She’d like to think nobody would be heartless and cruel enough to hunt her while she was in this condition but there are terrible people out in the galaxy. It wouldn’t surprise her in the least.

She must be projecting her worry and fear because Kylo’s hand finds hers underneath the table. She squeezes it tightly. “We can just stay here,” she says softly. “It’s not as though we’re unfamiliar with the concept of being kept in captivity.”

“It’s not captivity,” Leia reminds her. “You have freedom. All the freedom you’re comfortable taking.”

Rey nods but knows in her heart that in order to protect the baby, she’s not planning on leaving this building anytime soon. This will be her home now until they find somewhere more permanent. It’s not what she’d expected or hoped for, but it’s what makes the most sense.

“I’ve scheduled meetings with a few senators on the planet,” Leia says. “We’re going to discuss our options, and ways we might boost our resources. I want you to be on your guard, but don’t overwork yourselves. If it comes to a battle in the weeks to come, I need you to be at your best.”

Leia looks to Rey and says, “You, especially, should get your rest.”

Though Rey wants to whine and say that’s all she ever does anymore, she’s grateful for the orders to continue resting. Ever since battling Snoke and his guards, Rey hasn’t felt as strong as usual. Whether it’s the baby or something else entirely, she doesn’t like it.

When they’re dismissed, Rey tries not to look too disappointed as Finn and Poe eye her warily and watch her leave the room with Kylo. They didn’t speak to her the entire meeting. At least with Poe, it makes a little sense, considering they weren’t friends before the rescue. But Finn? That hurts her, twists a knife into her chest, knowing that he doesn’t trust her, that she’d overestimated the strength of their friendship.

Kylo glances back at Chewie, beckoning him to follow them. They have an appointment with a real doctor, not a droid, and they’ll have to leave the hotel in order to get there. Chewie has his bowcaster and he’s walking behind the two of them, giving a bit of distance. Rey is quiet the whole time.

Her eyes wander around the med clinic, having never been in one before. She takes in all the posters on the walls, with visuals of rather gruesome looking cross-sections of pregnancy. The images make Rey feel a bit ill. She’s uneasy with this exact knowledge of what’s going on inside her body.

What’s worse is the looks on everyone’s faces when the two of them walk in. Either they know about the bounty, or they know they’re outsiders—or both—but they don’t see many friendly expressions aimed towards them.

When Rey walks to the counter to check in, she hesitates when they ask her for her name. She doesn’t actually know her legal name now, what last name she’s been given. It never mattered. She’d never needed to know.

“Rey Solo,” Kylo says simply.

The nurse of a species Rey doesn’t recognize continues with her business, not thinking twice about the name or their presence. When Rey looks to Kylo with a questioning glance, he says, “Regardless of what I’m known as in the galaxy, all legal information still names me as Ben Solo. Besides, Rey Ren doesn’t sound right, anyway.”

Rey remains quiet. Admittedly, she likes the ring of _Rey Solo_. And now she has a surname. A _family name_. And it doesn’t disgust her as it once might have. No, Rey finds that she takes comfort in knowing that she shares a last name with Ben, with Han. She mulls it over as they sit and wait their turn, and when her name is called, she feels a funny leap of pride when she hears it. Rey takes Kylo’s—no, _Ben’s_ hand—and together, they walk to an exam room.

The whole place is uncomfortable and sterile and Rey reluctantly lets go of Ben’s hand as she sits down on the exam table. There’s a doctor already standing in the room, a humanoid with larger than normal eyes and height to rival Kylo’s. “Hi,” she says, reaching out to shake Rey’s hand, and then Ben’s. “I’m Doctor Marin Harsik.”

“Rey,” says Rey softly.

She looks up at Ben, who says, much to her surprise, “I’m Ben.”

“It’s good to meet you,” says Dr. Harsik. “Let’s get right down to business, shall we? General Organa informed me of enough—you were only in the care of a droid allied with the First Order for the first two trimesters of your pregnancy, correct?” Rey nods. “Well, we’ll definitely want to do a thorough exam, then. Blood sample, full check-up. You have time, I assume?”

Rey sighs. “Yes, we do,” she nods. _All the time in the world_.

Ben sits in a chair at the side of the room and the doctor begins taking Rey’s vitals first—heartbeat, pulse, a basic check-up of her eyes and ears. Rey feels a bit like a puppet. At the end of it, she feels the shock of a poke on her finger. She yelps in surprise more than pain and watches the doctor take her blood and wrap her finger up with a bandage when she’s done. The whole process feels like it takes forever. She swears she even sees Ben yawn.

“Now, if you’ll just lay back, we can do the scan and send you on your way,” Dr. Harsik explains.

She pulls a machine closer to the exam table. Rey slowly lays down and stares up at the ceiling. She doesn’t actually know how this works, what comes next. She’s shocked enough that during the exam, the doctor didn’t find anything wrong with her. Rey has never had a check-up like that before, as far as she can remember.

Rey hears a few beeps and then there is light above her, interrupting her gaze. It’s a projection of what’s inside of her—a projection of their baby. The baby has clear fingers and toes, and she’s curled up in a little ball. She looks peaceful. Rey’s eyes widen as she takes in the sight. The baby is a bit blurry, so she can’t make out who she looks most like, but Rey is still looking at her baby and it’s astonishing.

“Do you have much knowledge of what comes next, Rey?” asks Dr. Harsik asks. Rey frowns, giving the doctor all she needs to know. “That’s alright,” says the doctor. “The next months will be very tiring, but you’re almost done.” Dr. Harsik sounds just like Ben does when he’s helping her through her worst days. “Soon you’ll start to feel some practice contractions—these are nothing to be alarmed about, just your body warming up before the big day. You’ll feel a tightening in your abdomen, like a bad stomach cramp, but intensified. These should be intermittent. If they are not, you need to contact me immediately because it may be early labor, okay? I’ll give you some literature so you can read up on all the signs of labor.”

Rey nods, her heart rate quickening as nerves hit her once more. It feels overwhelming, getting all this advice when she’s been so accustomed to a droid taking a few small measurements before abruptly ending the exam.

“I also want you to continue exercising. I heard you did some training with weaponry, which is good,” continues Dr. Harsik. “No more weapons, but continue physical activity to prepare your body for labor. Walks are best but use your best judgment. You’ll feel winded faster because the baby is resting on your diaphragm, so stop if it ever becomes too intense, but at least thirty minutes daily, okay?” Rey nods again.

She glances to Ben but notices that he’s still staring at the projection of their baby above them. He’s not going to remember any of this. Rey doubles her efforts to take in everything the doctor says.

The doctor warns that she will become sore and have trouble sleeping, that she’ll need to use the ‘fresher more frequently and that if she notices the baby dropping lower into her pelvis, it’s okay. Rey tries to remember it all but knows she won’t.

When the exam is over and the hologram is shut off, Rey looks back to Ben. He looks happier than Rey’s seen him in a while.

“Just a few short months and she’ll be in your arms,” says the doctor. “I can sense you haven’t had an easy pregnancy, but rest assured. All those after this one should feel easier in comparison. That’s how it always works out.”

Rey blushes furiously. The implication that they’d have more children… Rey thinks about it for a minute but realizes that she’s not mad at the idea. In fact, she rather likes it. One day, after all the warring and fighting for survival, maybe their daughter could have a sibling—something neither of them had, someone to ensure that no matter what happens to them, their firstborn won’t be lonely.

Rey takes Ben’s hand as they leave, and when they get back to their room, she does as Leia commanded. She climbs into bed to rest. What surprises her is that Ben kicks off his shoes and then joins her on the bed, instinctively holding her in his arms. “Are you tired?” she asks.

“No,” he tells her. “But I can talk to the baby, keep her calm while you rest.”

Rey closes her eyes and sighs with relief. She smiles and says to him softly, “That sounds wonderful.”

\---

When Rey wakes up, she’s aching from head to toe. Everything about this pregnancy is making her miserable now, and the last thing she wants to do is move. It’ll make her back hurt, and her ankles are now swollen in addition to being sore so walking won’t make it any better. It takes all the energy in her to roll over. Just two days prior, she’d been walking around like it was nothing. Clearly, she’s going to continue having good days and bad days.

Rey groans as she rolls over, and curls in on herself as best she can. It’s difficult, but she manages. When she rolls over, she spots Ben walking out of the ‘fresher. His hair is wet and he’s not wearing a shirt, and Rey bets that if she wasn’t as pregnant as she is, she’d probably jump his bones. He looks good, and she doesn’t, and it’s not fair. At all.

“How are you feeling today?”

He’s taken to asking her that every morning now, to get an idea of how hesitant he’s going to have to be around her. Now that they’re with the Resistance and Rey is miserable almost daily, Ben has become much more quiet and introverted. He doesn’t show his temper, at least not in front of her. Rey’s sure it’s there somewhere but secretly appreciates his tamping it down for her.

She closes her eyes, brow furrowed in discomfort, and shakes her head. Her hair musses up against the pillow, greasy and knotted. Rey doesn’t care anymore about how she looks; if she did, she might actually bring herself to get out of bed and wash her hair. Ben pulls on a plain black sweater—Rey likes how he dresses when he’s not trying to be an intimidating Sith lord—and walks towards the bed. Rather than sitting next to her, he reaches out to her, offering his hand.

“I don’t want to move,” Rey sighs, burying her face in the pillow.

“You should get washed up,” he argues.

Rey lets out a shaky breath, and Ben realizes instantly that Rey is about to cry again. She’s unhappy—miserable, more so than he’s seen her in many weeks—and he knows there’s nothing he can do to fix it. Rey is heavily pregnant, and that’s all there is to it. The books never indicated she’d be quite _this_ miserable, but he remembers the books saying that it’s different for everyone.

“Come on,” Ben presses. He holds his hand out to her.

Rey hesitates, but eventually gives in and takes his hand. Ben is calm and patient as he helps her out of bed, first to sitting up and then to standing, and together they walk to the ‘fresher. He hears Rey sniffle but doesn’t look over; he gets the distinct impression that she’d rather he didn’t see how she looked, or how the emotions are written across her face.

She leans against the counter as he runs her a bath—that really does seem to be his solution to everything with Rey, but most of the time it works—and then helps her out of her sleep shirt. She looks away, not wanting to take in the sight of her own body. He thinks she’s beautiful, but he knows she doesn’t want to hear that. Ben adds soap to the water, bubbles blossoming across the surface, and then offers her a hand to help her climb in.

The whole scene is quiet, Rey not willing to speak for fear that she’ll yell or cry, and Ben for not wanting to upset her. Sure, his mother wants to know him, but Rey is the only one in the Resistance who truly treats him well. His mother looks at him with pity, most of the others with fear or anger, and then there’s Rey. Rey, who looks at him with admiration, warmth, and sometimes just a hint of annoyance. Rey, who continues to defend him even when he doesn’t find himself defensible. Rey, who is pregnant and miserable because of the very man Ben used to serve.

He’s gentle with her as he helps wash her hair, massaging the soap into her scalp, watching the bubbles streak down her shoulders and over her breasts. She tries to hide in the water, but can only do so much. She can’t curl up on herself as she used to when the baby was just a few weeks grown. Rey closes her eyes and tries to let herself relax, but it doesn’t work.

Tears prick at the corners of her eyes and before she knows it, she’s crying, even under Ben’s gentle touch. She’s sore and exhausted and _scared_. The people she thought were her friends think there’s something wrong with her because she cares for Ben—her _husband_. The father of her baby. She worries constantly that she won’t do right by the child, that this pain will turn into resentment towards the baby or that she won’t be good at taking care of their daughter.

And most of all, she cries because she’s dependent upon someone else, and it terrifies her. She knows that part of why nobody believes her when she says she’s with Ben of her own volition is because she’s grown so dependent upon him. Rey isn’t used to her livelihood being in the hands of someone else. And maybe it’s not anymore, at least not in the extreme it used to be, but she can’t wash herself, she can hardly move without him there to help her sometimes. It’s humiliating, yet comforting.

Ben watches the tears fall down her cheeks and tries desperately to remind himself that they’re not because of him. That he hasn’t hurt her, that something else is bothering her. It’s hard to believe himself sometimes because he’s done some horrible, horrible things. Things Rey should have never forgiven him for, should have never looked past.

And yet, the only way he can think of to try to make up for what he’s done is to care for her. To show Rey what it’s like to be taken care of— _loved_. To give her what she’s always wanted for herself. To prove that he still has a heart, a conscience.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers through her tears, her eyes closed as he lets her clean hair drape over her shoulders.

Ben starts to wash her body, gently trailing a soapy cloth over her to get all the places she can’t reach, and then some. “Don’t apologize,” he insists.

“I shouldn’t depend on you. It’s wrong. I’m taking advantage of you, I’m…”

“Rey, stop.”

He pauses what he’s doing, letting the cloth fall to the water. Ben rubs one hand gently on her back and waits until she opens her eyes and looks at him. When she does, the look in her eyes breaks his heart. “You’re not taking advantage of me,” he insists. “I’m taking care of you because I want to. You’re my _wife_.” It feels strange to say, yet spreads warmth through his bones. “You’re only depending on me for a little while,” he reminds her. “It will all be over soon and then you can go back to being as strong and independent as you were when I first met you.”

Rey frowns and looks away. “Back when you didn’t like me?”

She’s put her fear out there, plain as day, and she has no idea what he’s going to say in response. She half expects him to get angry, to feel insulted that she might think he’s going to dislike her when she’s back to her old self.

Instead, he says, “When I first met you, I was jealous of you. Even before we met, I knew I wanted to meet you. Understand you. You had so much power and didn’t even know it.” Rey looks up at him. Her hazel eyes are big and look so gentle, so innocent. Rey knows this can’t be easy for him, putting himself out on the line. She listens, hanging from his every word. “I don’t think there’s ever been a time when I didn’t like you. Sometimes you’d get under my skin and drive me insane and make me angry, but… somehow…”

Rey’s lower lip is quivering again, and Ben wonders briefly if he’s said the wrong thing. But then she lifts one hand from the water and unceremoniously pulls him in for a kiss. It’s a bit messy, and he feels her tears on his cheeks, but he presses his mouth to hers eagerly. Anything to let her know he’s here, and he cares. When he leans away to breathe, Ben presses his forehead to hers and reminds her, “It’ll all be over soon. You’re almost there.”

“Yes,” Rey breathes, but then utters the words that strike fear into both of them. “But then we’ll be parents.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn needs to make things right with Rey, and Leia asks Rey to start thinking hard about her future.

“Finn, buddy, it’s alright,” Poe says, setting down one of his tools.

Finn is scrubbing at the ship, but when he gets trapped in his own thoughts, he starts to scrub rather roughly, giving Poe the indication that he’s dwelling on Rey again. “We have to do something,” Finn sighs. “This is not good.”

Poe stops looking for another tool, choosing instead to fix his full attention on Finn. Walking over to him, he braces his hands on his shoulders and says, “I know it’s weird, but Rey seems happy.”

“He’s her _captor_ ,” Finn says. “She shouldn’t be happy with him.”

Frowning, Poe thinks for a moment before he says, “I get it. He’s not a good guy. He’s done some really terrible things, to both of us. To everyone we care about.” Finn looks up at Poe, wondering just where he’s going with this. “We can try to talk to her, but I think it’s better for her if we don’t completely shut her off if she stays with him.”

“That’s easy for you to say,” Finn laughs dryly. “You didn’t know her before this.”

“True,” Poe concedes, “But you’re her friend. Isn’t it important to give her a chance? Maybe she’s right and Kylo Ren still has a heart in there somewhere.”

“He doesn’t.”

Finn’s eyes are dark and fierce and there’s a conviction in his words that startles Poe a little.

“Alright, alright,” Poe says, trying to diffuse the situation. “We’ll talk to her. An intervention. Just let her know what we’re worried about.”

“It doesn’t make our job easier when General Organa encourages them,” Finn says bitterly. “They won’t listen as long as she’s on their side.”

Poe frowns. “Look, buddy…” he trails off, choosing his words carefully. “I know that bugs you. But the General’s got ties to the situation that we don’t, and she’s lost so much in her life.” Poe looks into Finn’s eyes. “I know you don’t want to hear it, but they’re all she has left of a family. We couldn’t track down Luke, her husband is dead… she’s got her work family but she wants a real one. And I can’t blame her for that, can you?”

The intensity remains in Finn’s eyes as he considers it for a moment. When his expression softens, Poe feels a rush of relief.

“It still bothers me,” Finn says. “But I get it. I want a family, too.”

“Hey, you’ve got me, right?” Poe replies, trying to lighten the mood. He flashes a bright smile at Finn, who gives a reluctant smile in return

Finn nods and says, “Alright, fine. But we should still talk to her.”

“We will,” Poe insists, “But we should also talk to her about things _other_ than her marriage and baby. You know, get to know her? Figure out what we missed? Learn more about her? That’s what friends do.”

“Okay. After the next debriefing meeting, we’ll ask her to hang out,” Finn says.

Poe laughs. “You just want to make Ren jealous,” he teases.

Grinning wickedly, Finn asks, “Your point?”

Poe playfully grabs at Finn’s shoulder, and Finn’s bad mood quickly dissipates. Sometimes, he just needs to talk things through with Poe. Somehow, Poe can always find a way to fix things.

\---

Rey’s spirits have lifted the next time everyone sees her. She and Ben aren’t clinging to each other like they were when they were first rescued, which is a massive relief to Finn, but they’re still close. It’s very obvious they care about each other—or that Rey _thinks_ she cares about him, at least.

The time to relax and rest is over, and Leia looks ready to get down to work. They sit, the six of them at a table, and Leia informs them of the First Order’s progress.

“No attacks yet,” she says, “But I think they’re planning something against one of the smaller systems on the Outer Rim, just to assert their power. A message was intercepted—it sounds like three weeks, once they get their shipment of munitions.”

“If we gather a fleet, I can work on taking out the dreadnought,” Poe says. “If we take out their cannons first, we can weaken them so we can blow up the ship.”

“Is it really wise to fight fire with fire?” Rey asks, interrupting Finn and Poe’s excitement over getting to shoot at things.

Leia tilts her head as she asks Rey, “What are you suggesting?”

“We need to fight them with something they can’t comprehend,” Rey says calmly. She sounds so sure of her words, her suggestion. “We need to use peace.”

“Peace?” Finn asks. “It’s the First Order. That will never work.”

“Rey is right,” Ben speaks up, his serenity matching that of his wife’s. Finn and Poe find it a little eerie.

Leia seems interested enough, but this answer doesn’t cut it with Poe. “If we don’t take out the dreadnought, they’re going to use it. They’ll keep destroying planets and systems while they rebuild Starkiller and we can’t afford to lose more allies. We don’t have that many of them to begin with.”

“Even if you take out the dreadnought, you won’t be destroying their strongest men,” Ben replies. His eyes have narrowed and there’s a danger in them, prompting Rey to rest her hand on his thigh underneath the table. Through their bond, she warns him to keep calm. “Sure, you’ll destroy the strongest weapons, but Hux and Phasma will be as hell-bent as ever on destroying the Resistance. They’ll still have the Finalizer and the Supremacy—we don’t stand a chance.”

It’s the first time Ben uses the word _we_ to describe the Resistance, and it’s met with mixed reactions. Pride fills both Leia and Rey. Finn and Poe look livid.

“We?” Finn asks incredulously. “There is no _we_. As soon as this is over, you’re going to have to be punished for your actions. You’re a traitor. You don’t belong on the Light side.”

“You’re a traitor, too,” Ben hisses.

“Boys,” Leia warns.

“Finn’s got a point,” Poe adds. “Look—Rey, General Organa—I get it, you’re attached to this guy. You’re all family now. But the things he’s done to me, to Finn… we can’t just forgive him. And we’re not about to take a traitor into our ranks.”

“But you took in Finn,” Ben argues, pointedly using his name to try and garner favor.

“That was different. He wanted to be here.”

“If I didn’t want to be here, I wouldn’t be,” Ben snaps.

Rey tightens her grip on Ben’s leg. “Enough,” Rey says firmly, her eyes narrowing as she looks to Finn and Poe. “This isn’t about how much you hate Ben. This is about how the Resistance is going to fight the First Order with as few casualties as possible. Now, are you in, or are you out?”

Surprised by Rey’s gall, by her ability to command the attention of the room, Finn and Poe remain silent. They watch her, and nobody but Ben notices the look of pride on Leia’s face.

“Tell me more, Rey,” Leia prompts, not fully embracing Rey’s idea yet, but she doesn’t appear to oppose it, either.

Rey takes a breath and begins to explain. “Their fundamental weakness is that they cannot comprehend peace, mercy, or justice. So rather than retaliating with weapons, we stay on Coruscant where they are not allowed, and we start dealing in a galaxy-wide peace negotiation. We invite Resistance sympathizers, and the neutral, and we try to entice the ones on the First Order’s side. There aren’t many, and Ben could tell us who to talk to, and what angle to take with them to try to sway their opinions of us. And then, once we have a militia to rival that of the First Order, we can take out their weapons and destroy them.”

Leia is nodding, and Chewie makes a sound of approval.

“So we just stay here on the planet?” Poe asks, eyebrows shooting up as surprise crosses his face.

“Yes,” Leia says, looking at Rey with satisfaction and pride. “I’ll put together a message to send out to other planets. We’ll plan a meeting in two weeks, see who shows up. With any luck, we can actually pull this off.”

“But—” Poe begins to argue.

Sighing, Leia says, “We’ll have a fleet on hand if things get ugly. You won’t miss your chance go out and blow things up, Dameron. You have my word.” She looks around the table at everyone. “You’re dismissed. I’ll let you know when the meetings will take place.”

Everyone stands to leave, including Rey, though it takes her a little longer to stand up.

“Hey, Rey, could we talk to you for a minute?” Finn asks.

Rey nods, not glancing to Ben. She doesn’t need his permission to speak to her friends, and she knows that by not looking to him, she’s doing what she needs to in order for all three men to get used to this new arrangement.

“I’ll see you back in the room,” Ben calmly tells her.

Rey can sense the swirling unease, the slight fear in him, but doesn’t address it. He’ll just have to learn to trust her. She nods and smiles to him, acknowledging his statement, and then looks to Finn and Poe. Her calmness is almost unnerving; nothing has shaken her or upset her. She doesn’t look pained. They like seeing her in such a good condition for once.

“We just wanted to know if maybe you’d want to spend some time with us soon?” Finn asks, suddenly nervous.

“Not a big deal, just a stroll around the city. We’ll bring our blasters, make sure you stay safe,” Poe adds, referring to the First Order bounty on her head.

Rey looks between the two of them. “I should say no, purely based on how terrible you’ve been about my situation,” she says stubbornly. For a moment, Finn looks scared. After a pause, one long enough to strike fear into both men, she says. “But I’m not going to do that. I want things to get back to the way they were.” Her face relaxes and she smiles. “I would love to spend the day with you guys. Let me know when, alright?”

“Yeah, of course,” Poe nods eagerly.

Finn smiles and wraps her up in a hug. “This is great, Rey. It’s going to be awesome,” he says excitedly. “This Primeday?”

“Sure,” Rey agrees. “You know where to find me.”

Poe pats her on the shoulder as he smiles, knowing full well how much this means to Finn—to both of them. It should hopefully put Finn at ease. That way, they can focus their energy on taking down the First Order, instead of Rey’s wellbeing.

The three of them make to leave the room, but Leia interrupts. “Rey, could I have a word?”

Rey stays behind as Finn and Poe depart, turning to face Leia with hesitation on her face. She’s tired of people voicing their concerns for her. It’s unlikely Leia would do such a thing, but she doesn’t want to risk it. Part of Rey wants to ask if they can speak later instead.

“Don’t look so scared, Rey,” Leia says with a small, fond smile. “This conversation has nothing to do with Ben. I want to talk about _you_.”

Her words and expression instill the same calmness in Rey that she’d held during the meeting when she wasn’t afraid to tell them what she thought they should do. When she wasn’t afraid to share the plan she hoped would happen, if only for her baby’s safety. “What about me?” Rey wonders curiously.

“You were very impressive during the meeting today,” Leia tells her warmly, with a hint of pride. “You knew what you wanted and how to achieve it. And you sounded more confident than you’ve ever sounded before. Have you considered a career in politics?”

Rey shrugs. “I just want the galaxy to be at peace,” she says. “I’m not even sure that’s possible, but I want to try. For the baby.”

Leia smiles. “That’s admirable, Rey,” she nods. “And it leads me to what I wanted to talk to you about, actually.” Rey is quiet and still, wondering just what Leia wants to talk about. “I wanted to discuss with you what you plan to do once the baby is here. For work.”

“Oh.”

Rey’s never been asked what she wants to do before. It’s never been an option. She’s always had to do whatever it took to survive, not what she wanted but what was necessary. Her consternation is written clear across her face, and Leia looks sympathetic. “

“You don’t need to decide right now,” Leia soothes her. “But I want you to start thinking about it, okay?”

The room is quiet for a moment.

“Ben told me about a new order he wants to start,” Rey says softly, sitting down at the table once more, to take the strain off of her aching ankles. She avoids Leia’s eyes as she speaks. “When he was telling me, he seemed almost mad with power, at the prospect of it. It scared me at first, but the more I think about it…” she pauses, hesitates. “I don’t know if I like the idea because I’ve grown to care for him, or because it’s a good idea.” It’s the first time acknowledging to anyone that her opinions may be biased because of the captivity. Rey looks up at Leia and asks, “Will you tell me what you think of it?”

“Of course, Rey,” Leia says, sitting down in the chair next to her. “Tell me everything.”

\---

Their room is quiet when Rey gets back. All the lights are off, and even though it’s not very late, she wonders if Ben is already asleep. She’s pleasantly surprised to find him in bed reading. He looks so tranquil as he flips through the pages of a book. He looks content. At peace.

She feels comforted, knowing he hadn’t gotten jealous that she’d stayed behind to talk to Finn and Poe.

“Hi,” she says softly, leaning in the doorway of the room.

At the sound of her voice, Ben looks up. “Hi,” he replies, closing his book and resting it on his lap. “What did they want?”

“They want to spend more time with me,” Rey says simply, walking further into the room. She sits on the bed next to him and says, “I said yes. We have plans for this Primeday.”

“Without me, I assume?” Ben asks. Rey can’t tell if he’s angry or not.

She looks over at him and asks bluntly, “Is that a problem?”

“No,” he replies simply. He turns back to his book.

Rey lets him sit for a moment, reading. She wants to say something, but there’s nothing left to say on the topic. He has to get used to her spending time with her friends. If they’re not going to be civil to each other, Rey will have to keep those parts of her life separate. She refuses to give up any of them for the others.

“Your mother asked me what I’m going to do once the baby is born,” she adds, her voice softer now. “For work, I mean. She knows we’re keeping the baby.”

It was a discussion they hadn’t had to have—they both just knew. They’d assumed from the start that if they had any control over what happened, they would raise the baby. “What did you tell her?” Ben asks, setting his book aside. He knows that this is a big deal for Rey—that she’s probably never actively tried to envision her future.

“I told her I don’t know,” Rey replies simply. “I’ve never had the luxury of having to think about what I’d _like_ to do.” She looks up at Ben, and when their eyes meet, she feels warm. Like he’s really listening. “She asked if I’d ever considered politics.”

“I’m going to guess you haven’t,” he replies.

“No,” Rey shakes her head. “But she said that today… I impressed her. That I should consider it. And think about what I’d really like to do one day.” Rey hesitates, and then says, “I told her about your plan for the Grey Jedi.”

His eyes flare, almost like he’s angry, and for a moment Rey wonders if she severely misstepped. But then she feels something akin to fear and realizes that he’s afraid of what his mother said in response to this dream he was so passionate about. Gently, Rey reaches over to take Ben’s hand in her own. “She liked the idea,” Rey says finally. “She remembers hearing about it, an Order of the past. She thinks that you would be well suited to starting it again.”

“And you?” he asks.

“She said I would be good at it as well,” Rey nods. “But I think… at least for right now… it would make sense if you were to lead the Grey Jedi. And maybe if we try to restructure some sort of alliance that supports the mission, I could lead that. We could really try to bring peace to the galaxy.”

“End the messy Skywalker saga forever,” Ben says. Rey swears she almost hears him laugh.

When she looks at him, there’s a question in her eyes. “I think you’d be good at anything you chose,” he says. “You’re a fast learner.”

Rey shrugs and says, “I have time to figure it out.”

Neither of them realize quite how quickly that time will pass. They’re now only a couple of months away from the birth of the baby, and there are still many decisions yet to be made.

\---

The days following their initial planning meeting go by in a rather mundane fashion. Rey and Ben leave occasionally to walk around the hotel or go nearby for food. Sometimes Leia or Chewie joins them, sometimes they go alone. Rey follows through on her plans with Finn and Poe, and they’re kind to her. They only mention Ben once, asking if he plans on being a father or if he’ll be leaving once the baby arrives. Rey tries not to take offence as she says that Ben seems quite well prepared to be a father, actually.

And speaking of Ben, his solemnity hasn’t gone unnoticed by Rey. She doesn’t want to worry, but she knows that something bigger is going on. He’s so quiet and Rey doesn’t know how to get him to open up and talk about what’s going on in his head. Maybe it’s all the ghosts of his past, coming back to haunt him around every corner of this city.

When Rey wakes before the second sun and finds the man beside her still asleep, she watches him for a moment. The baby is turning and rolling and kicking, and though she’s been calmer lately, as she should be at this point in the pregnancy, she’s still more active than Rey would like.

Rey wishes she knew what was going on with Ben, why he seems so withdrawn.

Deciding a walk might do her some good, Rey slowly climbs out of bed. She takes her time getting dressed and decides to leave a note on the bedside table by Ben’s pillow. Before she leaves, Rey leans down and presses her lips to his forehead. He sniffles and shifts on the bed, but doesn’t wake.

“Be back soon,” she whispers, soothing a hand over his hair.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The First Order must learn to leave well enough alone.

Ben tries not to worry when Rey doesn’t come back for lunch. He assumes she’s with Finn and Poe.

Ben _really_ tries not to worry when Rey doesn’t come back for dinner.

That’s when he snaps, though, and he goes to his mother’s hotel room. He’s frantic, his fists pounding on the door until she opens up, alarmed.

“Ben?” she asks.

“Have you seen Rey?”

Chewie makes a noise in the room behind Leia and Ben’s eyes widen. “Wait—why is he here?” Ben asks, his voice panic-stricken and tense.

“Ben, please, slow down,” Leia says, ushering him into the room. “What’s going on?” He wrestles his arm away from her.

“Rey is missing and I _thought_ Chewie was with her, but clearly he’s not,” he says tersely. His eyes are wide with a manic sort of fear, and Leia wonders now who was under whose spell, all those months in captivity. “She left me a note before I woke up this morning saying she was going for a walk and she never came back.”

“Have you asked Finn and Poe if they’ve seen her?” Leia asks calmly.

“Do you really think those idiots would let me anywhere near them without her at my side!?” Ben shouts.

Leia is quiet, letting her son take a breath and try to collect himself and calm down. “Alright,” she says finally, her tone calm. Her eyes tell a different story, her alarm evident there. “Let’s go find them and see what they know, okay?”

“We need to find her.”

“Ben, I’m going to do everything in my power to help you find her, but I need you to stay calm and trust me,” Leia’s voice is firm.

Ben storms out of the room, Leia and Chewie behind him.

“Their room is to the left,” she shouts as Ben turns down a hallway to the right.

He huffs and ends up following them down the hallway, hoping that nothing is wrong, that Rey is just spending time with Finn and Poe, that he worried for nothing. Unfortunately for Ben, the two look just as confused when they open the door.

As soon as Finn and Poe realize what’s going on, Finn is shrugging on a leather jacket and Poe is devising a plan as they rush down the hallway. For once, Ben doesn’t mind following them and complying with whatever they say. If it means they’ll find Rey, he’s going to do anything they ask.

“We need to do a thorough scan of the city,” Poe says, all business. “General, I need you to stay here in case she comes back while we’re out.” He pauses by the doors, scanning his eyes over the rest of the group. “Finn and I are going to cover the northern half of the city. You two,” he gestures to Ben and Chewie, “cover the southern half. Check everywhere. If you find her, patch through.” Poe hands off a commlink to Ben. Ben finds he’s taken aback by the trust Poe has suddenly placed in him. “We’ll find her. And Ben, you do whatever Force stuff,” he wiggles his hand in the air to signify… _something_ , “that you have to if it means you’ll find her.”

Ben scoffs. If he hadn’t been so frantic, he definitely would have thought of that. When he finds Rey and calms down, Ben will realize how absolutely stupid he was, not thinking to use the Force from the very beginning. In a way, it makes sense because they’d had to be careful when communicating around Snoke, for fear that he’d be able to intercept their bond. But now they’re safe—Ben knows it’s foolish to continue to be so paranoid.

But what’s more fearsome is that he’s so dependent on her. She started to become the only reason he’d wake up in the mornings—especially now that he’s in the hands and care of the Resistance. He _needs_ to find her. Now that he knows life with a companion, he doesn’t want to lose her.

With Chewie at his side, Ben stalks off down the sidewalks of Galactic City. At least Chewie has long strides and can keep up with Ben’s determined gait. He looks down every alleyway, across every street. Through his haze of fear and worry, Ben lets his connection with the Force grow clouded.

Growing frustrated with each passing second they don’t find Rey, Ben stops on the sidewalk, near the same park he’d visited with Rey the last time they were here. The park where they’d spoken with children—the first time he ever felt like maybe he would be an okay parent.

He closes his eyes and pushes away the emotions clouding his mind. Very slowly, he begins to once more feel the familiar energy of the Force. The way it ebbs and flows and shows him light and dark, living and dead. A chill shoots down his spine and that’s when he realizes he can sense Rey. He can’t tell where she is or what she’s doing, but she’s cold.

And she’s afraid.

Ben’s eyes snap open and Chewie growls something unintelligible to most passersby.

“Yeah,” Ben nods, well versed in Shyriiwook. He’d grown up with the guy, after all. “I sensed her. She’s cold and scared. I think she’s been taken.” 

Chewie growls again.

“I don’t know yet who took her,” Ben explains. “But if she’s scared, I’m inclined to think the First Order has friends on this planet.”

He looks around, trying to sort out his surroundings, to really get a read on the people around him. As he drags his gaze around the park, he settles upon two beings who stand out to him right away. Two tall, burly men stand at the other side of the park, side by side. They stand in a military stance, at ease but poised, and they’re wearing what looks to be standard issue black suits that Stormtroopers wear underneath their white panels of armor. When one turns his head, Ben gets the sinking feeling that the First Order has snuck their way onto the planet.

Suddenly, Ben’s fear mirrors Rey’s. “I think I know where she is,” Ben says.

He makes a move to turn back down the block, towards where they’d come from, but Chewie grabs his upper arm roughly. Ben has flashbacks of when he was a kid, running around on the Falcon, his parents bickering in the cockpit while Chewie tried to keep him occupied in the main bay. He was barely six years old, but he was used to everything—the arguing, the desperate attempts from Chewie to keep him away from it, to keep him occupied—and now here Chewie is, holding him back again, trying to keep him from something.

“What?” he asks angrily.

Chewie speaks, and Ben glares at him for much longer than is strictly necessary. Chewie won’t release his grip until Ben relents, and Ben knows this before he even considers fighting.

“Fine,” Ben sighs.

He lifts the commlink and patches through, “This is Ben and Chewie. There are unarmored ‘troopers stationed across the park from us. I reached Rey through the Force and it was unclear, but I have reason to believe the First Order is already on the planet, and that they have her.”

“Ben,” Leia patches through. “What do you need us to do?”

Ben closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He’s angry that Rey’s been taken and angrier still that he knows he cannot succeed in saving her without the help of Finn and Poe, the very men who don’t want him to be with Rey, to be anywhere near her.

“We need to regroup at the hotel,” Ben finally replies. Chewie won’t drop his gaze until Ben takes the right actions, and somehow Chewie’s influence has always worked on Ben, even when his parents’ didn’t. “I know where the First Order’s unofficial headquarters are. We have to go in and rescue her together.”

“I’ll bring BB-8,” says Poe determinedly. “They can do a scan of the building, figure out where life forms are, see if we can detect Rey.”

“Get back as fast as you can,” Leia warns. “I have a feeling time is of the essence.”

Ben doesn’t want to know what she means by that, but fears he may soon find out.

It’s almost overwhelming for Ben when he reaches the hotel with Chewie, the speed at which he’s surrounded by Finn, Poe, and even Leia, all asking where he thinks Rey is, and if he’s tried to reach her with the Force again.

“Can you just see where she is, through her eyes?” Finn asks, his naivety evident.

Ben rolls his eyes and says, “That’s not how the Force works.”

Finn stares at Ben for a moment, his expression one of pure surprise. “What?” Ben asks, annoyed.

“Your dad said that to me once,” Finn explains.

Ben’s expression turns sour and instantly Finn realizes that was the wrong thing to say. “Who cares,” Ben hisses. “Let’s go. She’s cold and she’s afraid and I don’t want to know what the First Order is going to do to her now that they have her.”

Poe nearly growls with anger as he says, “If someone sold her off for that bounty, I’m going to kill them.”

“Not if I get to them first,” Ben says before he turns back towards the doors and out of the building. They’re wasting valuable time by standing around and talking when they could be searching for Rey.

Leia stays behind to try to do more investigating from her rooms. She’s not as well suited to battle as she once was. This leaves Ben, Chewie, Poe, and Finn all out on a mission to save Rey—together. It’s not Ben’s first choice, working with these guys, but if it’s his only option, he’ll take it. Rey _needs_ to get out safely.

As they walk rather briskly through the city, a few eyes lingering suspiciously on them as they push through the crowds. They should probably look a little less conspicuous, but that’s the furthest thing from Ben’s mind.

_Ben? Ben?_

He hears the voice echoing in his head and he’d know whose it was anywhere. It’s Rey. He stops in his track on the sidewalk, Finn running smack into his back and nearly blasting off someone’s foot as they walk around them.

“Why isn’t the safety on that thing?” Ben hisses to Finn.

“Why’d you stop?” Poe wonders.

Ben closes his eyes for a moment. Chewie makes a noise that they can hopefully understand because Ben doesn’t want to break his concentration, to lose his connection to Rey. _I’m here._

 _Hux,_ Rey says. She sounds absolutely exhausted. _And Phasma._

 _Where are you_? Ben asks. _Senate building?_ That’s where they’d spent most of their time last time they were in Galactic City.

 _Hospital_ , Rey sends back. He feels a surge of pain through their bond.

“Fuck,” he mutters out loud. _We’re on our way. Hold on._

 _The baby_ , Rey whispers before her voice fades out and the bond connection is closed.

“What’s going on?” Finn asks frantically.

Ben looks around the city block, trying to figure out the best route to where they need to go. From down on the ground, the skyscrapers prevent him from seeing. A smack against his calf pulls Ben from his thoughts and he looks down to see the damned droid he’d tried to find all those months ago, right there in front of him. It’s ramming into his leg like it wants something.

“Grand Republic Medical Facility,” he says to the droid.

“What!?” Finn nearly shrieks. “Is she having the baby!?”

“It’s too early,” Ben says.

Poe looks grave. “Doesn’t mean they can’t make it happen anyway.” Poe hesitates, but then says what he’s thinking. “If they want to repopulate Force-users, they’ll want a baby girl in their hands. She can give them way more than a boy could.”

Ben glares daggers at him as he says, “You think I don’t know that!?”

BB-8 is already rushing through the streets, on a mission. They follow, not thinking twice about the looks from passersby, yet again. _Rey? Stay with me_ , he thinks as he rushes through the city. _I need more details. I need to know where you are_.

The surges of pain are gone, but she still feels as lethargic and exhausted as early as their connection grows once more. _It’s bright_ , she thinks to him. _So bright._

Ben follows Poe and Finn through the streets blindly, trusting them. It’s a foolish thing to do, he knows, but they’re his only support in rescuing Rey. He trusts them, only now, because he knows they care about Rey and what happens to her. They’re not going to let her be hurt because they dislike him. _Can you see any buildings from your window?_ he asks.

 _No_ , Rey replies. She sounds so peaceful as she says it. _Just the blue sky._ Ben swears he can feel her take a breath. _It’s beautiful_.

“She’s at the top,” Ben tells them as they approach the dark building. It’s a skyscraper, something tall and narrow, with a massive star-shaped decoration at the top, nestled below a bean-shaped room. The best rooms in the galaxy for any number of medical procedures—and Rey is in one of them. “I think they’ve given her a sedative or something. She’s… slow. Sleepy. But the pain isn’t there anymore.”

Now it’s Finn’s turn to mutter profanity. BB-8 beeps to them and Ben can understand most languages so he doesn’t need Poe to translate. Apparently, Finn does, and Ben wants to scoff at this but manages to refrain.

“BB-8 says that there’s a service elevator around the back,” Poe instructs. “It’s secured, though. Authorized personnel only.”

Ben looks around. “And the regular elevator?” he gestures to the main entrance.

It’d be too easy. There’s no way it’d take them all the way to the top. BB-8 beeps to him: _[No regular access to top levels. Passcode required.]_

“Alright,” Ben nods. “So, service elevator it is.”

Finn looks a little annoyed as he asks, “You can understand it, too?”

Rolling his eyes, Ben says, “I grew up with droids.”

“Stay focused,” Poe interrupts, giving a pointed look to Finn. That surprises Ben; he assumed he’d always be the brunt of their negative emotions. “We have to get one of us clearance.”

Ben notices a lone nurse wandering towards the service elevator. “I’ve got an idea,” he says and disappears around the corner before anyone can ask him what that entails.

It’s a stupid plan, something dumb that only his father would probably come up with, but it’s going to have to work. He watches as the nurse reaches for his badge and is about to open the elevator door. One well-aimed smack to the head sends the nurse to the floor, unconscious. Poe, Finn, and Chewie around the corner at about that moment, just in time to watch Ben maul an innocent nurse.

They don’t judge, though, instead rushing to his side to help drag the body into a nearby storage closet.

Ben pockets the nurse’s badge before giving instructions. “Chewie, I want you to stay here, keep watch. Patch through to my mom and see if she’ll bring us a ship to get Rey out of here. You two,” he says to Finn and Poe, “are coming upstairs with me. I’ll need backup, and someone to fight them off once I have Rey. Once I have her, we need to get in this elevator and out of this building as fast as possible, do you understand?”

Finn and Poe, thankfully, just nod and agree. Ben feels like it’s the stupidest plan he’s ever cooked up, but it has to work. It _has_ to. He scans the key card for the elevator and they step inside. Automatically, he presses the button for the top floor, ignoring the way Finn and Poe have chosen to stand on the opposite side of the elevator from him. This moment feels absolutely ridiculous, with Ben standing across the elevator from the two clowns who will serve as his backup. The elevator takes its time ascending the tower, and the silence is deafening. Ben doesn’t know what to do with himself or where to look.

Poe breaks the silence to ask, “You must really care about her, huh?”

Ben looks up, startled by Poe’s voice. He doesn’t know what response they’re expecting. Finally, he chooses to reply, “Obviously.”

“And the whole kid thing—why’d you go along with it?” Poe wonders.

He looks to the numbers in the elevator; they’re not even halfway up the tower. Suddenly, all the skyscrapers on Coruscant seem entirely too tall, and he dislikes it.

“The alternative was for her to be passed around like a rag doll for everyone to use,” Ben says simply. “And Hux was too eager to get his hands on her. It made my skin crawl.”

“Because you like her?” Finn asks.

Ben glares at him. “Have you seen that man? He’s disgusting. I wouldn’t even let him near _you_.”

“But you like her, though,” Poe says simply.

Ben’s dark eyes dart up to the numbers on the elevator again. They’re getting closer. Just twelve more floors to go. He decides that, in an effort to appease Rey, he should be honest. “Yes,” Ben says simply. “Are we done?”

Finn and Poe don’t get a chance to answer, because the doors to the elevator are finally opening, revealing a massive suite. It’s bright and sunny, just like Rey said it would be, but she’s nowhere to be seen. The primary bed is empty. He can sense her, though, feel Rey reaching out lazily through their bond. She’s so weak it pains him.

In seconds, there are armed men facing the service elevator, pointing their blasters at them. Ben hardly has a moment to react before the shooting begins—though he’s fairly certain Dameron shot first. Ben reaches for his lightsaber but he’s interrupted by a shout. “Ben!” Finn shouts from his right. Ben’s head whips to find the source of the voice. Finn stands in a doorway, fighting with a half-bent sliding door that keeps trying to push closed. “Go!” he points inside. _Rey_.

 _Ben_ , she echoes back, ever so softly. There’s the pain again. He doesn’t understand—she was fine just moments ago.

Frantically, Ben rushes into the room. When he sees her on the bed, pale and weak and tethered to some sort of machine, his heart sinks. “Rey,” he says.

“You don’t want to do that,” interrupts a familiar, semi-robotic voice.

A blaster gun goes off and Ben sees Phasma stumble backwards. Finn is fighting her, and he looks incredibly satisfied to be doing so. Ben watches her look around for a weapon. She spots one on the floor by a Stormtrooper who’d already been taken out by Finn. It’s a Z6 baton, nothing lethal, but something she can definitely fight with.

“Go!” Finn shouts to Ben. “I’ve got this!”

It’s astonishing to Ben that Finn and Poe are still there, protecting him, but every time he gets too caught up in his thinking, he remembers that it’s for Rey. It’s only for Rey. Anything kind they ever do will only be because they care about Rey.

He’ll take it, though. Ben rushes to Rey and very gently removes the sensor from her arm. Once she’s disconnected from the one machine that they’d attached her to, the thing likely pumping her up with whatever sedative has made her so lethargic and sleepy, he lifts her into his arms. She’s not nearly as light as she was when he’d first carried her, off of Takodana and into his ship where she’d been taken captive by the First Order. It’s partially the baby, but partially Rey’s health. She gets full meals now. She’s healthy. All the extra weight Ben is lugging around is evidence of the good that has come of this.

Ben barely manages to squeeze out the doors before Phasma’s Z6 baton swings. He smells singed hair and wonders if its his own. Poe is fighting off some Stormtroopers with blaster guns, and that’s when Ben sees him: Hux. _Supreme Leader_ Hux. Standing between Ben and the elevator that could get Rey to safety. And the man is grinning. _Grinning_. He sports a particularly painful-looking blue and purple bruise on his eye but otherwise looks unscathed.

“Hux, this is enough.”

“I do believe that girl is carrying First Order property,” Hux sneers.

Poe shoots down another Stormtrooper, but there are more where that one came from.

“My child is not your property,” Ben seethes. “And neither is Rey. We don’t belong to you.”

“Traitor!” Hux shouts.

“Coward!” Ben shouts back.

Another Stormtrooper falls, leaving only three more. Finn reappears at Poe’s side, and Ben finds that he’s rather impressed at the fact that he’d managed to defeat Phasma. He sees her lying in the room Rey had been kept in. If he had to wager a guess, Ben would say that she’s not dead, only unconscious. They don’t have much time.

“I am the Supreme Leader of the First Order and I command you to _put down our property!_ ” Hux bellows.

Ben bellows out a harsh laugh. “It looks like your _property_ got your eye pretty good,” he says. He doesn’t know for sure, but Rey would be the only person around aside from Ben himself with the courage to punch Hux in the face. The bruise _has_ to be from her.

The room erupts into blaster fire and Ben is just doing all he can to get to that damned elevator. A Stormtrooper drops to his death on the floor in front of Ben, and Ben has to step over the ‘troopers bulky body. He nearly stumbles, and is horrified when Hux is the one to break the fall—but only so that he can touch Rey. He grabs at her arm, and then her gown, and Ben is filled with cold horror.

“No!” Ben shouts. “Don’t touch her!”

Hux sneers. “You’re _pathetic_ ,” he says to Ben. “She doesn’t love you. And neither will that disgusting child. Hand her over to us and we will let you escape this place with your life.”

Before Ben realizes what’s happening, he hears the noise of a blaster and sees Hux fall to the floor. Chewie shouts something unintelligible from the doorway of the elevator and Finn cheers. Poe and Finn rush to gather up Hux and Phasma, both knocked unconscious, tying them up so they can’t escape. Chewie drags them haphazardly into the elevator and Ben carries Rey, sensing that she’s starting to wake up properly. He so desperately wants her to be somewhere safer when she awakens, when she realizes what’s happened.

Ben wants her away from this horrible situation as fast as possible and for once he, Finn, and Poe all agree on that fact. As they stand in the elevator, Ben watches Rey closely, to make sure she’s not hurt. Her eyes flutter open and lock with his, and she gives him a sleepy smile, something for Ben and only Ben. Rey rests her head on his shoulder and closes her eyes again. He doesn’t let go of her the rest of the journey back to the hotel.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now that Hux and Phasma are prisoners of the Resistance, Leia and her team need to take a stand and try to restore peace to the galaxy.

It takes a few days for everyone to fully process that Rey has come out of the ordeal unharmed. Ben had insisted she be seen by at least two doctors, but their diagnosis was the same: she was just fine. The baby was safe and Rey was in good health, and that was that. When he’d asked why he had sensed Rey in pain, she reminded him that it was likely the “practice” contractions. Rey had been feeling them more lately, and she didn’t enjoy them.

It’s frustrating for Rey, knowing that neither of her captors were killed when Poe, Finn, and Ben had freed her. Hux and Phasma deserved retribution—whether that was death or something else, Rey hadn’t decided yet. All she knew was that she didn’t feel satisfied knowing that the two of them had simply been arrested.

And the memory of how they had sedated her, threatened to take the baby away… it was the most terrifying thing she’d ever had to endure. Willing the baby to try to resist the medication, even if that wasn’t how the Force worked in babies. She’d tried so hard to keep it from happening. Thankfully, they hadn’t had her in the medical center for more than an hour before she’d been rescued, and no worse fate had come to her.

If there’s one good thing that came of it, though, it’s that Finn, Poe, and Ben learned how well they worked together. No matter how much anger and pain lay in their past, how much bad blood remained between them, they could push past that and cooperate. Rey wasn’t going to let them forget that, not now that she knew they could do it. It was important to her that they try—even if only for the baby, one day.

After everyone has shaken the fear and anger off their shoulders from Rey’s kidnapping, it’s time to get back to business—which Holdo has taken charge of in the meantime.

Leia calls them to a meeting with a few other Resistance leaders—namely, Poe Dameron, Holdo, and another senior pilot named Temmin Wexley. Together, the six of them are to plan their next steps. Rey has never met Holdo or Wexley, but surprisingly, Ben seems to know them or have at least heard of him.

Holdo opens the conversation by smiling kindly at Ben as she says, “Your mother told us about your plan to revive the Jedi Order.”

“The Grey Jedi is what the galaxy needs,” he clarifies. Rey can tell he’s on the defence, but that slowly ebbs away the more he takes in Holdo, her personality, her calmness.

Rey is intrigued by the woman sitting before her, not a single strand of purple hair out of place. And she looks so relaxed, so non-judgmental. It’s putting Ben at ease and making this all a little easier because he doesn’t feel like he needs to defend his right to be sitting at that table.

“Well, you have our support,” Holdo says easily. “And if we can succeed at establishing the Republic Alliance, perhaps we can get it off the ground much faster than we would otherwise.”

“Is that what we’re going to call it?” Poe asks.

Holdo nods, and Leia says, “I think it fits. It describes our goals perfectly.”

“Our primary goal should be restoring balance to the galaxy. The Republic Alliance can work to create this in a much faster way than a Galactic Senate ever could. We will operate in a simple monarchy-type structure, with a leader who connects with delegates from all over the galaxy—leaders from whatever planets or systems or cities will give us their time. The leader will then make the final decision after feedback, as a judge would in a courtroom. Much faster than the Senate operates.” Leia explains. She’s clearly thought much about this plan, and Rey smiles as she listens. She likes knowing that they have a plan and that she and Ben and the baby are in good hands. Rey feels comfort in knowing that they’ll be safe.

She only half listens as the meeting continues on, with Ben contributing a little to the conversation as Leia and Holdo debrief everyone on the plan. Rey contentedly sits in her chair, one hand gently resting upon her belly. Inside of her, she can feel her daughter; she’s awake, and she’s happy. She’s moving gently, reminding her mother that she’s there, she’s fine, and she’ll be out soon.

Rey is pulled from her thoughts of the baby when Ben nudges her arm. “What?” she asks, looking up. Seeing everyone’s eyes on her, Rey sheepishly smiles and says, “Sorry. It’s the baby. She’s awake.”

Holdo and Leia both smile warmly at her. “It’s alright,” Leia insists, a fond sparkle in her eye. “Is she active?” Rey nods. With a chuckle, Leia says, “Ben was the same way. I stopped getting a full night’s sleep about five months _before_ he was born.”

Rey looks over at Ben, amused. She doesn’t know much about what he was like as a child and appreciates that Leia was willing to tell her something. “Anyway,” Poe interrupts. He looks uncomfortable, which puts a smug expression back on Ben’s face. “We were asking you if you’d be the leader of the Republic Alliance, Rey.”

Rey looks stunned. “What?”

She looks around at everyone at the table, finally looking to Ben. If anyone will be honest with her and tell her if this is _really_ a good idea, it’ll be him. “I agree with them,” Ben admits with a nod. “You’d make a great leader.”

“We suggested the title of Queen,” Holdo explains. “We’re also suggesting a matrilineal line of succession.”

“No,” Rey say simply. “Nobody should be forced into the position. If… if this baby or any others aren’t suited to the job, they shouldn’t have it. That’s the problem with half the leaders in this galaxy. They’re either in their place due to their blood, or because they killed for it. They should be able to step down at any time, if they needed to, as well. For any reason. Allow the Queen and her closest circle of advisers to appoint the successor, instead.” Rey looks around the group. “I—I can’t say yet whether I feel ready to have a role like that, but I’ll consider it. And I ask you to consider my suggestions, as well.”

Leia nods. “I think that’s fair.”

“Agreed,” says Holdo.

“Well then, that’s settled,” Poe says happily. “For now.”

“We have communications out to planets we have alliances with, and some others who may be persuaded to join us,” Wexley explains. “In a few days, we should have everyone here to make official negotiations.” He looks at Ben. “Can you get in touch with any planets or groups you think might defect now that the First Order has fallen?”

“I’d need a comms station,” Ben says. “And clearance to do that.”

Leia rolls her eyes. “Don’t be dramatic. You’re one of us—you have the clearance, and if someone tries to tell you otherwise, ignore them,” she says, her voice firm but her eyes warm. “Talk to any factions that will give you a chance. Tell them of the general plan and let them know that in one week, we’ll have official negotiations and anyone who wants to be a part of this Alliance is welcome, regardless of their past affiliation.”

Wexley looks from Ben to Rey. “Do you think you can make your decision by then? It’d be good if we can present you to them, or have an alternative leader in place while everyone is there,” he explains. “If they can put a face to the Republic Alliance, it may help our cause.”

Rey nods, already mulling over the options in her head. She could achieve so much as the leader of the Republic Alliance, but there’s so much at stake by accepting such a high profile position. It scares her, not for herself, but for her baby. And having to deal with all the dissent and disagreement in politics—she’s not sure she’d have the patience.

But for Ben, and Leia, and the whole Resistance, Rey feels a pull in her chest to at least give it a try. Erring on the side of caution, she resolves to continue thinking considering it. They leave the meeting, Rey reaching over for Ben’s hand as they walk.

“Is she really moving a lot?” Ben asks curiously. It feels like it’s been forever since they’ve talked about the baby, and he’s curious, which puts a small smile on Rey’s face.

“She’s not active as often,” Rey explains. “Doctor Harsik said that would happen as she runs out of room to move. But yes, she’s very obviously awake right now.”

He looks down at her as they continue to walk. “That sounds strange.”

“It is,” Rey nods. She smiles and says, “I won’t worry now that I know you were the same way.”

Ben rolls his eyes. “That was something I didn’t need to know about myself.”

Rey giggles. “It’s something you have in common with her,” she reminds him. “Isn’t it nice to know that? Before she’s even born, you two are so alike.”

“Stop saying that,” Ben says, eyes drifting down to the floor in front of them.

When they reach their room, he walks in first. Rey follows and says, “Why? What’s so wrong with wanting her to be like you?”

Ben turns around to face Rey. “Because it means she could get the bad parts.”

Rey shakes her head and walks closer to Ben. She’d stand toe to toe with him, but her belly is much too large now. She takes his hand again, holding it gently in both of hers.

“You know, you keep saying that, but I think that the Dark in you was Snoke, and those childhood desires of yours to be like Darth Vader. Besides—we _all_ have a little dark inside of us. Even me.” Rey raises her eyes to look into Ben’s before she adds, “She’ll misbehave—children do—but you have to just trust that she will make the right decisions. And if you mean physical traits—there are no bad parts, alright?”

It’s astonishing to Ben that after everything, Rey still supports him and cares for him. He leans down to kiss her, unsure of whether he has the words to say to properly thank Rey for this second chance she’s given him, even if he doesn’t particularly think he deserves it.

\---

Rey wakes with a start, her body shouting at her. The baby has been kicking, preventing her from falling into a deep sleep, but it was calm enough that she could still get some rest. However, the child has decided to rather aggressively begin kicking at her bladder, and Rey’s lower abdomen is warning her to get to the ‘fresher—fast.

She groans as she climbs out of bed and crosses the room to the ‘fresher, mumbling to the baby under her breath to _go to sleep_ as she empties her bladder. This is a new kind of torture, one Rey would like to end as soon as possible.

Standing in front of the mirror, Rey takes in her appearance. She looks tired, and her face has definitely filled out, but she doesn’t look as dead inside as she had when the First Order had kept her captive. Now she can be who she wants to be, and she has opportunities right there in front of her, waiting to be taken. Rey sighs as the baby kicks roughly again, and she looks down at her belly. She doesn’t like the way her body looks like this, and yet something about it now that she knows the baby is hers, not the First Order’s, paints a bit of a glow around the situation. It makes her happy.

Slowly, Rey wanders back to the bed. She assumes that Ben is still asleep, but as soon as he sees her, he rolls over and looks up at her through messy hair, confused.

“Everything alright?” he asks. His voice is low and hoarse from sleep.

“Yeah,” Rey nods, climbing into bed next to him.

“What happened?” he wonders.

Rey laughs a little before she says, “The baby was kicking.” She lets the rest of the story tell itself; they may be married, and they may be close, but it still feels weird to talk about the less attractive details of the pregnancy with him. Rey fleetingly wonders if he’ll stand by her side as she gives birth, or if he’ll just stand outside the delivery room, waiting for the messy part to end. “Here,” Rey says, reaching over for one of his hands.

She rests Ben’s hand gently on her stomach, near her side where she’s felt the baby’s feet kick all night. Rey’s hand covers Ben’s, and they wait. The only sound in the room is their breathing. And then the baby starts to move—a lot. She kicks—once, twice, three times against her father’s hand—and Ben withdraws his hand, startled.

“That’s… more than before,” he says lamely.

“Yeah,” Rey nods. “When it’s against my skin I don’t mind so much, but when she decides to hit my insides that roughly, it’s not pleasant.”

“Pregnancy is kind of disgusting,” Ben says bluntly.

Rey bursts out laughing. Her eyes sparkle in the darkness as she looks across at Ben, and she says, “Yes, exactly! It’s so gross.”

Ben slowly rests his hand on her belly again, thumb soothing gentle circles. “Can I try something?” he asks.

“Of course,” Rey nods. She’d let him try anything if there was a chance she’d get to sleep a little more that evening. Anything to calm the baby.

Ben is thankful for the dark room, and for Rey indulging him in some of his stupid, sentimental ideas. He feels awkward trying this, yet in his heart, he feels it’s the right thing to do. “Hi, baby,” he says, leaning his face towards Rey’s stomach.

Rey can feel the nerves and the tension emanating from her husband but doesn’t want Ben to stop. She rests her hand on his head, gently smoothing her fingers over his tangled hair, encouraging him.

“We need to sleep now,” Ben says to their baby. “Your mom is tired and she needs her rest.” He smooths his hand over the curve of Rey’s stomach and says, “Just a little nap, okay?”

Somehow, whether due to the Force or something else, Rey feels the baby still. It’s such a relief that she almost feels like she could cry. When Ben sits up, he looks awkward, but the look on Rey’s face makes him stop in his tracks. He relaxes when he sees the relief and happiness on her face.

“It worked?” he asks, surprised.

“Yeah,” Rey nods. Whether it was due to the Force or something else, Rey doesn’t know, but she doesn’t much care. She’s going to be able to get some rest, and that’s what’s most important to her.

Awkwardly, Ben nods back and says, “Good.”

“Thank you,” she says to him as he lays back down next to her in the bed. “I’ve been trying that for weeks, but… it must just be your voice. You calm her down.” Ben looks over at her in the dim lighting. He’s not sure what to say. Rey takes his hand in hers, threading their fingers together, and she says, “You’re going to be a good father. I can feel it.”

She rolls onto her side, and with a smile on her face, Rey doesn’t hesitate to lean over and press her lips to Ben’s in a gentle kiss. She cares so much for this man, and in the weeks since escaping the First Order, he’s surprised her daily with just how much good is inside of him. Rey kisses him with all the adoration and care she can muster, only breaking to take a breath.

She presses her forehead to his and breathes, her hand resting on his cheek, thumb smoothing over his cheekbone. Rey feels so content, so happy.

“I love you.”

Ben’s whisper is so soft, almost like he’s scared to say it, scared of what she’ll say back. Rey is taken aback by his declaration, though believes that he wouldn’t say it unless he truly meant it. But she also isn’t sure whether she should say it back. She doesn’t know what love is, has never felt it before, and she also knows that what she feels for him could just be leftover from being his captive, from his good treatment in comparison to that from Hux and Snoke.

Rather than speaking, Rey leans in and presses another tender kiss to Ben’s lips. She lets the kiss linger, holds him as close as she can, but when he leans away and rolls over, his back turned to her, Rey can already tell she’s made the wrong decision.

There’s a conversation they need to have now, but Rey can’t bring herself to initiate it. Not when the baby is finally calm, when she can finally get some sleep. It will just have to wait—and hopefully, not too long.

\---

The sky outside is bright and beautiful. The suns hang high over Galactic City, and Rey is getting restless. She only has eleven galactic weeks to go—a mere fifty-five cycles—and she now more than ever wants to heed all the advice given to her from Dr. Harsik to go for walks and exercise just a little each day.

Rey has felt a significant shift in the mood of their rooms, the tension between them, as the days have passed since Ben’s confession. Rey still hasn’t verbally reciprocated, and yet also still hasn’t started the conversation about _why_. It’s the least she can do, and she knows it. But still, she finds herself quietly going about her days, going on walks with Leia or Chewie or Poe or Finn, thinking about whether to take the role as Queen of the Republic Alliance… and there’s a lot more on her mind, too.

She resolves not to let it sit any longer, and walks over to Ben where he lounges on a chair in the shadows of the corner of the room, reading a book.

“Ben,” Rey says, pulling him from his thoughts.

He looks up at her, a strand of hair in his eyes, slight surprise on his face. It’s like he didn’t expect her to want to speak to him at all.

Rey stands a little taller and her back screams a bit in protest, but she needs to seem brave. Suddenly conversation with Ben makes her nervous again. “I haven’t been on my walk yet today,” she says. “Will you come with me?”

Even though there’s not a bounty on her head anymore, if the past months have taught her anything, it’s that she needs to be wary of everyone and everything, and not go anywhere alone. At least not until the baby is safe. Ben looks outside, and Rey wonders for a minute if he’ll scoff and say no because of the bright, joyous sunlight. He looks like he’d prefer to brood inside all day.

Instead, she’s pleasantly surprised when he nods and says, “Alright.”

He sets his book aside and stands, but makes no effort to take Rey’s hand like he would have once done. No, Ben just follows Rey to the door and down to the garden in the back of the hotel. The suns are bright but not unbearably warm, not like they’d been on Cularin. Rey is comfortable in this warmth, even through the tension between her and Ben.

They walk slowly, Rey’s size slowing them down, but Ben seems content enough with their pace. Finally, the tension is too much and Rey has to say something.

“I’m sorry for upsetting you the other night,” she tells him gently. “What you said to me meant a lot, and I know it wasn’t easy for you to say.”

“You don’t have to say it back,” says Ben flatly. He pointedly avoids her eyes as she looks up at him, choosing to stare straight ahead along their path.

Rey nods; she feels she deserves the distance he’s placed between them. “Ben, I care about you a lot. More than anyone else I know, aside from the baby,” she says gently. “I need you to understand why I didn’t say it back, alright?”

Ben doesn’t speak, and for a second Rey wonders if this is where they end. Their relationship, the truce, all of it. If what they had was as disposable as it suddenly feels. But then he sighs and says, “I’m listening.”

“First—and I know this isn’t an excuse—I can’t say for certain that I even know what love is,” Rey begins. “It’s not something I ever grew up knowing. It’s not in my blood or something built into my childhood. And before you say you never had it either, just don’t.” Rey looks up at Ben, a stubborn expression on her face. “Your mother loves you now and she always has. I can see that, clear as day. There’s a difference between being loved and loving someone back.”

Ben closes his mouth; he can tell already there’s no point in arguing or interrupting. “Second—I know how much you’ve been through,” she says. “You didn’t grow up with an easy life. You haven’t told me much, but I can tell that there’s enough to really bother you and I understand that.” She takes a deep breath. “Which is why I want to understand my feelings completely before I say those words. The last thing I want to do is hurt you after everything you’ve been through.”

Rey desperately wants to try to look into his mind or feel his emotions through the Force but knows it’s wrong. She resists any urges she may have to do that, choosing instead to just reach over and take his hand. “I can’t ever thank you enough for what you did for me when we were in Snoke’s control,” Rey says softly.

“They still managed to hurt you,” Ben sighs, shaking his head. “I couldn’t keep you safe.”

Rey squeezes his hand; he’s talking more, at least. That’s something. “You did what you could,” Rey said. “You took care of me. You trained me so we could escape. And now you’re not abandoning me or the baby. Those are all amazing things that prove there is good in you. You deserve all the good that’s coming from this.”

Ben is quiet, withdrawn. The way he has been on and off since arriving with the Resistance. “What’s going on in your head?” Rey asks softly. “Please—talk to me.”

There’s a hint of bitterness in Ben’s head as he says, “Why ask? You could just look.”

“That’s not right,” Rey says fiercely, shaking her head. “I wouldn’t do that.”

She holds his hand in both of hers and tries to catch his gaze. He looks to the side, still avoiding her eyes. “I keep waiting for this all to end,” he says simply. “Not just us. The Resistance’s kindness. My mother’s…”

“Love?” Rey supplies. Ben nods.

“I did terrible things,” Ben says. It’s nothing Rey doesn’t already know, but he feels it bears repeating. “I hurt your friends, I killed my father… It’s like Finn said. I will be punished when this war is over. And I keep waiting for that moment to happen. It’s right there—inevitable.”

“It’s not,” Rey says confidently. She shakes her head. “Ben, that moment is never going to happen, because your mother loves you, and I care so deeply for you, and you’re about to become a father.”

“None of that matters in politics,” he tells her. “You punish the ones who do you wrong to make a point to the galaxy. Otherwise, you look soft.”

Rey’s brow furrows. “That’s not how things work with the Resistance,” she says. Rey squeezes his hand. “We believe in peace and kindness. We understand that sometimes, bad things must happen to get to the good at the end. We believe in second chances. Why else would we have taken Finn into our ranks?” Rey swallows, hoping Ben understands that she means every word—that he’s going to be okay. “You won’t be punished for your past actions, because you’ve proven that you can do good. You just strayed a little far from the path, that’s all.”

“And you all trust me?”

“I do,” Rey nods. “The rest are beginning to. Finn and Poe helped you save me—that means something, right? Far more than my trust or your mother’s trust ever could.”

Ben finally turns his head to look down at Rey. He studies her strangely for a moment before he asks, “What do we do next?”

Rey smiles. He’s thinking ahead—for both of them. “Next, we get ready for this baby. We stay together, and we establish the Republic Alliance, and we found the Grey Jedi. We fix the galaxy,” Rey says confidently.

“It won’t be easy,” Ben warns.

“I know,” Rey nods. “But we have your mother, and Holdo, and the whole Resistance to help us.” She’s quiet for a moment before she says, “There’s a lot going on, but I think we can do it.” Rey stops in her tracks and looks up at Ben. He’s watching her with curiosity in his gaze. “We’re not alone anymore,” she reminds him. “Ben—you’re a part of the Resistance, now.”

He doesn’t say anything, and Rey sees a million emotions in his eyes. She wonders what on earth he’s thinking about, or what he’s going to say next. Finally, he blurts out the thing she least expected to hear from him.

“We still haven’t picked a name for the baby.”

A smile spreads across Rey’s face, his statement as close to a promise of staying together as she can hope for in that moment. It means he’s thinking of her, of the baby—he wants to make this decision together.

“I have a few ideas,” Rey says, turning to continue walking. “But I want to hear yours, too.” She loops her arm through his and walks happily by his side.

“Ideas?” he asks blankly. “I don’t have any. I just think this is something we need to decide.”

Rey smiles. “Well, there was this woman I read about in a book once… she sounded amazing. Like the kind of woman I’d love for our daughter to be like…”

Ben raises an eyebrow and takes Rey’s hand again. “Oh?” he asks. “Tell me more.”

Rey grins.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is time for Rey and Ben to share their ideas for peace with the entire galaxy.

Rey still finds it strange to speak to an actual person during her exams now. She’d gotten quite used to treatment by a medical droid. Dr. Harsik smiled a lot—more than Rey was accustomed to—and told her all kinds of little facts about the baby, such as her size and what parts of her were forming that week.

They’d found out that morning that the baby was now 43 centimeters long and around four pounds—she wasn’t far off from the size she’d be at birth. Their baby can kick and jab forcefully—which Rey already knew—and she has fully formed bones. Even though it’d be a bit early, if the baby came now, she’d survive.

As usual, she found Ben staring reverently at the projection of their baby inside of her, bigger than before, her body a little clearer to see now. Rey watches Ben during their visits now, rather than the projection. She appreciates the way he looks so young, almost childlike in his curiosity. Without Snoke or Hux or the First Order, his enjoyment was clearer than ever before. Ben always looks forward to these moments where he gets to see the baby—they remind him of the second chance he’s been given. They make him feel forgiven.

Chewie led them to the clinic, and then back to the hotel, and once they were safe and secure in their room, he left them to themselves. Rey was at peace, knowing that they’d chosen a name for their daughter and that they were going to stay together and try to make it work. The details weren’t worked out yet, but they knew all the same that they planned to see this through.

Rey settles herself on the sofa, closing her eyes as the muscles in her back scream at her. Ben steps closer, but Rey smiles at him, although she looks a bit weary. “I’m alright,” she promises.

He crosses the room towards her, studying her curiously as he observes, “Something is bothering you, though.”

Rey looks up at him, feeling rather relieved that he’s been so perceptive lately. She reaches out for his hand and watches as he kneels down next to the sofa, letting her stay sprawled out across the cushions.

“We need a home,” she says. “A bed for the baby. Clothes. She could come soon, and what if we’re still here? We have nothing.”

Ben nods. “You’re right,” he agrees.

“I just want a real home,” Rey says. “I don’t need anything fancy. Or special. Just—a home.”

Ben nods in understanding. He hadn’t exactly had a stable home, either. He’d spent a fair amount of his childhood with a house in the same place, but they always traveled the galaxy for some reason or another. And everything had changed when he had been sent away to train with Luke. “We have a few options.”

Rey smiles, closing her eyes again and taking a breath. “I trust you,” she says simply.

Taken aback, Ben prods her, “That’s it?”

“All I know about the galaxy, I’ve learned from you or your mother,” Rey says. “Or tall tales I grew up hearing near Niima Outpost. I can’t trust any of those to be true.” She takes his hand and gives it a gentle squeeze. “Wherever you say will be safest, I’ll go.”

Ben studies Rey, trying to figure out what’s going on in her mind. It seems strange to him that she has no opinions whatsoever. She looks into his eyes and says, “Take us to your favorite place.”

He opens his mouth to speak, but before he can, a knock on the door interrupts them. Rey looks over Ben’s shoulder, and he stands to answer the door. He seems surprised to see that it’s his own mother, paying him a visit.

“Can I come in?” Leia asks from the doorway.

Ben steps back, letting her through. She walks into their room and smiles. “Rey, you look lovely,” Leia says. “How do you feel?”

“Tired,” Rey replies simply. “But good.”

“What can we do for you, mother?” Ben asks.

Leia looks between the couple for a moment before she takes a seat. “I have a few things I wanted to discuss with the two of you,” she begins. “First—we need to decide what we’re going to do with Hux and Phasma. We’ve kept them locked up, but we’re going to have to do something with them eventually.”

“I don’t care,” Ben says bitterly. “Kill them if you have to.”

“Do you think that’s best?” Leia asks, looking from Ben to Rey.

Rey feels like this is some sort of test, one she suspects she may not pass. “I think it is,” Rey says simply. “There’s a time for mercy, and this is not one of them.”

Ben glances at Rey, surprised that she’d say such a thing. “I mean it,” Rey insists. “The things they did to us—they’ll only cause destruction if they ever get out again. And I don’t trust them not to try to escape. Besides, it sends a strong message to the galaxy that we are not messing around.”

Leia nods. “I’ll leave the decision up to you two,” she says with finality. She studies Rey for a moment before she asks, “Does this mean you’ve made your decision about leading the Republic Alliance?”

Rey frowns. That’s not what this was. “No,” Rey says. “I haven’t decided. I’m thinking about it, but I don’t know for sure yet.”

“The baby has been her priority,” Ben says. Rey looks at him, a little surprised that he’s getting so defensive. Something about it makes her feel like this family she’s always wanted is finally starting to come together. “We need to worry about a permanent place to live, and getting ready for the child. The alliance is the last thing she needs to worry about.”

Leia smiles at her son, unsurprised by his defensiveness. “I don’t want to take away from that,” Leia says. “That’s not what this is about.” Leia looks at Rey as she explains, “All I’m asking is for you to think about it and to make a decision. Once we know that, we can choose a home for the Republic Alliance, and then we can begin establishing that and the Grey Jedi. Vice Admiral Holdo and I can handle all the boring political stuff while you focus on the baby.”

Rey nods. “I’ll think about it. I’ll decide soon,” she reassures Leia. “I promise.”

And think about it she does.

Rey comes to a decision just a few days later, just in time for the Peace Accords, as Leia and Holdo have taken to calling them. Diplomats from all over the galaxy—from great, large planets to little ones—are on Coruscant, in Galactic City, willing to hear the plan they’ve put together. It’s been a grueling process, but Rey supposes there were worse things she could have had to do just a month before the baby is born than sit at a table making decisions and talking through a new proposal for peace.

Ben has stayed by her side the whole time, rubbing her back when she’s sore, backing up her ideas—even challenging some of her ideas and opinions when he disagreed with her. Those are Rey’s favorite moments because they remind her of the challenging, stubborn man she’d first learned to care for. He’s been so quiet around his mother and the Resistance. Rey sometimes misses his frustrating stubbornness and—dare she say it—his temper.

And now they stand at the center of the Galactic Senate Room, the very same place Ben’s grandmother had once stood to negotiate—where she’d slowly watched the Old Republic die to the sound of loud applause. Rey feels like things have come full circle for Ben’s family. Ben and his mother stand before diplomats from all over the galaxy with hopes of restoring peace and fairness, a thing Padme had fought for in this very room. Rey stands at Ben’s side, both of them dressed far more formally than usual.

Rey had wanted to wear her usual daily garb of whatever linen tunic and leggings would fit her, but Leia insisted Rey put on a good show. So now she stands in a floor-length gown, her belly looking a little less imposing beneath navy blue fabric with gold trimmings. The jacket she wears over the dress is a shade darker, with pronounced shoulders and a golden necklace like a choker around her neck. Her hair is up in a regal knot atop her head—just one, rather than her signature three—with a golden diadem framing the bun. Leia even talked her into a touch of makeup. She looks powerful. Like a leader.

Ben wears traditional Jedi robes in dark browns and blacks, like those his grandfather wore, including a leather tunic vest and boots. His black cape with loose sleeves hide his hands, but even so, he looks like a force to be reckoned with. His hair is down, loose in waves around his face, and if Rey had to guess, she’d say he stands a little taller when dressed like this. He looks like a Jedi from a storybook. He strongly resembles a photo of Anakin Skywalker she’d once seen in a book.

Looking out at the crowd, Leia stands in front of them, prepared to make a speech. “Thank you all so much for coming,” Leia begins. “I am General Leia Organa, formerly of the Republic, and now General of the Resistance. I come to you all with hopes for peace throughout the galaxy.” Loud clapping fills the room, inspiring Rey to stand taller.

“I want to introduce you all to the two standing behind me,” Leia continues when the applause begins to fade. “First is a woman named Rey Solo. An orphan from Jakku, she was taken from the only home she knew and held hostage by the First Order. My son—Ben Solo—saved her. He defied Supreme Leader Snoke and risked his life to save Rey and come back to us. To the Resistance. And now I would like to make a proposal.”

Leia steps to the side, allowing Ben and Rey to be seen by the whole room. They see people whispering, people leaning forward to get a better look at them. Creatures of many species, large and small, sit in the senate room, scrutinizing Ben and Rey. Neither of them falters.

“As you can see, my son is a Jedi. He has been trained by Luke Skywalker. He is strong with the Force,” Leia says, and she sounds so proud that Rey wants desperately to look at Ben, to smile. But she doesn’t. She needs to look professional. She cannot show weakness in front of these people she hopes to persuade. “And he has an idea.”

All eyes turn to Ben. Rey gives him a small, private smile as reassurance. It’s that smile that gives him the confidence to face the room full of people—many of whom likely have no faith in him because of the things he’s done. With this boost of confidence, he tells the room his plans. His voice is firm, the low baritone soothing over the audience. He’s been preparing his speech for days, doing his very best to make the Grey Jedi sound as unassuming and unthreatening as possible. He wants to be sure everyone understands, that they recognize the usefulness, the necessity of an order like the one he’s suggesting.

Rey feels herself falling a little more for this man, whose confidence as he speaks to a room without a mask is an inspiration to her. Rey, who quakes in her boots where she stands as she thinks about addressing the crowd next.

When Ben is done speaking, his idea out there on the table for the whole room to hear, there is nothing but silence. Then, from behind them, someone asks, “Who would you choose to train?”

“Anyone with sensitivity to the Force,” Ben says simply. He doesn’t have to hesitate. “Any age. For years, the Jedi have lain dormant because Luke Skywalker disappeared after the fire at his academy. If we teach any Force-sensitive person how to harness that power and use it to maintain balance and order in the galaxy, we can create a change.”

“Where do you propose to train?” asks another, to their left.

“Chandrila,” Ben says. “Near Junari Point, outside Hanna City.” He looks around the room; somewhere, the leader of Chandrila sits, listening to him say this. “It would be a peaceful presence. We wish to bring the Republic back to its capital.”

“Which leads us to this young woman at my side,” Leia says, looking at Rey. “As you all know, I’m getting on in years. I have to start thinking about my successor, how to pass this effort off onto someone worthy of it. My son is strong, but he must focus on rekindling the Jedi. So I nominate Rey to take my place as leader of this effort—of what was once the Republic, and then became the Resistance, and will from this day forward be known as the Republic Alliance. I propose to you that we recognize Rey Solo as Queen of the Republic Alliance.”

Rey takes a deep breath and looks out at the crowd. This is it. Her moment. If she doesn’t succeed, she’ll be a joke throughout the entire _galaxy_.

“For years, the galaxy has lived in fear,” Rey begins. She takes a deep breath. “Even as a starving scavenger on Jakku, I knew not to take a single day for granted. That there existed a presence in the galaxy that could wipe out me and my entire planet in the blink of an eye.” Rey steps forward, in front of Leia, in front of Ben, and feels confidence surge through her. “With your help, those days can come to an end.”

It’s idealistic, but Rey needs to follow up the hope that Ben instilled in the crowd with concrete promises—a vision of what they can achieve if only given the chance. “The First Order is in shambles. Their leadership has crumbled,” Rey continues, her voice projecting more confidence. Ben feels a swell of pride, watching her. “Snoke is dead. We have captured Supreme Leader Hux and General Phasma. The First Order is hemorrhaging credits. It’s only a matter of time until they fold. With strength, we can take them. We can dissolve them and use their tools for good.”

The room breaks out into applause so loud Rey’s ears ring. She lets the crowd cheer.

“I do not want anybody to live in fear,” Rey says firmly. “I do not ask for your submission. I ask for your cooperation. Your friendship. Your _trust_.” She turns to face more of the crowd, a different group. It is important to Rey that everyone feel like equals in this space. “I ask you to trust me to lead the Republic Alliance, and for my husband to lead the Grey Jedi, and to allow us a chance to try to bring peace to a galaxy that has been at war for far too long. Work with us to create a new age—a better galaxy for our children than the one we grew up in.” On instinct, Rey’s hand drops to the swell of her belly. The baby kicks in response.

More applause. Some even stand. Rey looks around the room and doesn’t see a single person sitting down. It’s almost too good to be true. She feels tired all of a sudden, having put all of her strength into her speech, into projecting confidence. Rey stands taller still; she only has a little more time in front of these people. She _must not_ look weak.

Leia steps forward to do an official vote. She asks all diplomats to make a decision on behalf of their people, whether they will support this endeavor—the Republic Alliance, and the Grey Jedi within it.

A few people vote no, but the results are nearly unanimous. Hundreds of planets and systems pledge their allegiance to the Republic Alliance. To Rey and Ben and all they have planned.

 _They did it_.

It’s all Rey can think about the whole time she sits, watching diplomats leave the senate hall. She should do her duty and meet these people, but she’s exhausted. They still have tomorrow—the celebration, the official coronation of Rey as the Queen of the Republic Alliance. When it’s time for them to leave the senate rooms, Rey takes Ben’s hand, still in shock that they managed this. That she’s risen from a nobody to a Queen. A leader.

“I’m so proud of both of you,” Leia says to them as they walk through the halls of the senate building. “I know you must be tired, but I need to ask one more thing of you,” she says, stopping them in the hallway.

Rey is quiet, and Ben raises an eyebrow. “We need to decide on what to do with Hux and Phasma. They tried to escape yesterday, but didn’t succeed,” Leia says. “If we’re going to sentence them to death, we need to do it now.”

“Now?” Rey asks.

“Tonight,” Leia says, waving it off. “We can make it happen overnight. Nothing public, unless you’d prefer that.”

“No,” Rey says automatically. “I don’t want them to ever see the light of day again.” Sighing, Rey says, “Tonight. It needs to happen.” She looks up at Ben, half expecting him to argue. He just nods his consent. If they have any chance at making the First Order fold, the leadership must be dead. Rey looks to Leia and says, “I want to have a word with Hux before it happens. Take me to him.”

“Rey—,” Ben starts to say.

She stops him, holding up a hand. “I need to do this,” Rey says. “Please. I’ll be fine.”

“He won’t be able to touch her,” Leia reassures him.

Ben huffs. Rey sees the temper she’d been missing, making its reappearance. It almost makes her smile, but she holds back. “I’m coming with you,” he says flatly.

“No,” Rey says firmly. “I need to talk to him. Alone. When I’m done, I’ll come back to the rooms and we can forget those two ever existed.” She almost adds _please_ , but she doesn’t need to beg him, doesn’t need his permission.

Ben reluctantly lets the tension fade from his shoulders, and he nods. “Fine,” he says.

“Will you want to see Phasma as well?” Leia asks.

Shaking her head, Rey says, “No. I don’t want to put a face to the name. She hasn’t hurt me in the ways Hux has, and I don’t trust myself. I might take mercy on her.”

“You could do that if you wanted,” Leia reminds her.

“I know,” Rey says. “But she’s hurt people I care about. She was Finn’s commanding officer. She had a hand in helping all the terrible people who hurt Ben and me. She took me captive. She deserves this fate.” Rey doesn’t believe it, but she knows what must be done to ensure the Republic Alliance has a fighting chance.

Leia nods and says, “Alright. I’ll take you to the cells. Ben, she’ll be back soon.” With a hint of exasperation, Leia adds, “Everything will be fine.”

Ben glares at both of them and spins on his heel, cape swinging. It’s rather melodramatic, but Rey is too focused on the task ahead to think much of it. Ben walks down the hall, taking long, heavy strides until he’s out of sight. Rey looks to Leia, who wordlessly leads her down the hallways and to an elevator.

When they reach the bottom floor of the senate building, Leia asks, “One last chance. Are you sure you want to do this, Rey?”

“Yes,” Rey replies.

Leia nods, understanding that Rey’s mind has been made up now, once and for all. She leads Rey down a corridor and stops outside a holding cell. The bars are plasma streams, an eerie white glow in an otherwise dark room. Rey nods to Leia when she spots Hux, signaling that she’s fine, that she can be left alone. As she steps towards the bars, Rey feels a shiver down her spine. Hux looks up and when he realizes it’s her, he stands.

He doesn’t look nearly as intimidating in this light, his red hair a disheveled mess on his head, his robes scuffed and dirty. The bruise around his eye has faded to a sickening green color. 

“Scavenger,” he hisses.

“You mean Queen,” Rey corrects him. She holds her head a little higher and glares at him. “You lost, Hux.”

Hux laughs, the sound the vilest thing Rey’s heard in days. He looks sickeningly smug.

“Call yourself whatever you want,” he tells her. “You will always be trash from Jakku. _Always_.”

“And you will always be the man who lost to me,” Rey reminds him. “If people remember you at all.”

Hux looks almost impressed as he asks, “Are you going to kill me, scavenger?”

Rey takes a step closer to the plasma bars. She smiles sweetly and shakes her head. “No,” she says simply. “I wouldn’t waste my time. But someone else will. You and Phasma both.”

“I suppose taking Supreme Leader Snoke’s life is enough killing in one lifetime, for you,” Hux shrugs. “Not a surprise.”

“I just did what you weren’t brave enough to do,” Rey reminds him. “You cowered in fear of that man.”

Hux laughs again. “Don’t forget that your husband did, as well.”

“No,” Rey shakes his head. “He knew when to pick his battles, and how to strategize to win them. I had the chance to kill Snoke because of Ben. He trained me. All those training sessions where Snoke thought I was being primed to join his army—I used all of that training against him.” Rey smiles. “And now your cause is dead. The First Order has no leadership. It’s in chaos—all because you were a power-hungry fool.”

Hux steps so close to the plasma bars that Rey wonders if he’s going to singe the fabric of his jacket. His face looks like something from a nightmare when he sneers at her in the electric white light of the bars.

“I still got a piece of you. Something you were never going to give up. I took it, and I’d do it again,” he says.

Rey steps away from the bars, looking smug. “I am so much more than my body,” she says to him. “You’re a pitiful creature, and you’re going to die a pauper’s death. Your body will be shoved away in an unmarked grave, to be forgotten by the galaxy. And if you _are_ remembered, it will only be as Snoke’s right-hand man, the one who failed to maintain the First Order after his death. Your legacy is failure. And it _always_ will be.”

Before Hux can get another word in edgewise, Rey walks away. She has said all she needs to, reminding of his place in all of this. After all the terrible things he did for her, Rey feels satisfied having told him all the ways he’s failed. She has the high ground, and she wanted him to know. Some might call it petty, but Rey calls it closure. It was what she needed.

When she returns to the hotel, Ben is sitting in bed reading a book. He looks up almost in surprise, and Rey offers a small smile. She can’t tell if he’s angry with her for going to see Hux, if he understands why she needed to do it. He doesn’t ask questions. He does, however, set his book aside and walk across the room to greet her.

“Congratulations,” he says, lifting the crown from her head to hand it to her.

Rey smiles. “You too,” she responds. The crown is warm and heavy in her hands. It hadn’t felt so heavy on her head. Maybe everything feels light compared the weight of a baby in her abdomen. “I wanted to put all of that behind us. Hux, Snoke, the First Order…” She studies Ben’s face as she says, “I needed closure. I needed him to know that we won.”

He brings his gaze to meet hers and nods slowly. “I know.”

“He didn’t hurt me,” Rey reassures him.

Ben’s expression is full of conviction as he says, “He’s nothing.”

Nodding, Rey replies, “Exactly. He’s nothing, and in the morning he’ll be dead.” She swallows and hesitates, wondering if it’s all too good to be true. “We don’t have to live in fear.”

When Rey sees hope in Ben’s eyes, she feels like she’s made the right decision. As always, his expressive eyes tell her all she needs to know and leave her feeling more sure about herself than she has in days.

It’s all going to work out just fine.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is time for the baby to finally arrive, and for Ben and Leia to have the conversation they should have had many years before.

Moving to Chandrila a mere four weeks before the baby’s due date may not have been the wisest decision Rey has ever made. However, it’s one made out of necessity—something out of her control. Ben had picked out their new home, something beautiful, with a view of the Silver Sea. It’s a modest home, just a little cottage. There’s space for their few possessions, a bedroom for them, and a bedroom for the baby—it suits them just fine.

Just as he said, Hanna City is temperate. Rey is comfortable there, and enjoys being able to look out at all the nature, the greenery and the wild creatures, and know that this is her home. She has a _home_.

When she’d realized this, and that she wasn’t supposed to report to or submit to anyone, Rey shed a few tears. All this at the hands of Ben Solo. A man who was once the most feared person in the galaxy, after Snoke. And now he is her husband, a man on the brink of fatherhood.

Ben pretended not to notice the tears, to let Rey have her moment. Though secretly, he felt just as relieved as she looked.

Though their home is plain by anyone’s standards, it feels more warm and comforting than anything else Rey has ever known. They don’t own a lot, but it’s full of more color than she was used to on Jakku and most definitely more color than on the _Finalizer_. The furniture is tan and brown and plain, but she’s put a few jars of flowers around to brighten the place up a bit, sunlight streaming through the windows at all times of day. It’s bright and beautiful, and Rey is proud they have a place to call their own.

The nursery is the same, just plain and filled with nothing but the necessities, but they have one now, and that’s what matters. Rey had begun to start worrying about their lack of a crib, especially when the doctor had warned her to begin preparing to the birth. She’s dressed it with soft green blankets, pastel and soft and ready for their daughter to sleep upon.

Rey doesn’t question how they convinced the doctor to follow them to Chandrila, to promise to be the one to deliver the baby. She undoubtedly has patients all over Galactic City, yet somehow she’d chosen to go to Hanna City instead. Rey knows it must have something to do with Ben, but she doesn’t bring attention to it. That’d bring his temper about in a way she wouldn’t enjoy.

Given how badly they’d wanted to escape Snoke’s clutches, the days of relentless quiet, of forced solitude, Rey finds it amusing that those are the very habits they fall into when they have a home. Every so often they have meetings, but right now Leia and Holdo are taking care of most of the establishment of the Republic Alliance, so Rey and Ben get to relax. Most days, just like today, they lie around the living room of their home. Ben sits in a chair, one long leg crossed over another as he reads a book. Rey lays on the sofa, eyes closed, catching whatever bits of rest she can between periods when the baby is awake and moving, or her body does those painful fake contractions. The whole place is quiet, but Leia has said many times to enjoy that while it lasts.

Both are on high alert when there’s a knock at their door. Old habits are hard to break.

Ben stands and walks to the door, Rey taking her time in sitting up. It’s unsurprising to both of them, seeing Leia standing in the doorway. She has a bag slung over her shoulder, and she looks up at Ben with a smile as she asks, “Can I come in?”

He lets her in without hesitation. As Leia walks towards Rey, she says to Ben, “I heard you let Poe and Finn help you two move in.”

Ben nods. Rey remembers that day—she’d been so surprised and overjoyed to hear that he’d done such a thing. He was trying, and the other two tried, as well. They’re not friendly, but they’ve made a truce, and that’s a big step.

“Hi,” Rey smiles, slowly standing to give Leia a hug.

“What brings you over here, mother?” Ben wonders. He sounds more suspicious than he intends, and Rey flashes him a look of warning.

Leia smiles. “Well,” she begins. “I don’t know if you know this, but your dad and I never sold our house here. It sat around gathering dust for a while, so when I heard you two were moving out here—I hope this is alright—I started getting the place cleaned up, so I could visit. Maybe spend my last years out here. Help with the baby if you needed.” Leia looks to Ben, whose expression is softening. “I found some things I thought you two might want.”

Rey’s face breaks out into a grin, and Ben’s expression hardens. Leia hands the bag she’s holding to Rey, who sits back down on the sofa to get a good look at what’s inside. Slowly, she pulls out some fabric—a blanket, and a few pieces of clothing. Baby clothing. They’re nothing elaborate, but Rey can tell they were expensive, and right away she knows who they used to belong to. “I figure, they look nice and clean, and they’re just sleepers, so a boy or a girl could wear them,” Leia explains. “And the blanket—well, that was Ben’s. Obviously. He never got attached to it like other kids do, though. But he used it until he was about four or so.”

Rey smiles, blinking back a few tears budding at her eyes as she looks at the impossibly small things that once belonged to Ben. Ben watches, curiosity on his face. He’d never expected his mother to keep any of this. Not after what he’s done, what he put her through. “There’s one more thing in there,” Leia says. “It was his favorite. I think he kept it in his bed with him until he was ten, at least.”

With excitement in her eyes, Rey looks up at Ben as she reaches into the bag. He looks away, his face growing redder with each passing moment. Rey pulls a little stuffed animal from the bag—a creature she doesn’t recognize—and smiles brightly at it. The stuffed creature was clearly well-loved, and as she thinks about Ben as a child, carrying this little thing around with him everywhere he went, keeping it in bed next to him—the image puts a big smile on her face.

“It’s a porg,” Leia explains. “They’re creatures that usually inhabited wet, grassy areas in colder climates. They’re thought to be extinct now, though.”

“Leia—thank you,” Rey breathes, looking at the little toy in her hands, and then up at Ben. “Isn’t this amazing?” she asks. Her question draws his gaze to hers, and he swallows hard.

“I can’t believe you still had those things,” Ben says to his mom, a trace of anger in his voice.

Rey looks between them, and with as much kindness in her voice as possible, she says, “Ben, stop. I think it’s amazing.” She swallows past a lump in her throat and says, “They’re the only thing from our childhood that we can pass on.”

“Oh, there’s more where that came from,” Leia says. “I’ve got tons of his old toys laying around… I even have this old droid he tried to build. He kept trying to program the thing to attack me and Han whenever we told him _no_ , but—”

“Mom.”

Rey laughs. “Ben, come here,” she says, holding out her hand. When he sees the tear tracks on her cheeks, he does as she asks. “This is so special. Don’t get so angry.” She coaxes him to sit down on the sofa next to her.

“The baby shouldn’t be like me.”

Rey squeezes Ben’s hand and reminds him, “Putting her in an old outfit of yours or wrapping her up in your blanket isn’t going to have any effect on the kind of person she becomes. You should enjoy it, alright?” Rey lays her head on his shoulder and whispers, “Appreciate what you have and what you can share with her. These are good things you can pass along to her.”

Ben is quiet. Leia has busied herself in the kitchen, helping herself to something to drink, and Ben is grateful for it. As much as he wants to be annoyed with his mom for constantly doing the right thing, now his resentment feels… stupid. A little immature. He does his best to push it away.

“She’ll be here soon, and when she’s here, she’s going to use these things,” Rey says with finality. “Share the good parts of your past with her, and use the rest as a lesson on overcoming bad things and making it right.”

“I never want her to know the horrible things I’ve done,” he says firmly.

Rey smiles, though there’s a hint of sadness in it now. “I know you don’t,” Rey replies. “But maybe keeping the past from her isn’t the best way to make her a better person.”

They have a lot to work through, in deciding how to raise their daughter, but they have time in which to do it. It’s not worth stressing over before she’s even born. Rey looks up at Ben, smiles at him and then leans in to press a kiss to his cheek. “Now come on. We need to make food or else your mom will do it for us, and I know how much you hate when she does nice things for you,” she says.

Ben can’t argue with that.

\---

Rey doesn’t feel panic when her water breaks. The wetness on her thighs is a welcome relief, the best thing to wake up to. It means this pregnancy will be over soon, and she can go back to looking and feeling normal. Rey flails her arm around, eyes closed as she tries to find Ben in the pale sunlight, the sun rising over the horizon outside their window. He grunts when her hand lands painfully on his abdomen.

“Ben,” she groans. “Wake up.”

“Why?” he mumbles into the pillow.

Rey hisses as a contraction hits. “The baby,” she whispers. Her hand flails around and catches on the first thing she finds—the hem of his shirt. She tugs on it—hard. “I’m going into labor.”

Ben rolls his head over on the pillow to look across at Rey. “You’re sure?”

“Yes I’m sure,” Rey says. She wants to be angry, but given that she’s been complaining of those practice contractions for a solid week, his hesitation makes sense. “We should go.”

The medical center isn’t far away, so they don’t need to hurry too much. Rey knows now that she has time. Not a lot, but some. Ben climbs out of bed first, shuffling his hand through his hair. He looks a bit scruffy; they had a couple of days off so he didn’t bother shaving. Rey likes him like this—it’s the most comfortable she’s ever seen him in his own skin.

He gathers their things and then walks to the bed where Rey has just managed to sit up. There’s a damp spot on the bed and her clothes are wet, so Ben helps her change into something more comfortable. She’s in fresh clothes—a tunic and some leggings—and then he holds out his hand to her.

The gesture is familiar and it makes Rey smile. She takes his hand and together they take a walk out the door and down the street towards the medical center. It’s not far, and Dr. Harsik even suggested she walk to the center instead of figuring out some other form of transportation. It’ll be good for progressing the labor.

When they reach the medical center, there’s already someone waiting for them at the doors. If there’s anything Rey has learned since she spoke to the delegates across the galaxy and became Queen of the Republic Alliance, it’s that she’s no longer a nobody—to anyone. Word travels so fast that they were spotted on the street, even as early in the morning as it is, so the medical center knew they’d be coming.

“Dr. Harsik is on her way,” says a Pantoran nurse. “I’m Kii, let me show you to your room, Mrs. Solo.”

Rey follows the nurse, waddling a little as she walks, her back and hips aching. The contractions are real now, and still fairly far apart, though she’s felt them grow more intense as they took their walk. Rey holds Ben’s hand and squeezes anytime the pain is too much, which just leads to him looking down at her with concern. _I’m okay_ , she keeps reminding him.

It takes a while for Rey to get settled into her room—a suite, which is far more than the two of them needed, but Rey is appreciative nonetheless. She’s important now, and she’s often given special treatment because of it. Ben sits at her side and takes her hand. “And now we wait,” Kii says with a kind smile.

And wait they do.

Rey never anticipated that labor would take so long. Ben waits until an acceptable hour to send a call through on his commlink to his mother—when she gets it, she makes her way to the medical center immediately. She refuses to miss the birth of her granddaughter, no matter how stubborn her son is about the situation.

Leia is quiet—hesitant, almost—as she enters Rey’s room. Ben’s head whips up to see who the intruder is. When he realizes it’s his mother, he carefully schools his face into a neutral expression. “Mom,” Ben says flatly.

“If you’re going to yell at your mother, please do it in the hall,” Rey snaps. She’s in more pain than she was before; it’s becoming more intense, but even after Dr. Harsik comes in and does an exam, Rey is told she still has a way to go.

Ben tries hard not to glare and stands up to go into the hallway. He stomps the whole way, and once he’s leaning against the wall outside Rey’s room, he says bitterly, “Thanks.”

“You’re taking her anger personally,” Leia comments bluntly. “Don’t do that.”

“Mom, she’s been awful,” Ben sighs. He leans against the wall, his dark clothes a stark contrast to the pale yellow walls of the medical center. He’s got his arms crossed over his chest and he looks tired and scruffy. It suits him.

Leia quips back right away, “She is in a _ton_ of pain. And it’s only going to get worse.”

As stubborn as Ben wants to be, he reminds himself to breathe, and to remember that fighting with his mother is _not_ what Rey needs. More than that—it’s not right anymore. Not now that she took him back, even after everything he’s done. Now that he’s on her side. He takes a deep breath and pushes away his frustration just long enough to ask the question that’s been looming in his mind for hours. “What do I do?” Ben asks desperately. It’s the first time in a long time he’s broken down completely and asked his mother for advice. It doesn’t feel as terrible as he expects it will.

She’s quiet for a moment before replying, “You sit by her side and you hold her hand. You let her shout at you and scream at you and you don’t get angry. She doesn’t mean anything awful she says, and she won’t even remember it by tomorrow. You tell her you love her and you sit through all the gruesome, gory parts of the birth. And most importantly—when you go back in there, you don’t leave her side again unless she or the doctor tells you to.”

Ben is quiet for a minute. He’d read the books but was it really _that_ bad? “You also rub her back and feed her ice and you agree with everything she says,” Leia advises. “These next few hours aren’t about you. What Rey is about to go through is one of the most painful things in the galaxy. Don’t make her do it alone. It’s not fun.”

Leia’s words settle upon Ben and he can’t help but ask, “Is that what dad did?”

“Go back in there and be with your wife,” Leia replies. “Tell her you love her.”

“She hasn’t said it back.”

“That doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to hear it. She needs the reminder,” Leia says. “I’ll be here the whole time. I promise.” She’s quiet, and he doesn’t stop the conversation yet. He can sense that they’re not quite done. Finally, Leia adds, “And we’ll talk about your father when this is all settled. Alright?”

“Yeah,” Ben replies, sounding defeated.

“Go,” Leia insists. “Be with Rey. She needs you. I’ll be out here with some caf and a good book.”

He nods and goes back into the room where Rey is sitting up at the edge of the bed. Kii is standing in front of her with a garbage bin, rubbing her shoulder and insisting she’ll be okay.

“What’s going on?” Ben asks.

“The labor is just making her feel a bit ill,” Kii says calmly. She must see a lot of this, to be so calm in such a stressful, scary situation.

Rey looks pitiful and miserable, wearing her hospital gown, her hair a mess atop her head. Kii helps Rey lie down again, and once she’s situated, Ben asks, “How’s your back?”

“Awful,” Rey mutters coolly.

Ben scoots closer to the bed and instructs, “Roll on your side.” Rey narrows her eyes at him. “Just trust me,” Ben coaxes.

Rey rolls, facing away from him, and gently he starts to rub her back. She gets bossy, telling him when to lower his touch, when to press firmer, when to be a little gentler. It seems to be doing the trick, though, because Rey’s mood isn’t getting worse. However, it’s also not getting any better.

An hour passes and Rey tires of the back rub. She rolls onto her back again and looks up at him. Her face is red and splotchy and her eyes look a little puffy. She’d been crying. “Are you alright?” he asks.

“Of course I’m not alright,” Rey snaps. She expects anger to flare in Ben’s eyes, but instead she just gets sadness, and then silence. He’s not arguing back. That twists something painful in her chest, and she pushes away all that anger and fear to confess, “I’m scared. And I’m in pain.”

In a familiar gesture— _their_ gesture—Ben holds out his hand to her. Rey doesn’t hesitate; she takes his hand in hers, just in time to squeeze as another contraction hits. Ben stays by her side and when the pain seems to have subsided a little, he lifts his hand and kisses the back of hers.

“I’m here. I can’t make it go any faster, but I won’t leave unless you tell me to,” he says. He realizes in that moment that they’d never talked about whether he’d leave the room when she gives birth. She hasn’t asked him to leave, so he’s going to follow his mom’s advice and stay by Rey’s side unless she asks him to go.

Rey definitely doesn’t want him to go.

The hours drag on even further; Leia visits Rey in the midday and says she will do everything in her power to make sure Finn and Poe wait with her, out in the lobby. Rey doesn’t want them to see her looking such a mess, and Leia can’t blame her one bit. They talk a little bit about the pain and the contractions and how far apart they are and all the messy birth stuff that women know more about than men, and Ben sits back, content to let Rey squeeze his hand whenever she needs.

It’s not until the sun is far behind the horizon once more that Dr. Harsik comes in and says it’s time. Ben is relieved because his hand is starting to feel rather broken, but nobody is happier to hear that news than Rey. She’s sweaty and pink-faced and miserable, a few more tears shed due to all the pain even after the strong medications she’s been given. Her hair is damp and sticking to her forehead and cheeks. She’s the most impatient out of everyone.

Ben can’t believe how intense and messy birth is. Rey is shouting and screaming in pain, doubling over as she pushes, just like Dr. Harsik tells her to do. There’s so much noise, a cacophony of nurses encouraging Rey to keep going, telling her she can do this. Ben hardly realizes when he joins the fray, saying the same encouraging words to her.

He’s never encouraged anyone before. Not really. Not like this.

When Dr. Harsik tells them to take a break, says that Rey needs to catch her breath, Rey looks up at Ben with tear-filled eyes. “This is awful,” she says with a sob. “Never make me do this again. I hate this.”

Ben wants to shout that he never made her do this in the first place, that it was Snoke, that it was all for survival. He wants to be livid with her that she’d ever blame him for such a thing. But he can’t. All he can do is adjust her hand in his and lean closer towards the bed. He _must_ heed his mother’s advice, no matter how difficult it is. “It’s almost over,” he tells her. “Then you’ll never have to do this again if you don’t want to.”

Rey sobs. “It _hurts_. It’s so terrible.”

“I know, Rey. But it’ll end soon.”

Her last shreds of calmness are gone now, and a sudden panic flashes through her eyes. She looks up at Ben desperately, panicking. “I can’t do this,” she says, her words frantic. She shakes her head and repeats, “I can’t do this. It’s too hard. It hurts so much.”

Ben leans in, using his other hand to guide her face towards his. When she looks at him, he says to her in the calmest voice he can muster, “The only way to make the pain stop is to do this. And you _can_. You’re the strongest person I know, Rey.”

Rey lets out another sob and it sounds so pained, so labored. “I can’t,” she whispers.

“You _can_ ,” Ben insists. “Look at everything you’ve been through. This is _nothing_ compared to that.”

“Rey,” shouts Dr. Harsik from the end of the bed. “You need to push now. We need to try again.”

She shouts before doubling over again, her face red and scrunched up, determination clear across her face. Rey’s grip on his hand is excruciating, but he doesn’t try to pull his hand away like his instincts are telling him to. Ben sits at her side and lets her squeeze his hand and shout in pain as the doctors and nurses keep giving Rey words of encouragement. He chimes in again, too, telling Rey over and over again, “You can do this. You’re almost done, Rey.”

It feels surreal for Ben, hearing the shouting, feeling the pain in his hand, watching Rey shout in pain on the bed in front of him, when all of a sudden it stops. Suddenly, there are only the loud wails of a newborn filling the room. Rey falls back against the pillows, her grip going slack. Ben looks at Rey, eyes wide out of fear that she’s not well; Rey looks back at him, exhausted but with a smile on her face. Her eyes droop sleepily and she whispers, “I did it.”

“You did,” Ben nods. It takes him a moment, but he convinces himself she’s alright. “You did it, Rey. She’s here.”

The baby’s crying echoes throughout the room but Ben doesn’t take his eyes off of Rey. She looks so tired, and he senses conflict in her. Like she’s worried about something, or sad. “Rey?” he asks.

“I’m fine,” she whispers. Her lower lip trembles and he can _feel_ her guilt filling the room. “I’m sorry I yelled at you.”

Ben shakes his head. “Don’t do that,” he insists. “It doesn’t matter. She’s here. You did it.”

“She’s ours,” Rey says, her voice firm and full of conviction.

“She’s ours,” Ben echoes, like a promise.

Rey looks so tired, and Ben pushes some damp hair from her forehead. He leans in to kiss her forehead, and when he leans back away, there’s a bundle of blankets in front of them. Kii puts the baby in Rey’s arms and Ben stands frozen for a moment.

That’s her.

His daughter.

“Ben, look at her,” Rey whispers, her eyes locked on their baby, not realizing he’s already as enthralled as she is.

Ben is speechless. He doesn’t know what to say. It’s more than he can handle, wrapping his head around the fact that the little baby in front of him is his—a perfect little combination of him and Rey. She has a tuft of dark hair atop her head and she’s quiet, her little eyes blinking open for the first time. They’re big and round and dark, and Rey smiles so brightly when she sees. “We made her,” she says, her voice hoarse and exhausted but her eyes full of joy when she looks up at him. The awe on her face makes Ben feel something he’s never felt before. His joy is mirroring hers and he feels like he’s going to burst, he’s so happy. It’s the strangest, most wonderful feeling he can recall. “I love you,” Rey whispers to Ben. She holds his gaze, making sure he’s heard her, that he feels that this is the moment he’s been waiting for, and she means every word, so deeply.

Rey sees the acceptance in his eyes, that he’s okay with being loved—he finally feels deserving of it. Satisfied and overflowing with love, she looks down at the baby and adds, “And I love her.”

Ben nods a little awkwardly, unsure of what to do with himself now that he’s a father. The words he wants to say to Rey don’t seem to want to form in his mouth, the emotions he feels rendering him speechless and overwhelmed.

“You’re so pretty,” Rey says softly to the baby as she makes a garbled noise up at them.

Ben reaches out hesitantly, causing Rey to smile. She’d wondered how comfortable he’d be with the baby, and clearly, she now has her answer. He’s trying—and it fills her with such joy. They’re a _family_. Ben brushes his finger against her tiny little hand, and in response, she grips his finger tightly. Her other arm flails strongly and Rey smiles.

“She’s strong,” Ben observes, brushing his thumb over the tiny knuckles of his daughter’s hand. “Her name suits her, then.”

Rey smiles and nods. “It does,” she agrees, looking at her daughter with adoration. “You have the perfect name, don’t you Padmé?”

\---

Kii asks Ben to leave the room shortly after because Rey and Padmé both need to get cleaned up. She suggests that Ben go tell his family and friends about the baby—he can’t bring himself to correct her and remind her that Finn and Poe aren’t his friends. They’re not the enemy, so Ben doesn’t know what to call them anymore. They’re gathered in the lobby and when Ben comes out, Leia looks hopeful. “Well?” she asks.

Ben shrugs. “She’s here,” he says simply. Leia gives her son a stern look but before she can say anything, he smiles. Actually _smiles_. “The doctor says she’s tall for her age, already. And she’s strong.”

“Does she have a name?” Leia asks.

Ben nods and says, “Padmé.”

Leia looks touched. Finn and Poe walk a little closer, curious to know what’s going on. “How is she?” Finn wonders.

“They’re both good,” Ben says, no animosity in his voice for once. He’s too overcome with the joy from seeing his daughter. “They’re getting cleaned up.”

Leia hugs Ben right there in the hallway, a few tears in her eyes as she does. “I’m proud of you, Ben. You’ve come a long way,” Leia whispers. “And it’s about time a Skywalker did right by his son.”

Ben stands up a little straighter, looking around after his momentary lapse. He’s never let himself be that vulnerable around Finn and Poe before. “Congratulations,” Finn says, trying to be amiable.

Poe offers his hand to Ben, to shake. “Yeah, what he said. Congrats,” Poe adds.

Surprised by the offer, Ben shakes his hand and nods to both of them. When he looks at his mom again, he doesn’t know what to say. Kii enters the lobby where the four of them stand and says to Ben, “They’re ready for you.”

Finn looks eager to go, but Poe can sense that Ben isn’t ready to share yet. He may not be for a while. “We’re going to go get some caf,” Poe offers. “We’ll visit in a little while. You guys go on ahead.”

Leia gives Poe a look of immense gratitude before she looks back up at her son. Ben looks to his mom, and together they walk down the hallway and back into Rey’s room. Rey is already back in bed, asleep. She looks peaceful, though exhausted. Ben has never loved her more.

And there, in a little bed by the window, is his daughter Padmé. Ben walks to the bed with his mother at his side and she looks so happy to finally see her granddaughter. “Ben, she’s beautiful,” Leia whispers.

“You can hold her,” the nurse Kii says to Ben, adjusting the blankets draped over Padmé before walking to the door.

Ben looks to his mother. He doesn’t ask for help, but he doesn’t have to. His mother still knows how to read him after all these years. “It’s alright,” Leia reassures him. “Holding a baby is easy.” She reaches out to gently lift Padmé from her bed. Awkwardly, Ben holds out his hands. “Cradle your arm,” Leia instructs. Ben does as he’s told and Leia gently rests the baby in her son’s arm. “There you go,” Leia reassures him. “Just be sure to support her head.”

Words fail Ben as he holds his daughter for the first time. She’s quiet, pensive. She looks up at him with big eyes that remind him of Rey. The weight of her is next to nothing in his arms, but the responsibility he feels—his duty to protect her fiercely—it’s so heavy. It’s a weight he doesn’t mind bearing, one he already feels like he’s succeeded at, just by freeing them from Snoke and the First Order.

What’s more is that as he looks at his daughter and realizes the life of responsibility he’s just taken on, Ben finds that he can’t comprehend how anyone could walk away from this. How anyone could look at someone they created and then be absent. “What you asked me earlier,” Leia says, almost as if she can read Ben’s train of thought, “Your father didn’t miss your birth. He was flying the Falcon somewhere dumb with Lando and Chewie, and he was late, but he got there right at the very end. And I gave him an earful for it because having a child is scary and I thought I’d have to do it alone. What Rey just went through—you can’t imagine the pain. It’s hard sometimes, to remind yourself that the pain is worth it. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like it.”

“She told me not to make her do it again,” Ben says.

Leia laughs. “I believe it,” she nods. “But if the time comes when she ever says she wants another baby, don’t remind her of what she said today, okay? Once the baby’s born, you forget about the pain. It’s all covered up with the good memories.”

“But dad—”

“He was gone a lot, that’s true,” Leia nods. “I asked him not to be. Begged him. But he was scared, and your dad was a mess when he was scared.” After a pause, Leia adds, “And between you and me, I think he was jealous of Luke. You and Luke had something in common that he’d never have with you.”

Ben’s expression darkens. “Luke is nothing to me.”

“I know,” Leia says. “Of course I know that. Why do you think we gave up searching for him once you and Rey came back to us?” Leia looks up at her son and says, “I may not be a Jedi, but Skywalker blood is strong. I can sense things. Sometimes I see things when I touch objects. Just like you.” Leia smiles fondly at the memory. “You used to do that with all kinds of things in the Falcon, do you remember? You’d be running around, even when I told you not to, and Chewie would chase you, trying to keep you from getting into loose wires or something. And then you’d find a part from a droid, or those old dice your dad kept in the cockpit, and you’d tell me all about what you saw in those objects.” Leia’s expression grows sadder and she says, “When Luke gave me your lightsaber after the fire at the academy, I saw everything.”

Ben looks away, turning his gaze back to his daughter. Padmé had the power, somehow, though she was only just a few hours old, to wipe all the negative emotions from his mind. She centered Ben, calmed him. He never wanted to let her go.

“Your father loved you, but I knew before I married him that fatherhood would scare him,” Leia explains. “But we wanted you anyway—so much. And I knew as soon as I found out I was pregnant that no matter what Han did, you were all mine. And I’d love you no matter what.”

Ben stiffens like the conversation is getting far too intimate for his liking. He doesn’t ask her to stop, though. “You and your father are alike in some ways, but different in others,” Leia says, finality in her voice like a promise that the conversation is almost over. “And for what it’s worth, I can tell right now that you won’t be the same kind of father as he was.” Leia pats his arm and says very softly, “You’re going to be a wonderful father, Ben. But I’m not going to lie—being a parent is hard. Harder than I think you can comprehend right now. But you’ve come a long way and been through hell and back. Don’t torture yourself for what you did, just enjoy what you got out of it, alright? And whether you like it or not, I’m here to help you.”

She doesn’t expect Ben to respond. She’s said her piece and that’s all she’d hoped to do. Padmé lets out a soft coo, drawing their attention back to her, and Leia watches as Ben cradles her a little closer to his chest and holds her like she’s glass about to break.

He smiles at his daughter and then looks over at Rey, and Leia couldn’t be happier that her son finally found his way home.


	18. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little glimpse at Rey's life after settling down on Chandrila

“Rey, we really have to move forward on this action plan. Senator Filbix is tired of waiting, and we worry he’ll start a coup if we don’t give him some answers.”

“I know,” Rey says, exhausted. “I _know_ , but Padmé is teething right now, and I haven’t been well, and I’ve been trying to keep up with training.”

“You don’t need to train,” says Holdo, her voice gentle. She and Leia seem to spend more time in the little cottage than Ben does, and Leia feels a twinge of something unpleasant in her gut at the realization. “Rey, we need you to _lead_.”

“I’m trying,” she replies. “But there’s a _lot_ happening right now. Can’t you do it?”

“Rey,” begins Leia. “The Senate wants to hear from _you_. They haven’t seen you in a month. Some are starting to wonder if you’re even still around.”

Padmé lets out a displeased howl. She’s fussing and kicking, trying to escape her mother’s grasp, and Rey is trying so hard to keep it together.

“Here,” Leia says, reaching out. “Let me help.”

Rey looks ready to cry, on top of her skin still lacking pallor after becoming ill with whatever sickness she’s still struggling to get over. She passes Padmé to Leia, though she looks as if she wishes Leia would leave and take not only Holdo but Padmé with her.

“Can this really not wait?” she asks the other women, irritation in her voice.

Leia is about to respond but Padmé's little fists grab at her robes as she whimpers and threatens to cry. One of Leia's hands rubs Padmé's back, trying to soothe her even just a little. Holdo speaks instead.

“Rey, we need to sort this out or the Alliance is going to fall apart."

“How much time do we have?” Rey wonders. “When do you need me to make a decision?”

“As soon as possible.”

Rey looks down at her lap, clearly frustrated, then inhales deeply. “Come back tomorrow,” she says curtly. “Tonight, I need peace and quiet. I need rest.”

“Rey—” Leia begins. The look in Rey's eyes stops her, though, and she nods. She knows that Rey wants the Alliance to succeed just as much as she and Holdo do. “Alright. Tomorrow morning,” Leia agrees. “We need to be able to speak to other delegates in the afternoon.”

Rey breathes a sigh of relief, and Holdo looks displeased, but Leia doesn’t press the matter. Instead, she wordlessly indicates that Holdo should go on ahead of her, and Holdo acquiesces, leaving the three generations of Solo women alone. Padmé continues to whimper into Leia's shoulder, and Leia tries her very hardest to bounce her granddaughter gently and rub her back to quiet her.

“She hasn’t eaten in a while,” Rey explains. “She’s probably hungry.”

“Are her teeth still bothering her?” Leia asks.

“I think so,” Rey nods. Her voice is quiet as she speaks, and Leia can tell she’s overwhelmed. “I should feed her now, otherwise she'll never get to sleep."

Leia watches Rey reach out for her daughter, but she doesn’t let her take the baby. “I'll feed her,” she says simply. “Go relax for a bit. Think.”

“Leia...”

“Ben won't be back until...?”

Rey looks at Leia, sadness in her eyes. “I don’t even know anymore,” she says softly. “He comes home later and later and he's always too tired to do anything but sleep. We haven't spoken properly in days. I hate it.”

There’s clearly conflict in Rey, at her realization, and for a moment, it's as if Leia's looking in the mirror. Not at who she is now but who she was thirty years ago. And then it all comes back. Waiting up until late in the night, exhausted by Ben, exhausted by his father's increasingly long absences. With Han, it was the smuggling, and with Ben, it's the work, but if Rey's her mirror image, Ben is his father's, and she doesn't want to think about what that means for her son's new family.

“I'll talk to him,” she says. “Don't you worry. Now go and relax, Rey. You're dead on your feet. Trust me; I've been there.”

Padmé starts to full-on cry against Leia’s shoulder, and Rey reaches up to pat her back. “I’ll get her some food,” she says softly, before disappearing to the kitchen.

Leia looks down at her granddaughter, her dark raven hair downy-soft under her touch as she pats her head. “Shhh,” she whispers. “It’s alright. I’ve got you.” She kisses the top of Padmé's head. “It’ll be okay.”

Padmé looks up at her through watery hazel eyes—her mother’s eyes. Her little teeth are starting to poke through. “Your mother needs her rest,” Leia tells her, kissing her forehead again. She sits down on the sofa, cradling Padmé to her chest. "She's making a very important decision. Let’s be quiet and let her relax and think about it, okay?”

Padmé gurgles, and Leia pats her back again. Padmé fusses as she waits until Rey finally appears with a bottle in hand. Padmé takes it in her mouth hungrily, bringing the room to silence once more. Leia looks up at Rey, watching her closely. She lets the silence stretch on, understanding that Rey needs to work through her thoughts on her own.

“What do you think people would say if I quit after only six months?” Rey asks finally, sadness in her voice.

Rey sits down on the sofa next to Leia, eyes directed at the ground. Leia wants to ask if Rey's spoken to Ben about it, but everything about her posture says she feels defeated, exhausted… done. She doesn't need to ask. She knows. Rey's holding Padmé’s blanket in her hands—the one Ben used to use as a baby, too.

“You know your own limits, Rey, and you know what’s best for the Alliance,” Leia says. “You’ve seen how messy things can get in the galaxy. Now that we’re finally on a path to something even remotely resembling peace, we need to do what’s best to preserve that. Nobody would fault you if you said that you were _not_ the right fit for it.”

Rey looks up at Leia, sadness in her eyes.

“The true mark of a leader is knowing when to step down,” Leia continues. Rey fidgets with the blanket some more, twisting the corner around her finger. “Besides—the Academy is growing fast. Ben tells me there aren’t enough trained Jedi to help him teach. I suspect that's what's been keeping him there so late these days. I'm sure he'd appreciate your help.” Rey looks up quickly, excitement radiating from her at this new prospect.

“Are you sure?” she asks. “I just don’t want to overstep. It's his thing.”

“And it can be yours. You're his wife. It'll only bring you closer together.”

Leia looks down at Padmé when she hiccups, to make sure she’s okay. Padmé continues to hungrily feed on the bottle. Leia looks back up at Rey and says, “Rey, you have an aptitude for politics. You have the mind for peace-making. But it also requires patience that you just don’t have—I see that now.” Rey looks affronted. “Rey, I love you as my daughter, but you are _not_ patient and maybe you're a little _too_ honest, too.”

“That was _one time!_ ” Rey protests.

The faintest trace of a smile dances upon Leia's lips.

Sighing, Rey says, “Fine. Yes. I hate my job and I have ideas but it’s impossible to make anything happen!”

“So talk to Ben,” Leia says simply. She studies Rey, watching as she considers it.

\---

Their evenings are always the same. Dinner together, then put Padmé to bed, then retire to their own rooms where they’re often too exhausted to do anything but sleep.

Married life was far more mundane than either had expected. They trained Jedi students all day, cared for their daughter all evening, and barely had any time for themselves, to explore what their relationship could be. Every once in a while, Leia or Finn and Poe will offer to watch Padmé, but everyone has their lives and their _things_ , and Rey doesn’t want to disrupt that. Ben doesn’t think he’s allowed, even still.

That evening, Rey curls against Ben’s side, melting into his warm embrace. She’s been thinking a lot the last few weeks, never able to fall asleep without Ben to hold her, and she knows that he’s noticed.

That evening is when he finally asks her about it.

“What’s on your mind?”

Naturally, Ben has grown afraid that, in seeing all of her peers in the Resistance find the lives they’ve always dreamed of, Rey has changed her mind about what _she_ wants. He’s worried that she no longer wants _him_.

“I’m fine,” Rey lies.

Ben knows it’s a lie, a blatant one, so he stays quiet until she becomes more honest with him. He slides an arm a little further around her shoulders and nuzzles his cheek against her forehead. He wants her to trust him.

“I think I want another baby,” she blurts out suddenly.

And of all the things in the entire galaxy that she could have said, that’s the very last thing Ben ever expected.

He blinks, leaning back in bed to look down at Rey, to try to meet her gaze. Except she pointedly keeps her gaze aimed away from him, her head curled up against his shoulder, an arm draped over his stomach.

Ben remembers what his mother told him when Padmé was born: _But if the time comes when she ever says she wants another baby, don’t remind her of what she said today, okay? Once the baby’s born, you forget about the pain. It’s all covered up with the good memories._

In the two years since Padmé was born, Rey must have forgotten the pain. Somehow, he’s helped her make nothing but good, warm memories with their daughter. For some reason, Rey wants another baby. With him.

It’s not like they’re not intimate—they do that quite a bit, actually, seeing what they like on nights when they’re not bone tired. But this… it would mean doctors appointments, removing her implant so that she can get pregnant, and then trying. Purposely _trying_. Having a choice in the matter, in when and how they bring a child into the world.

It’s new territory for both of them.

With pure honesty, Ben replies, “I’d like that.”

 _That_ gets Rey’s attention, and she looks up quickly at him. Her eyes are filled with awe and surprise as she asks, “Really?”

Ben nods. “Yes, really.”

Rey sits up now, looking down at Ben in the darkness, her surprise almost insulting to Ben. He stays calm, watching his wife react. It’s almost as though she thought he’d say no. “You want more kids?” she asks.

“I want as many as you want,” Ben says simply. Rey looks confused. Slowly, he sits up in bed, leaning back against the pillows. “I never even thought I’d get you or Padmé. I have more than I ever expected. Anything beyond that is… up to you.”

“Doesn’t it sound scary?” she asks.

“Yes,” he nods.

“And stressful?” Rey continues.

“Yes,” Ben agrees.

“Then why!?” she wonders.

He raises an eyebrow. “Why do _you_ want another child?” he asks.

Rey opens her mouth but hesitates. She hadn’t been expecting that question. She snaps her mouth closed again, gathering her thoughts in her head before she speaks. “I miss it, a little,” she confesses. Her voice is a bit timid. Ben rests his hand on her thigh, trying to reassure her. “I want to have a child on our terms. I want Padmé to have a sibling. I want a little boy—a little _you_.” Rey takes hold of Ben’s hand. “I want a family. A bigger one. It feels like the right time.”

“Then we’ll have another baby,” Ben nods simply. He looks into Rey’s eyes. “It’s your body. Your decision. I’ll give you as many children as you want, so long as you continue wanting me.”

Rey’s eyes soften. She squeezes his hand. “I’ll always want you.”

Her confession weighs heavy in his heart, an astonishing weight that he feels lucky for. He’ll never fully grasp that idea, of a forced union being what makes Rey so happy, but he knows how he feels. Rey is a beacon of light, constantly reminding him of all the good in the universe—the good he thought didn’t exist, _couldn’t_ exist. And here she was, giving him the lion’s share of that same light and good when he didn’t deserve it. He never would.

But he was determined to try every day to be even just a little worthy of what Rey wanted to give him.

She must see his thoughts, or sense them at least, because she leans in to kiss him, draping her body against his in the bed. “I _love you_ , Ben,” Rey whispers to him. “Always.”

Ben kisses her forehead. “I love you too,” he confesses, his lips marking the words against her skin. Rey feels so warm under his touch, at the sound of his words.

“Have another baby with me?” she asks softly.

He smiles. “Of course.”

\---

“Hannah, will you smile? Please?”

Ben lays on his bed, holding his daughter, the one he’d somehow been convinced to name after his father—the very man he’d killed in front of hundreds of people. It somehow felt like forgiveness, mixed with a do-over that he wasn’t going to let go to waste.

The only thing is, she takes after her namesake, a lot, and that’s been starting to bother Ben. She just… doesn’t smile. Ever. Rey reassured him that it’d happen in its own time, and Ben remembers reading a book before Padmé was born that said sometimes babies take forever to learn to smile, but this feels different. Padmé had been smiling since birth. Philip learned within two months. But not Hannah.

Ben is home with the twins—Rey took Padmé over to grandma’s to play and Philip is still napping—and he’s trying hard to get Hannah to smile.

He’s relaxed on the bed, lying half across the pillows, sunlight streaming in from outside. His hair is long and in his face, and Hannah keeps trying to grab it. Ben has half a mind to cut his hair, but Rey has taken to tying it back in a knot at the top of his head for him in the mornings, and he’s grown attached to that particular hairstyle. Especially when it means Hannah won’t grip his hair and tug— _hard—_ but he can still cover his ears.

It seems that, just like being grumpy all the time, she takes after her grandfather in that she likes doing little things to annoy Ben. In retrospect, Ben realizes that his father meant it all jokingly, but all the same—he’s going to be good-natured with his grumpy little daughter and hope things go better with this generation than with his.

“Smile?” he prompts again, lifting her up. Her little dark curls flop on her forehead, but still no smile.

Ben holds her there, above him, like she’s flying on her stomach like a bird. Her little legs and arms kick, and he swooshes her around with dorky sound effects, but still nothing.

“Please?” he asks. “Hannah, why won’t you smile?”

She shoves a hand in her mouth and gurgles around it. Ben lowers her back down to his chest and rubs her back as she lays there gently. Hannah looks up at him, brow crinkled up as she makes another one of her grumpy faces, almost like she’s asking him why he put her down. She’d liked pretending to fly, thank you very much.

Sighing, Ben lifts her and makes a wincing sort of smile. “Hannah!” he says in a singsong voice he only uses when he’s alone with one of the babies. Not even Rey has heard him be quite so _sweet_ with a child.

She looks at him, making another grumpy face, and she kicks her legs some more. Then, Hannah starts to grunt and make little unintelligible noises. She flails her chubby arms around and Ben tries once again to smile at her, to see if she’ll at least just try to _mimic_ him, but nothing.

After a few moments, Ben stops what he’s trying to do. “ _Maker_ , Hannah. Really!?” he says, sitting up and making a disgusted face. He holds her at arm's length as he stands up. “I ask you to smile and you do… _that_?!”

The smell of her diaper is the worst thing Ben has smelled in _weeks_ , and he nearly gags as he walks her to the nursery. He decides that if this is the response he gets from her, he’s going to give up on trying to get her to smile, for now.

After he nearly loses his lunch twice while changing her dirty diaper, he hears a melodic little sound coming from Hannah. Ben glances up to see his daughter, watching him with her big brown eyes, kicking her little limbs and _smiling_.

Padmé may be headstrong, but Hannah is going to be pure trouble. Ben can already tell.

\---

“Stand steady with your feet just a little further apart… there you go… and then step forward with one foot. Lean into it. Yep, that’s it! Now you—”

“Daddy, this is boring.”

Ben stands before his daughter Padmé—four years old and outspoken as ever—trying to keep his temper in check. If there was ever a true test of whether he could keep his temper under control, it was a child. _His_ child. The one who inherited a penchant for brutal honesty, which neither he nor Rey wants to admit to having.

“Padmé, if you ever want to learn your forms and become a Jedi, you need to start with the basics,” he warns.

She shrugs. “I don’t want to be a Jedi anymore.”

“You’re four,” Ben says flatly. “You don’t know what you want.” He grapples for some sort of solution. “Why don’t you learn, just in case?”

“That’s silly,” replies Padmé. She brushes her dark, wispy hair out of her face, streaking dirt across her forehead that came from the stick she’s holding, the one she’d wanted to pretend was a lightsaber not five minutes ago.

She blinks up at her father, her hazel eyes testing him as if asking him wordlessly, _are you going to make me?_ “You just want to spar,” he says.

Her whole face lights up for a moment, but when she realizes that she’s just given herself away, Padmé quickly schools her expression back into one akin to boredom—except her eyes betray her. Rey had gotten her way: they could read their daughter so easily through her eyes. “I’ll make you a deal,” Ben says. He stands, looming over his daughter, his hair tied back in a knot at the crown of his head to keep it out of his face. He wears traditional Jedi robes in dark blacks and browns, and he looks at his daughter who wears the same outfit in sandy beige colors, but with her black hair falling in her eyes. “If we spar and _I_ win, you continue training just in case you change your mind about being a Jedi. If we spar and _you_ win, we can stop.”

“Deal!” Padmé says eagerly.

She lifts up her stick and feels a surge of confidence. Ben can sense it through the Force. He knows his daughter is cocky and a little reckless, just like him. He wants to reign that in, to make sure that doesn’t become her downfall. But he’s slowly beginning to learn that now, she’s an independent human with thoughts and emotions and she cannot be contained or controlled as easily as he would like. Suddenly, parts of his childhood make so much more sense. He hadn’t exactly made things easy for his parents.

Together, in the yard behind their home, Ben and his daughter Padmé begin to spar with sticks from the nearby forest. Padmé flings her limbs wildly, like an animal almost, trying to strike out at her dad, to win this duel. She shouts and grunts, just like Rey does in battle, and she skitters around her father’s legs, using her size to her advantage. Ben would be irritated if he didn’t feel such a surge of pride at her ability to discern her opponent’s weaknesses at such a young age.

In the end, though, after pretending to really put up a fight, Ben easily flings her stick out of her hands and down towards the water’s edge. A wave laps against the stick, but doesn’t pull it into the sea.

“Daddy!” she wails with worry, sprinting down to get her stick.

“I win!” he shouts after her.

Padmé frowns as she picks up her stick. “That wasn’t fair!” she shouts.

Ben walks a few strides across the lawn to where his daughter stands. “No pouting,” he says firmly. If there was one thing he was better at than Rey, it was not having sympathy when Padmé cried over little things she didn’t need to cry over. He may become a wreck when she gets hurt, but when she cries for no reason, he has no tolerance. “We made a deal. You lowered your defences enough to let your weapon get taken from you, and that’s one of the ways a Jedi can lose in battle.”

Padmé fixes a glare on her father, and she’s trying _so hard_ to be intimidating. Ben just stares right back, unmoving. They’re quiet, and the moments tick on. Ben knows that if he waits long enough, she’ll cave. She always does. “Fine,” she grumbles, stomping her foot on the ground. “You win.”

“We’ll continue training, then,” he says, nodding back to the clearing they’d been using as a training ground.

Chewbacca’s howl from the doorway of their house pulls Ben and Padmé from their training. “Yay! Food!” Padmé shouts, sprinting towards their house.

Rey and Ben lived for several years in their little cottage by the sea, their first real home together, but things changed. With peace and the establishment of an alliance, of the Grey Jedi, came others who could help them with their cause.

This worked out perfectly because, after a few short months, Rey found that she wasn’t well-suited to politics. She had ideas, but no patience, so she abdicated her place as Queen, allowing Vice Admiral Holdo to take her place. Now, Rey and Ben shared the Academy, with Rey focusing mostly on training the younglings. It was the age group Ben didn’t quite have the patience to deal with daily. He could discipline his own children, but when it came down to it, he couldn’t handle a whole group of someone else’s children.

With this change in work, duties came a little more free time—a time for Rey and Ben to explore their relationship without any supervision or outside influence. They learned more about each other—their likes, dislikes, dreams—Ben helping Rey explore the world of possibilities that lay ahead for her, the opportunity to study or learn anything and everything she could possibly want.

They also learned that having a family was important to them— _both_ of them, though Ben would only admit it to Rey and on very rare occasions, his mother. He wanted a family, but he also wanted Padmé and any children they might have in the future to have people around them to support and love them in case he ever let them down.

So he let Finn and Poe spend more time with Padmé. He’d even begun to trust them to take care of her so he and Rey could attend meetings or even better, so he could take Rey out on dates. He stood by Rey’s side as Finn and Poe married, invited to the wedding because they wanted him there, not because he was Rey’s husband. There was a small, growing layer of trust between the men, and their efforts didn’t go unnoticed by Rey. She was forever grateful to all of them, and so content with this new life they’d begun to build.

Ben didn’t have to think twice when Rey said she wanted to grow their family.

His mother lived long enough to learn that they were having another baby, and long enough still to receive the news that twins indeed come with the Skywalker bloodline. She didn’t, however, live long enough to meet the twins.

Something in Ben broke that day when he lost the mother he’d only had back for a few years—one who supported him, who listened better, who stuck around. Rey did her best to put him back together and show him how beautiful their family could be even in Leia’s absence.

When the twins came, Ben felt elation mixed with pure sadness, remembering how his mother had been there for Padmé’s birth, had taught him and Rey both how to care for a baby. Now history was repeating itself, bearing twins to a man once torn terribly between the Light and the Dark. Now he truly _was_ like his grandfather.

Philip and Hannah, one year old and troublesome as ever, sit at the same table Ben once sat at as a child, Rey proudly presenting a plate of whatever delicacy she’d discovered that week. Since earning credits and discovering food markets, Rey had become fond of testing new foods and serving them to the family.

And she got to do it all in Ben’s childhood home. The home Leia fixed up when they moved to Chandrila, the one in which she spent three full, wonderful years caring for her first grandchild by the sea, down the road from her son. The home she gave to Ben and Rey, with many bedrooms for grandkids—ones she’s met and others she hasn’t met but knows are on the way. To encourage them—Ben, especially—to appreciate what he’s gotten out of a terrible situation.

Padmé climbs up to sit at the table, chattering about how she wants to be a Jedi so she can win against her daddy, which turns into Philip chanting “Jedi” over and over again, relentlessly. Hannah is quiet, attentive. Her brow furrows when her brother doesn’t shut up and—just as she had on the day she was born—she screws up her face grumpily in a way that reminds Ben almost unnervingly of his father.

It’s why she’d been given her name.

Rey made the suggestion for other reasons, but the grumpiness on her face sold Ben on it. She was going to be more like her grandfather than Ben was probably prepared to handle, but he found that as time went on, he found his memories of Han less painful to look back upon thanks to his daughter.

Ben sits at one end of the table, Rey at the other, with Padmé to Ben’s right and the twins to his left, and there’s a sparkle in Rey’s eyes as she waits for everyone to try the food.

Like always, the kids love it, scarfing down food the same way their mother does. No matter how many times Ben had tried—first when they were in captivity, and then after, once they’d found freedom—Rey couldn’t break the habit of shoveling food into her face like an animal. This thing she’d learned on Jakku, a skill for survival, had now turned into a habit all of the kids decided to pick up on. Ben can hardly hear his thoughts over their chomping and chewing.

He’d be annoyed if he didn’t find it so damn endearing.

After dinner, once Chewie has helped them put all the children to bed, he disappears to the cabin out back that he’s fashioned into a home for himself. Ben follows Rey into their bedroom where, rather than following their usual routine of changing and climbing into bed with exhaustion, she turns and smiles at him.

Instantly, he can tell something is up—but he doesn’t know what it is. He raises an eyebrow, wordlessly asking her what’s going on.

It’s quieter in this room—usually, he can’t focus on any one thing, not with his children chattering and projecting some thoughts or feelings through the Force. He has to block it all out all day at the academy, so at home he lets himself hear them. Very softly, he hears a murmur of something, and that’s new. He hasn’t heard that particular hum before.

Rey smiles and steps closer to Ben. She takes his hand in hers, still not speaking. Very gently, she presses his hand to her stomach.

 _Life_.

“Another?” he asks in awe.

Rey’s gaze is strong, but he sees something unsteady. They hadn’t planned for this baby. This baby was— _not_ an accident, Ben reminds himself, but a surprise. A very happy surprise. “Is—is that okay?” Rey wonders.

Swallowing past a lump in his throat, Ben nods. “Yes. Of course,” he agrees.

“I know it’s a lot, but…”

“It’s perfect,” he says firmly, with conviction. “It means they’ll never be lonely. Any of them.”

Rey laughs. “Philip still might, if he keeps annoying his sisters like he does.”

“Then we keep trying until we have another boy,” Ben shrugs, only half-joking. “They can be annoying together.”

Rey laughs some more, shaking her head at him as she loops her arms around his torso. As she rests her head on his chest, she hears his laughter, too.

Laughter.

From Ben Solo.

Somehow, of all the things they’ve been through and done together, that feels like the greatest accomplishment—helping him find happiness, getting to hear his laugh and see his smile. Rey closes her eyes and melts into his embrace.

“You know I’d give you as many kids as you wanted,” he says simply.

Rey rolls her eyes and smiles. “I know. Because you don’t have to give birth to them,” she teases.

“You keep saying you never want to do it again and then… more babies,” Ben argues. “So you should probably make up your mind.”

Playfully, Rey smacks his chest. “Shut up. Just wait until you have to _train_ them all,” she laughs.

“That’s why I have you to help me, now,” Ben replies easily.

Ben holds Rey close and rubs her back as they stand in their bedroom, nothing but the light of the moon to illuminate the room around them. “I mean it, though,” Ben says finally. “As many kids as you want. I know how lonely you were. How much you wanted a family.”

Rey smiles and looks up at him. “We _have_ a family. I would’ve been happy even with just Padmé,” Rey explains. “It’s not how many people you have, it’s how close you are and how much you care for each other.” Balancing up on her tip-toes, Rey kisses him and adds, “But it _is_ nice, isn’t it? Having a house full of people?”

Ben nods, and Rey smiles.

“Four is good,” Rey says softly. “I have a feeling this one is a boy. Two boys, two girls, you, me… _balance_.”

Looking into Rey’s eyes, Ben nods again. He’s still not used to the massive swell of happiness in his chest when he thinks about what he’s gotten out of such a terrible series of life choices. Somehow, Snoke and the First Order and the Dark Side led him to the light of his life and a chance at making things right.

Softly, with gratitude, he echoes, “Balance.”


End file.
